"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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What do ya' suppose this all means?

evoke

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I won't quite get into the ins and outs of this really, but in short, there was this girl I was seeing, and one night I kinda pushed the sex envelope too hard, things got to a certain point, and she got scared and more or less ran away. She got dressed and told me she just wanted to be friends, citing some "I don't want to ruin what we already have"/"I don't want a boyfriend right now." rhetoric. We have known each other for quite some time, but she always flirted really hard with me, and I only recently "broke". In other words, she was seemingly pursuing me, I acted ignorant to this for a long time, but when I accepted it, she got cold.

A few days later I met her at the bar, she acted like nothing happened, flirted with my friends, and told me that she slept with some douchebag that she knows I can't stand a few months ago.

After she left I texted her, wishing her good luck in life and goodbye. She wrote a bunch of angry crap back, and tried calling all night. I ignored it. I felt really bad about it all, because I really didn't want her out of my life, but a man can only stand so much.

This was two weeks ago.

Last night I ran into her at the bar (I probably drink too much). At first she didn't know how to react to my being there, but I said hello and she came over and hugged me, saying she missed me.

Now here's where my curiosity kicks in.

She started off by telling me how horrible she felt when she read that (something about just staring at the screen for 10 minutes and then showing her friend who was wondering why she was being ignored).

Then she apologized for "being a b!itch", and for "leading" me on (I refuse to believe that she was leading me on. Actions speak louder than words.).

She kept saying things about how we have this "energy" between us, that she feels comfortable around me, and how she's attracted to me, but she doesn't think that we're compatible. She stopped herself there and said that she's confused.

I apologized for pushing things too hard.

So anyway, she wants to do some things with me that don't involve inebriation. She wanted me to go shopping with her in Philly today (but I had to work), and she asked what i was doing this weekend, so I told her that me and some friends were going to see a movie friday night, and she basically invited herself along.

So like, does any of this bode well for someone who's looking for something a little more than "just a friend", or should I just accept that this may never go anywhere?

All along I got the feeling that she was confused about us, as was I, and I just don't know how to go about this without making her feel uncomfortable again.
 
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"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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aftershock

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It sounds as if she's a possible borderline personality disorder chick - do a search for it, there's a good post on it somewhere.

I think that what she's feeling is guilt more than actually liking you. But even if she does like you, beware. She seems rather crazy, and may end up hurting you.

She refused to sleep with you by the sounds of it - thats not good.

I'd uninvite her to your guys night out, because women shouldn't come on guys nights out.

All in all, I'd suggest avoiding her.
 

flexion_

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Yes my head hurts trying to understand her actions. Sounds like too much drama for me - how about you?
 

evoke

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It's not a guys night out, my roommates GF is coming along too, and god knows who else. It's really just a regular thing with everybody. I have a lot of friends, and a lot of them are girls. Guys night out is a rare thing, and usually reserved for strip clubs and the like.

And she didn't exactly invite herself. She started to, then stopped herself when she realized it. Then I laughed and said it was cool if she came along.

The thing is, she was never really flakey before. Anytime I'd ask her out, she'd be there, no matter how lame the activity. And she was usually the more aggressive one. I always took things slow, but she almost always started making out with me out of nowhere, and took off her clothes right away. Maybe she backed off because I was too "gentle" with her in bed. Haha.

She pointed out that we're always drunk when we're around each other. I'd like to see how we are around each other when alcohol isn't involved, and without all the pressure I was putting myself under.
 
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