What do you consider innapropriate behavior for a girlfriend?

[ready123]

there's a healthy congruence regarding expectations that you develop through experience and understanding what you want out of a relationship

personally I think some of the standards on this site are extreme and impractical (unless your plan is to get in relationships with girls that have low self-esteem and are fvckin boring because they're forced to stay home all day)

I also think if the standards are coming from the wrong place (deep insecurities about losing the girl or her cheating on you), you're not gonna be coming across as the guy with a grounded reality defining expectations. you're gonna be the psycho boyfriend overreacting out of insecurity that she ends up cheating on anyway because she's unhappy. you'll think you're being the man but when you're not there she'll be complaining about you to guys she meets (AKA hinting that she wants to be taken). I see this sht all the time. And it basically all amounts to self-fulfilling prophecy

If you have no clue what type of behavior you think is appropriate to you, try out what resonates with you and learn from what you get. IE if you think KontrollerX's expectations are reasonable, try them out and see if the relationship you get is your ideal. If giving the girl more space to do what she wants seems better to you, try that out and see what happens. I'm way on the latter side, but I have beliefs about people that make me totally congruent with letting her do whatever she wants. Learn through experience

And to be honest a lot of whether she'll cheat on you has nothing to do with these standards - it has more to do with what both of you want out of a relationship and how you guys connect. And you never know this until you get to know the girl beyond a dating frame. Sometimes it takes being cheated on to figure it out

 

[DonJuan11]

I've been discussing this with a girl I've been seeing and she thinks I'm way too strict. For example, if you are with a girl you consider your girlfriend and she is flirting with a guy and playfully bumps up against him, do you consider that over the line? Even if you know she would never do anything with that guy outside of that?

Your missing the point with your question. The question shouldn't be "what is inappropriate behavior for a girlfriend"? The question should be "Why is my girlfriend purposely flirting with other guys when she knows it bothers me?"

Either:

1) She doesn't like you enough to not do it even though you are sleeping together
2) You are not doing enough to keep her entertained in your relationship so she is seeking it elsewhere.

 

[KontrollerX]

"you think KontrollerX's expectations are reasonable, try them out and see if the relationship you get is your ideal. If giving the girl more space to do what she wants seems better to you, try that out and see what happens. I'm way on the latter side"

The point that I've been making that a lot of the younger crowd is missing due to their over reactionary nature and lack of patience to read and comprehend before replying is...

My way is giving the woman a choice as well setting yourself up to get the best deal possible.

My way is highly realistic but it can be a numbers game so it takes a man with a set of b@lls and possibly some patience to carry out.

Once again with my idea a man presents his frame to the woman in the beginning of the relationship of what is cool with him and what is not, basically what he wants out of the relationship with that woman.

That woman can then freely agree to that frame or leave but if she agrees you better damn well hold her to it and be willing to walk away the minute she deviates from it.

AFC pvssies can't walk away from any woman at anytime so no AFC should use my idea, only men that have control over their emotions who have a strong degree of personal integrity can use my method successfully.

And of course you can't always catch a woman in the cheating act and she could cheat on you whether you allow GNO in your frame or not but thats not the point.

If you don't want your woman going on girl's night out if girl's night out entails going to a hookup spot like a nightclub or a bar then thats not what you want in a relationship with a woman and thats fine.

That doesn't make you insecure that means you have a preference for acceptable behavior in your relationships.

Next an AFC retard will say well kontroller she can make something up and go out on them anyway to which I will answer yes a woman could do that but when it comes to things like this you can only get away with trickery for so long before you are caught and once that woman was caught breaking my frame I'm not going to whine at her, I'm not going to cry at her or throw a fit, what I and any other DJ man of worth am going to do in that situation is control myself and how I control myself is walking right out of that b!tche's life into the arm's of another plate.

I will live how I want to live rather than give a woman the reigns but you AFC's out there you have it your way and you guys learn to accept it and learn to love it when you end up with women pawing all over other guys in front of you or going on regular girl's night outs that make you seethe with anger and rage as you pretend to be happy for her while she's frolicking with a guy that is SUPPOSEDLY her friend's boyfriend but for all you know thats just the cover story.

