"What brings me joy"...is this what "depression" feels like??

[squirrels]

New thread...to avoid derailing an old one...

You've lost all the joy in life. What brings you joy? It's not even about running a business. What would you enjoy doing? If nothing makes you happy, maybe you should try serving other people, do something to help others and see how that makes your feel. Or maybe you're depressed and need to sort it out. It just doesn't sound like a healthy mindset and your business at the moment should be figuring out if this mindset is normal and then doing something about it.

I started replying to this in another thread...but this is really a separate conversation.

Here's the thing...even the things that DO bring me joy, I have to DRAG myself up to them. I mentioned the rock-gym...my brother and I go twice a week. I love climbing. The problem is that mentally, before each climb, I feel this resistance to it. It normally feels like I'm "tired", like I just don't feel like climbing, but it's a mental thing. I don't want to do it. I have to literally summon up my will-power to strap on my shoes and stand up.

I'm fine once I get going...but everything that I LOVE doing, I find myself having to drag myself kicking and screaming through it, fighting my internal resistance to it. Every time I threw my leg over my motorcycle last year...EVERY TIME...I would have to sit for 15-20 minutes and "stretch" while my friends were chomping at the bit to roll out. Now granted, we always rode pretty "hard" and flexibility on the machine was crucial, but the truth was I was spending that time willing myself to ride. I would sign up for racetrack-days and spent every moment in the pits just DREADING the idea of getting out there and riding...as soon as I left the pit and got on the racetrack that faded away, possibly eclipsed by the adrenaline and the sensation of "being in the present", being able to focus my mind on the task at hand.

That focus is often wasted as well, though...I'll devote it to trivial endeavors, just to "set the wheels spinning" and distract myself from this feeling of mental "weight".

I wonder if other people have these problems. I used to always think it was a symptom of "overthinking"...I used to be able to kill it off with a couple of drinks. That's how I managed to shut it out in my pursuit of women. Even that doesn't work any more, though. Even when my body gets "turned on", my mind is somewhere off in left-field somewhere. I can't seem to recruit it for the task of seduction like I used to...it's just not into it. F**king feels like masturbation to me...and when I'm done I feel like I've accomplished nothing.

I have some ribeye steaks in the fridge right now thawed and ready to grill. GOOD stuff...I've been looking forward to them all day. And now I'm sitting here trying to will myself to get out of this chair to cook them, despite the fact that I have JACK else to do.

I can barely even make it through a full 8-hour day at work any more...I just want to hurry up and get out so I can have my time back...which I usually spend napping.

I used to think there was a REASON I felt like this, that once I "worked it out" I would feel better. But you guys see it...I've been all gloomy for like the last year or two. Haven't always been like that. But somewhere along the line I just lost faith in myself and in everyone else. I attribute it to the overall insignificance and short-sightedness of humanity as a species, as well as an obsession with considering my own mortality, with looking at things in full view of the "death clock" ticking away until I'm no longer here and anything I do is meaningless anyway. With that over you, what point IS there in anything? Like I said, I see too far. Even if you look at it religiously and there IS a heaven, all from this realm is lost. People talk about community service and things like that...if I can't do for myself, what makes doing for others any better? We all die eventually.

Is this what "depression" feels like? Should I REALLY be considering some kind of treatment? I actually had a scrip for Lexapro filled back in the day, but stopped taking it because I didn't want to be "dependent" on a pill, or to just have somethng make me "happier" if the dark mentality was actually trying to TELL me something.

Just...when I start having thoughts like, "Except for the attachment to one's ego, living and dying are equally attractive options"...is that deep and insightful, or delusional?

I feel like I'm a failure. And I feel like everyone else is too...they may accomplish more or less in life but in the end we're all failures. I'm ashamed of being human...and feel like anyone who isn't, just isn't paying enough attention. Maybe they're not smart enough to consider it in that light...or maybe they're ignoring it on purpose, because the truth makes the endeavors that they hold precious into fools' quests.

The song, "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas...makes me want to paint the walls with my brain sometimes. It makes me want to stop pretending life is "special" or worth hanging onto.

I dunno...have any of you guys ever dealt with "depression"? Is this what it feels like? I mean, I'm not catatonic or anything...I can still enjoy myself on a weekend with friends or find something fun and adventurous to do...but only so long as I can stop myself from asking the question, "why?".

