jarkprongo
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- Jan 30, 2014
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Hey everyone, I hope it is fine to ask for advice as a first post. So this is quite a complicated story so I feel the need to give details, it’s really weird and I’m completely confused by it (included a short summary at the very end for those who can't be asked reading it all) Haven’t spoken to anyone else who knows both her and I so I’m really lost…
I realize my whole attitude stinks of AFCness and that I made a LOT of stupid noob mistakes and that I really need to improve on certain things, hoping to do so asap.
To describe the girl a bit: heard she was shy with guys and maybe lacks a bit in confidence despite good looks? Been living with her and a few others for the past 4 months. I’m pretty certain she was into me for a while, possibly even quite a lot, however like an idiot I was kind of ignoring it as I didn’t want to be disillusioned. It kind of escalated though (not physically…) and on the last day before the holidays I’m quite sure she was expecting a kiss and it didn’t happen, she went out for dinner and after coming back home seemed upset with me, at the end of the night almost invited me to watch a film with her but changed her mind at the last minute. In the end I went to see her and basically asked her if she liked me as she had a weird attitude and she denied it all, saying I might be paranoid from the skunk…
A month later after not having spoken to her for the whole time and still pretty confused by what happened before, came back to the house and it was quite weird, when I’d see her she’d turn her eyes away and would generally seem upset and shut down, only rarely saying anything to me, always having her door shut (unlike before when it was pretty much never closed) etc.
For that whole time I was completely mind****ed, not knowing at all what to think or what to do, on the one hand I still had the impression she was interested but often I’d come to the conclusion that it was a lost cause. I decided to ignore her quite blatantly as I, again, didn’t want to have a false hope or make a fool of myself, but maybe one could tell that I liked her. After a while I noticed she’d sometimes look at me as if she was waiting for something, or throw little glances once in a while, generally exhibiting quite weird behaviour around me, sometimes completely ignoring me. It just seemed she was expecting something.
The second week she started looking really sad, almost crying at times, presumably because I was not really paying attention to her and even acting as if I was perfectly happy and detached. I could also hear one of her friends who also lives with us reassuring her about her appearance and acting strange around me when they were together.
Another weird one was when after dinner she said she was going on a date with one of our flatmates (player/alpha type, does exactly what I wasn’t doing) who’s been chasing her since the beginning of the year and would give him another chance. At first he didn’t even seem to remember, and other flatmates seemed surprised, and I spotted two of them turning their head to look at me quickly (including the guy who was meant to go on the date), + I think in the end they were just going for dinner at a friend’s…. I didn’t react at all and two minutes later she went to bed looking really troubled all of a sudden.
That weekend it seemed I had a “last chance” to speak to her and didn’t take it, she went out and when coming back was flirting a bit with the guy from the date, or she’d speak to her friend about some other guy and then turn her head to look at me, with quite an annoyed look on her face. After that I was in my room listening to music and she was next doors speaking with her friends, at one point she and one of her friends (to whom I’d told that I wanted to speak to the girl) went out and started speaking right in front of my door, I heard her say “hey” hen think I heard her say she was “also scared” and saying something about what was a problem with most guys, then I think something about the guys’ she’d mentioned earlier being “just [something,]”, anyway it seemed like they were trying to get my attention and so that I’d go speak to her, really strange. The day after she left the city for the weekend and her friend asked me if I’d gotten a chance to speak to her, from the way she asked and her reaction it all seemed as if it had been the last chance or something. That weekend I heard the latter say I’d been a prick to the girl…
Now she’s come back and it’s gotten even weirder, first day she was here I went to her room before she was going to bed (only time I could speak to her), said I was sorry if I acted a bit weird lately, she straight away spoke about the paranoia thing again and we basically had the same chat as before, she insisted on the fact she had never been into me and that nothing I would do could change that and that she wasn’t expecting anything from me, but also denied to have been upset lately (it’s obvious she was) and that there was any ambiguity or weirdness between us so I’m not sure what to think but there’s definitely something people aren’t telling me… she also asked me to tell her in what way it seemed she was into me as she really wanted to “fix” the situation.
The day after she got together with the guy who she was going on that date with, she slept in his room (and I guess with him) 2 days ago and made a comment about that speaking to a flatmate in my presence yesterday… and since then I’ve heard her speak several times about her sex life, other guys etc. in my presence, while I’m acting as if everything is fine, not really paying attention to her but without being rude or anything. I’ve also noticed one of her close male friends (who she used to see) gives me glances quite a lot and that all of her friends seem to ask me if I’m ok and keep looking at me (don’t think I look sad). Also the other girls who live with us sort of ignore me, and everyone is generally quite weird.
