what about this thinking?

[sosilky]

OK so I get it now don't show them attention to much. here's where i get messed up though. sometimes a couple months into the relationship I start to focus more on her. Now lets say she wants me to come over and I'm like well I'm busy. and maybe I really am. Or maybe shes like I'm going out with my friends and her ex boyfriend is going to be there. Well if I'm not an insecure guy I'm supposed to not care right? Say "go have a good time".

Here's my problem, when she says come over and I don't I figure maybe she'll think I don't want to be with her or i'm with other chicks and so she'll think maybe i'll go hang with another guy.

Or maybe if she goes out with her friends and her ex is there that she has gone back to in the past and i act like i don't care, i think maybe she will think well he doesn't care what i do, so i'll go hook up with my ex.

Please try to make me understand better.

 

[sosilky]

$

If only I could spend 1 day insie a womens head

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

If only I could spend 1 day insie a womens head

Even if you could, you still wouldn't understand. Because you are a guy, and she is a girl. What she does, she probably doesn't understand it herself and its not ur job to understand her. Your job as a man, well its not a job, its ur pleasure and its to 'consume' her, to 'penetrate' her, not just physically.

I know a lot of people say this, but have you had a look at the DJ bible? Just read the book of pook, its quite long, but well worth it. Trust me, it helped me get over a oneitis of 4years within a week!

 

[sosilky]

$

Thank you for the reply. I have started the Bible. can you coment on the original post in this thread maybe tell me how you would look at or handle those scenarios?

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

If you are really busy, then don't go over. If you are free and you wana see her, go for it. If you want to spend time with ur mates, go with ur mates. Spending time with the chick should not be of the upmost importance. Once in a while you can cancel ur plans to see her. Especially if shes being really nice to u. Remember, reward some attention for good behaviour, withdrawal of attention for bad.

Don't worry to much about the ex. Did she mention it to u that the ex is going to be there? or did u actually see him and she didn't tell u about it?

 

[KarmaSutra]

She's positioning herself. All women do this on some level, some more overt than others.

I have a 13 year old daughter who is learning how to position herself by assessing the angles of a situation and then making a decision. There isn't any surrepticious nature involved in her inquiry.

This will wane as she becomes more sexually active. I'm waiting for the shift in polarity.

In your cases, you mentioned something in particular which irked my ire:

Now lets say she wants me to come over and I'm like well I'm busy. and maybe I really am.

Maybe you are? So you're instead sitting at home staring at your cellphone awaiting that insufferable ring? You should ALWAYS have a backup plan and then a plan to back that one up. Always be doing something to get you to your next level.

Here's my problem, when she says come over and I don't I figure maybe she'll think I don't want to be with her or i'm with other chicks and so she'll think maybe i'll go hang with another guy.

More minimalist thinking. You should never, EVER, base your decision on what you believe she's going to say or do.

1. It's extremely arrogant to believe you know what someone else is thinking.
2. If she does sh!t out on you you'll internalize it and make it an excuse and use it as reassurance for you to stew in your own misery.

Or maybe if she goes out with her friends and her ex is there that she has gone back to in the past and i act like i don't care, i think maybe she will think well he doesn't care what i do, so i'll go hook up with my ex.

If her ex is there it's because she is gunning him for attention. To flaunt him in your face and boost her ego. This type of woman is best used as a toilet to drop a load in.

If she throws this rubbish at you you let him have her.

Concentrate on taking the time to know and love who you are for who you are. Make your male energy the most powerful and radiant it can possibly be. Then, and only then, will you have the testicular fortitude to respond and play back and forth with a woman of worth who will bring value to your life.

 

[Lishy]

I think the best thing you could do is just be yourself. If you are busy then thats cool and if you want to go and see her then thats cool too.

Women like men who are secure and confident in themselves and you are far over thinking things. You risk coming across as insecure and needy if you jump to her every beck and call - And the truth is that if she is going to take your actions the wrong way and run off with an ex, then no matter what you will do she will do this!

Girls are either into you or not and you cant force it either way, all you can do is make yourself as attractive as possible by being quietly confident!

If she is into you then nothing you will do will be wrong!

Treat her how she deserves to be treated!

 

[sosilky]

Don't worry to much about the ex. Did she mention it to u that the ex is going to be there? or did u actually see him and she didn't tell u about it?

yses she mentions it. he truly is friends with all her friends. but she has left that detail out in the past. maybe conveniently

 

[sosilky]

If she is into you then nothing you will do will be wrong!