Ugh I seriously don't understand what it is about you AFC's justifying putting yourself in bad situations or putting up with being put in bad situations but then I guess thats what makes me a DJ and makes SOME of you guys lifelong AFC's.

*Awaits yet more incoming deluges of AFC excuse responses calling my ideas unrealistic while promoting self defeating ideas as the ideal and the norm*

(Note: The above rant was not directed at you ready123 but some AFC's I'll leave nameless so as their own conscious can attack them for being pvssies that don't get it instead of me attacking them.)

 

[SamMalone]

so KX, do you just sit the girl down and explain to her what you expect and what you consider right and wrong pretty directly then?

 

[Phenomenal One]

here's how i see girls "guyfriends" :

1.) Friend
an actually friend of the girl, who happens to be a guy.
never felt attracted/never "liked" her.
probably has known her for a long time.


2.) Orbiter
became a friend of hers by being rejected (or by never even trying), still
likes her.
entertains her and gives her the "girlfriend treatment".
thinks if he can show much how much he cares about her, she'll come
around.
if she likes being entertained by him and getting the "girlfriend
treatment", that may be a red flag for some guys.

there are a couple more that have been talked about here but i don't have much experience dealing with the smoth guy (plays the friend but actually can get someones girlfriend), so can an experienced DJ give me a little info on that.

 

[drak_ool]

to Kontroller X: I think you're wrong about guy friends. As a matter of fact, I have attractive female friends who now happen to have bf. We go way back, we hang out whenever we have a chance and nothing sexual will ever happen. Their bfs know that and they re cool with the whole situation. These girls are some of my best FRIENDS, they are not some sluts looking for some side action as soon as they re away from their bfs.

In light of this, whenever I'm in a relationship I try to give accommodate my gf and let her hang out with her friends, whether they are guys or girls.

However, any guys that they have hooked up with in the past is off limits. I don't care how good friends they are, if I know my girl's hanging out with some guy who plowed her at some point, I find that disrespectful.

To the OP: i agree with everyone who says that you only have to take as much as you're willing to take from a girl. After you made clear to her whatever your boundaries are, once she steps over she is clearly disrespecting you. Personally I think not allowing guy friends and girls night out is being insecure. Not allowing your girl to brush up against another guy right in front of you, however is totally fine with me.

Also remember that if a girl wants to cheat on you, she will cheat on you. No amount of control you have over her (short of keeping her in a cage will change that. So in the end the main question to ask yourself is "do I want a relationship with a woman i cannot trust?"

 

[Captain]

The point that I've been making that a lot of the younger crowd is missing due to their over reactionary nature and lack of patience to read and comprehend before replying is...

My way is giving the woman a choice as well setting yourself up to get the best deal possible.

My way is highly realistic but it can be a numbers game so it takes a man with a set of b@lls and possibly some patience to carry out.

Once again with my idea a man presents his frame to the woman in the beginning of the relationship of what is cool with him and what is not, basically what he wants out of the relationship with that woman.

That woman can then freely agree to that frame or leave but if she agrees you better damn well hold her to it and be willing to walk away the minute she deviates from it.

AFC pvssies can't walk away from any woman at anytime so no AFC should use my idea, only men that have control over their emotions who have a strong degree of personal integrity can use my method successfully.

^^ This is pretty much what I wanted to say, but couldn't really get into words. ^^

You have to be willing to walk away. You need other women. You need to be a MAN.

For example, if you are with a girl you consider your girlfriend and she is flirting with a guy and playfully bumps up against him, do you consider that over the line?

She shouldn't be flirting with other men. You can either:

1. Accept it and be a chump.

2. Next her.

3. Give her a warning (in a playful way that doesn't make you sound insecure or jealous), and if she does it again, next her. Actions are better than words. If you do this, you should be seeing other women. It'll make her jealous, and make her work for you.

Remember, there are NO excuses. Alcohol is NOT an excuse. PMS, stress, NOTHING is an excuse. Being raped is not an excuse (you aren't there to be her therapist.)

It doesn't matter if you think she is flirting with other guys to "test" you, it's disrespectful, and you should leave her.