So I really have no idea what’s going on. A few possibilities I’ve thought about:
-she can see I’m still into her and thinks I’m being awkward/creepy about it and was trying to discourage me from pursuing her and there’s evidence that she’s been trying to avoid me lately (but also conflicting behaviour) but in that case she’s really doing it in a hurtful and clumsy way
-she’s lost interest in me because I’m too much of an AFC or because she thinks I wasn’t really that interested/only after sex (coming to speak to her just before bedtime to be able to sleep with her without making any effort to speak to her) and she got hurt and now sees me as some insensitive bastard who was playing with her (really not what I was trying to do), and doesn’t want me to think I have any chance with her anymore.
-she might have lost interest after my first ****-up and was sad that there was this awkwardness in the house because of the whole thing, didn’t know what to do hence the sadness
-or I was genuinely delusional for that whole time but the ambiguity is undeniable. I could develop on the signs of initial interest, I’m quite positive it was there and fairly strong.
-other, more positive scenarios but that’s more what I would wish than what is actually going on
In any case the situation is quite ridiculous as I feel ostracized by the rest of the house and as if every of their friends knows about the story. Plus everyone is saying I’m just freaking out which is quite disrespectful and I’m quite confident with my ability to distinguish genuine ambiguity and dreams/fantasies (and I'm open to the idea that some of the above might be a figment of my imagination). On top of that it seems I very very stupidly missed a chance to be with a girl who I’m quite into. The chat we had before the holidays and the whole weirdness + the fact no one was telling me anything made me even more unsure and unconfident than usual, so I didn’t do anything… Couldn’t be worse, really. Pretty sure I’ve ****ed it up completely with this girl but if anyone could help me clear out the situation I guess it would help me deal with it. I know I'm overanalysing but this is so confusing that I can't help it and as I'm pretty hurt/annoyed/humiliated by the whole thing I can't stop thinking about it.
Tl;dr:
-Girl was quite certainly into me, I didn’t do anything, ended up asking her if she liked me and she denied everything
-After a month I came back and it was really weird, sometimes she’d ignore me completely, sometimes she’d give me strange looks and glances, kept on ignoring her/looking uninterested, she ended up looking quite sad and upset/hurt, some hints that I was meant to approach her but can’t be sure… ended up doing nothing and not speaking to her.
-After a week end at home she came back and it seemed she’d decided to get over with me, had a second similar chat in which she denied her interest again, even more strongly, but a lot of what she said was most likely bull****
-Now after not really getting with anyone or speaking about sex for the whole year she’s going out with guys and keeps speaking about it in front of me
-She could have been trying to discourage me for the whole last 3 weeks but at the same time there's contradictory evidence
-Everyone in the house is weird around me and no one has spoken to me about it despite an obvious awkwardness.
Sorry for the essay and thanks in advance!
I realize my whole attitude stinks of AFCness and that I made a LOT of stupid noob mistakes and that I really need to improve on certain things, hoping to do so asap.
To describe the girl a bit: heard she was shy with guys and maybe lacks a bit in confidence despite good looks? Been living with her and a few others for the past 4 months. I’m pretty certain she was into me for a while, possibly even quite a lot, however like an idiot I was kind of ignoring it as I didn’t want to be disillusioned. It kind of escalated though (not physically…) and on the last day before the holidays I’m quite sure she was expecting a kiss and it didn’t happen, she went out for dinner and after coming back home seemed upset with me, at the end of the night almost invited me to watch a film with her but changed her mind at the last minute. In the end I went to see her and basically asked her if she liked me as she had a weird attitude and she denied it all, saying I might be paranoid from the skunk…
A month later after not having spoken to her for the whole time and still pretty confused by what happened before, came back to the house and it was quite weird, when I’d see her she’d turn her eyes away and would generally seem upset and shut down, only rarely saying anything to me, always having her door shut (unlike before when it was pretty much never closed) etc.
For that whole time I was completely mind****ed, not knowing at all what to think or what to do, on the one hand I still had the impression she was interested but often I’d come to the conclusion that it was a lost cause. I decided to ignore her quite blatantly as I, again, didn’t want to have a false hope or make a fool of myself, but maybe one could tell that I liked her. After a while I noticed she’d sometimes look at me as if she was waiting for something, or throw little glances once in a while, generally exhibiting quite weird behaviour around me, sometimes completely ignoring me. It just seemed she was expecting something.
The second week she started looking really sad, almost crying at times, presumably because I was not really paying attention to her and even acting as if I was perfectly happy and detached. I could also hear one of her friends who also lives with us reassuring her about her appearance and acting strange around me when they were together.
Another weird one was when after dinner she said she was going on a date with one of our flatmates (player/alpha type, does exactly what I wasn’t doing) who’s been chasing her since the beginning of the year and would give him another chance. At first he didn’t even seem to remember, and other flatmates seemed surprised, and I spotted two of them turning their head to look at me quickly (including the guy who was meant to go on the date), + I think in the end they were just going for dinner at a friend’s…. I didn’t react at all and two minutes later she went to bed looking really troubled all of a sudden.
