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What are the best concepts to understand for finding compatible romantic partner?

rocco

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What are the best concepts to understand for finding compatible romantic partner? Attachment theory? Love languages? Enneagram? What about the relationship stages to happy marriage (romance stage, power struggle stage, mature stage)? Where can I learn more about them? What are your experience with them and others? I'd like to learn more.
 

Slowhandluke

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I like the Myers Briggs theory. At the end of the day, it's about the sparks. Also, the girl must understand relationships take work and they will find their husbands unattractive every now and then. If they can't understand this (even though they say they do, but their actions suggest otherwise), then it's going to end up in divorce. In other words, if they jump from relationship to relationship; that's a bad sign. I think most men understand this.. most men understand that women will lose their looks.

Another element is that the woman comes from an intact family -- their parents are still together. If their parents are divorced and the woman is "happy" about it, that's bad sign especially if their parents divorced for stupid reasons like "oh, they just fell out of love". If the woman is unhappy about it, (since they see the negative repercussion), that's a good sign.


I think the biggest thing, is how serious they take the institution of marriage. Is it for the wedding (cake, attention, etc.. etc..) -- that's a bad sign. Is it for the commitment? That's a good sign. There have been studies that suggest, the bigger the wedding, the higher the chances of divorce.
 

Black Widow Void

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I suspect that everyone has a different interpretation of compatibility. What I mean is… what may be compatible to you with a female may not necessarily be the same female attributes that I’d find compatible.

I’m not sure if this would be helpful to you or any of the members, but I’ll share my pre-girlfriend screening test.

I arrange a situation where she is not only driving, but also driving in some rush-hour traffic. How she drives in general, Will reveal a lot about her personality. Also how she reacts during rush-hour traffic, will reveal a lot about her demeanor.

Anytime I see someone who’s been married more than 15 years, I always say “what’s your secret ingredient?” The responder is always happy to share because it makes them feel good and recognized.

The best answer I believe that I have received is be sure your spouse shares your values. After thinking about it, some of my best relationships were a result of having similar values and morals.
 

Bigpapa

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What are the best concepts to understand for finding compatible romantic partner? Attachment theory? Love languages? Enneagram? What about the relationship stages to happy marriage (romance stage, power struggle stage, mature stage)? Where can I learn more about them? What are your experience with them and others? I'd like to learn more.
mainly it is about having a shared objective , and both of you working towards that

also another thing is about dividing chores by sphere . Like day to day housing is done from A to Z mainly about one of you , while for example going to the supermarket is both of you where you will support her for example by being the one who pushes cart or moving the heavy object from the car to the house
 

Slowhandluke

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The best answer I believe that I have received is be sure your spouse shares your values. After thinking about it, some of my best relationships were a result of having similar values and morals.
I've known a lot of couples that broke up. A lot of them that married usually had similar values and morals; similar backgrounds (same college, had the same friends, same ethnicity, religion, etc.) To get to the point of marriage in the first place, for the majority of people, they were similar -- even with respect to attractiveness and facial features.

There was one feature that I notice 90% of the time when the marriage did not work, the woman thought that the "relationship got stale", "there was no spark", etc. They could be 99% compatible with respect to values and morals; but if one of the person in the marriage didn't respect the vows.. didn't respect the institution of marriage; they would get divorced.

People say a lot of things, but it's their actions that count. People say they will "stick it out through sickness and health; through wealth and poverty"... but a lot of times those that get divorce don't really understands what that entails. They don't fight for their marriages.

Perhaps it's my social circle (I'm middle class to upper middle class; everyone of my friends have a degree from a reputable college), this has been the case for most of the divorces I see. On paper, almost every divorce shouldn't happen because they matched so perfectly.

Next person I marry (if I marry), must understand the fact that relationships are hard, you gotta fight for it or else it wouldn't work regardless how "compatible" the relationship seems.

ps. One of my good friend's advice who has a loving marriage told me they agreed to have sex on a certain day REGARDLESS how each other felt. Even if they we tired because of work... just didn't feel like it... or etc... etc.. They had sex. I think he said their day was on a saturday. They are still in love with each other for the past 10 years.. .So yeah, next girl I meet, that's going to be on the agenda. Trust me, as a guy there will be times you don't want to do it, but according to my friend, you just have to. I think it makes sense.
 
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balder

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For me the test is being able to have conversations about something and not having it feel forced or contrived. Not feeling exhausted by our interaction, but rather energized and excited and looking forward to engaging them again. Feeling like they're a best friend/teammate first is important. I learn from, but don't limit myself to, any theory. The interaction is the real test.
 

svencandy

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I've known a lot of couples that broke up. A lot of them that married usually had similar values and morals; similar backgrounds (same college, had the same friends, same ethnicity, religion, etc.) To get to the point of marriage in the first place, for the majority of people, they were similar -- even with respect to attractiveness and facial features.

There was one feature that I notice 90% of the time when the marriage did not work, the woman thought that the "relationship got stale", "there was no spark", etc. They could be 99% compatible with respect to values and morals; but if one of the person in the marriage didn't respect the vows.. didn't respect the institution of marriage; they would get divorced.

