What constitutes a sexual addiction?

[Iceberg]

The years I've spent on this site have treated me well. I'm confident, I'm successful in my career, and, yeah, I do well with women. And now I'm wondering if there's such a thing as doing too well.

Don't worry, it's not a stone-cold serious concern. I'm just doing a little mental/emotional maintenance.

So yesterday, I was recapping my dating life with an old friend (an ex-FWB, actually). And I was telling her how since moving to NYC, my sex life has accelerated a little faster than I expected. And I talked about how last Friday I banged a new girl for the first time, and then Saturday when I went to another plate's house, I've been dating this plate for 2 months, and she noticed glitter on my face (from Friday night's lay) and a girl's hair in my beard (also from Friday night's lay).

Now, whatever....I'm not exclusive with this girl. I don't feel bad for seeing other chicks. But damn, I've been in New York for 4 months, and I've banged 6 new girls. And this is aside from my old f**k buddies who I occasionally hook up with while visiting my hometown. I'm not knocking any girls up and I'm not catching any diseases. In fact, I'm not even leading these girls on to believe that our relationships are anything other than social/sexual. The girls are good-looking too. It's not like I'm settling for lower quality girls for the sake of getting my d!ck wet. But as I'm getting older, I wonder, is this too much? Sex has become more of a hobby than an emotional thing. I was just going over potential Friday night plans and thinking, "Hmmm. Don't feel like drinking. Bars are too crowded. Don't feel like sitting at home either. Maybe I should just call a girl for some sex."

Sure, it probably sounds like a cool lifestyle. I'm not complaining. But I'm just thinking...is this normal? I don't want to cross the line between "healthy red-blooded male" to "sex addict freak." Maybe the time and energy I expend on sex and these various plates could be dedicated to volunteering or training for a marathon, or something else. I'd even say, hey maybe I should settle down in some kind of "real" relationship. But as we all know, real relationships find us....We don't go out looking for them.

So the question is - is there such a thing as too many women, and too much sex? And how can you tell when you've gone too far?

 

[backbreaker]

i guess it's different for different people.

The more.. or the better i got with women, actually, the less i went out to night clubs. I had no need to. I could get my women from my normal everyday routine. I could go to barnes and noble and setup shop there and talk to afew girls there while there. The horse track was my personal playground for a good year. I did not have to depend on liquor and questionable behavior to get women interested.


that's pretty much how I am or was, well actually am still even with my wife. As I have stated.. we just don't fvck every night. not beucvase we couldn't, i'm just not wired like that. I never was. I am the type of person.. i set very defentive goals as far as what i want too do,a nd if i am not doing those i wil lget very depressed. I make time for women, or made time for women, but usuallyy no more than 2, 3 on a really slow week nights a week. I just can't fvck every night. nor can i entertain women every night. that's not a very fulfilling life. to me at least it's not.

for some guys it may be. more power to you. it's just not for me. To me, I"m more about quality than quanity. if i am single i would much rather have 2 very solid plates and a few girls I know who are interested if i am interested, then to be sinning 5 paltes. plates 3-5 are wasting my time. that's time i could be getting my piano practice in or going out of town or workign on my business, something more constructive. wich in turn, helps me solidify the first 2 plates.

for me it's not so much a status symbol to have 4-6 girls or what not, i just like to know that i fi have to i can and can quickly. to me, being a DJ is not necessarily fvcking 25 girls a year or more. to me it's having full control over your sex life and relationship life on your terms. what i mean by that is, do you do things because there are women there and youmight get lucky, are you letting the ocean currents that are women dicate how you live your life and what you do fo rfujn, or do you do what you want to do beucase you know that regardless of what you do and how you do it you can always talk to a woman. i could turn a girl down because i knew another would come along. and for me, when i was single 2 nights a week was about my max. usually one of them would just come and spend the night at my house as well so most of the time i had some type of female company but alot of times i did not and that's cool. i know if i wanted it all i had to do was make a phone call. that's what it's about.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Iceberg, the levels of pain you must be going through have to be immense! LOL, this is coming from myself, in a small town on a high plateau in wyoming son...

Listen to me man:

BE THANKFUL you are able to enjoy these diverse non-pressured relationships. Enjoy them now, because they may not last forever, and god knows what the future holds. If you meet a STELLAR woman amidst this than man you can make those decisions about commitment later on.

