was i too timid? i think it's over now, friendzoned.

[drift king]

I had a date (well meeting) with a very nice LA girl i met over the weekend. i suggested to go for a drink at a bar but she declined saying she was on a detox so a juice or something would be better. that threw the spanner in the works so to speak as i had a meticulous plan to have a booth and make out side by side, she didn't counter off with a time just said she couldn't do wednesday. i suggested juice tonight around 8 she agreed. in fairness i didn't sense attraction from her after the initial encounter on Sat, she's new in town, tryna find herself, sort a job etc. i definitely didn't feel attraction on her side after Sat.

anyway on greeting her today she kissed me on both my cheeks, and as we were walking to the juice place there was an accident on the road which startled her and she moved close into me almost like wanting me to protect her.. she did it again later on in the date when crossing the road (i just put my arm round her side lightly not full on embrace) more out of her feeling fear and being scared rather than wanting my protection. the date went pretty well, tho we were facing each other and either side were 2 tables very close to us like literally could easedrop on the convo. this made it difficult to be forward as i wanted to (bad logistics). i tried kino'ing a bit taking her hand doing the ring theory BS i read in rules of the game and some other stuff. tbh i didn't hold eye contact enough, kept looking away from time to time.

i sensed maybe she wasn't sure if she was attracted to me and was using tonight as a way to either friendzone me or fall for me. i was too timid.. but i felt i needed the kino to be reciprocated for me to make a move rather than just go for it. her background: wealthy girl but very humble BUT definitely an attention wh0re/seeker.. tells me of incidents here where guys have started talking to her just as i have one on one offering jobs etc.. i didn't offer anything i didn't want to be like one of those guys. but she does seem like a genuine humble girl brought up well, but def with approachableness meaning she gets hit on indirectly A LOT. I really should have been more direct to differentiate myself.

do you think it's probably too late? i'd like to think she thinks im playing it cool and she's not sure if i like her or not.. but really i reckon she prob thinks im a pvssy for not manning up and going for the kiss (tho in fairness i prob would have got rejected, didn't feel like the right time)

 

[Zarky]

depends on how old you two are, but yeah almost surely too late. Not because you're were too p*ssy necessarily but more likely because she never felt a spark.

And c'mon.. going out for "juice" with a girl? Forget the broken chicks in rehab and whatnot. The "detox" excuse is bullsh*t. This girl had low IL from the start.

Ask yourself what a guy with options would have done from the beginning. Would have gone something like this:

GUY: Let's go out for a drink
HER: I'm sorry I can't, I'm "detoxing."
GUY: All right well when you're back on the sauce let me know and we'll grab a drink.

And then he would have forgotten about her until and unless she contacted him.

wealthy girl but very humble BUT definitely an attention wh0re/seeker.. tells me of incidents here where guys have started talking to her just as i have one on one offering jobs etc.. i didn't offer anything i didn't want to be like one of those guys. but she does seem like a genuine humble girl brought up well

That's the most confused jumble of contradictions I've ever seen. I've bolded what she is and underlined what she is NOT.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I had a date (well meeting) with a very nice LA girl i met over the weekend. i suggested to go for a drink at a bar but she declined saying she was on a detox so a juice or something would be better...

So, you meet a girl, have a great conversation with her, get her interested in you, get her number... and then, she agrees to go on a date with you, and the most exciting thing you can come up with...

...is to go out for DRINKS?

Let me tell you why this is a BAD idea for a first date suggestion:

1. It doesn't sound exciting
2. It makes it look like you're just trying to get her drunk so you can bang her

This is why she rejected the date. If she JUST MET YOU, suggesting a date that directly indicates you're wanting to get her drunk is a no-no. You'd be better off taking her to dinner somewhere and ordering wine than to take her to a bar.

I mean, come on - really, a bar?? You want this girl to get all dolled up for you, and spend hours on end putting on make up, re-doing her hair, buying a new dress, and spraying on perfume... so she can go to a BAR for drinks??? What the heck is WRONG with you?!?

