What are some ways to practice getting over my fear of rejection?

[tsmith2334]

What are some ways to practice getting over my fear of rejection (and success)?

Background:

In terms of being out in the field, I interact with attractive women on a daily basis. I usually see a decent amount of IOIs too. I've gotten good at eye contact (which is often reciprocated), I get numbers pretty easily, and I'm getting better at kino and flirting. I'm pretty laidback most of the time and don't come across as particularly needy.

I'm attractive, I get good grades, I'm well-spoken, funny, etc. I'm not going to keep blabbing on, but I want to stress the fact that I am not a complete chump that is scared to talk to a girl.

However, when it comes to escalating, there is a crippling fear of rejection that kicks in. I've had limited success with women in the past... a few highlights but not a whole lot to show for it. It's a pretty bad cycle. I'm not too confident because I haven't done a whole lot in the past, and I haven't done a whole lot in the past because I'm not that confident. TONS of performance anxiety scare me everyday. It's gotten to the point that I am almost scared to succeed. Like, I've litterally been told that a girl is interested me and I've just not cared or let it flounder due to nerves.

I'm wondering, is there any techniques I can practice to help me get past this fear? What can help me get to the point where I'm not scared of rejection and enable me to be ready and willing to succeed with women?

 

[wjh]

You just have to push past the fear bro. I know it's hard. Been there, done that. I got over it (mostly) by just doing it (thanks Nike). The quickest/best way is to just charge boldly. Once you've pushed past the fear on multiple occasions it starts to bother you less, and less. And then you wonder why the hell you were so paralyzed to begin with.

Good luck!

 

[iqqi]

You can start by realizing a lot of things that other people do, even TO you, has nothing to do with you.

Before I go into that, think about that idea for a minute.

 

[Jitterbug]

The best way to get over it is to allow yourself to fail and get rejected, but at the same time note down certain small improvements you've made. I think Pook wrote an excellent post on this a while back (I remember reading it here). If you carry on with balls of steel, you'll achieve some success at one stage, and it'll build up. Good luck, bro. I used to be stuck with that fear, and I kept pushing myself until one night when I gathered all my mental power and got over it. Looking back, I can't believe I had to use that much effort!

 

[Snow Plowman]

AA is an internal thing that is connected with your identity, you'd have to look deep down as to why you'd be having that AA and reframe it and internalize it.

A exercise you can do to get rid of it is for 1 month every set you open just escalate no matter what.

 

[Dongfu]

Approach, approach, approach, anyone and everyone in every situation. Strike up random conversations with random people. Forget about success with women for a minute. Approaching an HB is no different from anyone else.

If you are waiting in a doctors office and you decide to make conversation with another person, do you care what the outcome is. Whats the worst that can can happen? Get comfortable genuinely talking to people, and then apply that in the field. Remember to always be sensitive to the reactions you get. No when to back off, and how to re-engage.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Rejection and failure are part of success. Babe Ruth was a strikeout king, too. But you don't hit home runs without swinging the bat.

 

[tsmith2334]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I think its all been great.

Saying hi or approaching attractive women isn't even the problem, I can do that fairly easily. I can do half the battle. It's just that when it's time to escalate, I become extremely nervous and let it slip away due to fear.

It's funny, I'm pretty good at advising friends and people on this site with reasonable, appropriate advice that works... I'm just not that good at actually doing it.

 

[tsmith2334]

Hi all. I'm continuing to struggle a little bit but I'm enjoying some mild success. I know Rome wasn't built in a day.

I'm probably going to ask a girl if she wants to go out for some drinks this weekend.

I just hope I don't have a hard time escalating, especially if the iron is hot (and it very well could be, I've noticed lots of IOIs in the past).

What worries me the most is the cycle I'm in. I have sooo much performance anxiety to the point where I am afraid of succeeding. It's like sometimes I feel I'm better off not being a Don Juan and not getting laid... just to avoid the stress/ awkardness of it.

Any suggestions here?

 

[The Deacon]

It's like sometimes I feel I'm better off not being a Don Juan and not getting laid... just to avoid the stress/ awkardness of it.

