What do I do with this jealousy?

[DJorBUST]

I've started going with this chick who I'm crazy about. I had a huge crush on her 5+ years ago and we were good friends. Unfortunately I couldn't get out of the friendzone. Fast forward 5 years, I find her on myspace and we start talking and have gone out several times since. She texts me and calls me all day and we have a ton of kino going on. We're going out for dinner and drinks tomorrow night. My problem is that she has a bunch of single male "friends". I will be talking to her and she'll mention that she's about to have dinner with her friend and inevitably it will be a guy. She also mentioned that previous boyfriends have had problems with the fact that she has almost exclusively male friends. After she got off work today she went over to her male friends house and I'm pretty sure she's been with him for 5+ hours. SHe texted me a few times from there and took 45+ minutes to get back to me everytime I texted her back. I called her a couple of hours ago and I can't seem to get in contact with her. I can't shake the feeling that these guys are basically either ****ing her or trying to **** her. I don't trust that any single guy is going to have a HB8 at their crib for that long and nothing is going on. We haven't even kissed yet, so there's no way I'm even going to touch the subject for fear of coming off controlling and killing it before it really gets good. What the hell do I do?!

 

[ducaro]

you are already emitting vibes that is killing something. your doubts of the consequences of your jealousy will do you no good. kill that.

 

[bachelor]

Ok, let me help you out here... Its really hard to break out of the friend category once your in it... Its almost like a plague... Shes in control right now because shes got you texting her and your worried of her being with other guys. Flip the cards my friend. You start hanging around other girls and start ignoring her texts... Your the prize here not her... Shes lucky to even be around you!

 

[Max Power]

we start talking and have gone out several times since. She texts me and calls me all day and we have a ton of kino going on.

Okay, you've gone out with her "several times" and all you got going is kino ... no kiss .. no sex.

Dude, hate to break it to ya, but she's not your girlfriend and will never be. She's probably banging one of those other guys.

 

[DJorBUST]

Okay, you've gone out with her "several times" and all you got going is kino ... no kiss .. no sex.

Dude, hate to break it to ya, but she's not your girlfriend and will never be. She's probably banging one of those other guys.

Bite me...she's not a ***** like most of the women you've dated.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Bite me...she's not a ***** like most of the women you've dated.

Don't get all defensive, professor. The guys here are just telling it like it is, they have no biases and can give you an opinion that can be somewhat objective, as opposed to your clouded view of the whole thing.

She is more like most women than she is different. Get that in your head. You don't mention how old either of you is, but if she is young, she is still milking all the attention she gets from the male species.

Max Power is absolutely right. You somewhat got a second chance to redeem yourself after 5 years, and you still haven't taken the opportunity to advance physically. If you are gonna have any kind of chance with this one, you need to plant a kiss on her lips. That is it, period end of the story.

 

[Max Power]

Bite me...she's not a ***** like most of the women you've dated.

Yes, your girl is different from all the girls in the universe :crackup:

I wasn't joking in my original response. Sorry you feel that way. It would be best to act indifferent to her, limit contact or move on. But you got no reason to be jealous. This woman owes you nothing.

 

[Interceptor]

Bite me...she's not a ***** like most of the women you've dated.

Hey DJ, relax, dude.
Max is a good guy. And he's trying to help you out here,OK?he's trying to help you, not be a d1ck to you.
Cut the guy some slack and stop pissing on people who will tell you the truth not what you want to hear.
Alright , my friend?

You've lost perspective already.
You're way too jealous and possessive to be in a healthy relationship with this chick.
And from your written description (since I have nothing else to go by)she SCREAMS "Attention Wh*re".
"Too many guy friends" is a Red Flag, dude. Only AWs have only guy friends,
and unless she's a fag hag and they're all gay, you've got a bunch of horny fvckers after your girl. And guess what??
This is the way she likes it.
To be desired and never have to put out.
AW, anyone?
If this is the woman you want, be prepared to share her.
If you can't handle it, and she stated the problem she has had with previous boyfriends jealousy, then you are going to be one unhappy MFer, dude.
You will rue the day you got involved and threw your Heart into the grinder with this chick.
You're already getting depserate and needy for her attention by counting down the minutes until she replies back to you.
This is a bad, bad, bad place to be , bro.
I'm not kidding.
You don't want to be there.
You are giving her all the power.
You're the man, dude. You're the one who should have the power.
And you're giving your emotions , sanity, peace of mind, etc etc, to some chick who will probably not drop her guy "friends" for a steady, loyal BF.

I can hear it now:
"Well, I'm not going to stop having "friends" just because I have a boyfriend.
If you can't handle it, then I guess we shouldn't be together. I don't like jealous guys."
And she'll turn it around on YOU, and make YOU look like the bad guy, who is being inconsiderate and unaccomodating.

Mark my words.
You'll be back, and say I'm pscyhic or somerhing.

