was I really too hard?

[backbreaker]

I had a date earlier tonight. She's 2 years younger than me, really good looking. First date. Anyway, she has a kid, which is normally a red flag, but I am not looking for anything really serious, but I still took a note about it.

Anyway, we were supposed to go out when she got off work at 8:00. She comes over and she tells me we need to pick up her kid to drop him off at her mom's so she can babysit.

A little peeved that you knew about the date 4 days ago and you couldn't have it arranged already, but hey.. not everyone thinks ahead like me. So I shook it off and was like whatever, so I follwed her to where the baby was, and she is in there like 15 mintues and comes out and says the baby won't go to sleep so she will have to raincheck the date, but asks me if I want to follow her to her house and kick it for a little while. I tell her I will take a raincheck on that and bail out. So I hear her saying "what you don't want to follow me?"... meanwhile I am hitting a b-line out of the apartment complex and going back home, now trying to find something else to do for the night, which won't be too hard.

I just figured, that's not a good start, and I just didn't see it getting any better.. plus I wanted to give her a chance to see if the baby was going to be a problem, some girls you can date and you can't even tell they have kids, they have their babysitting **** all laid out to a T.. she isn't one of thoose people.

So... what do you guys think? I mean, I know what I think, but do you think I did right by bailing so damn quick, or do you think I should have followed her home?

 

[penkitten]

perhaps her mother is only willing to babysit if the child goes directly to sleep upon arrival. ( i heard of people whose parents dont want to watch the grandbabies any more than they have to and only at bed time)

since the child didnt go directly into grannies house, and do that, then granny wasnt going to babysit. (maybe she doesnt like to visit with the grandchild?)

so the chick comes out saying that its not going to work, follow her to her place and hang out because thats better than not doing anything at all.

you blew her off and left. bet shes real bummed out watching spongebob tonight.

 

[( . )( . )]

Anyway, we were supposed to go out when she got off work at 8:00. She comes over and she tells me we need to pick up her kid to drop him off at her mom's so she can babysit.

You gotta remember shes more than likely had a lifetime of AFC's run around doing her chores with her so I would let that slide.

so I follwed her to where the baby was, and she is in there like 15 mintues and comes out and says the baby won't go to sleep so she will have to raincheck the date

Woops deal breaker, you handled it well.

perhaps her mother is only willing to babysit if the child goes directly to sleep upon arrival. ( i heard of people whose parents dont want to watch the grandbabies any more than they have to and only at bed time)

Woulda, shoulda, coulda.... irrelevant chick excuses which should mean nothing to a man of worth.


If theres a next time it would want to be on your terms backbreaker (your place etc etc)

 

[Rovalier]

It wouldn't have mattered either ways if you asked me. Stay or not stay, not much substance would have developed out of this in the long run. So don't feel guilty about it.

Sucks to be her, she should have planned in advance, maybe this will teach her a lesson.

 

[DJDamage]

Hey if you date single mom's be prepare for baggage like this. She will always place him first above you. It is a tiresome relationship especially since you are not looking for anything serious but she probably is.

Go and date the single ladies with no kids and there will be alot less problems.

DJD

 

[backbreaker]

i mean i have sexed single mom's before.. every case is different. I know a woman who has two kids from a previous marriage that you can't tell she has kids.. her babysitting is air tight. i can literarly call her up at 3 in th emorning and she will be here in an hour.


I know I am going to run into her tomorrow.. not really a way to get around it, but I figure, if I really like a girl, and I have a kid, I am going to make damn sure I have a dependable babysitter. Yes kicking it at her house is better than not doing anything, but I didn't ask her to kick it at her house.. I asked her on a date. My date, my terms, plain and simple. I'm going out with or without her.

She has a lot of convincing to do to make me think she is worth dating, because for some reason it did rub me the wrong way.

As far as me following her to her house, it made sense because she didn't want to take her car, so I was in essense going to follow her just so she can ride on the date with me.

 

[backbreaker]

i mean i have sexed single mom's before.. every case is different. I know a woman who has two kids from a previous marriage that you can't tell she has kids.. her babysitting is air tight. i can literarly call her up at 3 in th emorning and she will be here in an hour.


I know I am going to run into her tomorrow.. not really a way to get around it, but I figure, if I really like a girl, and I have a kid, I am going to make damn sure I have a dependable babysitter. Yes kicking it at her house is better than not doing anything, but I didn't ask her to kick it at her house.. I asked her on a date. My date, my terms, plain and simple. I'm going out with or without her.

