Was I Too Harsh Here?

[CheekyMonkey101]

This girl I was dating for a few months messaged me a couple of days after we had a day trip to this beach town (we smashed after) to say "You're a nice guy, I just think that we're looking for different things in a relationship and so I can't see this being more than friendship." I then responded with "I see no benefit to being your friend." She just said "Okay" and left it at that.

I did enjoy spending a lot of time with her and we got on well, but just being her friend just seemed to be a kick in the teeth. But as is life.

Was this response of mine too harsh or was it honest and to the point?

 

[holidayad_]

Was this response of mine too harsh or was it honest and to the point?

Did you say what you truly meant, or did you say it because you were pissed off and now you regret it?

If it's the first option, there's nothing to worry about. You did the right thing.

Next.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Did you say what you truly meant, or did you say it because you were pissed off and now you regret it?

If it's the first option, there's nothing to worry about. You did the right thing.

Next.

Tbh I was actually in between rounds in boxing sparring and so I was quite heated in that moment, so I said it in anger a bit. However, I didn't really want to just be friends as I didn't see a point.

 

[holidayad_]

Tbh I was actually in between rounds in boxing sparring and so I was quite heated in that moment, so I said it in anger a bit. However, I didn't really want to just be friends as I didn't see a point.

Nothing to worry about.

There are minimal benefits to being friends with a woman you've already banged. Next her.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Nothing to worry about.

There are minimal benefits to being friends with a woman you've already banged. Next her.

Yep, I agree.

This was good for me as I was getting oneitis over her and overlooking her red flags (such as having male friends and saying that she gets bored of men when in relationships).

 

[Chow Mein]

She’s implying you’re a FWB, possibly because she isn’t ready to settle or at least not with you. Take it dude, that’s a great situation. Instead, you lit it on fire.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

She’s implying you’re a FWB, possibly because she isn’t ready to settle or at least not with you. Take it dude, that’s a great situation. Instead, you lit it on fire.

Yeah, looking back that was probably it.

Lesson learned.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

Better:
"as long as it's 'with benefits', because I may want to call for a bootie call if I have a dry spell"

That's a good one.

I'm wondering if she was implying a FWB situation. If she did, then I'd be pretty gutted as she was very attractive and I completely ****ed it.

 

[holidayad_]

I'm wondering if she was implying a FWB situation. If she did, then I'd be pretty gutted as she was very attractive and I completely ****ed it.

I don't think that was the case.

If it were, why would she need to say she wanted friendship?

You were already having s*x, no strings attached.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

I don't think that was the case.

If it were, why would she need to say she wanted friendship?

You were already having s*x, no strings attached.

Well, she got quite deep in the last date in saying what she wanted and said she wanted a relationship. However, I guess actions speak louder.

At least I got to smash raw loads of times.

 

[holidayad_]

Well, she got quite deep in the last date in saying what she wanted and said she wanted a relationship.

So, at first, she said she wanted a relationship, and then later told you she only wanted to be friends?

There are two possibilities:

1) Sh!t test.

2) She was waiting for you to lead.

You’ve already made your point. If she’s interested in a relationship, I wouldn’t be surprised if she contacts you within a few days.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

You got laid, you won. Not only that, she doesnt sound like wife material and she saved you the trouble of breaking up with her. The way I see it, this was a win-win for you @CheekyMonkey101

 

[RickTheToad]

This girl I was dating for a few months messaged me a couple of days after we had a day trip to this beach town (we smashed after) to say "You're a nice guy, I just think that we're looking for different things in a relationship and so I can't see this being more than friendship." I then responded with "I see no benefit to being your friend." She just said "Okay" and left it at that.

I did enjoy spending a lot of time with her and we got on well, but just being her friend just seemed to be a kick in the teeth. But as is life.

Was this response of mine too harsh or was it honest and to the point?

You responded with emotion. In the future, you should say either, okay, no problem. Take care of yourself. Or, I was thinking the same, and agree. I am sure someone else out there is better a fit for you; take care.

You are throwing it back on to them and walking away. They do reach out later on... Weeks and months down the line. I never respond, just laugh at their pathetic attempts to reel me back in. I never bit, but to each their own. It's best to leave the trash outside and move forward. There's always new fresh pus up for sale.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

So, at first, she said she wanted a relationship, and then later told you she only wanted to be friends?

There are two possibilities:

1) Sh!t test.

2) She was waiting for you to lead.

You’ve already made your point. If she’s interested in a relationship, I wouldn’t be surprised if she contacts you within a few days.

I don't like those types of games. I asked what her availability was like and so that's when she sent me that.

I reacted terribly as well and told her I had another girl anyway, which wasn't a good look. I've learned a lot from this experience at least.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

You responded with emotion. In the future, you should say either, okay, no problem. Take care of yourself. Or, I was thinking the same, and agree. I am sure someone else out there is better a fit for you; take care.

You are throwing it back on to them and walking away. They do reach out later on... Weeks and months down the line. I never respond, just laugh at their pathetic attempts to reel me back in. I never bit, but to each their own. It's best to leave the trash outside and move forward. There's always new fresh pus up for sale.

Yeah, I handled it badly. I'm usually very calm but I had a lot on that week and it got to me. I usually don't respond to those messages or just say "That's fine, take care" but this hurt as I was getting attached.

I've learned a lot from this.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

You got laid, you won. Not only that, she doesnt sound like wife material and she saved you the trouble of breaking up with her. The way I see it, this was a win-win for you @CheekyMonkey101

Yep, that's all true. It was a good experience and I learned from it.

They're all replaceable.

 

[RickTheToad]

Yeah, I handled it badly. I'm usually very calm but I had a lot on that week and it got to me. I usually don't respond to those messages or just say "That's fine, take care" but this hurt as I was getting attached.

I've learned a lot from this.

We've all been there. I recall doing this twice when I was younger. Happens to us all. Just adjust and move forward.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

We've all been there. I recall doing this twice when I was younger. Happens to us all. Just adjust and move forward.

Yeah, i felt bad as I said some other things to her and she's a nice girl.

I tried to apologise after a few days but got no response. It is what it is and I'll learn for next time.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I agree with everyone here. Constructive criticism here, remember not to give up your power so easily. Sometimes it is best to mask your anger and frustration, and to appear content and agreeable. The best way to teach them a lesson is to reflect their behavior back to them.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

I agree with everyone here. Constructive criticism here, remember not to give up your power so easily. Sometimes it is best to mask your anger and frustration, and to appear content and agreeable. The best way to teach them a lesson is to reflect their behavior back to them.

Usually I am very calm and either just respond to these types of messages with "Okay, no problem" ot just ignore them. I even told her about another girl just to spite her.

This was quite uncharacteristic of me for sure.

I could have suggested a FWB situation in hindsight. But that's 20/20 after all.

Best thing I can do is learn from this experience, particularly when catching feelings.