QUOTE]

really? i mean iw ouldn't be giving her an opportunity to think otherwise, what if i wind uplooking like a fool? In the bible it says who cares what she is doing or if she leaves keep other girls to fall back on. but i have so much work to do. i don't have time to have a herum pf girls right now.


I guess I just wouldn't want her to think I was not into it and then go off with someone else. then again showing alolot of interest seems to make them put the brakes on. what a catch 22.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

really? i mean iw ouldn't be giving her an opportunity to think otherwise, what if i wind uplooking like a fool? In the bible it says who cares what she is doing or if she leaves keep other girls to fall back on. but i have so much work to do. i don't have time to have a herum pf girls right now.


I guess I just wouldn't want her to think I was not into it and then go off with someone else. then again showing alolot of interest seems to make them put the brakes on. what a catch 22

The focus must be on u, not the girl. So what if you don't have other girls in ur life. "It is not Prince Charming who is the producer of confident thought, but it is the confident attitude that produces Prince charming."

 

[Lishy]

If she is into you then nothing you will do will be wrong!

QUOTE]

really? i mean iw ouldn't be giving her an opportunity to think otherwise, what if i wind uplooking like a fool? In the bible it says who cares what she is doing or if she leaves keep other girls to fall back on. but i have so much work to do. i don't have time to have a herum pf girls right now.


I guess I just wouldn't want her to think I was not into it and then go off with someone else. then again showing alolot of interest seems to make them put the brakes on. what a catch 22.

You are way over thinking things!

Seriously, if she is into you you do not have to worry - If she isn't in to you it doesnt matter a hoot what you do, she will go anyway!

Stop worrying about what she is thinking, as long as you are not being mean to her she will not drop you for being busy - If anything it will make her more anxious to see you and more into you!

Confidence confidence confidence

(and I have never read the DJ Bible and nor would I)

 

[sosilky]

$

Interesting persepectives guys. And yes maybe i am ovberthinking but solely for the reason that i don't want to over think it anymore so i'm just exhausting everything that gos threw my head in order to get your advice so i can put it behind me hopefuly. and i definatly appreciate the replys so far very insightful

anyways we ar both inour upper twentys and are pretty jaded. to us it seems like everybody sleeps with everybody. everybody lies and you just don't want drama in your life anymore. Just acceopt the fact that realationships are crap and have fun.

yet I don't want her to jsut asume i'm out with someone else and think i might as well be too. When things get serious she gets scared because of past relationships going bad. So she just wants somebody she can hang wityh and not hae problems.

yet we break up over the summer and all of a suuden shes cryuing on my shoulder about guys that used her for her body. But hey they were al;lot of fun to be around right honey!? Then we date again for two months things start to get serious she gets scared again I get frustrated again FALL OUT. She nevertotaly let herself jump in with me. always had one foot out the door. does that mean she wasn't into me? ... i gave her many easy outs and she would cry. this is the second time we gave it shot Now she is probably back with that guy who is alloff to her again.

 

[ZenGodMod]

Interesting persepectives guys. And yes maybe i am ovberthinking but solely for the reason that i don't want to over think it anymore so i'm just exhausting everything that gos threw my head in order to get your advice so i can put it behind me hopefuly. and i definatly appreciate the replys so far very insightful

anyways we ar both inour upper twentys and are pretty jaded. to us it seems like everybody sleeps with everybody. everybody lies and you just don't want drama in your life anymore. Just acceopt the fact that realationships are crap and have fun.

yet I don't want her to jsut asume i'm out with someone else and think i might as well be too. When things get serious she gets scared because of past relationships going bad. So she just wants somebody she can hang wityh and not hae problems.

yet we break up over the summer and all of a suuden shes cryuing on my shoulder about guys that used her for her body. But hey they were al;lot of fun to be around right honey!? Then we date again for two months things start to get serious she gets scared again I get frustrated again FALL OUT. She nevertotaly let herself jump in with me. always had one foot out the door. does that mean she wasn't into me? ... i gave her many easy outs and she would cry. this is the second time we gave it shot Now she is probably back with that guy who is alloff to her again.

Over Analysis. You Add and subtract your because's and due to's. You then total up the whole thing and try to conclude over the un-decidable.. You then contend to much over what ifs, maybes and if I's did. You come here and request for a better understanding a formula you've already over complicated.