But coming form myself, in a very open place (its pretty here and stars are probably a lot brighter than NYC) enjoy the abundance around you!!!!

I'm in scarcity here man! Small towns!!! ahhh!

But so too the wise always say sex and women aren't the key to happiness! So maybe getting laid a lot won't bring you total fullfillment! That my man might have to be elsewhere, but at least enjoy the good things you've got!

 

[Greasy Pig]

I've often thought of this as well.
I think I'm "addicted" to the rush of new meetings.
You know, when the lust levels are high and you can't keep your hands off each other.
But then, when I feel things are getting in to too much of a routine, I bail and seek that "rush" of a new partner and the high sexual interest.

I'm damn sure it's cost me some good quality girls over the years and I feel I need to break this cycle or I'll never be satisfied with just one partner.

I guess it's not a really bad thing but I worry I'll forego a really quality woman one day because I almost "need" the thrill of that early relationship, let's-fvck-whenever-we-can lust.

 

[vatoloco]

So the question is - is there such a thing as too many women, and too much sex? And how can you tell when you've gone too far?

Before I give you my opinion, what is it that you want at this stage in your life?

 

[Iceberg]

Before I give you my opinion, what is it that you want at this stage in your life?

That's a good question.

As far as women go, I suppose I'm just playing the field until the right one comes along. I'll date a fair amount of girls, and keep them around until they're replaced by an upgrade. Or, depending on how I like the team I've built, I just might leave all of them and go on a 1 or 2 month hiatus from sex.

So...what do I want at this stage? I WANT a decent girl to get into a healthy relationship with. But i feel like that'll come on its own time. My problem with a lot of people's relationships is that they seem to settle down with anyone because it's the right time. I'm waiting for the right person. Not a time.

Does that make sense?

 

[vatoloco]

Does that make sense?

It does.

As far as women go, I suppose I'm just playing the field until the right one comes along. I'll date a fair amount of girls, and keep them around until they're replaced by an upgrade. Or, depending on how I like the team I've built, I just might leave all of them and go on a 1 or 2 month hiatus from sex.

This is something that I began to do a couple years back. I want to start my family in the next few years so I cut back on purpose my plate-spinning. Not only because I started worrying about unwanted pregnancies with the wrong girl (hey, condoms DO break from time to time) and the prospect of STDs (I don't wanna bring anything funky into my future household) but because it got the point where it was just that: meaningless sex with women who were not gonna amount to anything long-term.

I know it's counter-intuitive, but in my Life Experience, the more you look for something the more elusive it becomes so I just kinda laid back and let things take their course. Eventually I met a cute, young girl through my everyday bantering...

So...what do I want at this stage? I WANT a decent girl to get into a healthy relationship with. But i feel like that'll come on its own time. My problem with a lot of people's relationships is that they seem to settle down with anyone because it's the right time. I'm waiting for the right person. Not a time.

You also have to be realistic about your expectations, though. If people are looking for a polyglot, nymphomaniac HB10 who has Ph.D.s in Rocket Surgery and Brain Science, then fuck! They deserve to be Forever Alone.

Some of those relationships you have seen might have been "settling" but some of those might've been finding the right person for what they were looking for at the time.

My current girl and I have been pretty compatible so far and I do see myself with her long-term. She's not hot. But she is 100%-compatible with my Core Values (plus she passes the Boner Test with flying colors!)

She is a feminine woman who understands my role as the Man of the relationship.

 

[Jitterbug]

If you're chasing and/or having sex at a cost of time, finance and health that really should be invested elsewhere, you're addicted.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Jitterbug,
"If you're chasing and/or having sex at a cost of time, finance and health that really should be invested elsewhere, you're addicted."Well,everything comes at a cost and that is what Svex costs...As for addiction,surely there have to be changes in the brain for a true addiction to occur....I think Iceberg is pretty normal,his level of interest healthy....You cruise along like this for years,then one day you say enough is enough and make a complete change...not to say you wont revert to type later on....I am certainly not being conditioned by movies like "Shame" to think that leading anything other than a strictly monogamous lifestyle is somehow anti social and destructive...We must all follow our own Star.

 

[runner83]

Go do what YOU want to do with YOUR life.

 

[MatureDJ]

It seems that if you are a famous, high status man who is not content being in a monogamous marriage, and if married, fool around on your wife, you have a sexual addiction - e.g., Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen, etc.