What am I doing wrong?

[Tomo]

I've been on this site for admittedly 3-4 years. I'm turning 23 now and struggling and need some re-evaluation if anyone can help me. I came onto the site a full blown AFC and a pretty drab one at that but through the years have turned my life around.

Now, my body's slowly getting to where I want it to be (the abs are showing, feeling leaner and happier for it from the tubby I was). I went back to my dermatologist and my skin is really starting to clear up; helping even more as my looks are obviously lacking. I'm studying a medical degree while juggling surf instructor'ing as a job on the side. As suggested by others here, I took up hobbies etc - all as a means to keep me busy while these changes slowly morphed.

In regards to woman, the change has been even slower (which is what has annoyed me). I'm no longer the doormat most definitely and am openly sexual not shying away when conversations 'heat' up etc. At one point I spun plates but gave that up because I feel I'm naturally anti-social. This has lead to more problems and as to why I'm posting about this tonight. While I've so focused on myself these last few years, I've felt I've gradually withdrawn from society even more. My life is pretty hectic - at uni and work, everyone loves me etc blah blah blah but outside of this, I just feel I want to get away from the hustle and bustle. As such, I've turned down that many gatherings, parties etc opting to sit on the laptop and feel bad about myself. What is wrong with me? Part of me wants to go, but the other just simply doesn't want to - maybe it is an effort thing?

Currently having started a new course, I've met so many woman yet things have slowed straight down for me. I don't know why, but after getting a girls number, I lose interest and lack of texting means I'm thrown in FZ. I don't care for that as the majority of times, these are not woman I want to f***. The ones I do though, are always already in a relationship. TBH, I'm past that phase of chasing tail and have set the standards of meeting someone I actually connect with (which many of you here will probably blast me for). As such I think I am drawn to these 'girlfriend material' type girls; many of whom I've heavily flirted with at the expense of not happy boyfriends at times.

So now I come to my conclusion and thank you guys for reading. I think I need some help to figure out what is wrong with me - to get me back on track again.

I know...
-I need to up my game socially but how? I just don't feel like it/ too tired to.
-Meet more woman, spin plates, not give a damn but what is holding me back?
-Keep improving myself - but at what point does this improvement get to when you don't reap the rewards in other areas of life?

I am seriously considering just turning my life away from society, fully focussing on my studies and when I complete them, p*ss off out of here and start my life a new somewhere else.

Cheers for this guys.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Your main "problem" is trying to live a life that doesn't appeal to you.

Don't engage in certain activities JUST to meet girls or waste time trying to f*ck girls you don't want to f*ck. You will always feel empty doing activities you have no passion for.

Don't live the life others tell you to live --> That is beta. Do what YOU want to do.

So what makes you happy? If money, time, etc wasn't an issue.. how would you spend your time? What are you passionate about? Figure that out and DO IT.

For a man to feel in control he must set himself free --> This means giving a big middle finger to society's expectations and doing what YOU like. F*ck what others want. F*ck what women want. Just do your thing with no apologies.

Self-acceptance is key. You don't have to be like all the other sheep. You can be your own man. A wolf. Once you stop following others.. others will start following you. People admire a person with uncompromising independence. This has been my experience.

 

[TheCWord]

Don't live the life others tell you to live --> That is beta. Do what YOU want to do.

Yeah man. You seem to be referring to a way you are "supposed to" be living.

Sure, you might read some SoSuavers posts on here and it may sound like they're going out and partying every night - and maybe some of them are, though I wouldn't personally want to be one of those guys. But the truth is that most guys on here have lives and aren't out all the time, nor are they trying to meet some social quota.

You're not becoming socially withdrawn, OP, you're becoming an adult... As you grow up, you get busier. Especially if you're particularly ambitious and are pursuing a lot of things related to your career, your social life is just not going to be what it was when you were a freshman in college. That's reality for almost everybody.

 

[Lord Hypnos]

you're not doing anything 'wrong', most guys your age are still trying to figure who they are and what they are doing in life, but don't despair, it sounds like you are at least meeting and talking to girls, and have some awareness of the game, so that can put you ahead of the pack. Don't be so quick to write off the girls you meet, and don't be afraid of being friendzoned, it can actually benefit you if you develop a somewhat genuine friendship with a girl, at the very least she should be introducing you to her single friends! Sometimes you have to force yourself to become more social; don't just sit on your computer whacking off. Take small steps, go to the mall just to walk around, go to a museum, there are girls everywhere, practice opening up a conversation, but don't expect to get results overnight, it can take years to build up your self-esteem to the level that ultimately brings you happiness

 

[Merris]

You say you don't feel like upping your social game, that you're too tired, that spinning plates is not for you, but have you seriously considered that all that "I don't wanna!" is just the borderguards of your comfort zone yelling at you? Sure, I'm not that into spinning plates, I have so much more to do between friends, studies and all that jazz I find more interesting, but things like social game was in the past just a matter of breaking out of my comfort zone for good.

