We have been talking, she said she is still not over her ex

pabloescobar

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Yeh to put some context it was a girl i saw in uni which i got her number and we have been talking over some months until we could hang out, when the both of us had time (tbh i was pretty persistant on this girl). So we went for a coffee and talked about some uni and superficial ****, then i lead her for a walk and i got her to open up and we talk about some more deep ****. All was fine since she had most of the attention on me and didnt ever check her phone, and basically i got to know her (and screen her) a lot in that day. Only red flags i see is that she hasnt a good relationship with her father, and she seems that she is still hung up on her ex, since she dropped that on the conversation (which i didnt tried to listen tho). That date was a week ago and we have been talking since, she told me she signed for some class that i go to, so now it seems that we got a common class. Some day we were chatting, i asked her out, she brought up the fact that she can't forget her ex, then she said "nah it is bc i have family plans"

Either way, im truly interested in this girl. Since i broke up with my ex eight months ago, i have met at least 10 girls and this is one i like a lot. Sadly she seems that she is not over her ex so i think the best option that i have is to have less contact with her and just wait while i do my other business.
 
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Frozen799

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Comments in bold.

QUOTE="pabloescobar, post: 2675767, member: 151161"]
Yeh to put some context it was a girl i saw in uni which i got her number and we have been talking over some months until we could hang out, when the both of us had time (tbh i was pretty persistant on this girl).

It took you few months of talking to get her out for a coffee/lunch? Seems she is not interested at all, and was just liking the attention and most probably you talked about her issues or something like that? Especially since she is still hung on her ex, it's very likely she likes the attention you gave her.

So we went for a coffee and talked about some uni and superficial ****, then i lead her for a walk and i got her to open up and we talk about some more deep ****. All was fine since she had most of the attention on me and didnt ever check her phone, and basically i got to know her (and screen her) a lot in that day. Only red flags i see is that she hasnt a good relationship with her father, and she seems that she is still hung up on her ex, since she dropped that on the conversation (which i didnt tried to listen tho). That date was a week ago and we have been talking since, she told me she signed for some class that i go to, so now it seems that we got a common class. Some day we were chatting, i asked her out, she brought up the fact that she can't forget her ex, then she said "nah it is bc i have family plans"

You are option number 10 at best. Imagine this, you are on a date with her, going to your house and just before you start ****ing her ex says "Hi" to her over a text, she will be out of your house going after him in a matter of seconds.

Either way, im truly interested in this girl. Since i broke up with my ex eight months ago, i have met at least 10 girls and this is one i like a lot. Sadly she seems that she is not over her ex so i think the best option that i have is to have less contact with her and just wait while i do my other business.

Your best option is to cut all contact, don't chat, why would you chat? If you continue down this road it's a very probably case of oneitis where you will hung up even more, and she will just lead and toss you, without any escalation. Been there believe me.
Go NC, and don't initiate anything unless she invests hard it in. She is clearly not interested.


[/QUOTE]
 

Robert28

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Still not over her ex
Brings up ex talk on FIRST DATE
Father issues


This is the hallmark of every damaged woman I’ve ever met. The story is always the same.

Next thing you know she will tell you how she has anxiety and depression and God knows what else.
 

pabloescobar

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Frozen ur right. I knew if i kept like this, more oneitis would appear. I enjoyed a lot her company and all of that but seeing the current situation the best i can do is to move on and focus on other girls/things, eventually i will find another girl that i like, its numbers game i guess.
 

rando5495

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Only red flags i see is that she hasnt a good relationship with her father, and she seems that she is still hung up on her ex
If you are in uni, then you are a young man.

Mate, there are so many red-flags that it isn't even funny. You aren't seeing the signs. Doesn't take months to get a woman to go out with you. Whenever you feel like you are pushing a boulder up a mountain, like the legendary Atlas, then the particular set is in a very bad way. This one from the get go.

Then you have one date that you had to work really hard for in which she just goes on about her ex. Stop trying to understand her or whatever, and see the low interest for what it is.

More so though is that it's a self-esteem thing. Got to see yourself as worth more. Her wasting your time in this way is simply unnacceptable. Some anger even is understandable. Trying to be even more understanding really isn't.
 
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pabloescobar

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Doesn't take months to get a woman to go out with you. Whenever you feel like you are pushing a boulder up a mountain, like the legendary Atlas, then the particular set is in a very bad way. This one from the get go.
She had valid excuses and proposed new dates for all the times i asked her, though. But you are 100% right, that girl wasted my time.
 

stringpuller

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Yeh to put some context it was a girl i saw in uni which i got her number and we have been talking over some months until we could hang out, when the both of us had time (tbh i was pretty persistant on this girl). So we went for a coffee and talked about some uni and superficial ****, then i lead her for a walk and i got her to open up and we talk about some more deep ****. All was fine since she had most of the attention on me and didnt ever check her phone, and basically i got to know her (and screen her) a lot in that day. Only red flags i see is that she hasnt a good relationship with her father, and she seems that she is still hung up on her ex, since she dropped that on the conversation (which i didnt tried to listen tho). That date was a week ago and we have been talking since, she told me she signed for some class that i go to, so now it seems that we got a common class. Some day we were chatting, i asked her out, she brought up the fact that she can't forget her ex, then she said "nah it is bc i have family plans"

Either way, im truly interested in this girl. Since i broke up with my ex eight months ago, i have met at least 10 girls and this is one i like a lot. Sadly she seems that she is not over her ex so i think the best option that i have is to have less contact with her and just wait while i do my other business.
Dude "the book of pook" and " the rational male" and a big callout for Rooshv k. Get your gead screwed on strait first. "Strait" "first" in italics.
 

