What do they have that most of us are lacking?

[Jariel]

This seems like quite an obvious question and one that I've been asking myself for years. When I look at my close friends, acquaintances, people I've grown up with, many of my Facebook contacts, it strikes me just how many of them are in happy and secure relationships. They have no big dramas, they don't resort to crazy mind games or visit sites like this one for help. In fact, many of these guys we would consider to be beta males. Most of them are in average to poor shape, lack any obvious passion or adventure...in fact many of them look upto me for my creative talents and achievements, my size and physique, my social skills and my good looks.

And yet, there they are in their content relationships. Uploading photos of themselves and their long term girlfriends or wives on holidays, on days out, in their family home with the kids, their wedding day and so on. And here we are posting on forums, asking for advice on how to keep women interested or advising others to spin plates and work on improving themselves, how to seduce women etc.

I realise that not everyone here wants that contented relationship that I talk of and this obviously doesn't apply to them, but what about those of us who keep getting knocked back by women we really like or getting dumped by our girlfriends?

A lot of people seem to think of me as a ladies man because I get a lot of attention. However, that attention is mostly superficial and when it comes to keeping a woman interested, I'm less of a ladies man than most of these so-called "beta males".

I really don't have any answers, which is why I put this question out there.

Could it be that the information we learn from these sites/forums is not suitable for long term relationships? Could it be that we're just too eager to get women in our lives and try too hard?

I also have to ask, how many of the guys on this forum giving advice are actually in a contented, monogamous and long term relationship?

I'm not digging at SoSuave or any of the posters here. I'm just trying to open up a discussion. I'd be interested to hear your views.

 

[skinnyguy]

I'm going to sound like a broken record, but here it goes.

I used to think exactly the way you thought. "I feel so bad about myself while everyone is happy".

Look, many of those guys you are talking about have low standards. Would you want to be married to any of their wives? For 98% of people I went to HS with, my answer would be no. Most of the wives are ugly, and they will become fat eventually.

Being single is better than being with someone you're not attracted to. If you don't believe me, just try going out with someone you're not attracted to. You're not missing anything.

Yeah you're going to have rough days wishing you were in a relationship…but those guys have many days when they wish they were NOT in a relationship. How do you know those couples don't have any drama? Those guys probably aren't getting sex after the 1st child is born.

 

[Mike32ct]

Great question. I look forward to reading the replies.

This is just a guess that I am pulling out of may a$s:

1. These guys, despite their average looks, received decent to positive feedback from girls early on.

2. They had friends, hobbies/interests, etc., so they were able to meet normal women via a social circle. They weren't necessarily "sarging at the club," "spamming pof," or "hitting the bars for sets of 9s and 10s." Maybe they went to nightlife venues sometimes socially with friends, but they went mostly to have fun.

3. They didn't think about game and women that much.

But take a guy they was rejected by women early on...

1. He tries to compensate/settle the score by trying to get laid a lot via game.

2. But it's a "bottomless pit." It's a void that can never be completely filled. NOTHING can really compensate for "missing out" or feeling "cheated" / "left out." It's very frustrating to see other guys have gfs and sex SEEMINGLY effortlessly, yet you have to make if a full time job and try to be the mad scientist to "figure out attraction" lol.

3. Even if this guy tries follow the playbook of the natural (listed above), he might never get the same results because he's implementing it later in life and he still feels that void because he's "different."

 

[PlayHer Man]

What do those beta men have that many of "us" don't? Good question.

My answer probably won't suprise you.. but I believe those men possess two qualities that many DJ's here lack:

1. Stupidity

2. Unselfishness

I say stupidity because the less sharp a man is the easier it is for him to fall for female manipulations and view women in a positive light no matter what they do.

I say unselfishness because these men often care more about making their woman happy and comfortable than they care about themselves. These are your "heros" who will jump in front of a bullet for a woman. I would never do that.

Any man who cares more about women than himself is a man any woman is lucky to have --> Because she benefits greatly. If he is too stupid to see how he gets little out of the relationship outside of Facebook posts and other social status crap.. even better.

 

[:-)]

I was one of those people who uploaded photos on facebook.

here is how i see it:

i was very unhappy. in a relationship with a very good looking woman but her personality was somewhat needy and clingy. a bit psychotic too. i was very unhappy. but everyone else seemed so happy on facebook so i would post pictures to convince others (and myself) how happy i was too. or how happy i should have been.


it's all bs though. facebook doesn't mean anything. it's just a tool people use to lie to others and themselves about how sh!tty their life is. dont get me wrong, im sure there are genuinelly happy people there but its not all sunshine and rainbows. not most of the time.

