What do I do about her not being fully over her last boyfriend?

[JCKey618]

This girl I'm dating. She really likes me. I know she does. She's said it herself and our usual friends have told me that she really likes me and talks about me.

Anyway, we;'ve been on two dates. Remember I was asking aboiut kissing on the first date? Well, on the second date, I didn't go in for the kiss, persay, but I was trying. You know, doing stuff like stroking her face and whispering close to her doing the movie.

Anyway, we spent the day together this past Saturday. At about 6 we met up with a usual friend of ours, Courtney (a guy, and he's more loyal to me then her so he tells me what she tellls him, but not vice versa), to go to a concert. Anyway, I'm thinking since I didn't go in for the kiss (kicking myself that i didn't really try), she might have lost interest. But she was still hugged up on me the rest of the night.

Anyway, Morgan and Courtney get off at the same Metro stop so they were together awhile after I left that night to go him. He told me later that she said she really likes me and that I had tried to kiss her (even though I never really 'tried' tried, just testing the waters, persay) and that she doesn't know if she wants to because she's still not completely over her last boyfriend and that when she kisses a new guy she thinks of him and doesn't want it to be like that with me. But she said when she's ready, she'll definately kiss me.

Anyway, she's coming to my prom this Friday. Imma stop 'trying' to kiss her and let her make the next move. Is there anything I can do to 'help' her get over her last boyfriend? They had been together for a while and have been broken up for about 2-3 months. I don't think she has any intention of going back with him because, in her words, "the boy is crazy and has serious problems."

Is there nothing I can do in this situation but wait it out and see what happens?

 

[JCKey618]

Any suggestions? Should I continue 'trying' to kiss her or not?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Think of past relationships as food in a refrigerator. As food spoils it should be discarded. Your situation however, your girl has chosen to keep her old food in the refrigerator. The first time you come over and grab a beer, you smell something peculiar; no big deal. The next time you definitely smell something and tell your girl. She tells you not to worry about it. The next time you grab a beer, you are knocked off your feet from the stench. Your girl says not to worry, she'll get around to cleaning out the fridge.

So there you are, the fridge smells and you can't do anything about it. So the question for you is how long can you hold your breath until your girl decides to clean things out?

 

[themanwithnoname]

You ask too many questions.

 

[Reed247]

do whatever

I used to date a girl (who fell in love with me)
and she used to talk about her "ex"who she missed so much. Just brush it off, don't take it personally. As a man you are not supposed to lose control. Figure the guy is a total loser anyway for leaving her.

 

[jprjrjr]

If a girl talks about an ex, NEXT!!!!!! It's disrespectful, and you're a punk if you put up with it.

 

[JCKey618]

^^^She didn't say it to me. She told my friend. She didn't mention her boyfriend around me unless we were talking about past relationships (cus she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend).

 

[jprjrjr]

I understand, just watch yourself. If she's talking that **** to her friends, it might mean trouble.

 

[libre]

Hello JcKey

Don't let it bother you. Up to now everything has been ok, asn't it? She's a young woman and does't know how to respond perfectly.

What she told your friend might be just an excuse that she let fly because she figured that he would tell you. This so that you can bear with her and be patient. She's like a deer to which you have to hold an apple without moving and apprehension so that she can gain confidence and approach you.

Make your moves slowly but without fear. It's ok, try again to kiss her but without forcing. She's choosing her moment to respond to you and accept the kiss. Don't make it a big wet kiss that she wont like. Let her respond progressively to you and to your kisses.

Don't grope at her at the moment or else you'll turn her off!

Her old boyfriend is an old and stale story don't fret about it.

I'm curious. How old are you and what part of the world are you from?

 

[JCKey618]

I live in Washington, DC. I'll be 18 in about 3 weeks and she's 9 months younger than me.

Also, I'm not sure how much I should be calling her during the week. Right now it's about none. But shouldn't I talk to her sometimes?

 

[libre]

Umm. I don't know if there is a perfect answer to that one.

For the moment, sure call her after a few days that you have seen her but make it short. She'll be happy and excited to see that you are interested with her and showing your interest.

I think you can call her once every few days but keep it relatively short, especially if you find that you are running out of talking material. You won't be able to hold a conversation with her like if you were her girlfriend. It will be awkward if you cannot have a long conversation with her and it will take the shine off you. She has girlfriends to which she will prefer to talk to.