People say a lot of things, but it's their actions that count. People say they will "stick it out through sickness and health; through wealth and poverty"... but a lot of times those that get divorce don't really understands what that entails. They don't fight for their marriages.

Perhaps it's my social circle (I'm middle class to upper middle class; everyone of my friends have a degree from a reputable college), this has been the case for most of the divorces I see. On paper, almost every divorce shouldn't happen because they matched so perfectly.

Next person I marry (if I marry), must understand the fact that relationships are hard, you gotta fight for it or else it wouldn't work regardless how "compatible" the relationship seems.

ps. One of my good friend's advice who has a loving marriage told me they agreed to have sex on a certain day REGARDLESS how each other felt. Even if they we tired because of work... just didn't feel like it... or etc... etc.. They had sex. I think he said their day was on a saturday. They are still in love with each other for the past 10 years.. .So yeah, next girl I meet, that's going to be on the agenda. Trust me, as a guy there will be times you don't want to do it, but according to my friend, you just have to. I think it makes sense.
All well and good.
But if she was seductive and dressed hot everyday like she used to in her 20s you'd wanna **** everyday.
I work in the city and I'm raging horny until I meet up with my girlfriend in her "proper work clothes" and she bitches about work all day.

When I first met her she'd come home in a tiny dress and high heels and we'd **** before dinner, after dinner, in the shower and before going to sleep.

Now she doesn't give a ****. But when she gets single again, she will do the same.

Diminishing returns. I wish it wasn't. But now I've seen it with my own eyes, happy to use my experience and enjoy the good times whilst they last and move on.

Eventually I guess you'll settle down. And deal with it for love. Whatever that is. But time for kids is 16-23, that's why you have benders and $hit , coz your body can handle lack of sleep then.

Best option if you don't want kids and you in your 30s is love like a mutherfoooker, fall in love, be intimate, make life a top priority, therrs plenty of single girls that will be ideal to settle with later.
 

bmp2cpm

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Too many inexperienced guys get into relationships where there never was much chemistry to begin with. These relationships work for a year or two. Then one person in the relationship comes across someone they have crazy chemistry with, Game over.

After you have experienced crazy chemistry with a woman, it becomes super easy to next future women and be super picky going forward. Never settle for low chemistry.

As others said, alignment on goals is important.
  • A homebody in a relationship with a partner that is constantly active and out of the house will not work.
  • Having kids or not having kids - both need to be aligned on this goal.
  • Religion - a much bigger one than most realize. This can turn into a widening grand cannon over time. If you are religious, only go for a woman with the same religion or who is willing to convert. If you are an atheist, avoid going into a relationship with someone who is religious, especially if you are thinking of having kids.
 

spred

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I think the most important thing is to recognise high interest plus goal alignment should come first, looks second.
Too many hot women chased versus investment in good looking interested women who have the same goals and principles as you.
Second part is way more rewarding than the first.
 

Kotaix

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When out comes down to it I think that concepts and understanding get in the way of finding a good romantic partner. When things work with a woman, you'll know.

The key is to not have some defined type. If you try and fit a woman to some kind of ideal you have in your head, you're going to miss opportunities, and you might try to force something to work that should not be.

Don't get me wrong, she still has to pass the boner test, but as others have said, looks are secondary.
 

Howiestern

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I've been with perfectly compatible romantic partners that I matched well with.

They all failed for a variety of reasons.

There is no recipe for perfect success.

Nothing lasts forever.

Pick one that matches you well on as many levels as possible. Enjoy each other. And realize the relationship could possibly expire some day. When it does find another one to experience life with.

A man in this day and age needs that mindset.
 

PowerQuest

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What are the best concepts to understand for finding compatible romantic partner? Attachment theory? Love languages? Enneagram? What about the relationship stages to happy marriage (romance stage, power struggle stage, mature stage)? Where can I learn more about them? What are your experience with them and others? I'd like to learn more.
Stomach full, balls empty =relationship happiness :devil:
Life is simple. :)
 
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Bigpapa

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Screen for mental problems

if she does not have mental problems and likes you , then you are compatible as both of you will work towards the same goal , building a relationship

a significant amount of women have mental problems though , some more difficult while some incipient

mental problems can not be healed by modern day medicine and they tend to aggravate as time is passing , so it matters a lot if she is a fighter or not ( the vast majority are not )
 

2Rocky

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Or ask a bunch of single guys on a forum who "choose" to not have long lasting monogamous relationships... Kinda like going to prison to get a Criminal Justice degree...
 

Slowhandluke

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Or ask a bunch of single guys on a forum who "choose" to not have long lasting monogamous relationships... Kinda like going to prison to get a Criminal Justice degree...
For the older members, it's because they went through it (the tingles, the marriages, the arguments, the divorce, etc..); older guys have seen it all..

It's like asking a lawyer who has a criminal justice degree while at the same time has been through prison and seen the "other side" because of fake charges.
 

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