Was this woman BPD?

[Albatross953]

So I got dumped this week after four months. Actually I was hoping to get dumped. Making my own exit after learning more and more about this woman was looking like it could be a real problem.
For research purposes, you tell me...was this a BPD? Or just a narcissist?

Things I know.
Fast and intense honeymoon period.
She was on heavy meds for depression.
Interest at the end turned on a dime.
Always chasing the next new thing, possession or social position.
High body count.
Trouble getting along with people ie a Karen.

Things she told me towards the end that I have doubts about.
Abused by both biological and step parents.
Admired at work but currently off sick.
Various physical ailments.
Claims to have friendships with people I doubt she ever met.
Various other claims that don't add up.

Not really sure if this just a person who isn't well or something more dangerous. Either way, I have made my escape and will not be in contact again. I don't want to provide other specific details but am curious as to what you guys think.

Garden variety nut job? Or should I change my legal name now and move across country?

 

[Josh Davidson]

That sounds like BPD to me, and I would guess that's what the heavy meds for depression were for--bipolar depression.

 

[bat soup]

So I got dumped this week after four months. Actually I was hoping to get dumped. Making my own exit after learning more and more about this woman was looking like it could be a real problem.
For research purposes, you tell me...was this a BPD? Or just a narcissist?

Things I know.
Fast and intense honeymoon period.
She was on heavy meds for depression.
Interest at the end turned on a dime.
Always chasing the next new thing, possession or social position.
High body count.
Trouble getting along with people ie a Karen.

Things she told me towards the end that I have doubts about.
Abused by both biological and step parents.
Admired at work but currently off sick.
Various physical ailments.
Claims to have friendships with people I doubt she ever met.
Various other claims that don't add up.

Not really sure if this just a person who isn't well or something more dangerous. Either way, I have made my escape and will not be in contact again. I don't want to provide other specific details but am curious as to what you guys think.

Garden variety nut job? Or should I change my legal name now and move across country?

None of it really matters. It's not your job to diagnose her. When you stop caring, then you'll know that you're over it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Look for substance abuse, usually smoke cigarettes, has tattoos, difficulty holding a job, and when you break up, you become in her eyes the world's worst person.

 

[Robert28]

Sounds like the typical western woman to me. Everything you described is no longer a rarity in women. I can name 10 women like that but would struggle to come up with a woman that wasn’t like that.

 

[Kotaix]

Things I know.
Fast and intense honeymoon period.
She was on heavy meds for depression.
Interest at the end turned on a dime.
Always chasing the next new thing, possession or social position.
High body count.
Trouble getting along with people ie a Karen.

Things she told me towards the end that I have doubts about.
Abused by both biological and step parents.
Admired at work but currently off sick.
Various physical ailments.
Claims to have friendships with people I doubt she ever met.
Various other claims that don't add up.

The fact that she was abused is enough of a red flag all by itself.

I'd say that she is BPD based on her being capricious and a compulsive liar.

 

[Billtx49]

In real time behavior, if she describes, plans, or initiates an event that sounds childish in it’s implementation, timing, or anything else associated with it, Run
i.e., wanting to dance to the song ‘last dance’ on breakup night…
Planning a wedding on Xmas eve as a present to her soon to be husband, Etc……
Things that normal adults wouldn’t usually consider doing for good reasons and leave you with a wtf thought in your own mind.

If she ever reverts to a genuine baby talking voice, she’s probably telling an unbelievable lie and, Run

Either of these behaviors likely means she was very young when the bpd initiating events happened. Also means she could well be rated as Low functioning on the BPD spectrum scale…
Personal knowledge

 

[Sam_J]

So I got dumped this week after four months. Actually I was hoping to get dumped. Making my own exit after learning more and more about this woman was looking like it could be a real problem.
For research purposes, you tell me...was this a BPD? Or just a narcissist?