You've nexted her. Good on you.

 

[KontrollerX]

"I think you're wrong about guy friends. As a matter of fact, I have attractive female friends who now happen to have bf. We go way back, we hang out whenever we have a chance and nothing sexual will ever happen. Their bfs know that and they re cool with the whole situation. These girls are some of my best FRIENDS, they are not some sluts looking for some side action as soon as they re away from their bfs."

All you have basically said to me with this paragraph is that your girl "friends" are not attracted and sexual with YOU.

There is no way you can know who else they hang out with when they are not in your presence, for all you and their boyfriends know they hang out with other guys at times that they do bang.

Infact if you want to test your theory about these chicks being the exception to the rule ie not slvts out for some fresh new d!ck and you feel your game is reasonably tight why don't you make a move on one of these babes and see how she responds to that and then give us the play by play?

Until you do that you have no idea what kind of girls these really are.

They could simply be waiting for you to grab your b@lls and make a move on them.

Remember women love to rationalize their behavior away as someone forcing them into it via that certain guy's irresistable charm etc so put some moves on one of them and let that particular chick rationalize away giving you a bl0wjob in a bathroom stall as being your fault because you were just too awesome for her to turn down.

One thing that most human beings get over confident about is thinking they truly know a person, whether it be a best friend, a family member or a love interest but you can only know other people to a point.

The only person you can know in full is yourself.

After all Chris Benoit's friends thought they KNEW him and how he would behave for the rest of his life and they turned out completely wrong.

Anyway I know that example of using Benoit was kind of out of left field but it was simply to illustrate how in the dark we can all be of what sort of dark impulses are roaming around the mind's of people we foolishly think we know.

So indeed make a move on one of these women and find out who they really are as opposed to what you think they are and once again let us know what happens.

"In light of this, whenever I'm in a relationship I try to give accommodate my gf and let her hang out with her friends, whether they are guys or girls.

However, any guys that they have hooked up with in the past is off limits. I don't care how good friends they are, if I know my girl's hanging out with some guy who plowed her at some point, I find that disrespectful"

Now see if I wanted to be a d!ck I could call you insecure for not letting your girl hang around ex's and then I could say well don't you trust that your girl is done with him and don't you trust in her love for you to not eventually suck his c0ck and take it in the ass from him again when you are not around? You'd then reply with the cop out response of that you simply find it disrespectful blah blah blah and that debate would end in a stalemate so I won't be a d!ck.

Rather what I will say is I intend for my method to be one of many ways that can work for guys that get into relationships without completely discrediting your methods. I only downtalk this particular method of yourself and other guys on here because I think my way is better and should be promoted to the AFC lurkers before they see anything else so as to give them the most effective info to start with and yes its just my opinion that my way is best so try not and take offense.

In fact I think my way is a more stress free means of living than other ways but for all you lads that insist on not framing your relationships within reasonable guidelines that will give you the most power moving forward and instead letting the woman have GNO's and guy orbiters around using the "not caring" strategy with hopes that she will reward your not caring nature with continued loyalty due to the not caring strategy supposedly being evidence of your "security" as opposed to "insecurity" good luck with that I say.

I on the other hand if I were to desire a relationship would set things up to give me the edge in power and control and the battle of the sex's. I am with the logic that says trying to force as well whining at a woman to behave a certain way is indeed coming off as an insecure wuss but for the reactionaries out there once again that is not my method, rather when I'm involved with a chick who I might deem a LTR candidate I will not ask her for a relationship directly rather I will wait for her to come to me with that request and I will utilize 48 Laws of Power's rule that says make an opponent come to you for whoever is forced to come to you is in the weaker position.

This makes sense because I then have power over whether to grant that girl a relationship or not and at that point I can also bring up via a serious conversation that if I were to give this girl a relationship, the thing that she wants most I will explain to her that I am a man of very high standards and I would list a number of things she would have to agree to and live by or else she would be immediately replaced. So this is how I would set my frame to her.

Also it should be noted that some of the best manipulation around is setting a situation up in such a way that the person you are manipulating thinks they have a real choice in the matter.