Espi

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My best advice:

Who has the power in a relationship?
The one who loves the least.

Uncertainty, doubt, and tension are what draw them in.

Presently, in my opinion, she's using your time and attention for HER own needs.

Your time and attention are your two greatest assets, and these are valuable...but only when you make them SCARCE (search the Internet: David DeAngelo scarce).

You have a lot of work to do and I mean that respectfully. A lot of guys will remain clueless. They will think and act like you do. Then they will marry thinking and acting like you do. Then they will forever remain feeling miserable and powerless, till death do they part.

You're in the right place. Now you should keep an open mind and be prepared to think and act differently.

Either way, im truly interested in this girl. Since i broke up with my ex eight months ago, i have met at least 10 girls and this is one i like a lot. Sadly she seems that she is not over her ex so i think the best option that i have is to have less contact with her and just wait while i do my other business.
 

pabloescobar

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My best advice:

Who has the power in a relationship?
The one who loves the least.

Uncertainty, doubt, and tension are what draw them in.

Presently, in my opinion, she's using your time and attention for HER own needs.

Your time and attention are your two greatest assets, and these are valuable...but only when you make them SCARCE (search the Internet: David DeAngelo scarce).

You have a lot of work to do and I mean that respectfully. A lot of guys will remain clueless. They will think and act like you do. Then they will marry thinking and acting like you do. Then they will forever remain feeling miserable and powerless, till death do they part.

You're in the right place. Now you should keep an open mind and be prepared to think and act differently.
Yeah... i am not usually like that. It is just that i got a bit of oneitis after seeing a girl that i truly liked, after meeting numerous girls.
But that means i still have a lot of work to do if i am going to lose my frame everytime i see a girl that i like a lot, even if they are scarce.
 

Robert28

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Don’t let losing frame get you down. Happens to everyone no matter what they say. Now, you can’t go losing it for every girl that shows interest but there are times I even lose mine when I’m caught off guard with a girl that I just click with on so many levels because it’s so rare and that’s hard to get experience in because those times are so few and far between.
 
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Espi

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Yeah... i am not usually like that. It is just that i got a bit of oneitis after seeing a girl that i truly liked, after meeting numerous girls.
But that means i still have a lot of work to do if i am going to lose my frame everytime i see a girl that i like a lot, even if they are scarce.
I'm 48 been on this site for 13 years and I still have a lot of work to do. It is never ending.

Every day I log onto this site to remind me of the man I aspire to be.

Welcome to SS. Keep reading. Keep failing. Keep learning. You're 19 and I wish you nothing but the best. You seem respectful, humble, and patient. Those are 3 qualities that will take you far in life. Balance those qualities with a fierce desire to kill the nice guy lurking within.
 

pabloescobar

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Thank you guys for all the advice and support! This seems a great community and it motivates me for the future.
 

dude99

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Yeh to put some context it was a girl i saw in uni which i got her number and we have been talking over some months until we could hang out, when the both of us had time (tbh i was pretty persistant on this girl). So we went for a coffee and talked about some uni and superficial ****, then i lead her for a walk and i got her to open up and we talk about some more deep ****. All was fine since she had most of the attention on me and didnt ever check her phone, and basically i got to know her (and screen her) a lot in that day. Only red flags i see is that she hasnt a good relationship with her father, and she seems that she is still hung up on her ex, since she dropped that on the conversation (which i didnt tried to listen tho). That date was a week ago and we have been talking since, she told me she signed for some class that i go to, so now it seems that we got a common class. Some day we were chatting, i asked her out, she brought up the fact that she can't forget her ex, then she said "nah it is bc i have family plans"

Either way, im truly interested in this girl. Since i broke up with my ex eight months ago, i have met at least 10 girls and this is one i like a lot. Sadly she seems that she is not over her ex so i think the best option that i have is to have less contact with her and just wait while i do my other business.
"I'm not over my ex " = blah blah blah no.
"Nah it's because i have family plans" = blah blah blah no.

I would go spin other plates.
 

pabloescobar

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"I'm not over my ex " = blah blah blah no.
"Nah it's because i have family plans" = blah blah blah no.

I would go spin other plates.
Yeh thats what i did 4 hours after

Though i didnt like that girl much... I will look for as many women as necessary until i find one
 
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