 

[BlackJackal]

I say do what the other guys are probably doing. You say you've haven't kissed her yet, then go for the kiss. Haven't fvcked her yet, then attempt it. Wasting your time thinking about what she does with other dudes is gonna do nothing but drive you mad. Next time you have her to yourself, put "it" on her and let her know what the deal is.

 

[CF9]

Hey DJ, relax, dude.
Max is a good guy. And he's trying to help you out here,OK?he's trying to help you, not be a d1ck to you.
Cut the guy some slack and stop pissing on people who will tell you the truth not what you want to hear.
Alright , my friend?

You've lost perspective already.
You're way too jealous and possessive to be in a healthy relationship with this chick.
And from your written description (since I have nothing else to go by)she SCREAMS "Attention Wh*re".
"Too many guy friends" is a Red Flag, dude. Only AWs have only guy friends,
and unless she's a fag hag and they're all gay, you've got a bunch of horny fvckers after your girl. And guess what??
This is the way she likes it.
To be desired and never have to put out.
AW, anyone?
If this is the woman you want, be prepared to share her.
If you can't handle it, and she stated the problem she has had with previous boyfriends jealousy, then you are going to be one unhappy MFer, dude.
You will rue the day you got involved and threw your Heart into the grinder with this chick.
You're already getting depserate and needy for her attention by counting down the minutes until she replies back to you.
This is a bad, bad, bad place to be , bro.
I'm not kidding.
You don't want to be there.
You are giving her all the power.
You're the man, dude. You're the one who should have the power.
And you're giving your emotions , sanity, peace of mind, etc etc, to some chick who will probably not drop her guy "friends" for a steady, loyal BF.

I can hear it now:
"Well, I'm not going to stop having "friends" just because I have a boyfriend.
If you can't handle it, then I guess we shouldn't be together. I don't like jealous guys."
And she'll turn it around on YOU, and make YOU look like the bad guy, who is being inconsiderate and unaccomodating.

Mark my words.
You'll be back, and say I'm pscyhic or somerhing.

QFT... Women w/ mostly men as "friends" are mostly trouble... As Interceptor says, they're almost guaranteed to be Attention Hors... I've seen this too many times to recount...

"To be desired and never have to put out" --- That about sums up women w/ male friends...

 

[penkitten]

go in for the kiss already

 

[SoldMySoul]

Usually I would not get involved in threads like this, but Max is keeping it real with you and if what he said bothers you, you put yourself out there by asking. As bad as I hate to agree with him, I do. He didn't say it to hurt your feelings, he said to make you aware of the possibilitiy of getting hurt. Like another poster pointed out... HE IS NOT DOING IT TO BE A ****. I am going through my own funk right now and just be careful not to get your heart smashed again.

 

[DJorBUST]

Thanks for the replies so far. I've started talking to another cute girl on the side. I'm not nearly as crazy about her, but she would definitely be down for a more physical relationship than this girl would. I hope I can work both angles to temper my feelings for this girl.

I went out with her last night for some thai food and martinis and I had my arms around her the whole time and my hand rubbing her thigh as I was driving her home, but I don't think she was receptive at all to a kiss. I tried to come in for a kiss, but all I got was her cheek.

There's basically no way this girl is unaware of my intentions at this point. No "friend" would doing what I've been doing. It's just that getting this kiss is killing me.

I suppose she could just want me for the attention and she does this with all of her male friends as well. She's also quite religious and hasn't dated much in her life, so there's also this extreme shyness about her (shall we just call that immaturity?). In the meantime I'll see what's up with this other girl and try to distance myself...

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Well, its good that you are starting to give them the litmus test to check their interest, the kiss attempt. Usually turning away from a kiss = not enough interest, but you might want to give her one more chance, if she's not up to it, you can just move onto the next one.

 

[Master Bates]

Bite me...she's not a ***** like most of the women you've dated.

You mean you don't think she's f*cking other guys? Dude, don't go down that route. I learned it from personal experience. 3-4 years ago met this really cute girl in a class, she had a really sweet and quiet demeanor. We hung out for the first time after class and because she lived with her mom (she was 20) she picked her up and drove her home. "Gosh, what a sweet innocent girl. I doubt she ever haves sex." LOL, I was such a naive tard back then. A year or two later I'm still friends with her and she tells me she was dating three or four other guys when we'd met, one of whom is now her fiance, and f*cking at least half of them. By then I wasn't that surprised, as I'd come to learn she was a pretty sexually experienced and free girl, but I just imagine having learned that a month or two after I met her......it would have completely blown my perception of her out of the water.

Never judge a book by its cover. If this girl has only guy friends then it'd doubtful she's f*cking all of them....some girls just have lots of guy friends. But at least one of those guys is probably stuffin' her muffin. Girls are really damn good at hiding their sexual side and their sex life.

 

[Max Power]

There's basically no way this girl is unaware of my intentions at this point. No "friend" would doing what I've been doing. It's just that getting this kiss is killing me.

...

Good for you. You've taken an important step at gauging her interest level