What am I doing wrong?

[2crudedudes]

From what I can gather reading the articles and posts in the forum, I should be looking for some IOIs from girls before approaching (typically, at least eye contact and possibly a smile). However, a lot of times it feels like I can't get a decent-looking girl to even look at me.

More often than not, I go to this more or less sleazy bar with a friend (who has absolutely no problem hooking up with anything that looks even remotely female) but feel like I'm shunned to the corner. Like I said, its a sleazy bar, so its not like I'm competing with movie star-look alikes, yet I find it very difficult to even get the attention of non-elephantine women.

I have confidence issues, and feel that perhaps my weight is a turn off. I'm not massive, but I do have a beer gut. The only argument against my weight being the issue is that before I put on this weight I wasn't getting much more game either.

Its most likely a confidence deficiency, but I don't know how to overcome this. Any pointers to increase my confidence and/or increase my IOI reception would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Ease]

Getting into shape would be a good confidence boost.

Not just to improve your appearance, but the feeling of progress and hormonal improvement is great. It will give you the change you're looking for

Also, sitting at a bar, you need to sit like a man. Body language is the most important factor of sleazy bar game. Walk in like a man, take up as much room as possible, laugh and talk loudly. Act like you own the place.

 

[starplayer]

Aside from working on your appearance (which we should all be working on) I think sorting out your confidence is the key improvement you need to make.

If you're not feeling confident, then you can be sure women will be picking up on that - they're much better than us at reading body language.

Confidence is like a spiral - up and down. For instance, if you're already confident people will respond to you better which in turn will make you more confident. However, if you're not confident people will respond more negatively towards you, further pushing down your confidence.

So the idea is to be moving upwards in that spiral. The trick to this is really learn to "fake it til you make it". Force yourself to act in a confident way and believe you're a confident person. Don't go ridiculously over the top, but push yourself outside your comfort zone.

People will then begin to respond better to you and then you will feel more confident. You can then begin to calibrate how you act around girls. Soon enough you will start to develop real confidence, then one day you'll realize you've become a confident person.

I'm speaking from experience with all this BTW, not just KBJing. I used to be quite shy, but now I'm a much more sociable person and confident around girls. It takes time and practice though.

 

[Iceberg]

You don't wanna sit around waiting for IOIs. Just assume that you're better than everyone else, and they're looking at you anyway.

I could be bleeding to death in the streets, and if a girl walks up to me and offers a band-aid, I'm thinking, "She totally wants me."