That one question just seems to destroy my motivation for everything.

 

[squirrels]

http://intjforum.com/showthread.php?t=13728

This thread touches on it.

I'm wondering if even medication or therapy would make a difference...the thoughts themselves are the "problems", yet I have trouble denying them. They make so much "sense".

 

[romangod]

"Why?" doesn't matter. Life is what it is and the choice is yours as to how you approach it. It seems like you expect more without realizing that simple pleasures are the best.


Are you depressed? I think you might be. Napping and sleeping a lot are symptoms of depression.

I think you expected more out of life and have become disillusioned by the reality. In many ways it does suck. Yet, there are as many moments that make life worth living. Cherish and reflect on those moments and forget about "why". It does no good.


Cheers!

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Squirrels,
All perfectly normal,I have found by giving a fittening score in weighted points to all my activities,even svx and putting these down on an A3 sheet,every Day...It gives me an incentive to improve my fitness...keep a check here every month on weight and waist size....the best thing is to have a variety of exercise mediums...My main ones are free weights an Exercise Machine and cables....together with Bike,Canoe chin up bar and Butterfly and sit up Benches....So when you get lethargic,make sure you are not low on food,then go and pick up your cables do a few simple exercise,it will give you points,doing this will kick start your metabolism...Having some type of exercise medium in your bedroom,lounge and Garage is also an incentive,watching TV video or learning a language on your tape recorder also makes it pleasent.A dog makes you walk,dancing of course goes without saying.

 

[speed dawg]

Moved this from the other thread:

Squirrels you sound just like my ass, man. Actually nice someone else sees things the same way I do.

Not wanting to make a real long post here, but I truly have not found what I want. I know I like physical activity, but a back injury prevents intense training. I know I'm TRYING to like my career and work hard, but I really don't fvcking care in the end. It's just a way to make money.

My kid excites me. But I want to be the type of father she can look up to.

I think it really is about finding something to make you happy. That's the hard part. I really don't have the answer at this time. I know I enjoy deeper things than the average person. Big time introvert.

 

[Warrior74]

I would sign up for racetrack-days and spent every moment in the pits just DREADING the idea of getting out there and riding...as soon as I left the pit and got on the racetrack that faded away, possibly eclipsed by the adrenaline and the sensation of "being in the present", being able to focus my mind on the task at hand.

"being in the present", the questions..where are you the rest of the time? Dreading implies what? (worry, why are you worried?)

Most days where's your head? In the last hour have you been in the past, present or future? Where is most of your time spent mentally?

 

[Razor Sharp]

You are definitely depressed to the point where most would recommend you see a professional: http://goo.gl/0EmV

But I didn't come here to judge you. It's normal to be tortured by the mystery/uncertainty of this life sometimes. I too was once plagued by the WHY's and while I don't have your answers, I can give you a bit of insight as to how I made peace with these questions.

First let's talk about futility, which seems to be the undercurrent of your thought process. By your own logic, you should stop eating, sleeping and breathing right now. Why feast if you will just face hunger again? Why rest when you will only tire? Why take in oxygen if all you are gonna do is spew CO2? The problem here is that you are myopically looking at the means and not the ends of living.

In my younger days I went through a similar phase. Negative thoughts ruled me with an iron fist. I thought I had a handle on things, but in truth my mind was like a caged tiger pacing in a dark cell and feasting on my psyche. Then one day I died. Not in the figurative sense, I was clinically DEAD for a total of 5 minutes.

Razor, meet Death. Death, Razor

It was a 10-car pile-up on an icy road. My brakes weren't doing squat, and by the time I collided with the cars in front of me, two more sandwiched from the back, my car was totaled and my head smashed into the wheel, fracturing my skull. It happened so fast I didn't feel anything. I could hear distant noises - flashes of my environment. Ambulances, the hospital.. but reality was a dream and I was waking up from it. I saw the light everyone sees and rushed towards it.

When I got there I experienced the greatest euphoria I've ever known. Every fiber of my being relaxed, suffering was a distant memory and I felt connected to every atom, cell, being, planet and star in the universe. It was incredible! Was half-expecting St. Peter to show up, but instead I saw my grandpa's brother, the only positive male role model I had growing up.

