Was it really the fighting that made her lose feelings/attraction to me?

[captain55]

My girlfriend just broke up with me after a very toxic relationship. We were not compatible and fought all the time but we did have some very strong feelings for eachother. She cried about us fighting ALOT during the relationship and felt like I wasn't there for her....didnt respect her...and felt like I was verbally abusive. (even though she was impossible to handle not gonna lie)

About two weeks ago I noticed she started acting very distant towards me after we got in some really bad fights. Almost like she had left the relationship in her mind but her body was still there. She stopped kissing me and stopped sending me sexual texts out of nowhere. .

I tried everything in my power the past two weeks to save the relationship by doing everything I could for her and it didn't work. She broke up with me and told me she doesn't have feelings anymore and thought it was just a "phase" but she doesn't love me anymore.

I feel like Im a loser for not being able to keep a woman interested in me past the 5 month mark. I will say she's an 8/10, 21 years old, and addicted to social media. guys were ALWAYS hitting her up throughout the course of our relationship.We were also not living together so we would only have sex once a week tops since she lived so far away. I feel like consistent sex is the best way to keep a woman loyal and Im talking about several times a week minimum.


IMO she left because she started talking to another guy. I don't think she was cheating physically....yet. but given the situation in bold was it inevitable or am I being too hard on myself? Why would a girl just lose attraction to me in 4 months? physical appearance has improved since we started dating

 

[Eph]

Wow, you've got a lot to learn. First off, to answer your question, no, it wasn't the fighting that got you dumped. That was just her excuse to "lighten the blow". Your first mistake was trying to make a long-distance relationship work. They never do, and never will. This one should have been for nothing more than occasional sex, and on that note, frequent sex isn't how you keep a girl interested in you. Get rid of this poisonous idea.

When she withdrew from interacting with you, that was your key that something wasn't right. You had two options at that point: you could have broken up with her (this is what she was waiting for), or you could have withdrew from her. You chose to try and play Fix it Felix. Ultimately, she left because your game wasn't where it need to be to keep her.

 

[Zarky]

Dude she's 21..

21 year olds will leave when the wind changes direction. Yes it's tough but you just gotta relax. Write your cringeworthy little "I love you and want you back" note if you have to. Every guy does it even though it never works. I've done it three or four times in my life.

But whatever you do, don't blame yourself.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Wow, you've got a lot to learn. First off, to answer your question, no, it wasn't the fighting that got you dumped. That was just her excuse to "lighten the blow". Your first mistake was trying to make a long-distance relationship work. They never do, and never will. This one should have been for nothing more than occasional sex, and on that note, frequent sex isn't how you keep a girl interested in you. Get rid of this poisonous idea.

When she withdrew from interacting with you, that was your key that something wasn't right. You had two options at that point: you could have broken up with her (this is what she was waiting for), or you could have withdrew from her. You chose to try and play Fix it Felix. Ultimately, she left because your game wasn't where it need to be to keep her.

Nailed it.

Plenty of what you listed sounds eerily similar to what I just got out of, one of the very few differences being that my ex is 29 and although we only live 8 miles from each other, it felt very much like a long distance relationship.

So you're saying she's an 8, 21, and addicted to social media, which means she's not even remotely close to being LTR material. She's 21, meaning she's bound to stop at nothing to seek attention, her addiction to social media is your proof of this, and that she's an 8 means she can definitely make all of that a reality with very little effort. This will serve you well in the future when screening girls.

I used to constantly accuse my ex of dishonesty, but it was I that was being dishonest. I could feel her lack of interest, but I stupidly chose to push through it, also thinking sex would solve the issue, but it never did. What I learned was that she was being very honest with me, but as is so often repeated, through her actions, rarely her words. Eph is right - the fighting was a pretext. I've been in a relationship with a girl who was madly in love with me, and no matter the severity or the frequency of the fights (it never reached the point of getting physical though), she refused to call it quits.

Holding onto a girl with the attributes you mentioned is very difficult. Don't sweat this one not panning out. Btw, there's a lot more to keeping a girl around than "physical appearance". Keep working on your game and your personal endeavors.

 

[captain55]

Wow, you've got a lot to learn. First off, to answer your question, no, it wasn't the fighting that got you dumped. That was just her excuse to "lighten the blow". Your first mistake was trying to make a long-distance relationship work. They never do, and never will. This one should have been for nothing more than occasional sex, and on that note, frequent sex isn't how you keep a girl interested in you. Get rid of this poisonous idea.

When she withdrew from interacting with you, that was your key that something wasn't right. You had two options at that point: you could have broken up with her (this is what she was waiting for), or you could have withdrew from her. You chose to try and play Fix it Felix. Ultimately, she left because your game wasn't where it need to be to keep her.

About a month ago I told her "we needed to talk" and she got extremely nervous. "oh my gosh are you breaking up with me my stomach is gonna be in knots etc"

She was heartbroken and I took her back the next day because a I realized i needed her in my life. But it seems like shortly after that she just lost interest in me. I could feel her getting away from me and I tried doing more and more for her to keep her. Is it possible that once fear was triggered about be dumping her she started to look for a backup guy?