She has a lot of convincing to do to make me think she is worth dating, because for some reason it did rub me the wrong way.

As far as me following her to her house, it made sense because she didn't want to take her car, so I was in essense going to follow her just so she can ride on the date with me.

 

[backbreaker]

Update:

ran into her today as I told you I would end up doing. First thing she did was ask was I mad at her... after she explained the situtation, I felt where she was coming from.. basically I got caught in the middle of a semi family fued where her mom got mad because she was working 12 hour days and thought it was wrong to go on a date and not take care of her kid after working all day.

So we agreed to kick it at her house for the night. I love kids, I always have (I just don't want any) and I had fun with hers. AFter she put her kid to sleep we had some drinks and ended up making until she kept drinking and went to sleep and I left, as I didn't necessarly want to wake up next to her the next morning. We both love law and order and there is a marathon on tomorrow, she wants me to come over and watch it with her.. I don't know... I planned on makign some bets but after watching the preakness I am just not in the mood right now. Anyway, she's a good girl.. not as in a LTR t ype good girl, but she has her head on her sholders for the most part, pretty independant minded, which i do find attractive, but I stand by my no kid rule.. that and she's a little on the inexperienced side

 

[backbreaker]

Update:

ran into her today as I told you I would end up doing. First thing she did was ask was I mad at her... after she explained the situtation, I felt where she was coming from.. basically I got caught in the middle of a semi family fued where her mom got mad because she was working 12 hour days and thought it was wrong to go on a date and not take care of her kid after working all day.

So we agreed to kick it at her house for the night. I love kids, I always have (I just don't want any) and I had fun with hers. AFter she put her kid to sleep we had some drinks and ended up making until she kept drinking and went to sleep and I left, as I didn't necessarly want to wake up next to her the next morning. We both love law and order and there is a marathon on tomorrow, she wants me to come over and watch it with her.. I don't know... I planned on makign some bets but after watching the preakness I am just not in the mood right now. Anyway, she's a good girl.. not as in a LTR t ype good girl, but she has her head on her sholders for the most part, pretty independant minded, which i do find attractive, but I stand by my no kid rule.. that and she's a little on the inexperienced side

 

[mrRuckus]

you blew her off and left. bet shes real bummed out watching spongebob tonight.

Good. The baby should have been asleep and at mom's house before they even got together.

 

[Monkey]

Personally Backbreaker I'd say you acted like a complete jerk.

Girls with kids work damn hard to look after them, they are a real part of their lives and certainly not someting that can be disposed of in a hurry. You knew this and still acted like an uncaring knob by just walking out at the first sign of any problems.

I bet she went home and felt really sh!tty that night, while you split trying to act all 'cool'.

 

[penkitten]

Good. The baby should have been asleep and at mom's house before they even got together.

says a dude who doesnt have kids, doesnt know what its like to come home from a 8 to 12 hr work shift and have a hour and half to feed your child, bathe him, get ready your dang self, toss your child in the car and fly over to "grany's " so that you can hurry up and be done on time for the date to be standing there "ready to have big fun with you".
she actually sounds very responsible .

as far as the "i know girls who have their babysitting air tight" phrases... have you considered why they are so air tight? how often do they leave their children to go out? lots more often than this girl in question. its not "air tight" because she doesnt just toss her kid off to anyone at anytime.

 

[KontrollerX]

"Personally Backbreaker I'd say you acted like a complete jerk.

Girls with kids work damn hard to look after them, they are a real part of their lives and certainly not someting that can be disposed of in a hurry. You knew this and still acted like an uncaring knob by just walking out at the first sign of any problems."

The same could be said of her.

She agreed to the date with him and should of had the child situation taken care of.

Her children are not backbreaker's problem they are hers.

"I bet she went home and felt really sh!tty that night, while you split trying to act all 'cool'."

This will be a learning experience for her.

 

[Rebound Material]

I agree on this site about self worth and zero tolerance for a girls mistakes, but i also do think that acting too cold especially with single moms is a bit harsh. I mean, they got kids and those kids need them. Always expecting that you should always be placed above her priorites is a good mind set for dating chicks who ARE NOT parents, but you've got to have sympathy for those who have children. Im not saying that you should totally bust a nice guy act in these situations, but think about it, how would you feel if your mom chose some guy she was only dating over you in times that you need her most?

