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What do y'all think of this text exchange/meeting setup? (also general advice needed)

Genos

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Context: I'm an undergrad at uni, she's an international graduate student from China, quite cute, just my type. We're in a class together which meets once a week for 2.5 hrs; before and after class, we usually chat a bit. I've gotten some decent kino in, and she seems receptive. I was showing her a video on my laptop last week, and she leaned in close (shoulder to shoulder) for a better look, which I thought was definitely an IOI. Last week after class I said "Give me your number, let's get lunch next week." and she responded "Ok!" , which seemed like a good sign.

So on Friday (our class meets on Tuesday, so a standard 3 day gap), I texted her (bear in mind her english isn't super great, so her writing can come off a little odd):

Me:
(her name)! Let's hang out this weekend. You free on Sunday for lunch or dinner?
Her:
Hi, I'm not free this Sunday, thank you for asking, may be next Tuesday after class?
Me (1pm Friday):
I'm booked after class this week - perhaps that evening, or sometime Thursday?
*36 hour gap*
Her (1am this morning):
Sorry I didn't reply you, my friend came to visit me and it has been a busy day. Do you want to go out to have dinner with me and my friends? We can go to a nice Chinese place and introduce authentic dishes to you :)
Me:
Ok, sounds fun. when are y'all planning to go?
Her:
Tuesday evening?

A few Questions:

1. My gut tells me that any girl that takes well over a day to reply to messages doesn't have high interest...logically, when I'm interested in a girl, I wait for a little while, but not for over a day to reply. Her other replies were in reasonable amounts of time (1-3 hrs), but it still seems off to me. What do y'all think? Also, anything I could've done better in the meeting setup?

2. What does it mean when a woman asks to meet up with her friends like this? My hope was for a 1-on-1 hangout/date, but she's proposing hanging out with her friends. Does she not want to be alone with me? Furthermore, why am I meeting her friends when I don't even know her that well? What could she be thinking?

3. Gonna be totally honest here, I've almost never been out with a group to dinner or for drinks to hangout, etc. It's just not my style - I'm more of a chill with social circle around the dorm kinda guy, play board games, go to an event together, etc. I have no idea what the **** to do at one of these things. Add to this the fact that I don't know what the group dynamic will be (who are her friends? guys? girls? Other international students? Locals? Is she dating someone in that group currently? I have no idea.), and I'm kinda unprepared, too many variables. What should my mentality be going out on this dinner?
 

pyros

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I think she is not interested in you, but she finds you good enough to be her 'friend'.

I think you should not go unless you feeli like socialising and meeting new ppl (which could be good), but forget about doing anything with her.

It sounds like the sweetest rejection on Earth to me. She's sweet, you have to admit that hehehee...
 

El Payaso

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Never go on a first date or any early dates with a girl and her friends. It's potential suicide.
 

Peaks&Valleys

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Konduit said:
Context: Last week after class I said "Give me your number, let's get lunch next week." and she responded "Ok!" , which seemed like a good sign.
The way I do it these days is first I mention getting together outside of whatever we're currently doing, and I gauge her interest on her reaction. Once she confirms she wants to do something, then I ask for the number. It's more of a natural progression.

Anyway,
So on Friday (our class meets on Tuesday, so a standard 3 day gap), I texted her (bear in mind her english isn't super great, so her writing can come off a little odd):

Me:
(her name)! Let's hang out this weekend. You free on Sunday for lunch or dinner?
Here^, I would have said: What are you up to this weekend?

Her:
Hi, I'm not free this Sunday, thank you for asking, may be next Tuesday after class?
Me (1pm Friday):
I'm booked after class this week - perhaps that evening, or sometime Thursday?
Now you guys are jockeying for position. SHE is making suggestions, trying to run the show, $hit tests I'm assuming, which you seem to know. Once she turns you down, then makes a counter, it can be somewhat of a catch-22. That's why I would suggest just getting her "schedule" then, after you know which days/times she's free, then YOU go ahead and decide on a day.

