Was it wise for me to pull back sexually in response to her LMRs?

[calisurfer1984]

Had a plate over last night. We met about a month ago at a bar, through friends. The first time I met her, she was trashed. She gave me her number, I wasn't interested, and I didn't text her. Two weeks later, we're randomly in the same bar again. She's sober this time, I lie and tell her that I lost my phone, she gives me her number again. We hang out all night at two different bars and drive separately back to my place. She comes up, we watch TV for a bit, make out, and she stops me right as I put my hand down her pants. I freeze her out, we watch TV for an hour, and then I send her home.

We make plans to hang out the following Friday. We meet for a drink, go to our mutual friends' going away party later, stop off at another bar, and then come back to my place. She comes up again, we watch TV again, and she gives me LMR (again) when I put my hand down her pants. I freeze her out, she falls asleep while watching TV for a bit, and then I send her home.

Last night, we meet up again. I have her come directly to my house this time after I get home from a wedding (dry wedding, long story, don't ask). We eat pizza and watch a movie, BUT this time I don't make any move on her sexually whatsoever. Conversation is good, lots of touching that she initiates first, then she cuddles with me on the couch while I sit back and watch the movie. After it's over, I walk her to her car, hug her, kiss her closed-mouth on the lips, and go back up to my place. We don't make concrete plans to meet up again, because I only gave her a vague comment about touching base later this week.

Here's what I was thinking by doing this: I'm not going to constantly go for the lay if I'm going to get LMR every time. So, this time I thought I'd flip the script to regain hand. My gut feeling is that while this girl is just a plate to me, I'm a LTR prospect to her, and she's trying to show off her "good girl" side by making me work for it a little bit. That's fine, but I'm going to maintain my frame, which is that I'll make a move on you sexually when I damn well feel like it or else you can make a move. I'm not going to be a lap dog who's always licking your leg for sex, especially when I have other girls in my queue.

HOWEVER, I wanted the community's take on this because I haven't done something this drastic before. While I might think it was smart, perhaps I got too cute and I should always be trying to push for the lay no matter what. OR perhaps by not making a move last night, I beefed it and moved us into LJBF territory. If so, it's not a big deal. I have other plates. But this is a forum for dissecting game tactics, so fire away.

 

[fastlife]

I think you have the right idea on a macro level--dealing with LMR from a girl you're not willing to invest in is off-putting and you shouldn't go out of your way. Except that you're still scheduling dates with this broad; wonder why she sees you as bf material and sees her LMR as an effective strategy? You keep investing.

You'll save time and investment by calling her on her bluff the first time it happens and communicating to her that she doesn't get another chance. Something I tried for the first time this weekend is a girl gave me LMR but she was still making out with me, grinding, etc. So I just picked her up and said, "Which one is your bedroom?" No resistance after that. I'm not sure how many more chances you'll get with this girl before she starts thinking to herself, "Well, I've gone back to his house X many times and still haven't slept with him. I must not like him very much."

 

[Genos]

It's an interesting situation indeed. I have a couple pieces of advice for you, which may be helpful in the future (whether it's with this girl or another):

If she's coming over to your house, she's at least open to (and very much considering) the possibility of having sex with you. The simple fact that she's at your house, alone, means that this is likelihood. Don't forget that!
Now I don't know exactly how you attempted to escalate, but perhaps try to go for it slower, and ramp up even more gradually than you already are. Don't stick your hand down her pants as soon as things look to be getting more intimate, you can rev her up first so much so that she's basically begging you to do it. Feel up her body, her legs, make out with her, kiss her neck (big one), get her shirt off, etc. Now when you think it's time to go down under, don't immediately reach down her pants, reach OVER her pants, and just palm her, y'know, crotch (you can be kissing her while you do this, don't look at where you're touching). Then unbutton her pants, and palm/rub a bit over her underwear. THEN, take it all off and do whatever you were planning to do. As a side note, one move that works really well in foreplay (when you're both standing), is to pull her hair down a little - moving her head back - kiss her neck, while simultaneously palming her crotch (credit to Heartiste for this one).

You see how this is much more gradual escalation? She'll be much more likely to acquiesce to your desires (and hers) if you try a SLIGHTLY slower approach. Just her moving your hand away isn't the end of the night...don't give up so quickly. If she allows her hand around her pants, then move to on her panties, and then under everything. If she's not saying NO, then you by all means should press a bit more (backtrack a bit, and work your way up to that point once more).

Some girls will let you just skip the first two steps entirely, others are more reserved and require you to get her more excited before moving to her lady parts. Don't dislike her for this...if she's still with you and just moving your hand away a bit, move back two steps, and forward one. If after some time of this and she's STILL not wanting to, then yes you should eject for the night, but I doubt that a woman will be able to resist you as you're smoothly moving the foreplay forward mate

As for whether/how to approach contacting or meeting this girl again, that I'm not sure about. Perhaps others can chime in. Just remember that LMR is not a "dealbreaker" for the night. If she's with you alone...she knows that sex is a possibility. Push through the LMR a bit. Even if things don't work out, you'll learn! And that's life.

 

[SgtSplacker]

She can't just keep stringing you along like that. After a while even she knows she has to give it up. Take her to a free concert or something like that.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Get her drunk.

And I have met some women who have issues about being fingered. They probably had a bad experience before with a guy with sharp or dirty fingernails.

 

[RangerMIke]

Don't lie to her... it makes you look weak. You should have told her the truth as to way you didn't call, telling her you lost your phone sounds like something a chick might say.... It's just stupid. Why didn't you call her... what ever the reason just be honest.

What do you want from this girl? What ever it is then just go for what you want... don't play games. Be a man, if you want her for sex, then work to make that happen, if she won't give it up, go find a woman that will.