I've looked around for a few articles on the site but I was hoping someone might be able to help me out. In short, my problem is the approach. There's this girl at work that I would really like to talk to but just can't bring myself to do it and I honestly don't know why. We've said hi to each other a few times but I feel that I'm pushing my luck too far and she will eventually lose whatever interest she might have and stop caring.
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What are some quick ways to overcome shyness?
- Thread starter nsxjg80
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
iqqi
Master Don Juan
Why don't you flirt? That is more than just saying Hi. Don't know how to flirt or something?
Interceptor
Master Don Juan
This is good. At least there is something mutual. Something familiar. And more importantly, something to build on.
Start with this.
Every time you see her, make sure you smile at her, prolong the eye contact, and keep saying "Hi" to her.
IF possible, start getting closer to her when you see her, and when you say Hi to her. By prolonging eye contact, she will feel as if you want to talk to her, if she's interested, she might offer some sort of contrivance to start a conversation.
You:"Hey you." (Prolonged eye contact, and smile.)
Her: "Hi" (noticing your funny smile, and prolonged eye contact)
"Um.. hey. So what's up? "
You: "Oh, just coming back from the gym, going to get a smoothie."(or whatever)
Her: "Oh, cool, you work out?"
You: "Definitely. I love it. It destresse me, and keeps me fit and healthy. You do anything active too?" (still smiling, and nice, easy eye contact)
Her: (lighting uo) "Yeah! I love to jog, and I do Yoga and Pilates on Mondays and Thursdays. I wish I could do more of it, but ...(yada yada)
Key is keep engaging her. Ask her questions about what she is bring ing up in the conversation. Keep threading.
Bring up a story of something related "Thats's funny, this friend of mine took a Yoga class, and pulled a muscle so bad that...(yada yada) or "Pilates? What's that?" Let her explain.
It's not abou tluck. It's about doing what is natural betwen Males and Fenmales.
You like girls, don't you?
What's wrong in talking to a girl you like?
It's not that hard.
Don't psych yourself out on something that you do naturally with anyone else.
So you like her. Cool. Go and talk to her.
Find out what she's like.
Don't make assumptions before the interaction has even had a chance to happen.
Maybe there's something about her that you find out you don't like.
Maybe there's something about her you two have in common, build off that.
None of this has to do with "luck",
It all has to do with the willingness to accept yourself as a Man, and do what Men do naturally.
She is a woman. She is not your Mom, your sister, or a Godess.
She cannot control you, make you do things you don't want to do, or hurt you.
All of that is within your personal power.
You like her.
Enjoyu her. Make her feel good, Give her somethign to feel good about.
But do all that out of an Abundance Mentality. As an abundant Giver. Not as a Taker
Give Value. Don't be there to take it.
Don't do it out of neediness. Or desperation.
It has to come from a place in you that is warm, with feelings of abundance.
Do not seek her validation.
Don't seek her approval.
Don't seek for her permission.
Don't ask her to "lead" the "dance".
Any healthy woman finds it nice and charming to be "hit on" by someone who is nice and charming, and sexy and confident at the same time, One who is well calibrated and socially adjusted.
And especially by one who genuinely enjoys women's company.
Avoid the Expectancy Outcome mindset.
Be there to engage her and have fun.
Watch this:
Victor Malvado
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpRhUJkYEI4
This is self sabotage thinking at its worst.
And it's all based on false perceptions. IImagination really.
There's no proof or hard evidence tosupport your claim that she'll lose interest.
You are also too vested when yuo say the word "caring".
You haven't put in any effort so far to MAKE HER care about you.
This is what you do now by putting yourself into the line of sight.
Get in her space, and engage her.
Make her care about you , and wonder about you because you're so charming and witty , and interesting.
NOT: "Oh God, Please like me!! Please! I'll do anything for you to like me!!"
Engage her because you're a Male and she's a Female.
Because you like her. You want to know what she's about!
IF you want her validation, you'll never get it if you take from her. Ideally, you need to be above that as a mature , masculine Man.
She has to willingingly give it to you. But it cannot be the basis of your interaction.
You are also projecting on to her. Right now, there is no evidence she's "Interested" in you.
You don't even know if she's "attracted" to you.
Don't start imaginnig things. Go and find out.
Engage her and build off any possible "attraction" there might be.
Then, see if she gets' "interested".
Attraction and Interested are not the same things.
A woman can be attracted, but not interested. And vice versa.
Be a Man.
Go and do it.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
SickAgain
Senior Don Juan
Read this article. http://www.livescience.com/health/070808_roots_shyness.html
It gives a good scientific standpoint of shyness. It was very insightful for me.
The main part I extracted was: "Shy people operate as if thy have a mirror in front of them all the time,"
It gives a good scientific standpoint of shyness. It was very insightful for me.
The main part I extracted was: "Shy people operate as if thy have a mirror in front of them all the time,"