What do you consider innapropriate behavior for a girlfriend?

[SamMalone]

I've been discussing this with a girl I've been seeing and she thinks I'm way too strict. For example, if you are with a girl you consider your girlfriend and she is flirting with a guy and playfully bumps up against him, do you consider that over the line? Even if you know she would never do anything with that guy outside of that? I consider that very disrespectful and don't think I should tolerate it but I realise I could be overreacting.

 

[SXS]

Even if you know she would never do anything with that guy outside of that?

And how would you know THAT ? You never know.

If she is doing this in front of you, you must worry about what she is doing when you are not around.

 

[COD]

she is trying to get a reaction from you..........dont react. Seems like she craves attention a lot.........as do most women.

If you state your authority......odds are she might view it as controlling, I can see why she said that comment about you.

SUGGESTION: DONT LET IT BOTHER YOU AND role play with it, have some fun in fact.
examples---------

Did U want to get married to that guy, maybe we should breakup so that you two can buy a house, have a bunch of kids, I heard that guy has aids, you know that lame flirting thing you do is soooooo transparent, you should step up your game a bit if you want a real man, hey lets see if you can get a drink out of that guy, etc.

 

[Radharc]

IMO you have to set your own standards, if you are not ok with that - despite some other ppl possibly being - you dont have to put up with it, the principle is even more important, if she knows you are not ok with that and doesnt act accordingly then she´s not respecting you, and if you dont have a concrete problem in your hands right now be sure that you have a time bomb. She may also be testing you to see what se can get away with, and if you dont take a stand she´ll keep pushing the limits more and more.
I would advise for you to make yourself scarce for a while, let her miss you and do your own thing, it´s probably the best way to get the message across.

Good luck.

 

[decades]

really? you "know" she would never do that to you? chicks that flirt a lot are Prime candidates bud.

 

[KontrollerX]

"What do you consider innapropriate behavior for a girlfriend?"

-Girl's night out
-Flirting with other guys
-Guy friends
-Letting her girlfriends heavily influence the relationship she has with you
-Feminist shaming
-Withholding sex so as to try and use it as a bargaining chip

The way to avoid all of this sh!t is to sit the girl down in the beginning of your relationship together and set your frame of what is cool and what is not cool with you.

If she agrees hold her to it.

If she disagrees and tries to argue with you dump that b!tch and if she simply walks away congrats you dodged a bullet.

Why guys insist on putting up with b.s and making things harder for themselves is a mystery to me.

I think a lot of RAFC's are also struggling with an underlying masochism they also need to defeat in addition to the AFC pansy that lurks inside of them.

Also another thing needs to be said to all the AFC lurkers out there.

If you are with a girl who doesn't inspire trust in you and you find yourself making excuses for her of why she can't be trusted such as "oh she's young and naieve" or "she can be fooled easily" etc just stop.

Dump that b!tch and go find someone else who inspires trust and confidence in you.

Basically what I'm saying is don't try and make orange juice from a lemon.

You'll fail every time.

 

[jophil28]

Where is Guru 1000 ? He always does this stuff really well.

 

[jophil28]

I've been discussing this with a girl I've been seeing and she thinks I'm way too strict. For example, if you are with a girl you consider your girlfriend and she is flirting with a guy and playfully bumps up against him, do you consider that over the line? Even if you know she would never do anything with that guy outside of that? I consider that very disrespectful and don't think I should tolerate it but I realise I could be overreacting.

If she thinks you are too strict then she knows your boundaries but she is willing to push them to test you FOR HER BENEFIT. SHe wants the ego buzz from flirting with another guy and she is willing to walk over your limits to get it. THis is a frame test by her.
Disrespect indeed, and it calls for sharp and immediate punishment.

Take it from me, being "easy to get along with" or being "tolerant" is a guarantee that women like this will push your limits even further until she is blantantly flaunting her trampy behavior in front of you ( and then f*ckin' him behind your back)

Stamp this stuff out while it is a SMALL problem because it WILL fester and grow unless you do.

 

[SamMalone]

Ok guys I didn't mean I "know" she wouldn't cheat, but I trust her as much as I have trusted any girl before, and I just meant I don't think that is the situation here.

Anyways, the story is I had sat her down and told her the situation some time last week (what I thought was appropriate, ect) and she said I'm just being insecure and I said thats not the issue, its about her respecting me. She was flirting with a guy and brushed up with him the other day in front of me and I told her right there that I didn't want to see her anymore. She was sad and admitted she was wrong but I said forget it.

She's been calling me quite a bit the next few days and I saw her yesterday (she's in a class, wasn't my choice to see her). She said she knows what she did was wrong but I overreacted by breaking up with her. I told her I didn't think I did. She said ok. As we were leaving the class she was going the other way but stop and ran back towards me and basically begged me to reconsider and I told her not if she acted like she was. She said she wouldn't and I said I would think it over but don't get your hopes up. We left it at that.

