We aren't comfortable with each other

[Abcd]

So I have this new girl I've been dating for a few weeks. I met at the end of last year, and when we got back to campus, I asked her out, and we've really hit it off. We've gone out a bunch of times, we were making out by the middle of our first date. We haven't had sex... Progress has been slow, we've laid around in bed for hours but the only clothing item I've gotten off of her is her shirt... but this isn't a problem for me. (She's an astrophysicist, so this is not your typical girl in any regard...)

The thing is, we are still quite "friendly" when chatting, not really romantic. We are totally comfortable with each other when we're making out, and everything feels great. We've talked about our mutual attraction to one another, she's told me flat out that I have "nothing to worry about" there and i've told her the same. But I just got off the phone with her, and yet again, we were really very polite to each other in conversation. I was slightly C+F, but not romantic - sort of like when calling a girl to ask her out for the first time. I hate romantic stuff, and I'm never the first person in a relationship to be overtly sweet in general, but I think this is the first girl i've run into who seems to *also* not know how to turn on the lovey-dovey conversation. I mean I don't want her calling me darling every five seconds, or sighing repeatedly in lieu of conversation, but our conversations are simply too un-romantic even for my taste. I feel like I'm talking to an acquaintance, not a girlfriend.

We're going camping this weekend, and I think with all of that time, I need to work this out. I'm thinking about just getting this issue out in the open, so we can laugh about it and maybe come up with a few cuddly names for each other. Though at this point, I've almost forgotten what romantic conversation is supposed to sound like, since I haven't had an LTR in two years.

Advice?

 

[Shiftkey]

Over analyzing. Just fvck her.

 

[PrinceAli]

If anything I would assume its better to sound a little indifferent than talking all "mushy" and stuff lol. As long as shes showing signs of interest then I think you're fine.

 

[Lucas718]

You need to stop analyzing and make a move. Most chicks aren't going to make the move for you. And it's not like she isn't giving you opportunities. You had her shirt off and still nothing? Come on man, get it together. You're going camping this weekend. You do know that camping is another way of saying "we're having sex in the woods", right? So don't screw it up, because if you do you may not get another opportunity.

Based on how your phone conversations are going, I'd say your in danger of getting the LJBF speech soon if you don't make the move.

 

[wrender]

I'm in a similar situation with a girl I'm currently seeing. Lots of physical attraction, good conversation, etc, but we never seem to land on the romantic subjects. Therefore it's been hard to find that connection outside of the physical aspect. I think it comes down to her personality more than anything. She's a bit shy and gaurded with her emotions. I'm gonna try to direct my questions and statements more towards feelings next time I see her. Although this hasn't been that easy to do so far.

But basically, I've decided not to worry about it too much. Sex is right around the corner with this girl so I'm just gonna have fun with it.

she's told me flat out that I have "nothing to worry about" there and i've told her the same.

Not too sure I like the sound of that. Did you express worry to her? I don't think the subject should have even come up between you two.

 

[Abcd]

Not too sure I like the sound of that. Did you express worry to her? I don't think the subject should have even come up between you two.

Na we started making out and she said I made her nervous (in a good way), it came out of that.

The LJBF possibility in the above post is what makes me feel weird about this situation, not so much that I really *want* to have mushy conversations.

OK, on sex then - So let me give you the rundown on the situation and tell me what you think:
Date 1 - lots of making out - in the park, back outside my house (while other people were inside), plus some cuddling on the couch, but with other people in the room. never got into bed or anything. She asked me to take her home around 1AM.

Out with friends 2 - after the bar with friends, we make out pretty heavily while the few short blocks back to her place in about 20 minutes. I end it, so as not to give her the opportunity to do so herself, and tell her I'm gonna go, and leave her at her place without going inside.

