We broke up... She dumped me... I'm still depressed... I need help guys!

[ChapStick]

I'm 19, and my Ex is 17. We were together for a total of 11 months. During those 11 months we broke up several times (I was the one that broke up with her), and then I was the one that decided we get back together.

I became a total AFC (I was in-love)... I wasn't getting as much attention from her as I wanted (she wasn't one to show much emotion), so I starting messing around with her friend who gave me the attention I craved for. Needless to say, I didn't care about the friend, and I ended it with her shortly.

After ending it with her, I realize that I really did love my girlfriend. I was spending a lot of time with her, and we were bonding very closely physically and emotionally. Then I moved out of the country and we were in a long distance relationship. We were together for around 9 months thus far.

Her friend (the girl I messed around with), told her everything that had happened between us. My g/f was destroyed! And after several days of fighting, we finally broke up. She decided to end it. She tried to stop staying in touch with me by not replying to my emails as often, because she told me it made her really angry every time I talked about how I still cared for her.

I can't blame her. I will never cheat on a girl ever again. I have learned my lesson. Its been around 3 months since our breakup, and I'm still hurting as much as I was before.

My ex says that she wants us to still be friends, but she knows that she can never get back together with me knowing what I did... We email each-other usually once every week. How can you not love someone and yet still stay in touch with your ex? WHenever I ask her if she still has feelings for us, she tells me not to make her remember the past..

Please... I know I'm being very AFC... I know it! I DO! I need some words of encouragement from you guys on here who can help me out through this difficult time! I'm a mess! I don't want to go out and meet anyone new... I still have strong feelings for my ex... I keep having this hope that we'll someday meet again and be back together. It's hard for me to move on... I still have feelings for this girl...

It hurts...

 

[Being_the_Don]

I'm 19, and my Ex is 17. We were together for a total of 11 months. During those 11 months we broke up several times (I was the one that broke up with her), and then I was the one that decided we get back together.

I became a total AFC (I was in-love)... I wasn't getting as much attention from her as I wanted (she wasn't one to show much emotion), so I starting messing around with her friend who gave me the attention I craved for. Needless to say, I didn't care about the friend, and I ended it with her shortly.

After ending it with her, I realize that I really did love my girlfriend. I was spending a lot of time with her, and we were bonding very closely physically and emotionally. Then I moved out of the country and we were in a long distance relationship. We were together for around 9 months thus far.

Her friend (the girl I messed around with), told her everything that had happened between us. My g/f was destroyed! And after several days of fighting, we finally broke up. She decided to end it. She tried to stop staying in touch with me by not replying to my emails as often, because she told me it made her really angry every time I talked about how I still cared for her.

I can't blame her. I will never cheat on a girl ever again. I have learned my lesson. Its been around 3 months since our breakup, and I'm still hurting as much as I was before.

My ex says that she wants us to still be friends, but she knows that she can never get back together with me knowing what I did... We email each-other usually once every week. How can you not love someone and yet still stay in touch with your ex? WHenever I ask her if she still has feelings for us, she tells me not to make her remember the past..

Please... I know I'm being very AFC... I know it! I DO! I need some words of encouragement from you guys on here who can help me out through this difficult time! I'm a mess! I don't want to go out and meet anyone new... I still have strong feelings for my ex... I keep having this hope that we'll someday meet again and be back together. It's hard for me to move on... I still have feelings for this girl...

It hurts...

Who initiates the emails?

 

[Dole]

insert needle here < >
j/k
man ur only 19 time to move on after a 11 month relationship don't u think that you should take a little break from dating and meet new girl's in ur life?

 

[In2theGame]

I'm 19, and my Ex is 17. We were together for a total of 11 months. During those 11 months we broke up several times (I was the one that broke up with her), and then I was the one that decided we get back together.

I became a total AFC (I was in-love)... I wasn't getting as much attention from her as I wanted (she wasn't one to show much emotion), so I starting messing around with her friend who gave me the attention I craved for. Needless to say, I didn't care about the friend, and I ended it with her shortly.