*36 hour gap*
I don't know what this is. Could have been another $hit test, to see if you'd break and text her again . Which you didn't :up: Either way it's a sign of disrespect towards you
.
Her (1am this morning):
Sorry I didn't reply you, my friend came to visit me and it has been a busy day. Do you want to go out to have dinner with me and my friends? We can go to a nice Chinese place and introduce authentic dishes to you :)
Me:
Ok, sounds fun. when are y'all planning to go?
Her:
Tuesday evening?
I would NOT have agreed here for a few reasons. One of them being she took her sweet time getting back to you. That should be a no-no. You need to nip that $hit in the bud and set the precident right from the beginning ---> that's not going to fly.

You:That's cool, have fun with your friends. I'll see you in class.

A few Questions:

1. My gut tells me that any girl that takes well over a day to reply to messages doesn't have high interest...logically, when I'm interested in a girl, I wait for a little while, but not for over a day to reply. Her other replies were in reasonable amounts of time (1-3 hrs), but it still seems off to me. What do y'all think? Also, anything I could've done better in the meeting setup?
Sounds to me like she's $hit testing you. Her IL could be all over the place. At the beginning, IL can fluctuate on the drop of a dime.

2. What does it mean when a woman asks to meet up with her friends like this? My hope was for a 1-on-1 hangout/date, but she's proposing hanging out with her friends. Does she not want to be alone with me? Furthermore, why am I meeting her friends when I don't even know Seher that well? What could she be thinking?
It could mean many things, not sure here. However, YOU think it's ridiculous, so YOU should NOT have agreed to it. YOU need to take the lead, and say NO.

3. Gonna be totally honest here, I've almost never been out with a group to dinner or for drinks to hangout, etc. It's just not my style - I'm more of a chill with social circle around the dorm kinda guy, play board games, go to an event together, etc. I have no idea what the **** to do at one of these things. Add to this the fact that I don't know what the group dynamic will be (who are her friends? guys? girls? Other international students? Locals? Is she dating someone in that group currently? I have no idea.), and I'm kinda unprepared, too many variables. What should my mentality be going out on this dinner?
Back in the day, I would have been $hitting myself as well with a proposition like this. However, if you can 'pass' this type of thing, then you may have a golden carpet leading right up to her pootinanny.

If you're going to go through with it, here's what you do:
-Be confident
-Smile
-Be relaxed

Sit back and let them talk. Be an observer. Don't feel the need that you have to entertain them, or impress the friends. Just don't. You are under NO obligation to do so. If anything you are judging them, they should be entertaining and impressing you. Not the other way around. You're just there getting the lay of the land. Eventually, they will engage you in conversation, don't be nervous, just be relaxed. Tell a story or two if you wish, make a joke here or there. But, most importantly, just try to enjoy yourself. And if things get to hairy, make an excuse to leave. If your girl starts fvcking with you, tell her you have to go. Simple.

Good luck
 

Genos

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Thanks for the insightful responses guys...I definitely think that she was low interest/a bit disrespectful. I can't believe I was able to rationalize her actions to myself as still being interested. It's tough, breaking out of my old afc mindset...

I ejected as best as I could, and said I realized I had an exam on Wednesday which I should prolly stay in and study for (which is true heh); her response was "no problem :)" which she gave in like 5 seconds haha, no delay at all - not sure what to think of that.

Peaks, I wish I had thought of your response: "You:That's cool, have fun with your friends. I'll see you in class." Damn, so badass, and it just reeks of confidence and knowing what you want out of the interaction. I still have a lot of work to do in that regard, developing a strong mindset, self-respect, and sense to know when my expectations are being diverted.

Thanks for the advice in general guys. @pyros, yes, she's a very nice girl, caring/nurturing, even. I don't think there was any malice in her actions, she was just being polite.
 

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