"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

Read more...

Went out to a bar for the first time alone last night.

JeeperCane

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At 26, I went to a bar down the street for the first time alone last night. I've actually met a large number of my ex's in bars, so I feel comfortable and confident there, but I've never gone alone, which is an entirely new feeling inandof itself. I thought it might be pretty empty, so it would serve as a good warmup, but when I got there, it was actually packed BEYOND a reasonable level. At the point where you can't move, keep getting bumped and have a hard time getting a drink.

Nothing major happened. I was fortunate enough to get a seat at the bar (the only free one). Had two beers, tried to chat up two girls, but nothing major. One didn't want to be talked to and the other kept making eye contact, but then didn't speak English when I approached (it's Miami....what are you gonna do?). Beyond that, to be completely honest (not only with you guys, but with myself) it was just sooo packed you really couldn't get anything done. I stayed for two beers....~an hour.

I just feel self-conscious being "the loner" at the bar, but I think I hide that feeling well. If anyone asked me, I would have told them the truth: I wanted a drink after work and all my close friends are now married. Which is 100% true. I'm at a new job ~2 months and haven't found anyone single there to go out drinking with either.

I hope to have better luck next time. Just being out, by myself in a full bar was a little intimidating to be honest. If I was with just one buddy, it would have made a WORLD of difference, but it was an experiment in putting myself out of my own element, which I think was a good step.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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JeeperCane

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wow, 84 views and no replies. i'll have to make sure my story is more interesting next time.
 

Dongfu

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Your not really asking anything of the forum. The post reads more like you are thinking to yourself.
 

Phyzzle

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Well, this is the most hard core story I've heard since Tuesday, when I went to the office Christmas party, removed a lamp shade from a lamp, and placed it on my head in an unusual and inappropriate manner, thus wearing it like a hat.

Truly, I am the life of the party from time to time. :rockon:
 

Analytic

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JeeperCane said:
wow, 84 views and no replies. i'll have to make sure my story is more interesting next time.
This is what you call a "blog post"

I get what you're saying about going out alone, my first time was pretty bad, I completely frooze up and wanted to get the hell outa there. Am going out tomorrow by myself tomorrow for the 2nd time.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Give yourself a pat on the back, you're swimming in the deep end now.

Actually that's a bad analogy because most people would be frightened to death to go to a bar or any other kind of social situation where they don't know anyone by themselves.

You're white water rafting at this point.
 

NorPacWolf

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Become a regular and that way you won't be going "solo" but will have friends waiting for you, patrons and staff alike.
 

DavenJuan

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you go to the same place enough times with friends, you can go alone and still have the employees and regulars their since they are Now your friends anyway.
 

Kid Quick

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I'm in a similar situation. I took a job in a new town several weeks ago and none of my coworkers go out. Try to go places before they get too crowded and find a seat at the bar. Put yourself in the mix by picking a seat near where people will walk up for drinks as the place fills. Do what others have said: Get to know the bartenders, wait staff, and regulars so you are not alone.

JeeperCane said:
If anyone asked me, I would have told them the truth: I wanted a drink after work and all my close friends are now married.
Leave off the second part. You want a drink. No explanation necessary.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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wheelin&dealin

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I have been to dance clubs alone and it's pretty sweet.... it's like your destiny is in your own hands. Either start dancing or look like the creepy loser in the corner. I should really do it more often..
 

MikeEdward1973

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If you're going to go alone to a bar, there are a couple things that can help make that work for you.

First, try to find a bar that has a good selection of sports packages & televisions. It's perfectly acceptable to sit at a bar by yourself & watch a baseball or football or basketball game. If attractive women happen to come by in a close radius while you're watching, that's a great opportunity to start chatting with them. If you don't talk to them, it really doesn't matter, since you can continue to be engrossed in your game.

Also, it's best to go to a couple really good places regularly that you're very comfortable at, and tip well. This way, you get to know the bartenders. This has any number of advantages.
 
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