After ending it with her, I realize that I really did love my girlfriend. I was spending a lot of time with her, and we were bonding very closely physically and emotionally. Then I moved out of the country and we were in a long distance relationship. We were together for around 9 months thus far.

Her friend (the girl I messed around with), told her everything that had happened between us. My g/f was destroyed! And after several days of fighting, we finally broke up. She decided to end it. She tried to stop staying in touch with me by not replying to my emails as often, because she told me it made her really angry every time I talked about how I still cared for her.

I can't blame her. I will never cheat on a girl ever again. I have learned my lesson. Its been around 3 months since our breakup, and I'm still hurting as much as I was before.

My ex says that she wants us to still be friends, but she knows that she can never get back together with me knowing what I did... We email each-other usually once every week. How can you not love someone and yet still stay in touch with your ex? WHenever I ask her if she still has feelings for us, she tells me not to make her remember the past..

Please... I know I'm being very AFC... I know it! I DO! I need some words of encouragement from you guys on here who can help me out through this difficult time! I'm a mess! I don't want to go out and meet anyone new... I still have strong feelings for my ex... I keep having this hope that we'll someday meet again and be back together. It's hard for me to move on... I still have feelings for this girl...

It hurts...

you sound like me 5 years ago. listen man, I know exactly how you feel right now and it will take time but trust me when i say... You will find much better girls in your future. Its so funny because everyone was telling me the same thing back when i was in your shoes and now that ive been through it, im passing it on to you. You'll actually laugh when you think back to this and wonder what the F*** was i thinking?. Much better woman will pass your way. Being single is a wonderful thing and my best advice is enjoy the ride. Start talking to girls out there that you meet. I know i know, your thinking "I dont want to meet anyone, I miss my ex so much" trust me you will get through, just take some time and relax.

 

[KontrollerX]

Well ya got what you deserved for cheating most definitely but if this friendship thing is totally her idea you might as well cut it off man.

Its not a genuine olive branch of friendship from her.

She just wants to talk to you and gauge how much you are suffering without her and talk to you in this safe way under the ruse of friendship until her emotions surrounding you settle.

Then she'll either end the friendship right away or gradually the correspondence will get less and less until its no more or worse she'll keep up this friendship act for life if you allow it and then when her emotions settle she'll begin telling you about all the new guys she's getting it on with ripping your heart out a fresh each time while you pretend through gritting your teeth that you're really happy for her.

We all know your pain but trust that no contact is the only way through it and really the only way there's ever possibly going to be a chance for her to re-ignite what you two had together anyway.

I mean accepting this friendship garbage certainly isn't working for you is it?

No contact.

Period.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I wasn't getting as much attention from her as I wanted, so I starting messing around with her friend.

I can't blame her.

Why not? If she hadn't neglected you, then you would not have cheated. Why do you insist upon carrying all the blame?

I will never cheat on a girl ever again. I have learned my lesson.

No, you haven't, or at least not the important one. People stray when their needs are not met. The most important lesson is that sh!t happens, you should not beat yourself up about it, and also don't think that undying commitment is some sort of attractive trait to a woman. It isn't.

 

[EFFORT]

This was posted on the stylelife forum by Don Diego its a good post


How can I not be needy in my relationships ? *
Conquering Relationship Neediness is CRI-TI-CAL to your
health and sense-of-balance,

and adds to your attractiveness to boot.

I can give you words and words, but

So much of it is finger pointing at the moon.

Let's get back to basics.

To Conquer Neediness: Learn that you already have all that
you need.

Exercise One: Become Happy with Yourself. Get High On Life.

Take your mind off of your romantic relationships for a while.

Take a mental and emotional vacation. A purging. A self
cleansing.

In that time pamper yourself. Get a men's manicure &
pedicure, haircut, facial, spa & massage.

Look great and feel great for it's own sake.

Get in touch with your family.

Visit the grave of an ancestor who has passed if it's nearby or

send a letter to the cemetery to place on their grave if
it's not practical.

Call all your living relatives for no reason, just to say
"Hi." Feel the love.

Go for a walk at a local Botanical Gardens or park and bring
a camera.

Smell all the flowers and take pictures.

Enjoy beauty and create art for it's own sake.

Talk to people, and be friendly without expectation or an
outcome.