A typical girl being so used to supplicating whiny AFC pvssies will be given the choice with my method to either walk away thinking my frame is too much for her to accept or she will accept deceptively just to be my girlfriend for a while until she later reveals she has no intention on following my frame forever. In this sense she remembering how all the AFC men fawned over her thinks I will do the same and she will be in control once she gets her hooks in me so to speak emotionally. She has manipulated herself with the help of the AFC society into thinking she has many choices either honest or deceptive to take that will work on getting the upper hand on me but in reality she only has one choice.

My way or the highway.

"Also remember that if a girl wants to cheat on you, she will cheat on you. No amount of control you have over her (short of keeping her in a cage will change that."

You still don't get it.

I understand that a girl can cheat on me no matter what.

My method doesn't pretend to stamp that out completely as that would be impossible.

Rather my method is focused on my controlling myself and walking away from the b!tch once I find out she has broken frame which lets face it will happen sooner or later if she intends to break the frame as cheating or going to the club for GNO can only be hidden for so long.

The truly wise man works to get as much power as he can over any situation.

The powerful shame the persuit of power and control for a reason.

That reason is to keep their competition at a minimum.

 

[drak_ool]

Kontroller X, don't get me wrong I totally agree with your idea of "the frame." As a matter of fact, I don't see how you could stay mentally healthy in a LTR if your girl keeps doing sh.it you disagree with, yet you don't have the balls to tell her straight up what s wrong with her behavior because of a fear that she will leave you. One of the rules that I live by in a LTR is that I cannot be with the girl unless I trust her 100%. Yes, I admit it, I have trust issues. However it's not about me being insecure, it's about the number of girls me and my friends have hooked up with who had boyfriends. It's like a byproduct of the DJ lifestyle. So I always expect the worst from a girl. In my last LTR, after I realized my gf was talking to some of her ex's who she was "friends" with against my explicit demand not to do that I walked away. So much for being an "AFC lurker"...

What I was trying to get at was that sometimes you can be genuinely FRIENDS with a person who happens to be a girl. Of course, you never know who a person really is, heck for all you know your best guy friend can turn out to be a closet gay and have a crush on you. I know for a fact that 3 of the girls I was mentioning were really attracted to me at some point. But we never hooked up, for various reasons. Now I wouldn't ever hook up with them because their continued FRIENDSHIP is more valuable to me than getting some ass, which i can get from girls who i don't care if i never see them again.

Basically everyone here is trying to escape from the "matrix" (society putting women on pedestals, AFC running around girls waiving their tails at their every whim like little dogs, etc...) by turning to another "matrix" they create for themselves (if a woman doesn't like you she don't deserve you, women are all ho's, only good for sex, etc...). Women are persons, like you and me. I don't think that to be a DJ you need to de-humanize them. And preaching that you shouldn't allow your woman to have guy friends sounds very de-humanizing to me...

 

[Kevin Feng]

Something I learned from Johnny Wolf from ABC's of Attraction.

"The ability to walk away is so powerful"

It's really important to never even consider dating in the first month or two, as a matter of fact, when you start seeing a girl, you shouldn't even be thinking about dating her, just focus on having fun and being cool/sexy.

She's actually ****-testing you for alpha congruence, here's the deal, if you're high enough value, a girl will put up with almost anything. E.G Hugh Hefnar, the guy is like 80 and has about 509380439 girlfriends, yet women will put up with him because he is just that high value.

It doesn't matter what she thinks, her reality is your reality, if you're not cool with it, don't put up with it, simple as that, be willing to walk away.

-Kevin

 

[slaog]

It's important to trust a girl but also you must expect her to behave in the proper way. She will earn your trust and be less likely to break that trust. If you have high standards then she'll know you expect high standards from her too.


I think the problem with alot of guys here is that they're so used to seeing bad behaviour that they automatically presume that women will cheat on them. Raise your own standards first and you'll attract women of a higher standard. There are trustworthy women out there just like there are trustworthy men. Thos women with high standards for themselves will also expect that from their man.

 

[DonGorgon]

if you have to feel bad or ask or wonder then its not working for you and that is what matters..