Things I know.
Fast and intense honeymoon period.
She was on heavy meds for depression.
Interest at the end turned on a dime.
Always chasing the next new thing, possession or social position.
High body count.
Trouble getting along with people ie a Karen.

Things she told me towards the end that I have doubts about.
Abused by both biological and step parents.
Admired at work but currently off sick.
Various physical ailments.
Claims to have friendships with people I doubt she ever met.
Various other claims that don't add up.

Not really sure if this just a person who isn't well or something more dangerous. Either way, I have made my escape and will not be in contact again. I don't want to provide other specific details but am curious as to what you guys think.

Garden variety nut job? Or should I change my legal name now and move across country?

No. BPDs have explosive anger issues and go from calm to uncontrollably raging in seconds.

 

[Albatross953]

Without adding more details, yes some of the additional things you guys mentioned were present. Bottom line, I'm out. And relieved. Whatever that pathology was I have never seen anything like it.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Albatross,
Like Robert observed,she sounds like quite a few of the little Princesses on the dating scene these days...But BPD?....The fact that you have to ask suggests she isn't...Should you ever cop one you will know!

 

[Focal core]

More like hpd

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Common BPD characteristics are a fear of abandonment, an inability to control emotions (explosive rage, crying, fear, etc), constant drama that just never ends (there's always some problem), and often not having a strong sense of identity and instead taking on the identity of others (the easiest way to see this is adopting hobbies/interests/opinions of those close to them), and them trying to devalue you.

The fear of abandonment generally manifests itself as them constantly trying to find reasons why you will ultimately leave them, and then starting arguments over it. Examples...... Have a great social circle with close friends? She will be insecure about that and will constantly try to start drama related to your friends - she will complain you see them too much, or text them too much, or that they are too young or too old or that they weren't nice to her or that she simply doesn't like them or that you don't invite her enough to hang out with them or that you invite her too much to hang out with them. Any woman you know, are friends with, or talk to or even meet (even if it's a customer service person who is just helping you at a store) will become a source of insecurity for her. She will start asking questions or putting the women down to you to try to devalue them. She will analyze your social media behavior, going as far as searching to see who's posts you like or comment on and then looking to see who is liking your posts and then figuring out who they are and then bringing them up to you to start a fight over it.

These are very unhappy people, and they have a complete inability to accept or even realize that their issues are internal. Instead they truly believe all their sources of angst are external. Not only are their problems external, but they seek external SOLUTIONS to their problems too. The next job will fix their problems. That new house will fix their problems. That new BF will fix their problems. That new best friend will fix their problems. They refuse to look inside themselves. This is why you have such a strong and powerful honeymoon phase. When they meet you, they see you as the solution to all their unhappiness, so they love-bomb you hard. Then in time when they realize you haven't solved their problems, the devaluation period begins where they begin seeing you as the source of their problems instead of the solution. All the horrible feelings they feel inside are caused by YOU, and they are not afraid to let you know about it. You will feel like you are walking on eggshells and they will have constant drama they try to lay on you. It becomes absolutely miserable to be around them and the longer it goes on, the good times between the drama keep shrinking until you wake up one day and realize it's just misery 24x7.

And yes, the various physical ailments is something I too saw in one of the BPD women I dated.

As far as "is true BPD rare?" or "is BPD even real - don't nearly all women have it?" My personal opinion is that it is far more common than most people think and the number of women (and even men) who have it but remain undiagnosed is quite high. I had a male employee once who had BPD. Ended up having to fire him. And I've been in LTRs with two women who definitely had BPD. Because people with BPD have an unshakable belief that their problems are external, they are among the LEAST likely people to seek professional help so they are never diagnosed. Same goes for NPDs.

I do agree with Bat Soup that none of it really matters and you should focus on yourself instead of her, but I will say it can be comforting to try to understand WTF just happened to you after you've been subject to the kind of treatment these people dish out to you. And learning more about it can also help you more quickly identify them in the future and eject quicker.