How does a woman go from showing you rings and wanting you to move in together and talking about kids with you, to dumping you and not being attracted to you in a matter of three weeks?

 

[captain55]

Nailed it.

Plenty of what you listed sounds eerily similar to what I just got out of, one of the very few differences being that my ex is 29 and although we only live 8 miles from each other, it felt very much like a long distance relationship.

So you're saying she's an 8, 21, and addicted to social media, which means she's not even remotely close to being LTR material. She's 21, meaning she's bound to stop at nothing to seek attention, her addiction to social media is your proof of this, and that she's an 8 means she can definitely make all of that a reality with very little effort. This will serve you well in the future when screening girls.

I used to constantly accuse my ex of dishonesty, but it was I that was being dishonest. I could feel her lack of interest, but I stupidly chose to push through it, also thinking sex would solve the issue, but it never did. What I learned was that she was being very honest with me, but as is so often repeated, through her actions, rarely her words. Eph is right - the fighting was a pretext. I've been in a relationship with a girl who was madly in love with me, and no matter the severity or the frequency of the fights (it never reached the point of getting physical though), she refused to call it quits.

Holding onto a girl with the attributes you mentioned is very difficult. Don't sweat this one not panning out. Btw, there's a lot more to keeping a girl around than "physical appearance". Keep working on your game and your personal endeavors.

we began fighting about two months ago. She told me quote
"it feels like the more we fight the more I want to be with you"
WE tried everything to solve our issues, vacations, counseling, etc. She told me she was so hurt from the fighting and that she was so torn that it made every bit of feelings she had for me go away.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

we began fighting about two months ago. She told me quote
"it feels like the more we fight the more I want to be with you"
WE tried everything to solve our issues, vacations, counseling, etc. She told me she was so hurt from the fighting and that she was so torn that it made every bit of feelings she had for me go away.

I experienced all of that too to the point of the comparison being uncanny. If you're having to take vacations that early into the relationship to "work things out", it's almost certainly headed toward a catastrophic ending (and sooner rather than later) - you two should be banging each other's brains out and rarely engaging in heated discussions (disagreeing on issues, yes, but not "fighting") Counseling should be reserved for marriages. I went down this path too and it left me feeling pathetic (and rightfully so) for trying to negotiate and arrive at a point of harmony when the relationship ought to be smooth sailing that early in. Did she have daddy issues or grow up in a chaotic environment? People who had a tumultuous upbringing tend to gravitate toward stressful conditions and chaos. She's young, she's an attention wh0re, and she craves excitement through tension and conflict. Damaged goods. Be glad you got out.

 

[captain55]

I experienced all of that too to the point of the comparison being uncanny. If you're having to take vacations that early into the relationship to "work things out", it's almost certainly headed toward a catastrophic ending (and sooner rather than later) - you two should be banging each other's brains out and rarely engaging in heated discussions (disagreeing on issues, yes, but not "fighting") Counseling should be reserved for marriages. I went down this path too and it left me feeling pathetic (and rightfully so) for trying to negotiate and arrive at a point of harmony when the relationship ought to be smooth sailing that early in. Did she have daddy issues or grow up in a chaotic environment? People who had a tumultuous upbringing tend to gravitate toward stressful conditions and chaos. She's young, she's an attention wh0re, and she craves excitement through tension and conflict. Damaged goods. Be glad you got out.

Yes how did you know lol. She was raised by a single mother and her mother was VERY abusive towards her. She fell for me VERY hard for me, used to tell her friends that she was hit by cupid when she met me. Told everyone I was her soulmate etc.

We started getting into SERIOUS fights at only about 6 weeks into the relationship. Im talking about full blown cursing out eachother by the 2 1/2 month mark. We literally fought like a married couple. She would cry almost every other night when we fought.

When we discussed the breakup she said we weren't compatible and fought too early in the relationship. She told me she didn't cry when we broke up and I asked her why...... She told me that she cried enough before. I think she already left the relationship emotionally weeks ago. She was extremely emotional.

 

[captain55]

Dude she's 21..

21 year olds will leave when the wind changes direction. Yes it's tough but you just gotta relax. Write your cringeworthy little "I love you and want you back" note if you have to. Every guy does it even though it never works. I've done it three or four times in my life.

But whatever you do, don't blame yourself.

I just don't understand why Im so hurt right now. there were numerous red flags in the relationship with her and my original plan was to hit it and quit it.

..I banged this chick a good ten times or so and didn't spend too much money on her. I should be proud of myself like it was a successful victory...but I don't.

 

[movistar]

It WAS a victory, she is not the right type of chick for LTR but you got her in bed, let that be it.
I've been there, and when you have a hot chick you are banging it's like a drug and you got hooked.
Stop contact, let her contact you only, don't return her texts quickly and play aloof and she may come back to give you seconds. The best scenario would be to leave her alone completely and find a few new women to hang out with.