Have no future relationship goals in mind at all.

Get in touch with your connection to your Creator and the
Universe at large.

If you are religious, go back to the Church or Temple of the
faith you were raised in.

If not, practice some meditation every day.

If you don't have a meditation technique get a basic one.

Deep breathing is a good one.

Read the Classics.

Search "The 100 Greatest Books Ever Written" for a list.

Through your reading, explore the nature of drama in other
peoples lives in contrast with your own life.

If you are working,

do the best possible job and stop sloughing off if you have
been lazy recently and

give a little extra.

If you are a workaholic, tone it down a notch and take a
decent lunch with the paper.

Look, hear, smell, taste and touch EVERYTHING every possible
minute of your down-time,

preferably out-of-doors.

Get out of your head and into the surroundings when you are
not meditating.

Find the living soul and spirit of every living and
non-living thing in your sensory range.

Get curious on how the Universe works, and why it works the
way it does.

As a part of your meditation, for the last minute,

focus on that connectedness feeling you are nurturing and

extend the feeling to every living thing on the planet, then
the entire Universe.

Restore balance to your life from the inside out.

If you choose to accept this mission,

report back with transformations, observations and questions.



; Don Diego Garcia ;

To the point?

 

[ChapStick]

Who initiates the emails?

I've been initiating the emails.. I have this fear in me that if I don't stay in touch, her feelings for me will die and part of me hopes for a chance to get back together.. I'm worried that if her feelings die, she'll find someone else.

I know that sounds selfish, because it is...

I've been a mess for the past couple of months... I'm clearly not thinking straight...

When I first met her, I was so guarded with my feelings.. I didn't get emotionally attached.. I eventually let my shields down and actually started to let myself love her, and accept her for who she is.. ...and this is where it got me.

 

[ChapStick]

insert needle here < >
j/k
man ur only 19 time to move on after a 11 month relationship don't u think that you should take a little break from dating and meet new girl's in ur life?

I know I should! The thing is, I'm not really into any girls I meet. I meet some girl that's an HB 7-8 and I don't feel the connection I had with my ex, so I don't even pursue, because I'm simply not interested...

 

[ChapStick]

you sound like me 5 years ago. listen man, I know exactly how you feel right now and it will take time but trust me when i say... You will find much better girls in your future. Its so funny because everyone was telling me the same thing back when i was in your shoes and now that ive been through it, im passing it on to you. You'll actually laugh when you think back to this and wonder what the F*** was i thinking?. Much better woman will pass your way. Being single is a wonderful thing and my best advice is enjoy the ride. Start talking to girls out there that you meet. I know i know, your thinking "I dont want to meet anyone, I miss my ex so much" trust me you will get through, just take some time and relax.

Thank you man! I really appreciate your input especially since you were in the exact same situation as me... How long did it take you to move on?

 

[ChapStick]

Well ya got what you deserved for cheating most definitely but if this friendship thing is totally her idea you might as well cut it off man.

Its not a genuine olive branch of friendship from her.

She just wants to talk to you and gauge how much you are suffering without her and talk to you in this safe way under the ruse of friendship until her emotions surrounding you settle.

Then she'll either end the friendship right away or gradually the correspondence will get less and less until its no more or worse she'll keep up this friendship act for life if you allow it and then when her emotions settle she'll begin telling you about all the new guys she's getting it on with ripping your heart out a fresh each time while you pretend through gritting your teeth that you're really happy for her.

We all know your pain but trust that no contact is the only way through it and really the only way there's ever possibly going to be a chance for her to re-ignite what you two had together anyway.

I mean accepting this friendship garbage certainly isn't working for you is it?

No contact.

Period.

Dude, I hate to admit it, but you're right...

"She just wants to talk to you and gauge how much you are suffering without her and talk to you in this safe way under the ruse of friendship until her emotions surrounding you settle."

I hate to admit it, but it's probably true. I will take your advice and cut all contact with her. I've been stupid to keep emailing her, and keep re-opening wounds that haven't healed.

I will cut off all communication with her!

Thank you for that man.. I sincerely appreciate it!