The stress is always gonna be there. The awkwardness dies down quite a bit when you become more experienced. If you want to have women in your life, man, you gotta push through that anxiety. I don't know what else to tell you. There is no magic bullet to cure that sh*t since it's always going to be a part of you.

 

[tsmith2334]

The stress is always gonna be there. The awkwardness dies down quite a bit when you become more experienced. If you want to have women in your life, man, you gotta push through that anxiety. I don't know what else to tell you. There is no magic bullet to cure that sh*t since it's always going to be a part of you.

I guess I'm looking for some kind of physical help, mental excerises or anything that can provide re-assurance... along the lines of breathing excersises or visualization tips or something. Not sure if they exist, but I'd like to know if they do.

I also find a great deal of comfort in successful men who were "late bloomers" with women, dating, and sex. The later the better, preferably past college. It's not like I haven't had any sexual activity in my life, just not enough for someone my age.

Just contribute anything you can, particularly past experience you feel like sharing or anything that helps you when you are stressed...

 

[Jitterbug]

I've been there. Approaching and opening feel easy, but escalating is hard and I chickened out on many occasions. What you're getting is sexual anxiety - which happens after you overcome your approach anxiety. Late bloomers get this, for obvious reasons, and I'm one myself (it's only after I graduated from uni - that's college for you Americans - that it really took up). There's no magical breathing exercise that helps. What I find work for me to reduce the anxiety is:

- Take good care your physical health. Negative feelings, such as anxiety, loneliness, self-doubt, etc., are magnified when you're tired or sleepy and not at your best, physically. Eat well and sleep well. Work out, pump the irons, that'll increase your testosterone level which will give you the ability to switch into what I call "caveman mode". When I get sufficient IOIs to escalate sexually, I go into this caveman mode, which is man at his natural best, and it just flows smoothly from there. Sometimes I call it "thinking with your d!ck". It's only natural for men to do this. The trick is when to do it, that is after you've got the green light to escalate, and not when you're approaching and building rapport.

- Take up partner dancing. When you're used to having women in your arms all the time (even if you're not doing anything sexual), leading them, enjoying their scent and softness (no inappropriate touching please ), your anxiety will be reduced to practically nothing, which will help when you're out there on the field.

 

[The Deacon]

I also find a great deal of comfort in successful men who were "late bloomers" with women, dating, and sex. The later the better, preferably past college. It's not like I haven't had any sexual activity in my life, just not enough for someone my age.

Well, I can tell you that I have had plenty of practical experience. I'm not the guy that has a new girl every week, but I'm pretty well socially calibrated. In other words, I promise you I'm not a keyboard jockey. I'm not quite out of college yet, though.

I'm also a late bloomer. I spent most of my high school years isolated from others, afraid to ask out any girls. I later came to realize that it's only as scary as you make it out to be. I learned all this pick-up artist and Don Juan stuff, and it helped a lot, but it's all useless unless you're socially calibrated. If you have no basic social skills, nothing will save you.

Anyway, here's a random little tip you've probably heard before. When you get anxious, take deep breaths. Most of the physical effects of anxiety come from a lack of oxygen in your system, so when you breathe deep you'll feel a lot better.

You just gotta keep throwin yourself out there, ya know?

 

[DonJuan11]

Background:

I'm wondering, is there any techniques I can practice to help me get past this fear? What can help me get to the point where I'm not scared of rejection and enable me to be ready and willing to succeed with women?

Your crippling fear of rejection comes from your ego. You think you are the best there is to women and can't stand them rejecting you. Lower the inflated ego and learn that you are not God's gift to women, you are with them to show them a good time.

As mentioned, to get past the fear involves CONDITIONING. Next time a guy at work says he made out with 3 girls on the weekend, you tell them you got rejected by 300 girls in a month. See if he can top that.

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[Dongfu]

I'm not too confident because I haven't done a whole lot in the past, and I haven't done a whole lot in the past because I'm not that confident.

You kind have answered your own question here. Repetition is the key. And forget about the outcome. When you feel like this, you just need to take a step back from your own expectations. Learn how to play and have fun with it and it will become EASY

 

[Tookie]

I know this may seem lame but rust me it works for me instead of looking at the fear as fear look at it as for excitment. For something you are about to get it helps a tad bit maybe enough to were you can bully your way through it.