We've all heard the saying "men want sex, women want love"

[CasanovaFrankenstein]

Or a variation on it, "men give love to get sex, women give sex to get love". What I'm reading seems to suggest that a guy who comes from a place of wanting love (or something he calls "love") is likely dead in the water. I had a friend like this (past tense), who thought that a guy who just wanted to fvck was an @sshole and that a woman really wanted the guy who was more on her wavelength and wanted love more than sex. If you suggested anything different to him you were just spewing macho bullsh!t.

This guy was my best friend since high school and he had been around a little bit more than me (which isn't saying a whole lot) so I kind of looked up to him and trusted his opinion on things. Big mistake. He was a huge mama's boy just like me and one of the most reactive oversensitive males you'd ever (not) want to meet. For years he was my only friend and I think trusting his opinion on anything has a lot to do with why my thinking has been so fvcked up concerning women especially.

Slowly but surely I'm starting to realize that yes, women want love and men want sex, and guess what, THAT'S NOT A BAD THING! And I happen to agree with that Worthy Playboy dude who says women piss and moan about men being insensitive sex crazed pigs because society has taught them they're supposed to feel that way! Deep down they don't feel that way, as evidenced by all the sensitive relationship minded guys banished to the friend zone, the guys they're taught that they're supposed to want!

I know I'm not sharing any earth shaking revelations here, but I just wanted to let you guys know for what its worth that slow as my progress may be, I am getting something out of this site. What I guess I'm trying to say is thank you.

 

[bigneil]

"A woman needs to feel loved to have sex and a man needs to have sex to feel loved".

Regarding this site, hard work pays off. The key to is getting a consensus on things so you remove the guesswork during crunch-time. It becomes second nature and then you don't mess up as often.

 

[floydb25]

I may be reading this wrong, but it sounds like you're contradicting yourself. You agree that what he says is right, but then say its not. So, which is it?

I think guys do what they THINK is right - based on this line of thinking, and on what the women claim. They THINK that acting like a nice guy and pushing for a relationship is what they want. They usually come to this conclusion based on what women SAY - not what they respond to. So, she claims that all men are jerks, and hints that she wants a nice guy. Then, they BECOME that guy, and end up in the friend-zone or whatever.

But, its more complicated than that. I believe women do want a relationship, and all these things, but guys go about it the wrong way. They think being a nice guy works, but being nice doesn't work to attract them. They have to attract the person before a relationship starts. They can't act like they're in one already.

Too many guys try to jump right into the relationship phase - like the dating and courting phase doesn't even exist. They don't actually attract the girl - by being a challenge, flirting, and all these things. They just figure, girls want a relationship, so I'm going to act like we're in one, and we'll live happily ever after. They're always available, acting super interested, being too serious, spilling emotions, etc - because they THINK its what women want. Then, they whine and claim all girls want jerks and random sex when they get rejected. Nice guys finish last. Woe is me.

They just took it way too far is all. The jerk simply attracts them, and presents a challenge, so they're always going to be in favor over the relationship-obsessed, clingy nice guy. They don't actually want a jerk, though. They complain because they're attracted to the jerk-like traits, but hate the person. They want a good guy, but they also want to be attracted to them. This is where having game comes into play.

 

[Aaron B]

men want sex, women want great sex

 

[PapiChulo]

And no sex (intimacy) - you abandon the ship- no love for her. Anything else makes you a chump, unless there is another solid reason for you stick around. I find myself always asking this: "what do I get from being with this person?". And after all these women will b!tch about how all we want is easy sex, well, they are just as bad wanting to have you as a chump catering to her every whim under the guise of being "friends".That is their equivalent of men wanting a BJ every other week. One simply must negotiate how far he is willing to go with it in terms of investment. It's either you f$ck them, or they f$ck you, like all the attention wh0res, gold-diggers and women in general have done to men.

 

[Aaron B]

if she isn't having sex with you, she isn't doing anything for you

if a woman complains about men wanting sex, I politely explain to her that yes that's true and its because if we didn't have such a powerful sex drive, we wouldn't have anything to do with them because they are so annoying and difficult to deal with, which would lead to the human race dying ou

 

[CasanovaFrankenstein]

I may be reading this wrong, but it sounds like you're contradicting yourself. You agree that what he says is right, but then say its not. So, which is it?

I think guys do what they THINK is right - based on this line of thinking, and on what the women claim. They THINK that acting like a nice guy and pushing for a relationship is what they want. They usually come to this conclusion based on what women SAY - not what they respond to. So, she claims that all men are jerks, and hints that she wants a nice guy. Then, they BECOME that guy, and end up in the friend-zone or whatever.

But, its more complicated than that. I believe women do want a relationship, and all these things, but guys go about it the wrong way. They think being a nice guy works, but being nice doesn't work to attract them. They have to attract the person before a relationship starts. They can't act like they're in one already.

