what am i doing wrong, guys??

[bignick79]

whats up gentlemen!!

Well, i have a situation on my hands. Me and this girl have been "friends" for a while now. She had a b/f, but we seem to have this amazing sexual tension between us. She was constantly touching me, holding onto my arm when we walked together, eye contact, etc.. I definately returned the favor on the KINO.

So, i couldn't take it anymore, i had to go for something, so i tried to kiss her one day, but of course, she didn't wanna cheat on her man. Actually, this was a good thing, it let me know she wouldn't cheat on me if i was with her. Anyhow, the KINO continued just as furiously. Finally, i had to talk to her, i told her, if we are just going to be friends, you need to stop touching me this way, you can't have your cake and eat it too. She did tell me though, she was ATTRACTED to me.

So she recently broke up with her b/f, we went out once since this, we had fun, we went dancing, she was smiling, drinking having fun. But, she has also flaked on me several times. She has also told me she still has feelings for her ex, and is thinking about getting back with him?? What do i do now?? Am i wasting my time here?? I need some advice here guys.

Thanks
Big Nick

 

[So Many Ways]

Back off a little bit. Let her come to you.

Date other girls. She's on the rebound.

 

[Survivor]

Agreed.

The human mind thrives on conflict. And now that she's available, the thrill that comes from juggling two guys is gone.

 

[flexion_]

She told you she is thinking about getting back with her BF - thats means she ain't thinking of you. Anyone who talks about past relationships to that degree on a date shouldn't be worth your time - maybe she is looking for a ONS?

Go date other people and let her come to you when she shakes out the cobwebs. If you do see her again and she bring ups her x-BF then just ask if you can talk about that stuff with her girlfriends.

 

[NewMan]

She's probably still meeting and/or banging her ex - that's probably why she's been flaking on you - because she's seeing him.

You can't be so available to her. Go meet other chicks and let her figure out what she's doing and what she wants to do. Any heavy pursuing from you will probably force her away from you.

Remember, she broke up with her ex... that tells you that obviously there are issues there. Let it run it's course.

 

[bignick79]

So should i just cut off all contact with her??

Big Nick

 

[Gipper]

Attention wh0re.

You don't necessarily need to break off all contact, but do not waste any more energy in trying to seduce/lay her.

She flaked on you and now you must move on to greener pastures. Lesson learned.

Gipper

 

[uniassign]

Agreed with all the above.

The thing is, you did nothing wrong. Although you should have tried to at leasts kiss her when you were out.

Chicks are not logical. They say things that are true AT THE TIME when they say it, but due to their emotions fluctuating all the time, they may seem inconsistent.

You cannot make force chicks to make decisions by being in her face all the time. Do what the others suggest and go and meet other chicks. Forget about her, but don't next her just yet.

A lot of people take flaking as a personal insult, but it is not. Chicks flake on each other all the time, it is just their nature.

I used to hate it when chicks flake on me because we have made plans BLAH BLAH BLAH. However, as I climb up the social and corporate ladder, I don't really care about chicks flaking because it means more time to do things that has to be done.

I think if you place too much anger/frustration on her flaking, then you are placing too much importance on her thus you are playing in her frame where she sets the rules.

 

[Doppler4000]

Originally posted by bignick79
Am i wasting my time here??

Yes

 

[bignick79]

How long is long enough to wait before calling her again?? I havent talked to her in about a week now.

Big Nick

 

[Seizing The Day]

Tell her you want to sleep with her. Seriously, I mean it.

Be aggressive, don't mess around.

She's waiting for something big to happen. Make it happen.

Your prime objective with this woman is to get her in the sack. Tell her thats what you want, if you don't get it, move on.

Wasting time with women is the worst mistake a man can make.

If she doesn't want to screw, move on and ignore her completely.

Ignoring a woman (any woman, actually) is a hot button. From the time they've reached puberty they're used to getting attention by doing little more than just being visible.

Don't fall for this crap. Either she puts out, or you get out.

 

[bignick79]

Ummmmm.....no Seizing. How many women have slept with you when u came right out and said i wanna sleep with u. Doesn't work in most cases, believe me, I've done that too.