 

[GS750]

One of my best friends, and former college roommate, is in one of those long term committed relationships. They hooked up in 2001. He is 36 years old and a pretty successful guy. He's in shape and maintains hobbies. He golfs, fishes, rides his motorcycle. She is a whale. Seriously she looks like a swollen muffin. She's annoying as hell and she's lazy too. He settled. Now he's stuck with an annoying fattie that he married. If I had to choose between that or being single I'd choose single. The vast majority of those guys who are married and in LTR's are shells of their former selves. Look at the average guy at WalMart pushing a shopping cart with his nagging wife and annoying kids. He has a look on his face that says "just fvcking shoot me"

 

[Jair213]

You are not seeing everything in the picture bro. I know couples that are married, they seem like happy perfect couples in social networks etc. But guess watt? Almost all this dudes are not 100 percent happy. 80 percent of them cheat. Sex declines. They blame it on lack of compatibility. Or they tell me ''I think I didnt marry the one'' when its all to late. They drink, smoke, eat poorly, they absolutely dont care about there health.(seems that way)

Its pathetic bro's.

My 3 older brothers have all cheated on there wifes. One is divorce now, the second one was caught cheating. He had another kid with another woman, but hes wife forgave him. LOL My other 3rd bro has cheated on his wife countless times fvcking other woman.

This woman they married have the least respect for them. I've seein it my self. Makes me cringe or want to slap them in the face.

The rest of my friends that are alphas are the ones that have the healthiest relationships. Why? I think because they dont submit to anyone but most of them are single anyways. This dudes take care of them selfs, they hit the gym, etc(even the ones that are married)

See the difference between betas and alphas?

 

[Jair213]

And the couples that I know that are married and have kids that are actually happy and have a genuinely good relationship are the ones that married there high school sweet hearts.

 

[Bokanovsky]

2. But it's a "bottomless pit." It's a void that can never be completely filled. NOTHING can really compensate for "missing out" or feeling "cheated" / "left out."

This is a great point that is frequently overlooked. Being in the right social circle is one of the most important (if not the most important) factors that will determine your success with women. In my opinion, it's more important than game.

 

[Jair213]

First of all, the picture doesn't say anything. I have lots of loving pictures on my fbook, yet I'm still here. Women are good at hiding their true nature. Divorce rate is 50% for a reason. 50% of men are not on Sosuave lol.

Second, as far as guys that never had perceived problems with women, Mike nailed it:



There are two types of reasons guys come here, not enough women and not enough success with relationships.

#1 Is something I did not experience so I was taken advantage of by women later in life when I bloomed late.

#2 I was in a lot of "guy-centric" activities and social circles so not around alot of easy-access women.

#3 I overthink everything, which explains why I came here as soon as women started screwing me over in relationships . Plenty of guys get fvcked over by women but never think to look online for answers.





This. The earlier you get married the less baggage the woman you marry generally has. That means a happy(er) marriage. Even those of us that didnt have trouble finding women early on had more trouble keeping them or finding quality the later they went without getting married.

I also thought that Mike nailed it good.

On my early stages(high school) I did good with girls. But I was obsess over porn and masturbation to a point were i started getting adicted and prefer masturbation and porn over woman. Developed social anxiety through out this and it fvcked me up completely. Now I am recovering and doing good now.

I know many guy's that get caught up in this cycle and never manage to get out of it and become miserable.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Great question. I look forward to reading the replies.

This is just a guess that I am pulling out of may a$s:

1. These guys, despite their average looks, received decent to positive feedback from girls early on.

2. They had friends, hobbies/interests, etc., so they were able to meet normal women via a social circle. They weren't necessarily "sarging at the club," "spamming pof," or "hitting the bars for sets of 9s and 10s." Maybe they went to nightlife venues sometimes socially with friends, but they went mostly to have fun.

3. They didn't think about game and women that much.

But take a guy they was rejected by women early on...

1. He tries to compensate/settle the score by trying to get laid a lot via game.

2. But it's a "bottomless pit." It's a void that can never be completely filled. NOTHING can really compensate for "missing out" or feeling "cheated" / "left out." It's very frustrating to see other guys have gfs and sex SEEMINGLY effortlessly, yet you have to make if a full time job and try to be the mad scientist to "figure out attraction" lol.

3. Even if this guy tries follow the playbook of the natural (listed above), he might never get the same results because he's implementing it later in life and he still feels that void because he's "different."

Wise as usual, I guess this is a key issue to keep in mind.

What we are is not only our dna or what we were supposed to, a sword is a sword but some come straight and heavy while others come thin and sharp according from the way they are shaped when they are hot steel.