 

[ChapStick]

I wasn't getting as much attention from her as I wanted, so I starting messing around with her friend.

I can't blame her.

Why not? If she hadn't neglected you, then you would not have cheated. Why do you insist upon carrying all the blame?

I will never cheat on a girl ever again. I have learned my lesson.

No, you haven't, or at least not the important one. People stray when their needs are not met. The most important lesson is that sh!t happens, you should not beat yourself up about it, and also don't think that undying commitment is some sort of attractive trait to a woman. It isn't.

You know what? You're very right as well. If she hadn't neglected me emotionally and physically, then I would never of done what I did...

She grew up in a home where her father is not living at home and works in a different country to support the family. Her mother treats her father like **** from what I hear.... And her mother is a fat slob... Unappreciative to the things the father tries to do to please the mother.. COld hearted..

Maybe it's a blessing that my ex ended the relationship. The more that I think of it, my ex is a spitting image of her mother...

 

[ChapStick]

This was posted on the stylelife forum by Don Diego its a good post


How can I not be needy in my relationships ? *
Conquering Relationship Neediness is CRI-TI-CAL to your
health and sense-of-balance,

and adds to your attractiveness to boot.

I can give you words and words, but

So much of it is finger pointing at the moon.

Let's get back to basics.

To Conquer Neediness: Learn that you already have all that
you need.

Exercise One: Become Happy with Yourself. Get High On Life.

Take your mind off of your romantic relationships for a while.

Take a mental and emotional vacation. A purging. A self
cleansing.

In that time pamper yourself. Get a men's manicure &
pedicure, haircut, facial, spa & massage.

Look great and feel great for it's own sake.

Get in touch with your family.

Visit the grave of an ancestor who has passed if it's nearby or

send a letter to the cemetery to place on their grave if
it's not practical.

Call all your living relatives for no reason, just to say
"Hi." Feel the love.

Go for a walk at a local Botanical Gardens or park and bring
a camera.

Smell all the flowers and take pictures.

Enjoy beauty and create art for it's own sake.

Talk to people, and be friendly without expectation or an
outcome.

Have no future relationship goals in mind at all.

Get in touch with your connection to your Creator and the
Universe at large.

If you are religious, go back to the Church or Temple of the
faith you were raised in.

If not, practice some meditation every day.

If you don't have a meditation technique get a basic one.

Deep breathing is a good one.

Read the Classics.

Search "The 100 Greatest Books Ever Written" for a list.

Through your reading, explore the nature of drama in other
peoples lives in contrast with your own life.

If you are working,

do the best possible job and stop sloughing off if you have
been lazy recently and

give a little extra.

If you are a workaholic, tone it down a notch and take a
decent lunch with the paper.

Look, hear, smell, taste and touch EVERYTHING every possible
minute of your down-time,

preferably out-of-doors.

Get out of your head and into the surroundings when you are
not meditating.

Find the living soul and spirit of every living and
non-living thing in your sensory range.

Get curious on how the Universe works, and why it works the
way it does.

As a part of your meditation, for the last minute,

focus on that connectedness feeling you are nurturing and

extend the feeling to every living thing on the planet, then
the entire Universe.

Restore balance to your life from the inside out.

If you choose to accept this mission,

report back with transformations, observations and questions.



; Don Diego Garcia ;

To the point?

Thank you for posting that. I found it very inspirational!

Thank you all for posting such constructive posts to help me out! I really appreciate the posts of every single one of you.. Positive rep points for you all, I really wasn't expecting such support...

 

[Being_the_Don]

I've been initiating the emails.. I have this fear in me that if I don't stay in touch, her feelings for me will die and part of me hopes for a chance to get back together.. I'm worried that if her feelings die, she'll find someone else.

I know that sounds selfish, because it is...

I've been a mess for the past couple of months...

There you go. It's all you. I think she's replying for one of two reasons. One she does have some feelings for you but not enough to get back together. OR she's doing it to see how miserable you are, this would make her feel better about what you did to her. About the only thing you can do is stop emailing her for a while and see what happens. If she has forgiven you and wants to take you back then she'll get in touch with you. If she doesn't it means that she's moved on and you'd have to do the same. If you really care about her as much as you say that you do then you'd back off and let her decide whether or not she wants to take you back. Right now it sounds like you're not even feeling guilt about what you did but want her back because of how she made you feel, and I think deep down you know it. Afterall, in this very thread you described your reasons for wanting to keep in touch with her as selfish.