And really, the "juice" thing wasn't much better - and yes, even though she suggested it, you should have thought of something better. My god, man, there are comedy clubs that charge $5 a person; free music events; skating rinks where you can spend $15 total to skate for 3 hours.... and you decided to go with JUICE as a date?!?

Anyway... so, despite all these wonderful blunders, she threw you some major indicators of interest:

*Kiss on the cheek greeting? INTERESTED
*Moving close to you TWICE while walking? INTERESTED
*Didn't reject you when you put your arm around her? INTERESTED
*Letting you hold her hand during "ring theory?" INTERESTED

That's all you have to go on so far, but it's enough. The only way you'll know for sure if she had a good time on this date... is to ask her out on another date. Call her up (don't text - texting KILLS relationships) and ask her out. And this time, ask her out on a REAL date. If she says "yes," she's interested; if she says anything other than "yes" (i.e. "Oh, I'm busy," "I'd love to, but...), or doesn't counter-offer, she's not interested. Yes, it's really that simple.

Oh, and before I forget: there are two habits you need to break. Number 1: stop making assumptions about a girl after just ONE date. You saying things like "she's humble" or "she was brought up well" are unfounded, and can't be determined after just ONE date. And number 2: stop assuming all girls are attention-seeking wh0res based on one or two things you notice her doing on a date. Almost every guy on these boards likes to go into the whole AW speech about every living girl. Ironically, it is usually the guys on here that are looking to get attention from a whole bunch of women - that would make guys equally as guilty of being AWs as they are claiming these girls are.

Hope this helps!

 

[drift king]

So, you meet a girl, have a great conversation with her, get her interested in you, get her number... and then, she agrees to go on a date with you, and the most exciting thing you can come up with...

...is to go out for DRINKS?

Let me tell you why this is a BAD idea for a first date suggestion:

1. It doesn't sound exciting
2. It makes it look like you're just trying to get her drunk so you can bang her

This is why she rejected the date. If she JUST MET YOU, suggesting a date that directly indicates you're wanting to get her drunk is a no-no. You'd be better off taking her to dinner somewhere and ordering wine than to take her to a bar.

I mean, come on - really, a bar?? You want this girl to get all dolled up for you, and spend hours on end putting on make up, re-doing her hair, buying a new dress, and spraying on perfume... so she can go to a BAR for drinks??? What the heck is WRONG with you?!?

And really, the "juice" thing wasn't much better - and yes, even though she suggested it, you should have thought of something better. My god, man, there are comedy clubs that charge $5 a person; free music events; skating rinks where you can spend $15 total to skate for 3 hours.... and you decided to go with JUICE as a date?!?

Anyway... so, despite all these wonderful blunders, she threw you some major indicators of interest:

*Kiss on the cheek greeting? INTERESTED
*Moving close to you TWICE while walking? INTERESTED
*Didn't reject you when you put your arm around her? INTERESTED
*Letting you hold her hand during "ring theory?" INTERESTED

That's all you have to go on so far, but it's enough. The only way you'll know for sure if she had a good time on this date... is to ask her out on another date. Call her up (don't text - texting KILLS relationships) and ask her out. And this time, ask her out on a REAL date. If she says "yes," she's interested; if she says anything other than "yes" (i.e. "Oh, I'm busy," "I'd love to, but...), or doesn't counter-offer, she's not interested. Yes, it's really that simple.

Oh, and before I forget: there are two habits you need to break. Number 1: stop making assumptions about a girl after just ONE date. You saying things like "she's humble" or "she was brought up well" are unfounded, and can't be determined after just ONE date. And number 2: stop assuming all girls are attention-seeking wh0res based on one or two things you notice her doing on a date. Almost every guy on these boards likes to go into the whole AW speech about every living girl. Ironically, it is usually the guys on here that are looking to get attention from a whole bunch of women - that would make guys equally as guilty of being AWs as they are claiming these girls are.