He said "Razor, I know how great it feels to finally arrive home. But we need you to go back - your work is not done my boy." I had so many questions! He told me that life was cyclical, and reincarnation was not just a suspicion, it was fact. He was about to begin a new life himself but was waiting for me because these events were foretold and apparently he was the only one who could talk me out of dying. There was a lot more to this conversation but I will move on because there aren't enough hours in the day to describe the whole thing.

A Second Chance

So I was sent back to my wrecked body and woke up. LOL, I scared the SH*T out of the doctor who was filing the details of my death. Was not grateful to be alive though. There was excruciating pain, and I'd just come from a place of pure bliss. For months I endured the most harrowing depression of my life. Due to my injuries I could not work or do any of the things I enjoyed. But even when I got better those things lost their luster. I contemplated suicide more than once. Bought a handgun, but could not go through with it. I just kept hearing my hero's voice in my head - he said it was URGENT that I continue my mission, a lot of people were depending on me.

The idea of reincarnation did not comfort me at all. Took the wind right out of my sails. There was no incentive for me to push forward, I had resigned myself to a life of quiet, pointless desperation. But then fate stepped in.

A Third Chance

A good friend of mine was laidover at the airport and begged me to stand in for him at a BBBS event (http://www.bbbs.org/). I was hooked instantly and befriended his "little brother", this dorky kid named Carl - a prodigy of sorts, way more advanced than his peers, which is why he was ostracized. He resented his intelligence at times, often wishing he could be dumb like the other kids. At one point he was really convinced he should drop out of school. He asked me what the point was.. why should he bother when he really didn't care about the outcome? My initial thought was "kid, you are askin the WRONG dude, lol" But then it hit me like a pile of bricks. I knew exactly what to tell him, but the message was also for myself.

Enlightenment

Life is a classroom for the soul. We are the eyes and ears of something much larger than ourselves (call it god/the universe/consciousness/etc) gathering experiences, emotions and lessons. It is a finite game which seems rather pointless until you think outside your box of points and realize that the true purpose of our existence is nothing more than the EXPERIENCE of it. These experiences are etched on our DNA, and the energetic pattern we call a soul.

We were not put here to achieve riches, wealth, status or any of that nonsense. All we need to do is learn, grow and EVOLVE to fulfill our intended role. The time between lives is nothing to fear, in fact the world beyond this one is so beautiful and real it makes this one seem like a dim shadow. When we die, we have the voluntary choice to remember or forget our past lives. Most opt to forget because they are no longer tied to their egos. The world beyond has cleansed them of all suffering/attachment and your previous life feels like a bad dream you don't really care to remember. I was only gone for a few minutes and was so ready to forget!

I know all this sounds like crazy mumbo jumbo, but it was my firsthand experience. I've become a helluva lot more perceptive since my brush with death and am gonna go out on a limb with a few assumptions here in the hopes that I can "reach" you.

Portrait of a Squirrel

He's a lone wolf. No problem making friends and being sociable, but lives very much in his own space. He's a smart dude. So smart in fact that his intelligence and introspection isolates him from making authentic connections. He wants to believe in his fellow man, but far too many of them are either too self-absorbed, typical or stupid to inspire any desire to relate with. He can feel the same level of connection to them as one may feel for a pet. There can be some fun and even affection, but no true friendship, not in the complexly human sense.

He lives in some backwater town in between the middle of two nowheres. People around him will probably live their whole lives there without setting foot across the county border. Complacency is the order of the day. The winters are brutal, only heaping more depression on an already heavy load. But that coldness has got nothing on the icy mass of his heart. He's given up, because trying has gotten him nowhere. Getting what he wants is a double-edged sword which he will fall on repeatedly, in the vain hopes that the piercing sensation would make him feel something. The numbness isolates him further from his fellow humans - he feels like another species. Not of this world, but tied to it nonetheless - someone's idea of a cruel joke.

Despite the bleak picture, the solution to his problems are rather simple.

1. Get the f*ck out of West Bumblef*ck. A great portion of this suffering and disconnect comes from being somewhere you do not belong. Throw caution and convention to the wind and befriend the road. It is one of the things that saved my life! And don't give me that BS about financial crisis. If I could hit the road at the age of 20 with literally nothing in my pocket, surely you can do it too. The hardest part, as you said, is summoning the will to do it.

