Weeding out Women on BC

[HereToImprove]

I am (supposedly) 10 days deep into BC. However, the very first approach I made coming out of the box after a 3 1/2 year relationship and on the first day of BC led to sleeping with a girl and now she is getting very "girlfriendish" with me after a week. She just sucked out both of my weekend nights and then some, and its making it very hard to move on with BC.

I don't really want her, or anyone else, exclusively right now, as I really haven't gamed in 6 years. The only other time I really got into the game I was bogged down within a month with a couple relationships, one of which lasted the aforementioned 3 1/2 years.

Is it possible to have a relationship (even a fling, as she is moving to NYC in a couple months) while undergoing BC? Short of a few first dates, BC seems like a solitary program of self improvement and not something that one should drag baggage through. It is nice though to have a backup in place to handle "needs" and wash out a little of the desperation we all can feel at times. Anyone have thoughts?

 

[Movin on up]

Just tell her you aren't ready...

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Actually I think turning her into a booty call would be ideal, but at this stage of your 'recovery' I'd worry it would halt your real progress.

One trap most rAFCs fall into is the serial monogamy syndrome. As you stated, you're returning to the field again after 3.5 years and dealing with all of the crap that made your previous relationship so unbearable. This tends to color your perception of the first person you hit it with to seem much more vivacious, sexual and accepting than your old, bad situation by comparisson. Probably more so than is actually the case. The trap then is that you get caught in a cycle of a comfortable monogamy that leads to another ex-girlfriend rather than having the fortitude to condition yourself to be comfortable on your own and truly strengthening your own identity (instead of identifying with your next monogamous mate) and improving yourself by pursuing ambitions of your own choosing.

My advice would be to certainly knock it out with this girl on a non-exclusive basis so long as you're up front about not being exclusive with her. Let her take that as she will, but she'll be moving on in a while anyway. Dont allow yourself to become attached or entertain the misguided notion that you'll have a LDR with her or *shudder* follow her out to NYC. That will most definitely lead you back to AFCdom.