Hope this helps!

but Harry most guys on here say you should just go for drinks involving alcohol until you sleep with her and no dinner till after that. i just follow that rule as it's been repeated many times.

i think what i said about her actions about moving into me has been misinterpreted.. the car accident on the road between the car and a motorbike startled her that she moved towards me wanting protection.. i just put my arm on her back instead of fully embracing her.. when crossing the road and a car in the opposite direction nearly ran us over so i pulled her back and she was startled again and moved towards me cos she was frightened.. the letting me touch her hands for the ring thing.. she did it somewhat reluctantly.. like when i reached for the hand she didn't comply and give them to me, i had to somewhat grab them myself and bring them towards me.. kissing me on both cheeks is normal.. but the killer is walking back from the juice place she didn't move towards me or kino me or anything.. i duno maybe she thought i wasn't interested.. but she must have sensed it if i kept going towards her hands during the time we were in the juice place face to face with a table between us. i couldn't really escalate kino with people either side of us literally. they were privy to the convo as well.

maybe im overthinking things, all i know is i think i blown my shot by not being more bold.. on walking her back i pointed out to her that a famous modeling agency was in the building on the right and i said 'maybe you can find yourself a sexy male model in the starbucks opposite, models usually hang there with their portfolios during the week' she said 'really? oh yeah that would be great!' i should have said something clever or witty then about me.. but i was short of confidence at that point.. then on saying bye she went to the bar opposite cos her landlord who she's renting her apartment from was there and she wanted to say hi' (i wouldn't read into that too much. it's not like she was going to drink alcohol.. she literally was going to say hi)

she has too many male friends and suspicions males offering to help her.. orbiters afcs.. who knows.. im technically one of them. i just need to man up choose a better place where i can sit next to her side by side then make my move. my lack of confidence when with her must turn her off. im not appearing nervous but not appearing confident.. more timid. we'll see i'll contact her on thurs for the next meet up.

also she wasn't dressed up at all, wearing the same outfit she wore coming from elsewhere, no perfume not dolled up nothing.. to her it prob wasn't a date.

 

[drift king]

depends on how old you two are, but yeah almost surely too late. Not because you're were too p*ssy necessarily but more likely because she never felt a spark.

And c'mon.. going out for "juice" with a girl? Forget the broken chicks in rehab and whatnot. The "detox" excuse is bullsh*t. This girl had low IL from the start.

Ask yourself what a guy with options would have done from the beginning. Would have gone something like this:

GUY: Let's go out for a drink
HER: I'm sorry I can't, I'm "detoxing."
GUY: All right well when you're back on the sauce let me know and we'll grab a drink.

And then he would have forgotten about her until and unless she contacted him.


That's the most confused jumble of contradictions I've ever seen. I've bolded what she is and underlined what she is NOT.

yeah i agree. i suspected there was no attraction initially and that's played on my mind, instead of being bold and going for it and direct on first meeting i was coy and timid.. so now i've friendzoned myself.. if i plan to escalate and take things further i need to do it next time, last chance if any, if she kisses me cool, then it works, if not then well there's my answer. but i need to work it up and make sure i get logistics right next time so we can get some cosy time.

also with the jumbled contradictions i think im not looking at it right.. she def appears humble, like she isn't spoilt.. not compared to these other LA girls who she's friends with.. she's surprisingly very down to earth.. it was refreshing.. but red flag is she's talking to too many random guys who are offering their help in her getting a job etc. i cant show jealousy or neediness.. just let her do as she does. if she disagrees or flakes on our next meet then well im friendzoned.

 

[Uncharted]

GUY: Let's go out for a drink
HER: I'm sorry I can't, I'm "detoxing."
GUY: All right well when you're back on the sauce let me know and we'll grab a drink.

Classic! You could neg her a bit and say something like "that must be boring."

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Your over-analyzing.

Your way too hard on yourself.

Going out for drinks is completely fine, in fact preferred if you can carry a conversation. I don't agree with Harry's advice regarding drinks being a bad idea. A girl who is willing to throw back a few drinks with you, is a girl who is willing to get naked with you if you game her correctly.

Some girls aren't going to show you a lot of overt signs of interest on the first date or hang out or whatever you wanna call what you did with this girl.

The onus is on you, as a man to take charge, lead confidently and pull her into your frame. That's the biggest thing I see when I visit the main forum. Too many needy guys trying too hard to please a girl and fulfill her every need which is a known attraction killer.