That weekend it seemed I had a “last chance” to speak to her and didn’t take it, she went out and when coming back was flirting a bit with the guy from the date, or she’d speak to her friend about some other guy and then turn her head to look at me, with quite an annoyed look on her face. After that I was in my room listening to music and she was next doors speaking with her friends, at one point she and one of her friends (to whom I’d told that I wanted to speak to the girl) went out and started speaking right in front of my door, I heard her say “hey” hen think I heard her say she was “also scared” and saying something about what was a problem with most guys, then I think something about the guys’ she’d mentioned earlier being “just [something,]”, anyway it seemed like they were trying to get my attention and so that I’d go speak to her, really strange. The day after she left the city for the weekend and her friend asked me if I’d gotten a chance to speak to her, from the way she asked and her reaction it all seemed as if it had been the last chance or something. That weekend I heard the latter say I’d been a prick to the girl…
Now she’s come back and it’s gotten even weirder, first day she was here I went to her room before she was going to bed (only time I could speak to her), said I was sorry if I acted a bit weird lately, she straight away spoke about the paranoia thing again and we basically had the same chat as before, she insisted on the fact she had never been into me and that nothing I would do could change that and that she wasn’t expecting anything from me, but also denied to have been upset lately (it’s obvious she was) and that there was any ambiguity or weirdness between us so I’m not sure what to think but there’s definitely something people aren’t telling me… she also asked me to tell her in what way it seemed she was into me as she really wanted to “fix” the situation.
The day after she got together with the guy who she was going on that date with, she slept in his room (and I guess with him) 2 days ago and made a comment about that speaking to a flatmate in my presence yesterday… and since then I’ve heard her speak several times about her sex life, other guys etc. in my presence, while I’m acting as if everything is fine, not really paying attention to her but without being rude or anything. I’ve also noticed one of her close male friends (who she used to see) gives me glances quite a lot and that all of her friends seem to ask me if I’m ok and keep looking at me (don’t think I look sad). Also the other girls who live with us sort of ignore me, and everyone is generally quite weird.
So I really have no idea what’s going on. A few possibilities I’ve thought about:
-she can see I’m still into her and thinks I’m being awkward/creepy about it and was trying to discourage me from pursuing her and there’s evidence that she’s been trying to avoid me lately (but also conflicting behaviour) but in that case she’s really doing it in a hurtful and clumsy way
-she’s lost interest in me because I’m too much of an AFC or because she thinks I wasn’t really that interested/only after sex (coming to speak to her just before bedtime to be able to sleep with her without making any effort to speak to her) and she got hurt and now sees me as some insensitive bastard who was playing with her (really not what I was trying to do), and doesn’t want me to think I have any chance with her anymore.
-she might have lost interest after my first ****-up and was sad that there was this awkwardness in the house because of the whole thing, didn’t know what to do hence the sadness
-or I was genuinely delusional for that whole time but the ambiguity is undeniable. I could develop on the signs of initial interest, I’m quite positive it was there and fairly strong.
-other, more positive scenarios but that’s more what I would wish than what is actually going on
In any case the situation is quite ridiculous as I feel ostracized by the rest of the house and as if every of their friends knows about the story. Plus everyone is saying I’m just freaking out which is quite disrespectful and I’m quite confident with my ability to distinguish genuine ambiguity and dreams/fantasies (and I'm open to the idea that some of the above might be a figment of my imagination). On top of that it seems I very very stupidly missed a chance to be with a girl who I’m quite into. The chat we had before the holidays and the whole weirdness + the fact no one was telling me anything made me even more unsure and unconfident than usual, so I didn’t do anything… Couldn’t be worse, really. Pretty sure I’ve ****ed it up completely with this girl but if anyone could help me clear out the situation I guess it would help me deal with it. I know I'm overanalysing but this is so confusing that I can't help it and as I'm pretty hurt/annoyed/humiliated by the whole thing I can't stop thinking about it.
Tl;dr:
-Girl was quite certainly into me, I didn’t do anything, ended up asking her if she liked me and she denied everything
-After a month I came back and it was really weird, sometimes she’d ignore me completely, sometimes she’d give me strange looks and glances, kept on ignoring her/looking uninterested, she ended up looking quite sad and upset/hurt, some hints that I was meant to approach her but can’t be sure… ended up doing nothing and not speaking to her.
-After a week end at home she came back and it seemed she’d decided to get over with me, had a second similar chat in which she denied her interest again, even more strongly, but a lot of what she said was most likely bull****
-Now after not really getting with anyone or speaking about sex for the whole year she’s going out with guys and keeps speaking about it in front of me
-She could have been trying to discourage me for the whole last 3 weeks but at the same time there's contradictory evidence
-Everyone in the house is weird around me and no one has spoken to me about it despite an obvious awkwardness.
Sorry for the essay and thanks in advance!