2. Gather different perspectives. Mingle with all sorts of people who will destroy the mold of what you consider humanity. Soak up the variety of your travels and leave your judgements/preconceptions at the door. This will open new worlds for you and restore hope/faith in your fellow man.

3. Take root. Find a place that truly suits your intellect, temperament and lifestyle and make it your home. Breathe deeply the air of your newfound freedom and sense of belonging. Make real connections with people.. blood is not thicker than water so build your own family and keep them close. Hide nothing from your inner circle - we all need to purge our thoughts/insights/emotions as much as we need to exhale or crap. It's necessary!

4. Help other people, because it is a way of indirectly helping yourself. Nothing will fill you with a greater sense of satisfaction or purpose than extending your hand to someone who needs it. I am making an example of this with my post here. I rarely visit the forum these days as I've got my hand in a million pots, but to help a brother out, I made a sacrifice of my most valuable commodity... time. I still volunteer at BBBS and in the winter months I do food runs for the elderly. It's not a totally selfless act so don't call me a hero. I do it because it makes me feel really f*cking good about myself. At least in this case my selfishness is making a positive impact. Everyone wins.

I urge you to watch this video. If you feel no emotion from this. If it does not stir anything in your heart, then you should seek immediate professional help from a therapist: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-J5p9Zzc-4

I hope you find your way dude. Despite what you believe you have a lot to offer the world. It's just a matter of how you see things.

Good luck to you my virtual friend. Know that I love you like a brother even though we never met. Your words often resonate with me on levels people close to me would never understand. Regardless of what you may choose to believe, you are not alone. We are all intimitely connected in ways you will not fathom until you leave this world behind like the crumpled, faded dream that it is.

 

[Boilermaker]

squirrels; your extreme intelligence and literary power might be eclipsing it, but maybe you are a little depressed?

And what is scary is what you argue makes a lot of sense. There's probably no meaning in any of this, "life" is just a big coincidence and we humans are "chemical scum" as S. Hawking puts it.

Would you like an appointment with my brother who is a psychiatrist in University of Maryland? He would at least listen to you and talk to you before scribbling a prescription.

 

[backbreaker]

squirrlls, you are extremely intelligent. that's not something I tell everyone. But you seriously might need clinical help. I used to hate when I was in AA and stuff and everyone used to make excuses to why they used "oh im' manic depressive" and "oh I am bipolar see i have 10 pills i have to take a day" but every once in a while someone just jumps out you and you say wow.. i think that person needs help. I really think you don't tick right.
NO one ticks "right" but some are more manageable than others. I have myu issues but I can deal with them. your depression is keeping you from living a regular life.

 

[Bible_Belt]

the question, "why?".

That one question just seems to destroy my motivation for everything.

It's because you haven't answered it yet. Every philosophy and every religion have their own answer. Maybe there are as many answers as there are people. My advice would be to eat some mushrooms and think about it. And stay away from guns.

 

[C-quenced]

New thread...to avoid derailing an old one...



I started replying to this in another thread...but this is really a separate conversation.

Here's the thing...even the things that DO bring me joy, I have to DRAG myself up to them. I mentioned the rock-gym...my brother and I go twice a week. I love climbing. The problem is that mentally, before each climb, I feel this resistance to it. It normally feels like I'm "tired", like I just don't feel like climbing, but it's a mental thing. I don't want to do it. I have to literally summon up my will-power to strap on my shoes and stand up.

I'm fine once I get going...but everything that I LOVE doing, I find myself having to drag myself kicking and screaming through it, fighting my internal resistance to it. Every time I threw my leg over my motorcycle last year...EVERY TIME...I would have to sit for 15-20 minutes and "stretch" while my friends were chomping at the bit to roll out. Now granted, we always rode pretty "hard" and flexibility on the machine was crucial, but the truth was I was spending that time willing myself to ride. I would sign up for racetrack-days and spent every moment in the pits just DREADING the idea of getting out there and riding...as soon as I left the pit and got on the racetrack that faded away, possibly eclipsed by the adrenaline and the sensation of "being in the present", being able to focus my mind on the task at hand.

That focus is often wasted as well, though...I'll devote it to trivial endeavors, just to "set the wheels spinning" and distract myself from this feeling of mental "weight".