The impact of having a sane loving family is hugh when you are a kid, teen and what you are in your teens give you a direction for the rest of your life mostly.

If you have emotional scars from your early life its hard to have the clean,happy relationship life we are talking here, it applies to us and to the girls we deal with.

Social circle plays a hugh role as well in any moment, it shapes your life and give you opportunities while it can make you feel warm and safe or paranoid and bitter according to how it worked for you.

To this lets add modern culture and how it collide with the natural order of things, not only in term of looks (the land whales we talk about) but also in terms of masculinity and femininity that are necessary for a working couple.

I've been one of you guys for years, since I finally found a girl which I love and love me back, cant really say anything bad about her, I feel a connection and a bonding that never had with other girls (maybe cause she is way younger and Im her first man while she comes from a conservative family), I admitt that its hard not to cheat especially since Im in a positive streak in terms of attention from girls but at the same time it feels like its unworth to throw away something that works.

Its all working great as its suppose to be, Im fully in charge, she takes care of me in terms of nurturing while I pay the dinner and deal with the sh1t wheter is driving in the snow or plan the day, some days I sleep till noon and she goes to buy the food and cook for me, at this point its not heavy at all to sacrifice something for her, not because I have to but because I want.

Before meeting her I felt the need to turn my back and sleep right after blowing my load with some girl picked up.

Anyway its unbelievable the changes in your mentality once you fix the relationship issue, you no longer are concerned about some stuff while other become important.

Zero fvck given in terms of being nice to girls or fit in the herd, you realize you dont need them and you deal with them according to your terms or you ignore them like the beggars on the streets.
I have the random b1tches doing their mind games to get me to help them and without even consciousy thinking I simply cut the bvllsh1t and tell them to do themselves and turn away before their reaction.

On the other side you get much more concerned about securing resourches and get much more p1ssed off when the goverment does something against your plan of a happy life, wheter is high taxation or flooding the country with illegals.

I tend to believe they messed me the culture to keep citizens concerned about being accepted and fitting society more than expecting to have a say in how their life go.

I care none about people provoking me in the streets or in public places, no ego involved anymore but when I hear a politician talking about "share of wealth" I would beat the hell out of him.

And yeah we take the happy pictures you see on facebook and are genuine ones and we hug and hold hands while walking, no faking it.

 

[Yewki]

This seems like quite an obvious question and one that I've been asking myself for years. When I look at my close friends, acquaintances, people I've grown up with, many of my Facebook contacts, it strikes me just how many of them are in happy and securerelationships.

I doubt most of those people are actually in a "happy and secure" relationship, that's just how they try to sell it on Facebook, at parties, etc. It's their life, they want people to think everything is going great and they're happy.

 

[Jariel]

All very enlightening perspectives and a lot of truth in this thread.

I have to admit, I've probably not been seeing the entire picture at all, just the superficial side of it. When I think about it, many of these women in relationships, and even the married ones, contact me for a bit of flirty chat and sometimes more.

Many of these settled and "contented" women read books like Shades of Grey and fantasize about being with someone more impulsive and daring who will whisk them away from their dull routine.

I think about my own relationships and yes, there were times when I felt discontented and wished the sex was more exciting, wished we went out more and did more, and would sometimes flirt with other women. In every LTR I've had, I've always longed for that honeymoon period to return.

This brings me to another point. There is something quite addictive and exciting about the initial aspects of dating and relationships. You can't beat that feeling you get when a chick keeps texting you after the first date or when she reciprocates that first kiss, or the first weeks when you can barely be in the same room without having sex.

And after Skinnyguy brought it to my attention, I have to admit, many of the women these guys are happy with are pretty much warpigs and I'd sooner settle for one of my adoring stalkers than one of these women. Perhaps there is an aspect of settling for someone or fear of being alone at play in a lot of these couples.

I'm really enjoying reading these responses! Keep them coming.

 

[foreverAFC]

a lot of those guys will never be truly "awake", ignorance is bliss

one night after another grueling jiu jitsu session, i went over to my friends house to relax and vaporize some marijuana, and i was feeling pretty down about myself, and i told him about this, and he grabbed his laptop and opened his facebook where he proceeded to show me how fat and out of shape all the people we used to know and be friends with are now and how they are posting pictures of themselves with their ugly kids and fat ugly wives and babymommas, after showing me how terrible these other guys were doing he asked me if that put things in perspective for me at all, and i gotta tell you from that moment on i really felt that i was a strong person with a lot of freedom and potential, my story is only beginning, im not gonna be that guy trapped in that shltty relationship with some fat cow while we both sit on the couch in our sweats every night eating pizza and staying up all night changing diapers, being single and lifting weights and training in martial arts and spending my money on myself and high quality marijuana sounds so much better

 

[Jariel]

Facebook, by and large, is used to perpetuate an image, not a truth.

