What’s the point of setting Boundaries?

Trump

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A lot of talk is about real men setting Boundaries with a girl. Personally I don't see the point.

“Hey Cindy, don’t tease me, put me down, flirt with another guy, talk with another guy, have sex with another guy, at any and all times we are seeing each other, got it?”

Are you kidding me? The first time the girl steps out of line you tell her to cut it out. The next time she’s a sex toy. But to explicitly set Boundaries, telling her whats acceptable and what isn’t, pretty pointless in my opinion.
 
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Focal core

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Boundaries are all about your self-respect, your self-worth,way to setting up an healthy relationship, friendship, acqaintance, accept what's acceptable and what's unacceptable professionally or in the relationship.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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A lot of talk is about real men setting Boundaries with a girl. Personally I don't see the point.

“Hey Cindy, don’t tease me, put me down, flirt with another guy, talk with another guy, have sex with another guy, at any and all times we are seeing each other, got it?”

Are you kidding me? The first time the girl steps out of line you tell her to cut it out. The next time she’s a sex toy. But to explicitly set Boundaries, telling her whats acceptable and what isn’t, pretty pointless in my opinion.
Well, it's not pointless. Though, in many cases it can be counter-productive. You don't have to set limits on every little thing.

You should know what you're willing to accept from a person. If they cross a strong line, even if it's one that hasn't been mentioned before, you cut them out of your life to some degree.
 

TyTe`EyEz

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Most of us have been in relationships before, so we have 'set' ideas of how things are supposed to go.

Say, for instance, that the girl you're dating has dated nothing but pushovers in the past. She's going to expect you to act like her past partners. She meets you, you're different and you initially butt heads over trivial matters.

This is when you set boundaries. You make known what you're willing to accept.
 

Spaz

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You mean a man needs to set down a list of do's and don'ts?

Sometimes you nerds amaze me.

Boundaries are generated internally within a man and subconsciously communicated to women.

Didn't I say it many times over that women are predators (emotional) when it comes to men?

You guys must think women are really that dumb.

And most of you people are so supplicating, from trying to please women with trying to look pretty (body/face), ur pedicures and manicures, ur facial creams and hair lotions, and ur endless attempts to project how much "love" you could give to women that's actually in the end counter productive.

It's counter productive because you are acting almost the same as women = superficiality driven.
 
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taiyuu_otoko

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Hey Cindy, don’t tease me, put me down, flirt with another guy, talk with another guy, have sex with another guy, at any and all times we are seeing each other, got it?
You misunderstand.

One sets good boundaries like one write good fiction.

Show, don't tell.
 

Medina

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I agree with spaz for a change but I think principles is a better word than boundaries

The problem is a womans nature and how she will always be inclined to break them, this is a story as old as time starting with Eve

And of course all hell breaks loose and shes "really sorry"

So why bother having them if it ends this way?

When you think Peterson, men are order and women are chaos, you realize it was always up to man to be the hero, to have the standards, the PRINCIPLES to create a better world

Men dominate chaos/nature through order. If we didnt we would all be sat under a tree in the jungle crying
 

TyTe`EyEz

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When you think Peterson, men are order and women are chaos, you realize it was always up to man to be the hero, to have the standards, the PRINCIPLES to create a better world
I don't disagree with your analogy, but Peterson is such a douche. Go clean your room lol. I made it half way through his book before I gave up on him.
 

devilkingx2

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A lot of talk is about real men setting Boundaries with a girl. Personally I don't see the point.

“Hey Cindy, don’t tease me, put me down, flirt with another guy, talk with another guy, have sex with another guy, at any and all times we are seeing each other, got it?”

Are you kidding me? The first time the girl steps out of line you tell her to cut it out. The next time she’s a sex toy. But to explicitly set Boundaries, telling her whats acceptable and what isn’t, pretty pointless in my opinion.
You're setting boundaries to lay the groundwork for what happens when she breaks the rules.

If you never made it clear she can't do X, and X is something that you might allow her to do, then she has a legitimate argument that she didn't know it would be a problem. (Or a deceitful argument where she pretends she didn't know because other guys let her get away with it or her friends/sisters bf lets her get away with it, etc.)

If you make it abundantly clear that she's never allowed to do X under any circumstances, you give her a chance to talk about it, take it or leave it, compromise in the middle, etc. And she agrees. Then you can tell by her reaction when she gets caught if you should dump her or put her on thin ice.

(If She's apologetic and sorry and wants you to forgive her because she made a mistake, that shows integrity on her part. She knows she ****ed up and is reacting appropriately. But if she's lying or indignant or apathetic or gaslighting or downplaying, etc. That lets you know she knowingly broke your rules and doesn't give a ****.)

Don't forget that everyone has different rules, there's stuff you'd allow that I wouldn't and vice versa. So it's good to be clear on that.
 

LARaiders85

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No point, either they're high character women and a good relationship choice, or they are not, in which case the boundaries are counterproductive because it helps her hide her true nature. Boundaries are an a relic of the "oh you're just jealous guy friends" paradigm of the prior decades, things are more treacherous now after a decade of online dating, social media, and trickle down sociopathy from broken families.
 
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mrgoodstuff

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No point, either they're high character women and a good relationship choice, or they are not, in which case the boundaries are counterproductive because it helps her hide her true nature. Boundaries are an a relic of the "oh you're just jealous guy friends" paradigm of the prior decades, things are more treacherous now after a decade of online dating, social media, and trickle down sociopathy from broken families.
So what do you do?
 

zekko

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Basically, you set boundaries for yourself, you're setting a standard for what you want.

But also, it's a way of telling a woman how to please you. A lot of women are perfectly willing to go along with what you want, once she knows what that is. That's part of leading.

Sometimes she needs to be told because different guys want different things. Like some husbands want to live a swinger lifestyle. She might be willing to do that, but he has to tell her that's what he expects. That's just one extreme example out of thousands.
 

ubercat

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Or just get yourself an Asian girl. They instinctively know what's the normal boundaries are and respect them. Nothing's perfect. like every woman you have to withdraw attention for a few days once in a while when they crack out the loose wires and hormones thing. My humble self, backbreaker, fruitbat, armante, scaramouche all guys who have been around a few blocks.
 
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AttackFormation

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Or just get yourself an Asian girl. They instinctively know what's the normal boundaries are and respect them. Nothing's perfect. like every woman you have to withdraw attention for a few days once in a while when they crack out the loose wires and hormones thing. My humble self, backbreaker, fruitbat, armante, scaramouche all guys who have been around a few blocks.
Can't wait to get to Oceania and get my hands on all those asian and especially polynesian girls... mmmmm. Couple of years and I'm comin...
 
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