So I wasn't sure if I overreacted by breaking it off. She's a cool chick but I felt very disrespected. She also sent me a text which appeared to be for someone else saying she screwed up and she can't fix it and she real upset but I think she may have sent that on purpose to me. I really don't want to be a controlling boyfriend but I do not want to be disrespected and am not sure if I should give this girl another shot.

 

[Hughman]

"What do you consider innapropriate behavior for a girlfriend?"

-Girl's night out
-Flirting with other guys
-Guy friends
-Letting her girlfriends heavily influence the relationship she has with you
-Feminist shaming
-Withholding sex so as to try and use it as a bargaining chip

The way to avoid all of this sh!t is to sit the girl down in the beginning of your relationship together and set your frame of what is cool and what is not cool with you.

If she agrees hold her to it.

If she disagrees and tries to argue with you dump that b!tch and if she simply walks away congrats you dodged a bullet.

Why guys insist on putting up with b.s and making things harder for themselves is a mystery to me.

I think a lot of RAFC's are also struggling with an underlying masochism they also need to defeat in addition to the AFC pansy that lurks inside of them.

Also another thing needs to be said to all the AFC lurkers out there.

If you are with a girl who doesn't inspire trust in you and you find yourself making excuses for her of why she can't be trusted such as "oh she's young and naieve" or "she can be fooled easily" etc just stop.

Dump that b!tch and go find someone else who inspires trust and confidence in you.

Basically what I'm saying is don't try and make orange juice from a lemon.

You'll fail every time.

I disagree about guy friends and her night's out. Thinking these are inappropriate is showing you are jealous, clingy and insecure about losing her.

 

[Radharc]

She sure seems like a pretty manipulative one, the text message and all, how old is she?
I think you handled yourself well, now, if you should give her another shot depends on what you want from her and what you think she can provide, I wouldn´t put much stock on her though. On the other hand there´s nothing wrong in giving someone a second chance, but if she disrespects you again she´s gone, just dont let your guard down.
Also you dont have to be controlling, controlling is when you are preempetivelly trying to keep her in line, well, only she can do that, you just need to be aware of where your boundaries are and if she crosses them or not - everyone needs to take responsabillity for their own behavior.
And if you choose to give her another chance dont go to her, let her come to you, and dont pay attention to her telling you overreacted, thats bs and it´s the kind of thing chicks say to try to erode your frame.

 

[Luthor Rex]

If you are with a girl who doesn't inspire trust in you and you find yourself making excuses for her of why she can't be trusted such as "oh she's young and naieve" or "she can be fooled easily" etc just stop.

Dump that b!tch and go find someone else who inspires trust and confidence in you.

These are the most important words in this thread.

 

[Luthor Rex]

I disagree about guy friends and her night's out. Thinking these are inappropriate is showing you are jealous, clingy and insecure about losing her.

1.) What's a 17 y.o. doing in the Mature Man forum.

2.) I don't know about the OP, but every woman I have ever known who does these things has turned out to have some kind of problem with intimacy or commitment. Maybe that's not true for every girl on the planet, but that is what my life experience tells me.

 

[Captain]

Ok guys I didn't mean I "know" she wouldn't cheat, but I trust her as much as I have trusted any girl before, and I just meant I don't think that is the situation here.

Never trust any woman 100%. Women can't control who they feel attracted to.

She was flirting with a guy and brushed up with him the other day in front of me and I told her right there that I didn't want to see her anymore. She was sad and admitted she was wrong but I said forget it.

She shouldn't be flirting with other men.

She's been calling me quite a bit the next few days and I saw her yesterday (she's in a class, wasn't my choice to see her). She said she knows what she did was wrong but I overreacted by breaking up with her. I told her I didn't think I did. She said ok. As we were leaving the class she was going the other way but stop and ran back towards me and basically begged me to reconsider and I told her not if she acted like she was. She said she wouldn't and I said I would think it over but don't get your hopes up. We left it at that.

This is gold. Exactly what happens when you break up with a chick over her misbehavior. She begs to come back. Breaking up is one of the most important parts of keeping a relationship healthy.

So I wasn't sure if I overreacted by breaking it off. She's a cool chick but I felt very disrespected. She also sent me a text which appeared to be for someone else saying she screwed up and she can't fix it and she real upset but I think she may have sent that on purpose to me. I really don't want to be a controlling boyfriend but I do not want to be disrespected and am not sure if I should give this girl another shot.

My advice:

Date some other women. Let her beg a bit more, then take her back, while dating other women. Don't hide it from her. Let her know. If she screws up again, leave her for good.

