What do I make of this? ("Will buy lunch someday...")

[TOTOLINKA]

Hi. I am a woman attracted to this married man with whom I used to work from time to time. One day he spontaneously offered to buy me lunch and I accepted. Well, I found out that he will no longer be working for the company and I e-mailed him to see if he was planning to keep his word about the lunch invitation. He e-mailed me back about 3 weeks ago saying that he will miss our time together and that "perhaps he might still will buy me lunch 'someday'", but he is not saying anything more. Should I try to reach him again or leave it to him to call me? Why is he stringing me along? He could very well have said he was too busy for lunches...

Thanks.

 

[Vulpine]

<Moved to "anything else">

 

[Latinoman]

Hi. I am a woman attracted to this married man with whom I used to work from time to time. One day he spontaneously offered to buy me lunch and I accepted. Well, I found out that he will no longer be working for the company and I e-mailed him to see if he was planning to keep his word about the lunch invitation. He e-mailed me back about 3 weeks ago saying that he will miss our time together and that "perhaps he might still will buy me lunch 'someday'", but he is not saying anything more. Should I try to reach him again or leave it to him to call me? Why is he stringing me along? He could very well have said he was too busy for lunches...

Thanks.

1- He is married. ANYTHING he writes can be used against him. So, even if he is interested, he is not going to jump on things without being sure.

2- Maybe he is not that attracted to you. Or maybe, he feels attraction, but does not want to mess his marriage off. So, he is trying to be polite.

3- Or Maybe he is busy.

 

[TOTOLINKA]

1- He is married. ANYTHING he writes can be used against him. So, even if he is interested, he is not going to jump on things without being sure.

2- Maybe he is not that attracted to you. Or maybe, he feels attraction, but does not want to mess his marriage off. So, he is trying to be polite.

3- Or Maybe he is busy.

I guess I will stay put then. If he is interested he should do something and if he is not, nothing of what I do will change his mind, right? Thanks. Great advice, Latinoman!

 

[penkitten]

sounds like he was trying to get some action before he left, and knew he was leaving , and when the timing didnt work out........... girl hes already gone!!

 

[DJDamage]

Hi. I am a woman attracted to this married man with whom I used to work from time to time. One day he spontaneously offered to buy me lunch and I accepted.

A little bit off topic but I am curious if you can divulge if HE KNEW that you were attracted to him. See to most men even if a girl at work or on the street is being nice to us its not always the case that she is attracted to us. The only way for a man to know for sure if a girl is interested is to ask her for her number and then ask her out on a date. If she accepts both then there is no hidden cues or misunderstanding where he stands with the woman.

Other then being nice and smile at him did you give him any other hints that you were interested??

 

[Latinoman]

A little bit off topic but I am curious if you can divulge if HE KNEW that you were attracted to him. See to most men even if a girl at work or on the street is being nice to us its not always the case that she is attracted to us. The only way for a man to know for sure if a girl is interested is to ask her for her number and then ask her out on a date. If she accepts both then there is no hidden cues or misunderstanding where he stands with the woman.

Other then being nice and smile at him did you give him any other hints that you were interested??

Good point.

However, she reminded him of the "lunch" thing. So, the ball is NOW in his court.

Once he takes her out to lunch...then it is up to her to send VERY CLEAR signals.

 

[azanon]

I guess I will stay put then. If he is interested he should do something and if he is not, nothing of what I do will change his mind, right? Thanks. Great advice, Latinoman!

Here's my guess:

He initially wanted some action as Penkitten said, but when you promptly agreed to it (the lunch, the way you start it out), he started to think a bit more about the ramifications of the path he was going down and, in short, chickened out.

Some guys willfully cheat, some guys would never cheat, and some start the process then get cold feet, perhaps going into it subcontiously thinking that the attempt wouldnt actually end up being successful. Your guy was #3.

#3 types need to make up their mind.

Azanon

 

[Master Bates]

Here's my take on the situation:

he's married stay the hell away.

What the hell is wrong with some women?

 

[Vulpine]

Here's my take on the situation:

Troll.