She's reserving you for an eventual mate. You are not in her expectations for the same purpose as a friend to which she can talk all her soul. She's looking for a man, not a girlfriend to which she would want to talk to.

Don't expect to tell her everything about you. Keep a few personnal things to yourself, it will had to your sex appeal.

I suggest that you mostly try to plan fun activities with her. More than a conversation, that's what she will appreciate in you and with a man. These activites can be quite simple things like roller skating, having a picnic, going places like a natural parc, whatever.

Have fun with her and you'll have it made.

By the way, have you gotten your condoms yet?

 

[JCKey618]

Been had my condoms. She's a wait until married type grl. And I'm all for that. But i believe she's ok with oral sex.

Oh well, we'll see where the road leads.

 

[CLOONEY]

I think I remember this thread from before. Or maybe another one from JC?

Nyways, Libre is giving good advice. Take it slowly and plan action dates. Other examples are ten-pin bowling, iceskating, putt putt golf. Man, there are so many, and they will anchor you back to fun thoughts in her mind.

Dont talk about the ex, just pretend he doesnt exist. Make moves on her like she is totally single and interested in you. Like Libre said, dont let her know everything about you. Keep some things personal, and let her know. Iceskating is good, because it gives you the opportunity to hold hands with her and filrt with her, throw ice at her, chase her around etc.

Other than that, keep the conversations short and just muck around with her. Either way, make sure you find other girls also. This way she will not be the only one on your mind and accordingly you will act less interested in her, she will sense this. I find with girls like this, its all a power struggle for a while, then they will slowly fall for you. As for the kiss, Libre has already given good advice on that topic.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

All right, let's set a few things straight.

#1 - There is no such thing as "trying" to kiss a girl. Either you do, or you don't.

#2 - The "stroking the face" sh*t shows that you WANT to kiss her, but then you don't. That implies weakness.

#3 - She tells your friend that you "tried to kiss her". As we have already learned in our little journey of discovery here, there's no such thing as "trying to kiss" somebody. But what she's saying here is that she knows that you WANTED to (your intentions were obvious) but that you COULDN'T (because you were too meek to do it).

#4 - The behavior detailed in #3 does not compel a woman to want to rip off her clothes and bask in the warming glow of your c*ck.

#5 - Because you are so meek and afraid to kiss this girl, you will take ANY excuse to pretend like the ball is in her court and leave the burden of making the next move in her hands.

#6 - The fact that this girl thinks she might not be over her ex-boyfriend is not a compelling reason for you to p*ssy out and stop being a man.

#7 - The best way to convince this girl that he is the past and you are the present is to f*cking tell her so and then put your tongue in her mouth.

#8 - High School Forum.


EDIT:
Oh yeah, and here's a bonus for you... you know those girls that take those pledges saying they won't have premarital sex... that they'll wait until they're married and all that jazz? Wanna guess on the percentage of girls who actually follow through?

12%.

Think about that. (source)

 

[DJHoolahoop]

do your job and be a man... be the infamous DJ that everyone boasts about being or wanting to be on this forum. DO that and be COOL with whatever happens. you can't control what you can't control. don't worry about this boyfriend, the other people have the right idea. assume the guys a loser and be happy you have her, don't fear she'll go back to him. don't give her a reason to.

and if she does decide, then fine out of your hands and let her do that. better for her to do it sooner than later and have you totally heart broken. but if that happens be a DJ and don't go back to that, cuz if she does it once she can do it again.

key thing, be a man...

 

[JCKey618]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
All right, let's set a few things straight.

#1 - There is no such thing as "trying" to kiss a girl. Either you do, or you don't.

#2 - The "stroking the face" sh*t shows that you WANT to kiss her, but then you don't. That implies weakness.

#3 - She tells your friend that you "tried to kiss her". As we have already learned in our little journey of discovery here, there's no such thing as "trying to kiss" somebody. But what she's saying here is that she knows that you WANTED to (your intentions were obvious) but that you COULDN'T (because you were too meek to do it).

#4 - The behavior detailed in #3 does not compel a woman to want to rip off her clothes and bask in the warming glow of your c*ck.