I wonder if other people have these problems. I used to always think it was a symptom of "overthinking"...I used to be able to kill it off with a couple of drinks. That's how I managed to shut it out in my pursuit of women. Even that doesn't work any more, though. Even when my body gets "turned on", my mind is somewhere off in left-field somewhere. I can't seem to recruit it for the task of seduction like I used to...it's just not into it. F**king feels like masturbation to me...and when I'm done I feel like I've accomplished nothing.

I have some ribeye steaks in the fridge right now thawed and ready to grill. GOOD stuff...I've been looking forward to them all day. And now I'm sitting here trying to will myself to get out of this chair to cook them, despite the fact that I have JACK else to do.

I can barely even make it through a full 8-hour day at work any more...I just want to hurry up and get out so I can have my time back...which I usually spend napping.

I used to think there was a REASON I felt like this, that once I "worked it out" I would feel better. But you guys see it...I've been all gloomy for like the last year or two. Haven't always been like that. But somewhere along the line I just lost faith in myself and in everyone else. I attribute it to the overall insignificance and short-sightedness of humanity as a species, as well as an obsession with considering my own mortality, with looking at things in full view of the "death clock" ticking away until I'm no longer here and anything I do is meaningless anyway. With that over you, what point IS there in anything? Like I said, I see too far. Even if you look at it religiously and there IS a heaven, all from this realm is lost. People talk about community service and things like that...if I can't do for myself, what makes doing for others any better? We all die eventually.

Is this what "depression" feels like? Should I REALLY be considering some kind of treatment? I actually had a scrip for Lexapro filled back in the day, but stopped taking it because I didn't want to be "dependent" on a pill, or to just have somethng make me "happier" if the dark mentality was actually trying to TELL me something.

Just...when I start having thoughts like, "Except for the attachment to one's ego, living and dying are equally attractive options"...is that deep and insightful, or delusional?

I feel like I'm a failure. And I feel like everyone else is too...they may accomplish more or less in life but in the end we're all failures. I'm ashamed of being human...and feel like anyone who isn't, just isn't paying enough attention. Maybe they're not smart enough to consider it in that light...or maybe they're ignoring it on purpose, because the truth makes the endeavors that they hold precious into fools' quests.

The song, "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas...makes me want to paint the walls with my brain sometimes. It makes me want to stop pretending life is "special" or worth hanging onto.

I dunno...have any of you guys ever dealt with "depression"? Is this what it feels like? I mean, I'm not catatonic or anything...I can still enjoy myself on a weekend with friends or find something fun and adventurous to do...but only so long as I can stop myself from asking the question, "why?".

That one question just seems to destroy my motivation for everything.

Welcome to my world. I been exactly how you described for the past 7 years or so. I thought it was only a phase and was prescribed lexapro as well (which really didn't help). Hopefully you won't have to endure this for as long as I have. I'm surprised you found the energy and motivation to post something of the sort.

 

[C-quenced]

It's because you haven't answered it yet. Every philosophy and every religion have their own answer. Maybe there are as many answers as there are people. My advice would be to eat some mushrooms and think about it. And stay away from guns.

Maybe not trying to find an answer is the key. Humans are the only species able to question their own existence and drive themselves nuts in trying to find an answer to something which they will never have. I don't think religion or even science would ever be able to provide the real answer. To know everything is just not humanly possible. Maybe some of us just need to shut off thoughts and the negative emotions that may follow.

 

[squirrels]

Would you like an appointment with my brother who is a psychiatrist in University of Maryland? He would at least listen to you and talk to you before scribbling a prescription.

It's an interesting offer, but lately the state of MD seems more interested in persecuting the mentally ill than helping them. (long story)

I'll let you know.

 

[Die Hard]

One or both of your parents f*cked you up. Either by consistently being too controlling and therefor smothering your own free will, or by consistently withholding their love (at all, or only giving it when you jumped through their hoops).

Too bad you won't do anything with my advice, but I felt the obligation to tell you this anyway.

 

[The_411]

squirrels,

I suffer from the same type of lack of motivation and for years I rebuffed meds because I hate them. However, since I started meds for ADD I have energy and willpower. I still struggle from time to time and still massively overthink things in lieu of acting but it's nowhere near as bad as it was. Go see a shrink find out what's going on and get some meds. I'm not a big on the pill popping routine but it's actually nice to be able to do stuff and not sit around and not enjoy life.