I love this quote!! It's so true.

 

[SmooveMooves]

Monogamy is a fairly new system (100-150 yrs ago) it really isn't the natural way of male. Humans exist on earth for two known purposes.
1. To survive
2. To **** (Produce offspring)
A males goal in the old age was to spread his seed among the lands as far as he could with the best females. Alpha men in those times didn't devote theirselves to one woman, they screwed around and moved on, this was to ensure to continuance of the human creature. This explains why there is a "honeymoon" stage in relationships and why that ends. We weren't really made for monogamy. There were no such thing as beta males, only Alpha. Alpha males competed for who was the most Alpha by fighting bears and killing tigers and ****. But now with a new society, we adapt. We must use the ways of the DJ to make relationships work. Its possible. Its the science of Social Dynamics

 

[JoeMarron]

I'm going to echo the other comments and say that we can never really know what's going on in someone else's relationship. Bokanovsky made a good point on social circles. Its only a matter of time before the average dude falls into a relationship if he has a decent social circle, whereas many of the men who've gone from socially awkward to using game to attract women lack that. The knowledge here may allow you to snag hotter women but that also comes with a set of problems. The average dude dating mediocre women isn't going to have to deal with as much drama compared to dating hotter women. I honestly believe that most men shouldn't even bother getting monogamous with above average attractive women, its simply too much effort for too little return. Just keep them around for sex and don't catch feelings. I do happen to be in a contented monogamous LTR atm but guess what, I settled in the looks department. I know if I worked at it I could snag a hotter chick but I simply don't feel compelled enough to do so. The chick I'm with now treats me like a King, passes the boner test and I can take her out in public without being mortified. If that's settling then I'm fine with it.

I think about my own relationships and yes, there were times when I felt discontented and wished the sex was more exciting, wished we went out more and did more, and would sometimes flirt with other women. In every LTR I've had, I've always longed for that honeymoon period to return.

LDR. Yes, a long distance relationship. It doesn't even have to be monogamous but it would solve the honeymoon issue. You guys won't see each other enough to get bored and she'll always be on her best behavior whenever you guys are together. When you are with her pretty much all you'll be doing is having sex. If you have a life full of passions then you really don't need a woman around 24/7 anyways.

 

[TheGambino]

It's not that we are lacking, the truth is:

We give more value to women overall. Yes we do. Also a lot on here are hurt or betrayed by ex's while believing in love. I also believe that we enjoy women more then other guys do. Other guys just find other hobbies or interests or wait it out til they meet the right girl, we want to get everything that's possible out of enjoying women. That's why we stick around on here. And guys don't say that doesn't count for you coz what are you doing here then everyday? The guys on here are just the guys that love women most and therefore invest in it. (sex, dating, attraction)

 

[Serenity]

My friend who's in a relationship is lazy as sh!t and doesn't give a fvck, his social skills sucks too. He does seem happy though, and he doesn't act in any way as if he wasn't enough. In a way I think he's doing something right, but on the other hand he has no direction in life.

It makes sense that you can never be satisfied if you never think you know, have or are enough. So this makes me think that fighting to improve yourself is in a way a response to not being enough. If you're content you have nothing left to improve.

There is a balance here, and the only question is what do you need to be content? If you want a girlfriend but you're having problems, then you need to learn. Now comes the problem with self-improvement, when do you know enough? When do you stop spinning endless plates? How perfect do you actually need your girlfriend to be?

I think the hardest thing is to frame everything so that you want it but you don't need it. To get positive motivation, and at the same time value what you have.

When it really comes down to it there are no other mission in life than to reproduce, because that's pretty much what all life have in common. There is no right or wrong way to do it, there is only your way.

 

[PlayHer Man]

"The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." --Thoreau.

Don't compare yourself to others' standards or seek approval from them. You're in for a life of unhappiness if you do.

Facebook, by and large, is used to perpetuate an image, not a truth.

Right on the money.

100% truth and probably the most important thing men need to learn about life.

You only have one life and if you spend it trying to live up to someone else's standards then you are basically living for someone else. This is idiotic and a waste of time.

Smart ruthless people get as many loser morons to live for them as possible so they can suck them dry (many of these people are women sucking men dry ). Stupid people kiss ass, pander and give, give, give in hopes of pleasing others. In the end they end up financially and emotionally bankrupt... while all those people they were trying to impress or buy respect/sex/love from have long moved on to another sucker and/or forgotten all about them. :crackup:

Don't be a sucker in this life. You only get one. Don't waste it.