Big Nick

 

[PocoDiablo]

Personally I would say she is not that interested in you. It seems like you came on too strong and she is still stuck on her ex.

I tell guys all the time the following:

If you are stuck on your ex-girlfriend, and hanging out with her, women will see that and avoid you. It's clear that you still have feelings for her. Dump her, break all contact, move on.

Now you are on the other end of this situation. SHE is stuck on her ex. And probably will be for some time. Plus you made a move on her when she has not expressed interest in you first - other than the fact that she apparently likes to practice flirting with you. YOU need to recognize this in her.

To me if she does not call you frequently, does not come over, and does not make out with you says one thing - she's just not into you.

I would let her go and see what other women you have been missing while you were stuck on her. Take the advice I give to my guys, above, and you might get as lucky as Joe did. He dumped his "crush" and then the next day he met a cute blonde number named Sarah. The NEXT day he met an even more cute number named Sarah - ALSO.

I can only think how nice it would be to not have to worry about calling out the wrong name in bed. (Okay, I'm bad, sorry!)

 

[Seizing The Day]

Look Nick, are you in love with her or something? You want to marry her?

My point is that "messing around" and wasting time obsessing about her is bad, bad, BAD!

A big point I keep trying to drive home with men here is that LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WAIT ON A WOMAN YOU HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF MARRYING!

Stop treating them like comet Halley (once in a lifetime experience)

You really wanna know how many I've slept with after I confronted them? LoL, believe me, alot more than you'd think. Did they all? No. But I got it off my chest, and then moved on.

Besides, where's it getting you doing what you're doing now?

Think about it..................

 

[NewMan]

In response to your question - don't call her - let her call you.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by Survivor
Agreed.

The human mind thrives on conflict. And now that she's available, the thrill that comes from juggling two guys is gone.

exactly what i was about to post...

 

[Nightwing]

Originally posted by bignick79
whats up gentlemen!!

Well, i have a situation on my hands. Me and this girl have been "friends" for a while now. She had a b/f, but we seem to have this amazing sexual tension between us. She was constantly touching me, holding onto my arm when we walked together, eye contact, etc.. I definately returned the favor on the KINO.

So, i couldn't take it anymore, i had to go for something, so i tried to kiss her one day, but of course, she didn't wanna cheat on her man. Actually, this was a good thing, it let me know she wouldn't cheat on me if i was with her. Anyhow, the KINO continued just as furiously. Finally, i had to talk to her, i told her, if we are just going to be friends, you need to stop touching me this way, you can't have your cake and eat it too. She did tell me though, she was ATTRACTED to me.

So she recently broke up with her b/f, we went out once since this, we had fun, we went dancing, she was smiling, drinking having fun. But, she has also flaked on me several times. She has also told me she still has feelings for her ex, and is thinking about getting back with him?? What do i do now?? Am i wasting my time here?? I need some advice here guys.

Thanks
Big Nick

Been there, done that. Dont waste anymore of your time or energy on this chick.

You were, as Doc Love put it, the surrogate boyfriend. She was going thru all the motions without having the BF/GF relationship. She'll do either one of 2 things:

1. She'll waste your time only to get back with her BF or

2. She'll waste your time until she finds someone that she really likes.


Thje bottom line is, she's not interested in you. Hook up with other chicks who actually show that theyre interested.

 

[bignick79]

so whats up with her telling me she was attracted to me??

BigNick

 

[Nightwing]

Originally posted by bignick79
so whats up with her telling me she was attracted to me??

BigNick

Fvck what she's saying, pay attention to her actions. If she was interested in you would she be flaking on you??

This is the exact same scenario that I was in back in late April. The chick was flaking on me, and I found out later that she's been hooking back up with her ex and got herself pregnant. The fvcked up part about that is that she got pregnant by this guy 2 weeks after he kicked her a$$ I later found out.


But back to what I stated before, pay attention to her actions and not her words. That's DJ rule #1.

 

[bignick79]

Her actions told me she was attracted to me, touching me, holding onto me Etc. She said she was confused which is pretty obvious. I havent talked to her in over a week and a half. I'll let her call me if she wants to talk.

Big Nick