We broke up but I can't go NC just yet...

[Designer Man]

I've posted previous threads about my relationship and the majority of the advice was to walk away. After more arguments we split on Friday last week and I've tried to initiate NC but just had so many questions to ask and have been unable to do it so far. Today will the be the first day I don't text her or call. It was her decision to split as she has had enough of the bs but a lot of my conversations about our relationship was justifiable. Anyway, the point is coming....

So, in around two weeks we have a holiday together and her daughter. The three of us going away and sharing a room. Not going is not an option as there is no refund now and it's the only break I will get this year. My question is, how do present myself around her for those 2 weeks without causing friction or making an argument, looking unhappy etc. I want to be happy and enjoy myself and show her I'm not affected but I am worried in case it all gets too much and I break down in front of her. It's going to be tough as I'm doing my best to move on but these 2 weeks are going to kill me.

I also want to use it as a way to show her I'm a good person who doesn't want to argue and fight over things and show her who I really am with the hope she wants to try again. The best way to do that is to act like I don't care that much and be happy and illusive. Easier said than done but I will be civil to her and smile. Nothing she will do will bother me.

Should I do my own thing or spend time with her?
Should I take her for meals? Drinks? Or let her pay her own way?
Should I suggest we do something together like a trip etc?

I'm not gonna try to meet other women because it wouldn't be fair on her and I don't feel like doing that. I think I have the right idea but trying to rebuild her attraction is something I need to do without wuesripmig her about relationships.

Should I fly with her or sit separately?

It's gonna be a tough 2 weeks.

 

[Designer Man]

Don't go, you honestly would be better off at home

I'm not wasting my money and letting her have the satisfaction of a holiday 50% of which is mine.

 

[Designer Man]

Honestly, I've spent a lot on this and bought new designer clothes which have cost a lot of money.

 

[Spaz]

Not going is always an option, it's only you making it not an option.

And the reasoning u gave is merely an excuse and thus has no validity.

The only reason you even want to go is because you still want her. At least admit it.

I've not read ur previous thread, but since the majority says walk away then listen to them.

Even from this thread I can smell massive insecurities and that's likely what drove a wedge.

A single mom wants out, u must be 1 hell of a fvcked up to be dumped by a single mom.

Go work on urself 1st before trying to fix single mom's and their kids, they don't deserve fvcked up men in their already complicated lives.

Read the DJ bible. Strengthen ur frame.

 

[sazc]

Firstly, there's NO WAY you are going to change the dynamics of your relationship via one vacation with her. If that were possible, both of you wild have done this LONG ago.

You say you want to prove to her that you are a good person who doesn't want to argue and fight, and who wants to show her who you really are. WHY didn't you do that long ago? Why is your plan to bring "this person " out on a vacation in a few weeks.

I mention this because I think it's time for you to fully admit that the dynamics in this relationship are never going to be peaceful. Admit that this isn't the chick for you. You've obviously tried hard to make it work and it isn't going to happen. Just accept that you both need to mind on and find other people.

Once you accept this idea, going on a vacation and making it pleasant, being agreeable and compromising, shouldn't be an issue.

I suggest that, before you go, you speak with her about how you understand that the relationship is dead, but you want to work together with her to have a lovely time. If she is agreeable, start taking about what that looks like. Plan your activities so that you are both on the same page.

If she isn't ameniable to the idea of working together to have a great trip, then plan your own activities separate from her.

You need to communicate with her to see where she is at.

 

[Designer Man]

Not going is always an option, it's only you making it not an option.

And the reasoning u gave is merely an excuse and thus has no validity.

The only reason you even want to go is because you still want her. At least admit it.

I've not read ur previous thread, but since the majority says walk away then listen to them.

Even from this thread I can smell massive insecurities and that's likely what drove a wedge.

A single mom wants out, u must be 1 hell of a fvcked up to be dumped by a single mom.

Go work on urself 1st before trying to fix single mom's and their kids, they don't deserve fvcked up men in their already complicated lives.

Read the DJ bible. Strengthen ur frame.

Of course I want her, I didn't want us to end. However the holiday is my only break in a calendar year so I can still go and enjoy myself. She wants us to be civil as friends whilst there. Once we get back we won't see each other again.

I do have a grain of hope it can work out but my intentions are to enjoy myself and not let her get in the way of that.

 

[Spaz]

Of course I want her, I didn't want us to end. However the holiday is my only break in a calendar year so I can still go and enjoy myself. She wants us to be civil as friends whilst there. Once we get back we won't see each other again.

I do have a grain of hope it can work out but my intentions are to enjoy myself and not let her get in the way of that.

Enjoy it without her.

This is not abt her or ur relationship with her.

It's abt you and what's best for you. Right now what's best is getting urself some alone time to reflect and to make a decision; remain in the same frame of mind that got you here or relook at the current frame and think how best to strengthen it.

Do some soul searching. U need 2 be alone for that and the decision must come from you to be of any future use.

 

[sazc]

He needs to do the exact opposite.

