Went against the grain, told friend I fancy her

[IBreatheSpears]

Hey guys, this thread's equal parts rant, field report and question so no emergency need to get an answer but it would be cool to get you guys' opinions on something that happened to me last night. Also I wrote this on my phone so it may be messy and there may be a lot of text.

So I have this girl I've been friends/acquaintances with for a few years. I'd say HB7.5, very pretty and lively alternative girl with a very seductive manner. We have have that somewhat awkward kind of acquaintanceship where you flirt a lot but it never goes anywhere. I'm not her orbiter as I don't waste time with her or supplicate to her, just talk to and flirt with her casually when I see her out and about. We've always flirted but I had a GF when we met and I never made a move afterwards because we were friends and it felt weird to try to "escape the friendzone" with her. We both dated several other people since and in doing so kept this weird dynamic alive.

Tonight I saw her and she was being more heavily flirtatious than usual. She got close to me which I took as her being a bit weird and playful (looking back she may have been trying to invade my personal space but I still think it was harmless behaviour). I was feeling confident and, let me be honest, horny, so I was about to pull her in for a kiss but tbh I pussied out (so not that confident lol) for a second, and by the time I realised the opportunity I was throwing away, I had missed my chance. So instead I decided to talk to her and, although DJs teach us not to make declarations of interest to girls, I decided to find out what has been going on between us.

I can't remember all the deets of what was said, but I basically just told her I wanted to kiss her (I keep telling girls this lately since I decided to be more open because I think it shows and reinforces low confidence if you never say what you want. I have felt much more confident since doing this but it's not working outer game-wise so I need to refine). She told me not to kiss her and said she wasnt interested. "Okay thanks, now I know", I thought.

But she continued, telling me that she doesn't flirt in this way with other guys and doesn't understand why she flirts so much with me. She explained that she finds me attractive but she isn't interested in hooking up. I assume that since she knows me she knows that I just screw around and am not a good relationship prospect. She also pointed out that we don't have anything in common, probably to head off the possibility of me offering her an LTR then and there (have to be honest, the urge to say that did occur to me even though it would have been insincere, so I caught myself just before lying/supplicating to get into her pants. Old habits! Also I wonder if she saw that reflected in my body language or just made a lucky guess).

Naturally I felt a little rejected and was probably noticeably discomforted but I just said ok and went to get a drink and flirt with some other girl. Not gonna criticise myself for displaying negative emotion after being rejected because it's human and I handled it with a reasonable amount of grace: didn't whine or try to change her mind like I would have back in the day, just looked a bit dejected for a second and moved on.

Anyway, I'm glad I had this talk with her because this flirting thing had gone on long enough. It feels good to know where I stand. Plus she boosted my ego by implying there was physical attraction between us but that she would only want an LTR, whether that was true or something she said to be gentle.

However I'm intrigued by her comment that she only flirts in this way with me. Do you think she was telling the truth, making it up to be nice, making it up to be manipulative (i.e. likes the attention and doesn't want it to stop despite turning me down) or is this hamster code for something else? If it's the truth, why would it be the case? She seemed genuinely unsure herself, so perhaps she really (thinks she) only behaves this way with me.

I'm also interested to see how she acts next time I see her. I bet despite what was said, she will flirt with me again.

P.S. She and a mutual friend have apparently done some kinky stuff without penetration, which would (kind of!) support her statement that she doesn't hook up. She just does kinky shìt and tells herself it doesn't count as sex somehow. She and my friend have both told me this separately a while ago but neither of them are really to be trusted on this. She's a girl and he's the kind of guy who will lie without a second thought to protect information he sees as socially 'classified', even to his close friends.

P.P.S. Since my dìck still does a lot of my thinking for me, I'm gonna go ahead and ask this: does it seem like there's a way I can still fúck her? She's easily one of the hottest girls in my social circle. I don't expect anything though.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Three words for you: demonstrate not explicate. Sounds like you were doing fine until you felt the need to open your mouth.

In future just keep escalating physically to the point where sex will happen. There's absolutely no need to start talking about the situation. And whatever you do do not ask for sex; there's no easier way to kill sexual tension, or what little of it is left after your other unwarranted declaration.

All you can do is go back to how you were and hope that she reciprocates.

Your honesty would have been admirable had you been firmly in the friend zone. But it really doesn't sound like you were.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

Three words for you: demonstrate not explicate. Sounds like you were doing fine until you felt the need to open your mouth.

In future just keep escalating physically to the point where sex will happen. There's absolutely no need to start talking about the situation. And whatever you do do not ask for sex; there's no easier way to kill sexual tension, or what little of it is left after your other unwarranted declaration.

All you can do is go back to how you were and hope that she reciprocates.

Your honesty would have been admirable had you been firmly in the friend zone. But it really doesn't sound like you were.

I actually didn't say anything explicit about sex, just said I wanted to kiss her. She assumed I was offering sex and I responded "I didn't say anything about sex" but she saw through that; just gave me a look that said "we both know that's what you were getting at" and continued.

I just remembered trying to get some other girl's number while her boyfriend sat there. She was writing something in my phone about how I should try to model for photography students. I told her to slip her number in "in case i need to double check something" while she was typing but she refused. Almost the same situation above happened with this girl too, except I told her I was about to kiss her rather than asking/offering (this was before her boyfriend showed up). This also didn't work. Lesson learned.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

actually didn't say anything explicit about sex, just said I wanted to kiss her. She assumed I was offering sex and I responded "I didn't say anything about sex" but she saw through that; just gave me a look that said "we both know that's what you were getting at" and continued.

Too much chit chat in general. You don't need to be asking for anything. Escalate non verbally, and they either follow your lead or they don't. You're basically killing all tension by trying to be a 'gentleman' and making things really awkward in the process. You're not living in some 19th century period drama. Don't apologise for your sexuality.

 

[devilkingx2]

sounds like you accidentally got yourself into the provider/boyfriend role by saying that.

 

[Von]

Actions speak louder than words.

Better do something and be rejected than doing nothing and being pissed about doing nothing.

You'll feel happier doing something and be rejected than being numb.

Those lines I read in ''law of attraction'' in 2008 definitelly helped shape my outlook on life and my approach...Just do it.

You felt happier right? Eventually, you'll stop asking and go for action: physical escalation.... the more you practice the easier it will get.

Good job, if you see her again I would recommend physically escalating (especially if she keeps the same behaviour), if she reject: friendzone her or next