#5 - Because you are so meek and afraid to kiss this girl, you will take ANY excuse to pretend like the ball is in her court and leave the burden of making the next move in her hands.

#6 - The fact that this girl thinks she might not be over her ex-boyfriend is not a compelling reason for you to p*ssy out and stop being a man.

#7 - The best way to convince this girl that he is the past and you are the present is to f*cking tell her so and then put your tongue in her mouth.

#8 - High School Forum.


EDIT:
Oh yeah, and here's a bonus for you... you know those girls that take those pledges saying they won't have premarital sex... that they'll wait until they're married and all that jazz? Wanna guess on the percentage of girls who actually follow through?

12%.

Think about that. (source)

Hey, what was I supposed to do? I not only stroked her face, but I tried the 'finger under chin' thing to lift her lips up to mine. I tried it gently to show what I was doing but she didn't budge (she was hugged up on my arm at the time). What was I supposed to do/ Force her face up and force a kiss on her?

You say there is no such thing as trying, but isn't it outlined in the DJ Bible how to see if a girl is willing to kiss or to get her ready for a kiss? What if that doesn't work?

So, how am I supposed to kiss her? The last three girls I messed with I kissed within like 3 hours of talking to them, so I know how. But this one is not ready, like she said.

I didn't mention this earlier, but she not only told my friend, but she had told me too. She left out the part about her boyfriend, but she told me after the movie that she noticed I ha tried to kiss her and that when she is ready, she definately will.

I can't force her, right? I mean, is it better to actually go in for the kiss forcefully and then get openly rejected?

 

[libre]

I agree with you JCKey. Don't force her. I think that you are doing the perfect moves with her.

This girl knows where you are standing and that is what she is seeking. She is not rejecting you, she is just finding her pace to join you. Keep up the good work and she'll gladly join you.

You are bearing just the right amount of «interest» and sexual pressure without being AFC as it's called on this site.

Don't muck it up by being the ignorant neanderthal.

In the mind of a young woman, the allure of men, their powerfull testosterrones, the mystery of sex needs to be tamed in her mind. She needs time to join you. Give her that time and let nature takes it's course.

I do agree with the gentleman that advises you to be sceptical with the pledges to stay a virgin until mariage. I's all baloney and even dangerous to me. Sex is extremely important in a relationship. Who wants to marry a woman without knowing if she is frigid? You'll have time to think about it.

What I suggest with that young woman is that you take your time with her, but do have sex with her when you are both ready. It might be in 3, 6 or even 9 months. But do it. That's what that young lady will want to if you give her time.

 

[MusicMan]

How can you be successful with ANY woman if you worry and/or doubt about your present/future actions, if you ALLOW her to lead the way (which she won't) in hopes that she knows what she's doing and everything'll turn out ok(which won't happen if you continue like this) instead of just stopping for a second and ask yourself "why am I being so clingy to the outcome of this whole situation" give yourself a break, and stop taking this whole goddamn matter so seriously. I don't know what this girl means to you, but if you don't take charge and create the DESIRE to kiss you within her you'll never get anywhere. I bet the whole world that if Brad Pitt showed up, she'd be drooling all over in desire for him. I'm saying this to show you that she not ready to be kissed by YOU because YOU created the circumstances for her to think so and NOT some stupid excuse (ex boyfriend) she made up to not hurt you (by the way you are lucky cuz few girls would really do this so you still have chances) and make you feel like a loser for hesitating, and its up to YOU and only you to turn things around and make the situations favorable for you and her as well. What will you do? Will you keep fooling yourself that it's actually HER problem? Pff

 

[Luscious]

I don't take on women with too much, if any baggage. You could say I'm very picky. If a woman talks about her ex once or twice, okay.

But if she's not over him, I make damn sure I'm seeing one of my other women on deck. I hedge my bets until I'm sure she's got all stuff together.

Women do take a long time to get over things like that, and it's okay. But while she gets over him, make sure you've got another woman ready to take her place. Kind of cold-hearted, but it works for me.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

In other words, you are a friend who takes her places.

I understand perfectly now.

Nobody said to "force her", but tou go ahead and keep "stroking her face" and being unsure of yourself and "waiting for her to make a move". And then don't come b*tching to me when another guy has his tongue down her throat.