What do you blame for your inability to talk to girls?

[OC Speedball]

We all came here because we were AFCs, or just desperate for advice. At one time even the best DJ here was unable to pick up girls.

What would you guys attribute this to? Why do you think you were unable to talk to girls, and what do you blame it on?

Society? Your introverted personality? Your father never talking to you about girls? A sheltered childhood? Acne? Maybe as a teen you were shot down by a girl and it scarred you?


I was thinking about this today. First of all, they say you can only blame yourself. I think that's true to an extent, but at the same time I was trying to get with girls. There was one girl when I was 17 that I started hanging out with. The first time we hung out we went to the movies and then came back and slept on the couch together at her house. I think I touched her once, because I had NO idea how to proceed with a situation like that. She would sit right up against me, and I would do nothing. She later lost interest.

The point is, I was pursuing girls but I had no idea what to do. I would say this is because since age 15 until 18 I lived with my Mom as the only parental figure. My Dad had died and she was my only parent. The thing is, my Dad was VERY social, and women in public places always talked to him. (And it didn't hurt that he looked like Val Kilmer ). So I think he could have taught me a lot, but unfortunately he passed away.

Maybe you guys had a father who was absent from a lot of your life, or was a very introverted person and your mother wore the pants.

So what do you guys think attributed to your inability to get girls?

 

[Borknagar]

For me it was probably half looks, and haf the fact that I was rarely ever around any good relationships while growing up. I didn't meet my dad till I was 14, I lived with my grandmother and my grandfather died when I was about 8-9. My aunt and her bf/cousins dad broke up when I was way young as well. My dad was married when I was in high school up till a few years ago, but it was a very passive relationship. Didn't really see much there.

 

[Richmond69]

Looks, lack of confidence pretty much.

 

[JPlaya]

Was black at a mostly white school, dad didn't teach me jack and he made it worse by running girls off, I was shy, and expected girls to approach me. I've never been flat out rejected, but I can tell low interest and one girl cancelled on me.

 

[latino158]

Lack of confidence, social anxiety, and english second language

im decent looking guy though

the problem with this, is that better looking you are, people expect more of you, they expect you to be super confident and have no problems like social anxiety, and when you do is like a big dissapointment, now add to this the fact that english is my second language, which it would mean that the conversations would not be the same as if they were having a conversation with a native speaker, so if your limited english prevents you from having a conversation, and then your anxiety makes your skills much worse than they already, how can one ever improve ?

only way i think they would be interested if they were shallow or superficial and were only into looks, a girl that wouldnt mind that u are scially anxious, that she wouldnt mind that she would not be able to have good conversations with you not only because u are quiet but also because ur english is not perfect

 

[Drdeee]

Little to no contact with women.

 

[European-DJ]

From the age of 00-19 i have been in class with PURE MEN ... so i have not had the ability to learn to talk with them..

 

[Mike32ct]

It was a combination of things...

1. I had very overprotective parents. I never even left the state until 22.

2. I NEVER got advice on girls from anyone. Seriously, up through age 27 or 28, I was completely clueless and on my own.

3. Despite being a decent looking dude, with no advice on fashion, fitness or any of that, I dresesd like a total nerd and was not athletic at all. So the way I presented myself was totally unattractive.

4. I had a big crush on this girl in 8th grade. Being totally clueless, I thought it was best to tell EVERYBODY in the school. I figured word would get back to her (and it certaintly did), and she would fall in love with me. Actually, I just creeped her out. After that, I stopped trying with any girls for many years.

 

[Masculinity]

My parents didn't teach me how to interact with other people and I never had someone to model in social situations. I was shy from kindergarten until my first year of college. I was a nerd and I got straight A's, but I got zero action until I was almost 19.

I was an introvert who got made fun of for the way I dressed in middle school & high school and had very few friends. No one ever said anything of how to talk to women or anything along those lines.

 

[Indiana]

When I was in my teens I really didn't understand that I was the one who needed to take control of the situation. I would just wait it out for the girl to make her move which was a huge mistake looking back on it. I had my first experience with girls when I was 13 and that was due to them taking the control of the situation. Also when I first entered High School I had stupidly high standards and was a good 30+ lbs overweight.

 

[sambwoy]

Social anxiety (because of aspergers), plus at 17-23 I was really down about my looks, too self-concious, and a bad past.

I got the feeling that groups of girls would giggle or give me dirty looks in my college years and on the bus. That hurt a lot back then, and rarely has a girl shown actual interest, and my outlook on life is not as bright as it was, but hey this is Britain. But going on 25 next April I have really stopped caring if they do this because it is society. They don't know how it feels. I have a right to go out and not feel intimidated.

 

[st_99]

I can talk to girls just fine UNLESS its someone I really want. So with that being the case, my only conclusion is perhaps deep down I don't feel worthy enough??Or something like that. Which is pretty sad if thats the case.

Why else would I be a stud with girls i don't care about and be a total afc with girls I do care about??

 

[MrJibbles]

Being hypersensitive, having to deal with cultural and ethnic identity issues as a multiracial person in a predominantly white and small private school, and being the only child of an introverted dad who was quick to marry my mom because he couldn't find anything better. he was the definition of a beta male, and being my only male role model growing up, I never learned how to talk to girls properly. He didn't know sh*t about women and is an unassertive p*ssy and science geek. I used to think girls would approach me for my 'uniqueness'. Remember though, you have nobody to blame but yourself when it comes to women, and anything for that matter.
>> Man cannot will unless he has first understood that he must count on no one but himself; that he is alone, abandoned on earth in the midst of his infinite responsibilities, without help, with no other aim than the one he sets himself, with no other destiny than the one he forges for himself on this earth.
- Jean-Paul Sartre

 

[TheJazz]

I was too feminine.