Went ghost - how long to wait now

[DonJuanabe]

Had a third date with a girl on Friday. The first and second dates ended with make-out sessions. Third date she shares a lot of personal information with me -- not going to go into the details but some DJs would next her; I'm not going to because I like her and can deal with stuff like this. Point is that she feels comfortable opening up to me. We go out to grab a late dinner. She is touching my back and arm as we're walking. After dinner I take her hand in mine as we're walking -- she does not hold mine back just goes along for the ride. Bad sign. We get back to her place and we're sitting on the sofa -- it does not feel right. She isn't facing me, doesn't want me to rub her back. I decide to test her and go for the kiss -- she withdraws. I then tell her that we've been spending time together for nearly a month so things should be progressing and she doesn't even want to kiss. I say look, if you're just not interested that's fine, you need to go with how you feel. She says that she is interested in me, she just doesn't know how she feels. I say this is our third date, after nearly a month if you don't know how you feel then obviously you're not interested in us dating. She says she is interested in me she just doesn't want to mislead me. Bamm! To me that is confirmation of what I had been suspecting -- I say look, if you're interested in someone else then you should go with your feelings; I will stop calling you. She says she did meet a guy at a social function she attended but they have not gone on any dates, she just doesn't know how she feels, but says she wants me to call her again. I tell her that what matters is she go with her feelings and that it isn't my job to tell her what she should do but at this point, for us, things should be progressing and if they aren't then there isn't really anything to discuss. As I get ready to leave we hug, we hug tightly, we start making out, she starts rubbing her hands over my body. We don't have sex (of any kind) but things do progress beyond where they've been. She says she wants to go to sleep and wants me to leave and I do, saying I will call her some time.

The next day, toward the evening, she texts me a quick two sentences about how she spent her afternoon. I do not reply.

So I saw her this past Friday and am thinking of waiting until Wednesday to contact her about doing something that upcoming weekend. Or simply stay ghost and wait for her to get in touch with me about getting together? From prior discussion I know she is the kind of girl who, if a guy doesn't call her when he says he will (which I did say I would do) she just accepts that as it is. However, she did text me the other day when there was no need to do so.

I like this girl but I know I need to play cool. I can't push her; I need to let her miss me, figure out her feelings, and let this other guy do AFC things like make too much contact with her.

Thoughts?

 

[cordoncordon]

Yeah I would totally cut off all contact with the girl. If she calls you up and asks you out, do it. But in the meantime. Move on both mentally and physically. If a girl flat out tells you she met someone else, and doesn't know how she feels yet? Time to get out while the gettin' is good.

 

[easun]

You shouldn't even be wasting your time debating with her about it. What the hell? That's your damn problem. Just drop her like a rock. If she likes you at all, she'll give in and put out.

 

[Greasy Pig]

If you have to convince a girl to progress with you, the whole relationship is doomed.
Leave her alone and she might come to her senses.

And remember, you can't force attraction.

 

[backbreaker]

Point is that she feels comfortable opening up to m

rotfl i feel "comfortable" with a crack pipe in my mouth with a good 20 peice on the end while getting my nob slobbed on lol by a hot drug *****. doesn't mean it's not a red flag or a bad idea.


the **** we say to ourselves to justify getting *****.

She says that she is interested in me, she just doesn't know how she feels

WTF does this mean? how can you be interested but not know how you feel. that's like if i ask my wife hey babe what do you want for dinner and she says okay i want some chicken and rice but i dont' know what i want to eat.

do you understand the words that are coming out of her mouth? she doesn't like you. no me gusta. Io non ti piace.


i was not going to reply to this thread but this behavior is beyond pathetic and needs to be called out. What i find appauling is the fact that the women has big boy issues. i'm going to guess and i'm going to be half ass right. attachment/detachment issues, possibly sexual assualt/molestation issues or " trouble opening up to people" issues. it's one of hte three i would bet money on it. and you have no problme with these huge ass ****ing red flags that are telling to GTFO, and you over look all these big ass signs becuase "i can deal with them". but the only red flags you have are the ones that are stopping you from getting any lol. so in other words, the girl can be crazy, have issues, see other guys, i don't care as long as she puts out.

you are the problem with men today. have some fvcking standards and stick to them. the girl not only does not like you she is fvcking crazy yet you still want to fvck her. not only do you make the game harder for you, you make hte game harder for every other guy on here who just wants a decent peice of tail becuase if bat**** crazy decent look girls who don't commit or have sex can have guys fawning over them, what about avg non bat **** crazy good looking girls?

also, have you ever considered that itg's her issues that are causing the problems? sometimes.. it really is not you. sometimes.. she really is jsut that fvcking crazy.

I like this girl but I know I need to play cool. I can't push her; I need to let her miss me, figure out her feelings, and let this other guy do AFC things like make too much contact with her.

for the coup de grace the guy who spends a month with a girl, buying dinners, with a girl who has told him on the 3rd date she has issues, is seeing another guy oh and not fvcking you, calls the other guy who she likes enough to not fvck this guy an AFC. you can't make this **** up

 

[DonJuanabe]

Backbreaker I appreciate the reply.

The girl told me before our third date that she is single because she has emotional issues. Yes, red flag.

I received a text from her on Saturday following our 3rd date (Friday) and I didn't reply to it or talk with her until Monday night when I called her. She said that I should have called her or texted her sooner but I just said I was busy. Apparently the guy she mentioned is someone who is playing the role of amateur counselor -- or shall we say AFC -- to go along with her real therapist. She complained that I don't kiss/hug her when she greets me at the door and I told her okay I'll put you in a big bearhug next time I see you. Of course, this seems weird to me since she had issues when I was holding her hand. She is kind of all over the place, but as a DJ I ****ed up by not making out with her whenever she answered her door when I came over each time. She also said we should communicate more often, whether by text or phone. Today I called her and she said since we're not boyfriend-girlfriend I don't need to call her so much. Yes, I am well aware of what she is saying...

I think I actually figured out what is going on with her to a degree -- she has serious problems with intimacy and affection and that makes sense given some events in her life from childhood that have caused depression to this day (not molestation). I think she has difficulty actually feeling loved. I assume this is the attachment/detachment you mentioned? As an example, she is totally in to making out passionately, with lust, squeezing each others body and french kissing. But a couple times where I switched that to being playful and affectionate by kissing her lightly on the nose or forehead her expression changed from enjoyment to what looked like anguish. It was really disturbing to be honest. I've never seen anything like that before in my life.

Anyway, we had met online and she stopped using the site but I noticed she started back on. Obviously her interest level dropped and, in part, I know I screwed up by broaching the topic of progressing with whatever our relationship was -- it showed weakness and pushiness on my part. Anti-Dump would smack me down for it as I'm sure you and others would too.

We had made plans to get together this weekend in the afternoon but I'm going to cancel it and tell her that getting together with her won't give me enough time to go on a date I wanted to line up for that night.

DJBe

 

[DonJuanabe]

Oh, as far as what it cost me, three dates maybe 30 bucks? If I want to pay for sex I'll get a hooker (which I never have and never will).