 

[TOTOLINKA]

Good point.

However, she reminded him of the "lunch" thing. So, the ball is NOW in his court.

Once he takes her out to lunch...then it is up to her to send VERY CLEAR signals.

I did sent him VERY CLEAR signals (as clear as mentioning sexual action after lunch, which is what he suggested the first day we met - that's the way he is). That's why I'm puzzled: he suggested this, I say yes, and now he just say "someday"...and that's it???

 

[azanon]

Here's my take on the situation:

Troll.

The post looks pretty legitimate to me.

 

[azanon]

I did sent him VERY CLEAR signals (as clear as mentioning sexual action after lunch, which is what he suggested the first day we met - that's the way he is). That's why I'm puzzled: he suggested this, I say yes, and now he just say "someday"...and that's it???

You got your answer above this post. (the one i gave you). When i said "here's my take", it was only stated out of modesty. He chicked out. Any other questions for us?

 

[TOTOLINKA]

You got your answer above this post. (the one i gave you). When i said "here's my take", it was only stated out of modesty. He chicked out. Any other questions for us?

No, thanks. This is very helpful. I can start now trying to take him out of my mind, which doesn't seem easy. I really have the hots for this guy! Thanks again.

 

[Latinoman]

I did sent him VERY CLEAR signals (as clear as mentioning sexual action after lunch, which is what he suggested the first day we met - that's the way he is). That's why I'm puzzled: he suggested this, I say yes, and now he just say "someday"...and that's it???

Read Azanon's take on this.

 

[Vulpine]

The post looks pretty legitimate to me.

And appropriate too, I suppose, eh? Especially since the website and forum are dedicated to the "Secrets of meeting, dating, and attracting women"?

*cough*anythingelseifanything*cough*

No, wait, I'm sorry, go ahead and fill the "mature man" forum with all sorts of crap like general discussion and the HS forum. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, someone signs up and the first post is "I'm a woman, help me fux a married man, guys!" I have no idea how I got the impression that it was a troll. I mean, there's no way it could be a troll - the age and location info isn't filled out in the profile and the name is in cap-spam. My bad.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

:crackup:

 

[TOTOLINKA]

And appropriate too, I suppose, eh? Especially since the website and forum are dedicated to the "Secrets of meeting, dating, and attracting women"?

*cough*anythingelseifanything*cough*

No, wait, I'm sorry, go ahead and fill the "mature man" forum with all sorts of crap like general discussion and the HS forum. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, someone signs up and the first post is "I'm a woman, help me fux a married man, guys!" I have no idea how I got the impression that it was a troll. I mean, there's no way it could be a troll - the age and location info isn't filled out in the profile and the name is in cap-spam. My bad.

Vulpine - just tell me a better place to find out what my guy may be thinking other than a forum full of guys talking about dating women.

 

[azanon]

And appropriate too, I suppose, eh? Especially since the website and forum are dedicated to the "Secrets of meeting, dating, and attracting women"?

*cough*anythingelseifanything*cough*

No, wait, I'm sorry, go ahead and fill the "mature man" forum with all sorts of crap like general discussion and the HS forum. I don't know what I was thinking. I mean, someone signs up and the first post is "I'm a woman, help me fux a married man, guys!" I have no idea how I got the impression that it was a troll. I mean, there's no way it could be a troll - the age and location info isn't filled out in the profile and the name is in cap-spam. My bad.

I didnt say it was appropriate here, necessarily. I havent really thought about that to be honest.

I think you and i have a different working definition of what a troll is.
My understanding of a troll is someone who makes posts that are not inherently genuine and instead, are designed with the motive of stirring up controversy or disheavel. With this defintion stated, her initial posts and follow-ups look genuine (real) to me.

All due respect, I think it really is "your bad".

 

[Vulpine]

If you wanted to ask men something, try:

www.askmen.com

Or "Yahoo relationships" or something similar.

This place is all about telling the difference between "High Calibre" women and "slvts". I gotta tell you, slvts should go to a bar, not hang around in men's forums asking how to be slvts.