And about self-improvement: It depends. It depends on what you want, what you need, what is sensible and what you should do regarding your future. If you feel that you are spending too much time on your physique, that it's draining you out of energy to study or vice versa, you need to re-evaluate your methods, the resources you have or your goals.

 

[iamnobody]

-I need to up my game socially but how? I just don't feel like it/ too tired to.

Push yourself to do it when you don't feel like doing it. Don't procrastinate.

-Meet more woman, spin plates, not give a damn but what is holding me back?

My guess is what holds you back is your outcome dependency, so you actually care too much intead of truly not giving a sh1t. Work on your inner game.

-Keep improving myself - but at what point does this improvement get to when you don't reap the rewards in other areas of life?

If your mindset is that you have to improve for those around you, you're doing it wrong. You improve for your own sake. Again, work on your inner game, read a few bits about it here or elsewhere.
And, most important, think positive.

 

[DonGorgon]

loosing interest in attractive women that ware willing to F you is a sign of gayness or old age..

 

[The_411]

I'm going to take a different approach here.

You may want to get check by a psyche doctor if there's a history of mental illness in your family or if you continue to feel bad about yourself. This could be a simple case of having depression and in that case cousneling and meds will help a great deal.

If that's not the case then take a step back and set goals in all aspects of your life. We project an aura of insecurity when we're not stable or lack focus and women pick up on it because your body language will betray you on a subsconscious level.

Once you've got goals etc sorted take an hoenst assestment as to what you want from women. Spinning plates doesn't mean you have to be a womanizer it means that you are testing the market and not allowing oneitis to cloud your mind and you are learning about what you like dislike and what you are willing to accept.

The last bit of advice is that like iamnobody said outcome dependency.

Ae you saying no to social gatherings because you tired of dealing of womendating etc? Then you're going for the wrong reasons. Try going to social events with the intent of having fun only. Stop putting unneccary pressure on yourself that you need to meet women or get a certain amount of numbers or approach a certain # of women.

Even go as far as being outrageous at the next social gathering. The reason you're bored is that outcomes aren't going your way and chances are you're not really having fun.

The key in this whole deal to have fun challenge yourself and be open. Society at large does suck but that shouldn't concern you when you are trying to have fun. You should only be concerned with having fun and talking to people. What you'll find is that people will gravitate to you and you'll be able to have social proof and women will do the work for you instead of the opposite.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

I've been on this site for admittedly 3-4 years. I'm turning 23 now and struggling and need some re-evaluation if anyone can help me. I came onto the site a full blown AFC and a pretty drab one at that but through the years have turned my life around.

Now, my body's slowly getting to where I want it to be (the abs are showing, feeling leaner and happier for it from the tubby I was). I went back to my dermatologist and my skin is really starting to clear up; helping even more as my looks are obviously lacking. I'm studying a medical degree while juggling surf instructor'ing as a job on the side. As suggested by others here, I took up hobbies etc - all as a means to keep me busy while these changes slowly morphed.

In regards to woman, the change has been even slower (which is what has annoyed me). I'm no longer the doormat most definitely and am openly sexual not shying away when conversations 'heat' up etc. At one point I spun plates but gave that up because I feel I'm naturally anti-social. This has lead to more problems and as to why I'm posting about this tonight. While I've so focused on myself these last few years, I've felt I've gradually withdrawn from society even more. My life is pretty hectic - at uni and work, everyone loves me etc blah blah blah but outside of this, I just feel I want to get away from the hustle and bustle. As such, I've turned down that many gatherings, parties etc opting to sit on the laptop and feel bad about myself. What is wrong with me? Part of me wants to go, but the other just simply doesn't want to - maybe it is an effort thing?

Currently having started a new course, I've met so many woman yet things have slowed straight down for me. I don't know why, but after getting a girls number, I lose interest and lack of texting means I'm thrown in FZ. I don't care for that as the majority of times, these are not woman I want to f***. The ones I do though, are always already in a relationship. TBH, I'm past that phase of chasing tail and have set the standards of meeting someone I actually connect with (which many of you here will probably blast me for). As such I think I am drawn to these 'girlfriend material' type girls; many of whom I've heavily flirted with at the expense of not happy boyfriends at times.

So now I come to my conclusion and thank you guys for reading. I think I need some help to figure out what is wrong with me - to get me back on track again.

I know...
-I need to up my game socially but how? I just don't feel like it/ too tired to.
-Meet more woman, spin plates, not give a damn but what is holding me back?
-Keep improving myself - but at what point does this improvement get to when you don't reap the rewards in other areas of life?

I am seriously considering just turning my life away from society, fully focussing on my studies and when I complete them, p*ss off out of here and start my life a new somewhere else.

Cheers for this guys.

definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, Einstein was a wiseman, learn from him