 

[KontrollerX]

"I disagree about guy friends and her night's out. Thinking these are inappropriate is showing you are jealous, clingy and insecure about losing her."

Wrong.

When a woman violates this agreement one time the man of worth that being the DJ doesn't stick around and whine at the b!tch to change her ways like an AFC that only thinks he is a DJ would.

The true DJ simply walks away and out of her life and begins searching for a girl who will bend to his frame of how he wants to live his life.

Allowing guy friends and girls night out is inviting sabotage into your relationships.

Putting yourself in a relationship with a woman who demands to have guy friends and demands to have girls night out is like taking two ice cubes, rubbing them together with your bare hands and expecting to start a fire.

What I'm saying is a relationship filled with GNO and male orbiters lurking around your woman is a relationship that does not have a strong foundation that will keep it going for the test of time.

It is doomed to failure and once you get more life experience you will see that I am right.

There are some DJ's who talk about the futility of trying to find a woman without guy friends to be with when I bring this up as if the woman works she's bound to have aquaintance guy friends that she works with but what they don't understand is those are not the type of male friends I am talking about at all.

I think work buddy aquaintance friends are just fine. Aquaintance friends are not friends you go and actively hang out with, they are just people you know from work or somewhere else and who you may share a joke or two with if you both happen to be in the same area some day. You then have your little laugh and then you both part company. Those type of guy friends are tolerable for a woman to have but active hang out buddies?

No, no sir, not at all.

A woman that needs that and can't simply hang out with best female friends instead at a female friends house to get her friend's fix is not right in the head and only uses that "I prefer being friends with guys" as a cover for her inability to aquire female friends and also a reasonable cover that is bought by the AFC mind of why she needs to have male friends orbiting around her while you are in a relationship with her. The real reason for having only male friends other than her having a mental illness is of course that one of those guys may one day become your replacement.

So anyway new AFC's that come here that are trying to unplug and become DJ's make the mistake of worrying about appearing insecure to some b!tch when what they should be more focused on is what do they want out of a girl as in what behavior from that girl will they be willing to put up with in a relationship or rather what behavior from a girl would they most like to see?

I gurantee every last true man and true DJ out there does not want to see a woman they are deeply involved with engaging in girl's night out or going on coffee dates *tee hee* with male hangout buddies.

A girl that NEEDS to do those things is not ready to have a relationship or at least she is not ready to have a relationship with YOU if what you want is a loyal and trustworthy girl whose not going to ditch you for the next swinging d!ck to come around the corner when your newness to her wears off.

So you want to know what true insecurity and AFC f@gg0try consists of?

Alright I'll tell you and everyone else.

1. Accepting what a woman is willing to give you rather than going after the kind of lifestyle with a girl that you would want.

2. Demanding that some scum woman change for you into a better person rather than manning the fvck up dumping that b!tch and finding someone who is already what you want in personality, looks and behavior. Most of the time AFC's get this sh!t twisted. They get a beautiful girl with a garbage personality and garbage behavior and try to change that b!tch because they are too pathetic and lack game to such an extent they do not believe they will be able to secure anyone else or anyone else as hot. This sort of thinking is why at least 90% of the guys that come here continue having relationship problems. They settle out of fear and laziness and try to turn a lemon into orange juice. Guys a chick is what she is. You can't change her. Instead find someone that lives in a way that is pleasing to you already.

3. The main insecurity and pathetic nature of the AFC has him digging and spying and snooping on some b!tch and checking her garbage for evidence she's been with another man. Now if you find the b!tch this untrustworthy you shouldn't be with her in the first place and if you were a DJ of options you'd just next her for a different more trustworthy feeling option and not bother checking her garbage, her cellphone record and a host of other spy related retardation because YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW BEFORE YOU CAN MOVE ON. What a load of crap. Just move on without all of that as if you get that sick feeling of untrustworthiness from her even if you don't find anything she may simply be incredibly good at hiding her affairs or maybe you really are insecure and if you want to find out if you are really insecure you'll know it because you will have suspected each and every last girl you ever had to of cheated on you. If you find you've done that then the problem is with you to solve and you don't need to be dumping any more girls.

Yeah though there is a difference between true fear based insecurity and simply setting your relationships up for the best possible chance at success.

AFC spies are the former and intelligent DJ's are the latter.

 

[King Turi]

Girl Night Out = she gonna ride some other guys **** just before she comes home.
You'll probably taste the *** on her lips when she kisses you when she gets home. Yum.

As for male friends well you should be able to tell if they are interested in her or not, if you see the guy and think "what an ugly bastard" or "he's gay" then I guess you got nothing to worry about.