This proves a lack of self assurance of one's self.

Know who you are, and when you do that...your ifs, whats, whys and maybes would not come in to contention.

Hard to understand? I'll explain.

Whatever situation I face, i know what i shall do, what i shall say, react and definitely may achieve at or fail in. I don't stretch with the whole problem other then what it is at present.

My girls cries over my shoulder, i confront her. That is all. I don't need to know the whole 10 decade of history and use it define our future. I just listen to her.

My girl is angry at me, I settle her. I don't need to know why, when or how. I settle.

My girl is reluctant to have a future with me (which i doubt, because i'm such a great guy anyway), I demand it. I don't need to know her whys or becauses, i know what i want.

Okay, i think I've confused you, but i understand what i mean. Maybe i only understand myself.

 

[Bible_Belt]

yet we break up over the summer and all of a suuden shes cryuing on my shoulder about guys that used her for her body.

Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

Then we date again for two months things start to get serious

That makes you the bug.

I don't understand why you want to love a woman who has hurt you so much. Wanting to hurt her, I could see that, but I don't see why you'd want a ltr with an ex who has screwed you over multiple times. What this girl deserves is to become convinced that you love her, while you go about having sex with all of her friends. When she finds out, offer to keep having sex with her, and tell her that sex is the only worth you see in her. Yes, this is harsh, but the b!tch deserves it, and there's a good chance that doing this will turn you into the bad boy that she seems to fall for.

 

[sosilky]

$

her friends aren't that hot lol anyways i think we are getting off track here if you'll look at my thought process in the original post all i would like to know is how you guys think when in those situations. what goes through your head when she is out with her friends and an ex is close with her firends? what makes you think its nothing to worry about. when you can't say yes everytime she wasnts to hang out how do you know she won't interpret this as you don't care.

I'd like to hear the philosophy. what goes through your head oosite of what goes through mine? because its not just this girl i think tis way about. snd its not my insecurities. its jst the way i've seen things play out in allot of relatonships.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Maintaining a high interest level is your best defense against being cheated on. I have been on both sides of cheating and understand it well. I have had women stay faithful when they should have cheated, and likewise cheat on me when I least expected it. I have also been on the receiving end of straying women. Low interest level is the one common denominator in all cheating.

 

[ketostix]

Here's my problem, when she says come over and I don't I figure maybe she'll think I don't want to be with her or i'm with other chicks and so she'll think maybe i'll go hang with another guy.

Or maybe if she goes out with her friends and her ex is there that she has gone back to in the past and i act like i don't care, i think maybe she will think well he doesn't care what i do, so i'll go hook up with my ex.

Please try to make me understand better.

The rule of thumb or standing operating procedure is to to conclude that acting indifferent will only make the girl less likely to cheat than always being available. If not, then you are dealing with a girl who is not trustworthy and not that interested in you anyway.

 

[Sir I]

your own worst enemy is your mind, never allow yourself to dwell on possabilities, accept them as they come and DEAL WITH THEM.

I've got my own demon and I love it! this girl I call Crazy ***** made up an incredible theorie assuming things I was planning or thinking and did to make her life misserable in her eyes. she eventually told me what she thought. and all I could do was shake my head and walk away in pitty for her.

never dwell on possabilities as you are dealing with uncertainties that cannot be placed in a corner and made a fact.

 

[sosilky]

ok

Maintaining a high interest level is your best defense against being cheated on.

how would u say this is done?

 

[DonGorgon]

OK so I get it now don't show them attention to much. here's where i get messed up though. sometimes a couple months into the relationship I start to focus more on her. Now lets say she wants me to come over and I'm like well I'm busy. and maybe I really am. Or maybe shes like I'm going out with my friends and her ex boyfriend is going to be there. Well if I'm not an insecure guy I'm supposed to not care right? Say "go have a good time".

Here's my problem, when she says come over and I don't I figure maybe she'll think I don't want to be with her or i'm with other chicks and so she'll think maybe i'll go hang with another guy.

Or maybe if she goes out with her friends and her ex is there that she has gone back to in the past and i act like i don't care, i think maybe she will think well he doesn't care what i do, so i'll go hook up with my ex.

Please try to make me understand better.

Well fact is humans are gonna get what they want either form you or someone else all you can do is make sure you are getting what you want from them or from someone else... so always have other options cause they do...