Lol, sure, because refusing to gague if she is going to be a complete b1tch is going to ensure he has a smooth vacation....

Single much?

 

[Designer Man]

Lol, sure, because refusing to gague if she is going to be a complete b1tch is going to ensure he has a smooth vacation....

Single much?

She's not the type to be like that, she wants to be civil but I want her back so if I come across illusive then I might have a chance. If I act in a way that shows I'm needy and try to make plans with her then she'll still have control.

She's 43, 11 years older than me. She is mature and just wants to have a good time. That's why I'm asking here for advice, if I do my own things and don't spend time with her will that make her want to know or if I do things with her and have good memories will that make her want to know?

 

[Roober]

Just pay her what she paid for it, if anything at all and tell her shes not going. The vacation was planned under the condition that you were a couple, and that condition no longer exists.

Be professional about it and go enjoy yourself alone!

 

[skinnyguy]

She's not the type to be like that, she wants to be civil but I want her back so if I come across illusive then I might have a chance. If I act in a way that shows I'm needy and try to make plans with her then she'll still have control.

She's 43, 11 years older than me. She is mature and just wants to have a good time. That's why I'm asking here for advice, if I do my own things and don't spend time with her will that make her want to know or if I do things with her and have good memories will that make her want to know?

So she’s a decade older than you and she has a kid?

She should be chasing after you, not the other way around. It seems like she has all the power in this thing. If you pay for her meals she will never respect you.

 

[Designer Man]

She wants to go, she wants a holiday and wants her daughter to have one as well. Paying her off is not an option and I wouldn't waste the money doing that.

It's a tough situation for me to be in, I want her to to walk away from the holiday and be thinking nothing but good things of me. But there's a fine line between being nice and being a sucker.

 

[Designer Man]

So she’s a decade older than you and she has a kid?

She should be chasing after you, not the other way around. It seems like she has all the power in this thing. If you pay for her meals she will never respect you.

She has all the power because I gave her the power after being with her for 12 months when I transformed into soppy and showing her too much love and affection. Before that she chased me and would get upset if I didn't see her, I used to cancel our dates and she still wanted me. That was in the beginning.

Now it's different and she has all the cards.

 

[Designer Man]

Well if you won't cut your losses then you should be out of the hotel room by 8am and back at 2am from raising hell doing approaches and partying, jogging, seeing the sights etc

Partying maybe but I doubt I'll be jogging in Kusadasi! Hotel is a massive aqua park in the middle of nowhere.

 

[Designer Man]

Well if you won't cut your losses then you should be out of the hotel room by 8am and back at 2am from raising hell doing approaches and partying, jogging, seeing the sights etc

Also, what will happen if I take that approach? Remember I messed up this relationship a long time ago so I want to leave a good impression on her.

 

[Glassguy]

I'm not wasting my money and letting her have the satisfaction of a holiday 50% of which is mine.

Then go on your own. You paid for it, its your money, your decision.

Dont come on here and b!tch and ask for opinions if you are not open to them.

You seem to want validation on making a dumb decision of sticking around. Reasons why you cant go NC, blah blah.

If you really wanted to, you'd kick her to the curb, go enjoy the vaca on your own and move forward. End of story.

 

[Glassguy]

Now it's different and she has all the cards.

So you take them away by showing her the Trump card.

"Hey I decided that the vacation is not a good idea. I am going to go enjoy it on my own and dont want you to go. Take care".

See.....that was pretty easy. Then you block, NC and move on in life. Seems pretty d@mn easy to me.

 

[Designer Man]

So you take them away by showing her the Trump card.

"Hey I decided that the vacation is not a good idea. I am going to go enjoy it on my own and dont want you to go. Take care".

See.....that was pretty easy. Then you block, NC and move on in life. Seems pretty d@mn easy to me.

She's the lead passenger on the booking, she is 100% going as am I.

My questions aren't whether should I go or not, my questions are how to behave when I'm around her. We are sharing and sleeping in the same room. Do I act like we are still together?

 

[Designer Man]

Then go on your own. You paid for it, its your money, your decision.

Dont come on here and b!tch and ask for opinions if you are not open to them.

You seem to want validation on making a dumb decision of sticking around. Reasons why you cant go NC, blah blah.

If you really wanted to, you'd kick her to the curb, go enjoy the vaca on your own and move forward. End of story.

We are sharing a room for 14 nights and living together. My questions are how to be around her, bearing in mind I'm upset over the breakup and will probably still feel vulnerable in 2 weeks. Not going is out the question.

 

[Designer Man]

The relationship is over so your concerns are unfounded.

Surely there is a gym in this resort.

Go try to pull women your own age on this vacation and just chill alone. Read a few good books, I'm sure @DEEZEDBRAH has recommendations.

TBH you are young enough to go to a Hostel for $30 a night and party it up with hot women from all over the world, ditch the woman who thinks she is too good for you.

There is a gym but I train all year round. Not on vacation.

Pulling women is out the question, I'm not there to make her think I'm an absolute jerk. I want her back and want to man enough to show her I'm not hurt and can make memories with her.