But if you can see it in him that he's interested, then you got some problems, because although she might not be interested in him THEN, if you mention to her anything about it, she'll wind up thinking you're being controlling and ride his c0ck anyway.

I'd definitely turn them into your little *****es so she can see you got it over them (make them be the dude who goes to the bar and gets the drinks for yous and stuff).
Maybe even suggest "we should hook him up with *insert name*".
For a bit of a laugh, suggest hooking him up with a male friend.

 

[intrextrovert]

Exact reason I let the last girl go, was flirting with other guys (which I was alright with, I know i don't stop flirting cause I got a girl) and then one night was grinding with another guy, and that was it. I really hadn't realized how much I had felt ownership (not the right word but you know) when I saw that, I just felt really angry and had to leave the party. The last time I had contact with her was a FB message she sent me that night telling me she felt awful and that she's sorry or w/e, cause people told her I was pissed I guess. Didn't respond. Thanks to another female friend of mine I got over her quickly. I still like her though, and she's smoking, so if I see her around I'll prob tell her we can still be friends and stuff, just no exclusive anymore. Besides she helped me spot some flaws in my game, and really stop giving a **** about *****es and not take them seriously (at least for a while ya know).

 

[SamMalone]

My advice:

Date some other women. Let her beg a bit more, then take her back, while dating other women. Don't hide it from her. Let her know. If she screws up again, leave her for good.

No way this girl would go for that. I've talked with other women in front of her before and (get this) she gets real jealous! Then she goes and does the same thing haha...

I figure there is no way things are going to work out with this girl. I like her when we hang out but she's not going to change and I don't want to make myself feel like a chump by putting up with it. I still have to see this girl though so that will be tough, but no contact outside of class and I have to somehow not go crazy when she starts dating other guys.

 

[crazymedstudent]

some of you guys have no clue...

i can't believe half the things some of you guys are saying.

Guy friends are off limits, no girls nights out. That is just super-jealous behavior.

Flip it the other way, would you be pissed if your girlfriend said YOU can't have girl friends or guy's nights out?

Instead of worrying about what your GIRL is doing, you should be doing what makes YOU happy. If you are so strung up on a girl that you need to know where she is EVERY second of the day, you are bound for failure.

I let my girlfriend do whatever the hell she wants and she lets me do whatever I want. Relationships are about respect -- not control. If you try to control a girl you are on the fast road to a breakup. If my girlfriend were going to ride some other dudes d1ck, she will find a way to do it regardless of whether or not she has a girl's night or guy friends.

 

[Captain]

No way this girl would go for that. I've talked with other women in front of her before and (get this) she gets real jealous! Then she goes and does the same thing haha...

But it works. You aren't together.

If she sees you with other woman, she'll fight for your attention.

If she hangs with out with other men afterward for "revenge", ignore her. She'll see you aren't affected, and she'll come after you even more.

I figure there is no way things are going to work out with this girl. I like her when we hang out but she's not going to change and I don't want to make myself feel like a chump by putting up with it. I still have to see this girl though so that will be tough, but no contact outside of class and I have to somehow not go crazy when she starts dating other guys.

Then forget about her and date other women.

Instead of worrying about what your GIRL is doing, you should be doing what makes YOU happy. If you are so strung up on a girl that you need to know where she is EVERY second of the day, you are bound for failure.

I let my girlfriend do whatever the hell she wants and she lets me do whatever I want. Relationships are about respect -- not control. If you try to control a girl you are on the fast road to a breakup. If my girlfriend were going to ride some other dudes d1ck, she will find a way to do it regardless of whether or not she has a girl's night or guy friends.

You're the man, you should do what makes you happy.

Guy friends are off limits, no girls nights out. That is just super-jealous behavior.

Flip it the other way, would you be pissed if your girlfriend said YOU can't have girl friends or guy's nights out?

I'm a big fan of double standards in relationships.

That said, not letting her have a "girl's night out" is too jealous and controlling. Don't be controlling. If she wants to cheat, she'll find a way to. Let her go out with her friends, if she cheats while she's out there with them, she isn't relationships material and you can leave her (and you'll know that she didn't find you attractive enough to keep exclusive.)

The main insecurity and pathetic nature of the AFC has him digging and spying and snooping on some b!tch and checking her garbage for evidence she's been with another man. Now if you find the b!tch this untrustworthy you shouldn't be with her in the first place and if you were a DJ of options you'd just next her for a different more trustworthy feeling option and not bother checking her garbage, her cellphone record and a host of other spy related retardation because YOU JUST HAVE TO KNOW BEFORE YOU CAN MOVE ON

^^ This is good.

Long story short: If she messes around, next her. Date other women. She'll get jealous, beg to come back, and you can do whatever you want from there.

Don't be jealous, if you think she is cheating, next her. Date other women.