Date 2 - We take another walk, start making out, go back to my place, get into bed, make out some more, but there are people in the house and I don't have a lot of privacy. She suggests going to her place. We go back, get into bed, and make out/cuddle for a couple hours. She takes her shirt off soon after I do, saying "but the rest of my clothes have to stay on." i'm like "agreed." I feel her up a bit, but decide not to go under the bra, considering what she said... I assumed I was sleeping over, but she kicks me out to get some sleep around 2:30AM.

So i dunno, maybe she's just a "nice" girl, lets just hope she's not *too* nice, or, god forbid, religious.

 

[Vince]

maybe it was that time of the month for her or maybe she didnt shave her legs.

 

[Abcd]

It guess it could have possibly been that time of the month... but still, take off your bra. Her legs were shaved.

 

[donovan]

Agreed.

Perhaps religious beliefs? Just give it alittle more time and build more rapport. She might come around.

 

[Shiftkey]

Date 2 - We take another walk, start making out, go back to my place, get into bed, make out some more, but there are people in the house and I don't have a lot of privacy. She suggests going to her place. We go back, get into bed, and make out/cuddle for a couple hours. She takes her shirt off soon after I do, saying "but the rest of my clothes have to stay on." i'm like "agreed." I feel her up a bit, but decide not to go under the bra, considering what she said... I assumed I was sleeping over, but she kicks me out to get some sleep around 2:30AM.

That's just anti-slut defence (ASD). She only says that so you don't think less of her, not because she doesn't want you to fvck her. Next time you need to keep going. Push her boundries.

 

[wrender]

That's just anti-slut defence (ASD). She only says that so you don't think less of her, not because she doesn't want you to fvck her. Next time you need to keep going. Push her boundries.

Ah yes. Good point. I recently got an "I can't.." (with clothes half off) but just continued without saying anything and all ended well

There's a definite difference between a "NO!" and "I can't" or "we shouldn't".

 

[Abcd]

Remember, I said right off the bat that I'm not really worried - I'm actually not into immediate sex in a relationship, i really don't find it enjoyable or good for the future. But anyway, I'm not sure this is typical ASD. ASD is when a girl wants to have sex with you in her gut, but thinks she should wait a couple nights before doing so. According to popular belief here, of course, can be dealt with either by waiting (but always pressing the issue, reminding her that you are a sexual guy) or it can sometimes be dealt with by just forcing the issue right then, and taking advantage of her internal desire to have sex with you.

But this girl told me as we were leaving my place to go to hers, "let's go back to my place... but before we go, I should say we probably shouldn't let things get too out of hand." Then, immediately after she took off her shirt, she told me "the rest of my clothes have to stay on." This is what worries me just a tiny bit: She strikes me less like somebody who is trying to play nice, and more like somebody who does play nice, always, and is used to explaining ahead of time that that's how things are gonna be.

Though I don't like the idea of actual sex within the first month of a relationship, I certainly don't like leaving with blue balls either - a little bit of fooling around with one's hands would be ideal. Multiple rounds of two-hour makeout sessions where nobody gets off is certainly not fun.

 

[cyp6]

chemistry is hard to manufacture. but if you can do it..

 

[Lucas718]

I just went through a similar situation. A couple of weeks ago I went out with this chick, we end up back at my place having a few beers and while in the midst of a heavy makeout session she says "I'm not having sex with you." I ignored it and just kept kissing her and letting my hands wander. She said it again a few more times and I eventually just let it drop. She spent the night but we didn't have sex.

Last night we hung out at her place. We get into another heavy makeout session, she makes some comments about wanting to have sex but not being sure because she didn't really know me that well yet. Last night I heard "I'm not having sex with you", "I want to but I don't want to", and at one point she even got a little angry and said "did you really think I was going to fvck you on our second date?" I just acted like it wasn't any big deal. I'll spare you all the details, but about an hour later we were naked and sweaty.

The key it seems is to pay attention to their actions and not their words. She was giving me every indication that she wanted to fvck, she just wouldn't admit it. If I had listened to her words, I would have given up and gone home early.