Your right that being more bold, being more confident and simply focusing on having fun is the best formula for success.

You didn't make any critical errors, if you feel like your in the grey area, simply asking her out again. And focus on flirting with her. Her responses will tell you all you need to know about her interest in you (at the moment). If she isn't all over you, that doesn't mean she isn't interested, it does mean you have more work to do. And that's why you should be spinning other plates so you can truly not give a phuck about her either way.







PIMP

 

[VladPatton]

Sometimes first dates suck, but this is what they're for, to see how things go. Try again and see what happens, keep it simple and don't over analyze after the date too much. Her actions (not words) will speak volumes during each passing date.

Good luck.

 

[drift king]

should i come up with something better to do than going for a drink on Sunday seeing as i originally offered that and she declined and said juice instead?

maybe incorporate playing pool or something as well. im thinking more about logistics.

 

[drift king]

she just text me just now interestingly but i suspect it's just an attention seeking text and to find out if im available. originally i offered to meet up either monday that very night or wednesday around 8.30pm (same time as now) she said she couldn't do Wes. so i offered that very night (monday).

she text me: hello! i checked out those two stores you suggested this afternoon. good stuff!

(before we ended the date i showed her a couple stores locally where she could get some stuff)

see this is a nothing text, a high interest text would be 'when do we meet up again?' it could well be that she's available and wants to meet and is testing the water.. or even she just wants to see if im out with another girl right now.. i'll wait a couple hours and reply.

i guess it's a good sign she's texting me but if she's an attention wh0re then well this means nothing. im probably right?

 

[drift king]

well i sent her a text back couple of hours later (i suspect she was just trying to see if i was available and at home or whatever given she text me at the very time/day i asked to meet a few days before)

i text her that's great and told her what her name meant in spanish. she text backs an hour later saying 'haha! very funny '

on Thursday last week (the next day) i tried to make date arrangements with her: let's get together at a museum and have drinks, im out tonight but how's tomorrow or sunday around 8pm?

The text didn't deliver for about 3 hours

(no response)

still no response after a few days (i thought she might be away abroad)

the old saying goes: girls who are interested, text back. she didn't so that explains it.

what i dont understand is why the sudden silence? was she never interested in the first place or more likely the reason she couldn't meet on wednesday last week is cos she had a 2nd or 3rd date with some guy she liked and now they're together?

im tryna not overthink things but from my point of view she didn't respond so now my interest should drop.

i suspect she'll send me a text sooner or later saying: 'hey blah blah.. how are you?'

should i just respond like the next day with: im great thanks

or would that seem too butthurt? i understand you're suppose to act not as interested but i dont know how far to go without still seeming keen.

 

[Zarky]

OP, this chick is done, find others.

 

[drift king]

after a moment a weakness and fury after the other one i met last night was being disrespectful i text this one: are you going away for easter?

this morning she texts:

her: yes im going to the country to see family friends.
her: you?

i haven't replied, nor will i.

given the scenario i'm better off not replying to her right? if she cares she'll follow up but it does sound as if im just finding out if she's around for easter to meet up and cos she's not i've not replied.

i was thinking, if the text from thurs didn't deliver for a few hours then maybe she didn't see it but i got the delivery report so im not buying it and she just ignored it, also if she was interested surely she would have followed up with an attention seekign text since last thurs. she didn't. i failed the sh1t test by responding too eagerly last week not realizing it was just a test and if i ignored it it would put me in the being chased position.

 

[drift king]

should i respond now is the question?

im caught between 2 minds. i dont know which is going to work in my favor. if i respond i could just be given the cold shoulder again, if i do respond i guess i could try to create some attraction again but given the current scenario i feel like she prob wont respond anyway so im better off just not getting into it.

 

[drift king]

i was thinking if i dont reply is that really going to make her wonder 'hmm.. i dont have him anymore.'

im trying to be not needy (which i am but not tryna show it) i hopefully will have some new options by tomorrow which will help me settle down a bit but if she has a lot of other guys into her am i really going to stand out by ignoring her?