 

[ChapStick]

There you go. It's all you. I think she's replying for one of two reasons. One she does have some feelings for you but not enough to get back together. OR she's doing it to see how miserable you are, this would make her feel better about what you did to her. About the only thing you can do is stop emailing her for a while and see what happens. If she has forgiven you and wants to take you back then she'll get in touch with you. If she doesn't it means that she's moved on and you'd have to do the same. If you really care about her as much as you say that you do then you'd back off and let her decide whether or not she wants to take you back. Right now it sounds like you're not even feeling guilt about what you did but want her back because of how she made you feel, and I think deep down you know it. Afterall, in this very thread you described your reasons for wanting to keep in touch with her as selfish.

That hurts to hear man... I do honestly feel guilty for what I did, but you're right... I am selfish... I was her first boyfriend. I'd be torn apart to hear of her being happy with some other guy at this moment. She was the first girl that I really let myself love, and I really invested a lot in her emotionally...

Point taken from all the advice. I will stop staying in touch with her. I'm sure she doesn't want me back in a relationship. She makes me stop talking when I speak of a possibility of us getting back together. I realize that staying in touch as friends only deepens the wounds.

All I can do is hope my healing will speed up, and that I'll be able to forget about her enough to be happy again. I got so used to being in a relationship and my happiness depended on it, unlike where it should come from.. within myself.

 

[Lord Shinra]

That hurts to hear man... I do honestly feel guilty for what I did, but you're right... I am selfish... I was her first boyfriend. I'd be torn apart to hear of her being happy with some other guy at this moment. She was the first girl that I really let myself love, and I really invested a lot in her emotionally...
.

How do you know you wont meet another woman who will make you feel 30 times better?

Take an example from my exes.

"4 of them wanna own me, 2 wanna stone me 1 says shes a friend of mine."

 

[ChapStick]

How do you know you wont meet another woman who will make you feel 30 times better?

I don't... And I hope to find some girl like that.

 

[seek&destroy]

the best way to get over anything is to plunge right back into something similar that will occupy all of your time...or as much as possible...best suggestions would be to read, play an instrument (this always works for me), or go out clubbing and meet new single hotties who are willing to 'help' you forget about that *****...

in the end, who gives a **** about her, right??? she din't deserve your attention anyways!

hope this helps mate!

 

[ChapStick]

the best way to get over anything is to plunge right back into something similar that will occupy all of your time...or as much as possible...best suggestions would be to read, play an instrument (this always works for me), or go out clubbing and meet new single hotties who are willing to 'help' you forget about that *****...

in the end, who gives a **** about her, right??? she din't deserve your attention anyways!

hope this helps mate!

Very much so my friend! Thanks!

 

[seek&destroy]

and don't forget the push-pull effect in case you still want to be with her...trust us on this and leave her alone for a while. you probably know that saying: "if you love someone, let em go, if they truly love you they will come back for you..." remember yo give the chick some space, make her wonder why you "suddenly" cut all communication...and let her be the one who will start talking to you, not the other way around.

i had a massive crush on this one cutie in high school and she was a ***** to me...i left her alone, didn't talk to her for a long time, and six months later she sent me an email telling me how much she loves me and how much she regretted being so *****y to me and how she wants to give me a chance to make her happy...can you guess what i did??

i refused her offer, told her i was done with her and that i will find someone who is 10 000 times better than her. i told her not to take this personally (which was probably an impossible request on my part) and that we could still stay friends if she wants, but that i will never be interested in her in that way ever again. she agreed, but deep down i knew she was hurt cuz the next time i saw her she kept looking over at me, trying to stare me in the eye and couldn't do it...i could see it in her eyes.

this was the best thing i have ever learned...in order to better yourself, you have to learn to detach yourself from significance of your past relationship with her...no matter how strong your feelings were.

i wish you the best of luck!