Too many guys try to jump right into the relationship phase - like the dating and courting phase doesn't even exist. They don't actually attract the girl - by being a challenge, flirting, and all these things. They just figure, girls want a relationship, so I'm going to act like we're in one, and we'll live happily ever after. They're always available, acting super interested, being too serious, spilling emotions, etc - because they THINK its what women want. Then, they whine and claim all girls want jerks and random sex when they get rejected. Nice guys finish last. Woe is me.

They just took it way too far is all. The jerk simply attracts them, and presents a challenge, so they're always going to be in favor over the relationship-obsessed, clingy nice guy. They don't actually want a jerk, though. They complain because they're attracted to the jerk-like traits, but hate the person. They want a good guy, but they also want to be attracted to them. This is where having game comes into play.

All I was trying to say about my ex-best friend is that he's a pvssy and I'm trying not to think like him anymore lol That's great about guys acting like they're in a relationship already, I never thought of it that way.

 

[LonesomeLoser]

So there's something wrong with a guy being more interested in love than in sex? When I like a female I'm all about romantic feelings and cuddling and holding hands, wanting to tell her I love her and wanting to hear the same from her. I'm a very affectionate, cuddly, lovey-dovey type of guy. What's wrong with that, seriously?? Not "macho" for a guy to think like that?

Plus as I've said I have a foot fetish so I have different sexual urges anyway; Do you think women can sense if a guy isn't particularly interested in their private parts? If I like a woman, if its more than lust for her feet, I'd be willing to make love to her because I want to please her, but that's not what turns me on. Her feet are what turn me on.

I'm being completely serious here. Are you guys saying that a guy who has love and tender feelings on his mind when it comes to women, instead of sex, is doomed to failure?

 

[5string]

Men want sex, women give sex to get attention.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Haha this reminds me of a recent situation of mine. Ever since I found this site I had been making drastic changes and developing my inner game. (I used to be the typical AFC like most here..) There was this girl who I had a crush on since highschool and things never worked out with her even though I never even told her I liked her, I guess it was obvious to her.

Started hanging out with her again recently. I'm the AMOG of our social circle and have many connections in our city for parties and sh1t like that. I started being more confrontational to people and not taking any bvllsh1t.

Well, she started complimenting me and all sorts of sh1t, then what do you know? we're making out in the corner of the party.. (While the other girl I hooked up with last week saw and got extremely jealous). A few weeks later I was supposed to hangout with this girl, but wound up ditching to go hang with some friends of mine cause she was running late. It wasn't a punishment thing.. I just didn't feel like waiting around for her.

She freaks out at me blah blah and I haven't talked to her in 2 weeks.. But she still craves me. She went on a date with a good friend of mine and he even told me the whole night, this girl was just complaining about ME to him.

And now, I have a date tomorrow with the girl who got jealous that this girl and I hooked up at that party lol.

I mean obviously, this method does not work with every girl. It really only works with the girls that know they're hot and that get attention from all the dudes.. But all those dudes are the lovey dovey type like this post is talking about. If you act like that, then girls just get freaked out and skip town on you lol. Nothing wrong with complimenting a girl and telling her she's beautiful.. But for god's sake.. Don't spill your guts to her! We've all gone down that road before and we all know it just ends in shame!

 

[DonGorgon]

man and women want sex and love... BUT

women pretend to want love more

and men really to want sex more..

 

[floydb25]

So there's something wrong with a guy being more interested in love than in sex? When I like a female I'm all about romantic feelings and cuddling and holding hands, wanting to tell her I love her and wanting to hear the same from her. I'm a very affectionate, cuddly, lovey-dovey type of guy. What's wrong with that, seriously?? Not "macho" for a guy to think like that?

I'm being completely serious here. Are you guys saying that a guy who has love and tender feelings on his mind when it comes to women, instead of sex, is doomed to failure?

Not necessarily... You just can't START things off that way. One thing I learned was that attraction is completely backwards from what you think. The less you do these things - the more the women will - to get YOU to do them. So, when you don't act all relationshipy - they will. People want what they can't have - from the people they can't get them from. They also like the chase and challenge. Giving away these things too soon makes it too easy.

It's the brain process that needs adjusting to understand how attraction works. Most people think that, they have to set the tone early. If they act like they want a relationship - they have to show it. Otherwise they will never get one. I have found the opposite to be true. The less you push for one - the more they do. The more you want one - the less they do.

Acting too relationshipy too soon just scares people away. You gotta keep things light and exciting in the BEGINNING. This is the dating and attraction phase - not the relationship phase. A relationship will come naturally if you ATTRACT them. But, you gotta keep it in moderation.

 

[JakeV]

It's not really helpful to think of things in such black and white terms ie. "Men want sex, women want love"

The truth is that everyone is different, both men and women. Some women enjoy NSA hookups and some guys are more interested in relationships than sex.

The most important thing is to get clear on what YOU want, and then to go after that.

Don't get sucked into going after what you *think* you are *supposed* to want to please other people.

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Dating Coach Jake Vandenhoff teaches men how to succeed with women naturally, without relying on outdated PUA tactics...