"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Weird *****

itishe

Master Don Juan
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I want some insight into what is wrong this *****.

I've been seeing this girl for a little less than a month now. We've been on multiple dates and have had numerous long ass make out sessions. I know she likes me quite a bit.

Here is some background information:

-She's a bit stupid (she's very blonde)
-She's a virgin
-She's very self concious

I started seeing her akwardness after she was reluctant to kiss me after a movie (we held hands in the movie and my hand was resting in her lap near her whiskers). I figured maybe it was because there was other people around and she is self-concious.

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Then the other night her, me and two other people go drinking at her house. I try make some light convo with her after I've been there for a while with her and she gives me some look of like "holy **** who are you and why are you talking to me". So I walked away from her because I'm not gonna tolerate that ****.

After a while we start watching a movie and since there's no room on the small couch (barely held 3 people) I go sit in the other chair next to the couch. We talk a little during the movie, but I'm still thrown off by her attitude/actions. After a while I notice the three of them whispering (my buddy later tells me they were saying, "she is having second thoughts because I never call her". He told her that's just the way I am.).

I tried to kiss her a few times, and she backed away for each one which almost pissed me off.

Anywho we go to sleep and I go to bed with her in her room and I kept trying to go for her goods but she'd keep pulling my hand away. We just made out and spooned. I happened to ask her, "when I go to kiss you why do you act so weird" she replied, "you're the one acting weird".

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So I'm confused.

She loves it when we do stuff together, but then again acts like she is almost disgusted I'm talking to her sometimes. Maybe she's mad I havn't brought up the bf/gf thing yet (my buddy who seems to be good friends with her seems to think it is that since we're not going out that she is acting this way.)

I don't know what to do with this one, she's all over the place. I almost feel like leaving her alone for a while until she straightens up, but then she might lose interest by then since she's self concious (thinking I'm no longer interested).
 

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Serialized3

Master Don Juan
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Sounds like a waste of time to me. She sounds like a psycho. I don't think anything you can do will make her more normal. Hit it and quit it, if you can.
 

ryannath

Master Don Juan
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You had your hands near this girl's whiskers!? That is just sick man, a chick with whiskers. You shouldn't go after chicks with whiskers. Maybe she is really a dude and that is why she is not giving you sex, because she is ashamed because she has a penis.
 

itishe

Master Don Juan
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Yeah I think she might be a tad bit crazy, but who isn't these days? She's got some massive titties though so I'm gonna try for a couple more weeks.
 
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