What are your boundaries?

[L16]

What are some of your boundaries when it comes to dating women?

What are the ones you're willing to say hey that's not ok (or what do you say/do?) and what are the ones where you do not communicate with them and it's just over for you?

 

[fastlife]

I think the idea of "boundaries" can lead to a slippery slope, full of control and paranoia and premature rejection on one end of the spectrum and compromising self-respect and self doubt on the other. I keep it really simple and it's not something I ever really overtly communicate and it's this: If someone or something adds to my happiness, they're welcome to be a part of my life. If, at any point, they detract from my happiness, then best wishes!

I'm not interested in trying to change anybody or monitor anyone's behavior, and there's too many people out there to get caught up on someone where you have to worry about stuff like that. I don't really do monogamy, so it might make that easier in practice. But the only women worth having in your life are ones that respect you, and if they respect you then you don't have to worry about boundaries. They will be actively trying to add to your happiness and won't do things to fvck things up.

 

[L16]

I think the idea of "boundaries" can lead to a slippery slope, full of control and paranoia and premature rejection on one end of the spectrum and compromising self-respect and self doubt on the other. I keep it really simple and it's not something I ever really overtly communicate and it's this: If someone or something adds to my happiness, they're welcome to be a part of my life. If, at any point, they detract from my happiness, then best wishes!

I'm not interested in trying to change anybody or monitor anyone's behavior, and there's too many people out there to get caught up on someone where you have to worry about stuff like that. I don't really do monogamy, so it might make that easier in practice. But the only women worth having in your life are ones that respect you, and if they respect you then you don't have to worry about boundaries. They will be actively trying to add to your happiness and won't do things to fvck things up.

I think what you're saying is a big reason I'm asking. How does one walk that fine line?

99% of the time she's making you happy but then you see she responded to a former fling on Instagram or is posting thirst trap pictures on social media or they tell some little white lie but correct themselves - where is that line? I guess in my mind right now, most things fall under the "communicate category" where I'd say hey I don't like that, I don't appreciate that, whatever. If they care enough about you, and it's not some core value or belief of theirs, they'll be considerate of how that thing makes you feel and not do it. If it's something like a big lie or cheating or stealing or talking to guys behind your back then I think those larger ones fall under the "no time for conversation, you're out" category.

Maybe some things fall under the idea of if I were more secure or w/e then it wouldn't bother me or maybe those are things that even the most secure and confident guys don't tolerate. So tryna figure it all out

But maybe I'm wrong. Which is why I'm here

 

[fastlife]

Gotcha. So if you're not exclusive, something like that just doesn't matter. But if you were and she does something you don't like, you could just say, "Hey, no hard feelings. But I'm not interested in dating a girl who's friends with her exes." Or whatever the case may be.

But then it's also a matter of really sitting down with yourself and asking yourself: "Why does this bother me? Is this really something I care about?" Ideally, for me anyway, I wouldn't be checking up on her social media in the first place because I'd have more important things going on and I'd know that I could meet another girl if she cheated or whatever, so I'm not stressing it. But if stuff like that is an issue for you, then you should be vetting for girls who don't do that sort of thing before you commit to them monogamously. Because if she's friends with her exes or posting thirst trap pictures before you meet her, then it's only a matter of time before those behaviors surface again.

 

[Alvafe]

boundaries are thing you keep as a way to keep your self respect, you don't need to overt say then, you just replace when they are meet, like friends with exes, I will not tell her she would stop, that would only mean she will try to hide it, the moment she did though I would leave, same with tatoos and piercing in place other then her ear, is all nice and dandy to play with then, but I don't see me taking then serious, same with single mothers


also note this discussion is done several times already over the years, hell had a time it was every week a new post about this topic, there is nothing much to add

 

[GT40]

No co dependency. Don’t be needy. Oral sex
Is a must. Don’t Nag. Pull your
Own weight. Have a good job. Look after herself and look good