"what do you do?" bad question?

[espanish]

Hi
I haven't talked to women in a long time, been stuck at home or going grocery shopping and since I don't like being short of breath and getting a stroke, I don't talk to anyone.
but i have been reflecting on my past approaches, and realizing something. I get a lot of resistance at the question "what do you do?"

usually it goes something like this:
opener (can be whatever, situational, you're very pretty, or something weird like can i help you?)
then I ask "what do you do?" and they always give me attitude like "why? why are you asking me this?"

is that a bad question? or it's too intimate? or it sounds like I have nothing interesting to say and I am just trying to force a conversation? or it's simply a sign that she is not interested and no matter what I had asked I would have received the same response?

 

[bat soup]

Hi
I haven't talked to women in a long time, been stuck at home or going grocery shopping and since I don't like being short of breath and getting a stroke, I don't talk to anyone.
but i have been reflecting on my past approaches, and realizing something. I get a lot of resistance at the question "what do you do?"

usually it goes something like this:
opener (can be whatever, situational, you're very pretty, or something weird like can i help you?)
then I ask "what do you do?" and they always give me attitude like "why? why are you asking me this?"

is that a bad question? or it's too intimate? or it sounds like I have nothing interesting to say and I am just trying to force a conversation? or it's simply a sign that she is not interested and no matter what I had asked I would have received the same response?

It seems like you're asking that question a bit out of the blue. It shouldn't be the first thing you ask, because it will make them wonder why you approached. It would be normal to ask that straight away at a business conference or a trade fair, but it's a bit odd to go from flirting to becoming serious all of a sudden like that. Plus a lot of women don't actually really do anything, so you might be putting them on the spot.

 

[andreihaha]

is that a bad question? YES or it's too intimate? YES or it sounds like I have nothing interesting to say and I am just trying to force a conversation? YES or it's simply a sign that she is not interested and no matter what I had asked I would have received the same response? PROBABLY NOT

All the yes answers are because it's out of the blue.
If a guy would ask me what do I do I'd think maybe he wants to offer me a job.
Why not say just "Hi" with a charming grin? See how she responds and continue from there. It's polarizing so you'll not if you can approach or excuse yourself. Saves you the exbarassment of being possibly rejected.
And when I say continue from there, I don't mean continue to ask her what she does. That's a pretty weird question to ask a stranger, if you ask me(a stranger).

 

[GioWolf]

This is pick up 101. Avoid the interview. You want to make her feel comfort, not like she’s applying for a job.

 

[espanish]

thank you guys
well, in my defense, I believe what a person does all day says a lot about them. most importantly, it tells me if we are compatible. for example, I am conservative and could never date a bartender. I could date a teacher. and if she is sitting at home all day watching tv, then forget it.

 

[Black Widow Void]

A lot of forum members are against comments that could be interpreted as "qualifying ourselves" ... but once your opener has caused a 'stink-eye' reaction... you have three options.
You can eject
Change the subject (which at best will only chisel slightly at her wall)
or (my method) ... follow up with ... "ordinarily, I wouldn't ask, but you carry yourself like ______" (fill in the blank with something that is flattering) .

Nothing is ever 100% foolproof, but the last above option works best to remove "clean up on isle three" (defenses). I speak from experience. I'm not a fan of small talk and on several occasions have appeared too intense too soon.

I'll share my ice-breakers. Perhaps you can give them a try.

If a cold approach, I observe something unique about them (necklace, watch, ring, clothing style etc..)
ie: "That's a very unique necklace, I bet that was purchased abroad."
Though not my thing... If you're into women with tattoos, don't do the obvious ("cool tat" etc..) but say something specific about her tattoo choice .... or compliment the "shadows" or details of her tattoo.

If you are in a business or social type atmosphere and have already heard her speak, I'll share my favorite opener of all time.
"you have quite a unique accent... where ya from?" Keep in mind that *how* you say something is equally if not more important to your approach.

25% of the time her response will be "oh, I grew up right here." You follow up with ..."oh, that's interesting. You have quite a cultured accent." If she wants to chat, she'll follow it up with something like ... "oh, that's because my mother was an English teacher etc..."