 

[DanelMadr]

Squirrels,

as much as I hate new age spiritual teachings, you have to read The Power of Now by Eckhrat Tolle. That guy, besides his hippie attitude, is spot on, at least from my experience. And his understanding of Buddha and Jesus make sense to me...finally.
Actually, it is not another BS cult or set of believes or psycho self esteem bubble. There are no answers, unless you know it already, thanks to suffering enough, I guess.

And you my friend, looks like you are on the brink, for a long time.

Short version...your ego is f@king you up. There is no point in future that will make you happy and now, you feel it and it makes you depressed. But guess what...there is NO f@cking happy moment waiting for you somewhere, over there. Your all being is a happy moment, once you get rid of that stupid ego and it's fears, traumas, pain, expectations, you name it.

Take a deep breath, relax, laugh at yourself and YES...do not think too much, don't be a fool. 99% of your thoughts are worthless anyway....regrets, fears.

 

[Colossus]

I dunno...have any of you guys ever dealt with "depression"? Is this what it feels like? I mean, I'm not catatonic or anything...I can still enjoy myself on a weekend with friends or find something fun and adventurous to do...but only so long as I can stop myself from asking the question, "why?"

Yo Squirrels-

To answer your question, YES. You probably remember a thread I had a couple months ago on this very same topic. I've moved onto a brighter outlook, and I think you will too. The problem is---in my opinion---is that your life is STALE. Your perspectives are stale and festering, your social circle is sub-optimal and predictable, and you've become somewhat of a solipsist; only existing for and within yourself. This is not to condemn you---I too have been guilty of dwelling only in my own mind. We arent the first people to feel this way either--not by a long shot. You remind me of Solomon, in his book Ecclesiastes...echoing the same sentiments some several thousand years ago.

How did I pull out of it? Well---time, working through a lot of my ROOT issues with a counselor, and not long after that I met someone from the same planet as me, lol. All of these were equally important, but I couldnt have one without the other. If you want to talk to a awesome male counselor who has a ton of experience and compassion and wont bullsh!t you, send me a PM.

Also Razor had an outstanding post and I recommend you take that to heart. Watch that video too.

 

[BDude004]

Razor Sharp +1!

Your reply reminds me of a book called "The Holographic Universe" by Michael Talbot. It can be kinda dry (starts out with physics, then moves to religion, then everything else), but if you haven't already read it (you've got the mindset of somebody who has), i think you would enjoy it immensly.

 

[parrot84]

"Why?" doesn't matter. Life is what it is and the choice is yours as to how you approach it. It seems like you expect more without realizing that simple pleasures are the best.


Are you depressed? I think you might be. Napping and sleeping a lot are symptoms of depression.

I think you expected more out of life and have become disillusioned by the reality. In many ways it does suck. Yet, there are as many moments that make life worth living. Cherish and reflect on those moments and forget about "why". It does no good.


Cheers!

Hello, I identify with the guy that wrote the post. Even though i enjoy riding my motorcycle like hell, i find very few activities give me this kind of joy. I work my ass, i climb, i do long walks, i read, but it's if like I'm pushed from behind by some evil emotion that stalks me and wraps my mind if i don't distract myself with the above activities. A feel like being tired. I know it may be a small form of depression but how would therapy help you with your most inner problems? These are deep rooted wounds that, most than likely, can't be healed by medication or some anonymous therapist.

I've had a long history of bad women. All sluts, wh0res that dumped me, or cute chunky chicks that i hardly find attractive and never want to have sex with. And what do i see around me? All jerks, freaks, animals with no empathy towards no one get all the cute, beautiful and sexy girls. Nice planet! Got to love it ! The jerks are sick all right! But what about these *****es? Aren't they sicker ?

I know the cause of all the above sufferings: It's the psychology of women. I can't get over the fact that sexy women that are worth banging always go for the Bad Boys. It is a sick world and this makes me depressed ! It's like there is nothing nobble to fight for anymore ! And it's all for the worse with the economy now heading down hill.

Yeah Leykis101, but for what? What's the point?!

 

[iqqi]

Awesome reply, Razorsharp, but now I am beginning to think you are making everything up that you post.

You save some kid from being beat up by their dad, and possibly change him from being a wife abuser.

You almost nailed Natalie P.

And now you have been to the other side of death.

Etc, etc.

I don't know about you!

PS, squirrels, you sound like the male version of me SOOOO much, except I have a little bit more of a sunny outlook than you.