 

[mrRuckus]

says a dude who doesnt have kids, doesnt know what its like to come home from a 8 to 12 hr work shift and have a hour and half to feed your child, bathe him, get ready your dang self, toss your child in the car and fly over to "grany's " so that you can hurry up and be done on time for the date to be standing there "ready to have big fun with you".
she actually sounds very responsible .

Don't agree to do things you can't accomplish. She had four days to plan this.

backbreaker isn't being a d1ck at all. She said she'd go out (literally) with him. She failed to make that possible. He didn't want to sit around her house all night so he went home. He shouldn't do what he doesn't want because he should "feel bad" for the poor poor girl who got herself pregnant and chose to keep it.

And his update says she changed her story about what happened at her mom's. She lied the first time.

 

[backbreaker]

she didn't really LIE the first time, as she just didn't take the time to explain what was going on.. you had to be there. Even when she told me she would have to raincheck at first, I could tell on on her face that something really was wrong, i didn't leave becuase I thought she was l ying, I left because I didn't want to sit at her house all night. Last night was a different story. She cooked for me, we had a couple of drinks and had a great time.

I was raised by a single mom, so I have a great respect for them. But with that said, they are not my kids.. I don't have kids for a reason.

Penkitten you make a great point. Great point. I can't argue with that. However, how they raise their kids isn't necessarly my problem. If I am going after sex and sex only, your kids aren't a part of my thinking process. Either youc an get out tonight or you can't. With that said, I actually respect the girl sucha s the one I saw last night more, the one who puts her son first, because I was lucky enought o have a mom who put me first

 

[penkitten]

Don't agree to do things you can't accomplish. She had four days to plan this.

honey, you can not plan when an infant or toddler will or will not be ready for bed. trust me when i say this to you.

why do you think all the comedians who are parents love to do the bit about children having a sex radar? everytime they are almost going to get some, someone comes to the door and needs something, no matter what time of day or night it is? because litterly, if they sense anything, they know.

 

[penkitten]

Penkitten you make a great point. Great point. I can't argue with that. However, how they raise their kids isn't necessarly my problem. If I am going after sex and sex only, your kids aren't a part of my thinking process. Either youc an get out tonight or you can't. With that said, I actually respect the girl sucha s the one I saw last night more, the one who puts her son first, because I was lucky enought o have a mom who put me first

i am glad that you respect single moms, and im glad that things ended up working out better after she explained the whole story.
i really do understand that her child isnt your child and that you didnt have kids yet for a reason.
single moms dont expect the world from you, just a little understanding when stuff happens. thats where your thinking process has to kick in when you want to date a single mom, thats all.

if you want to just have sex with a single mom, perhaps you should ask her to drop her kiddo off at the sitter or grandmas and then meet you at your place. that way if something comes up, all she has to do is call you up and tell you.

if you want to actually date her and get in a relationship, sometimes you will have to grin and bear it if things happen and you have to stay in.

and come on, you had a great time with her even hanging out at home. shes a responsible mother who is trying to do a good job. to be honest, im not sure how long she is gonna wanna date someone without wanting something long term, because she sounds like she isnt the "im where the party is at " person.


someone mentioned earlier that it wouldnt be his problem if she had a child before he met her because she was stupid enough to go out and get pregnant and keep the kid. i want who ever that person is to know, that his mother didnt plan him either and that it was just a coin toss away from his mother either aborting him or giving him away too. i appauld women who dont just go and abort their babies because of inconvience to them or to their future dating careers. call your mother and tell her you love her for all her sacrifices.

 

[mrRuckus]

honey, you can not plan when an infant or toddler will or will not be ready for bed. trust me when i say this to you.

Which is it backbreaker? Was it an argument with her mom or the kid wouldn't sleep? From what you said she lied about the kid sleeping and it was really an argument with her mom... which was probably about her dropping the kid off last second.


Please keep the condescending "honeys" to yourself. Thanks.

 

[mrRuckus]

i want who ever that person is to know, that his mother didnt plan him either and that it was just a coin toss away from his mother either aborting him or giving him away too..

For all i know i was given away to a better family where i actually had a father in my every day life.

You make it sound like adoption is a bad thing. Hell yea i'd rather have been adopted by a mother/father couple than be raised by a struggling single mom with morality issues and a ****ty job that drops me off so she can go on dates. We have enough kids raised without fathers. Where do you think all the afcs come from?

And were i aborted i wouldn't be around so i wouldn't have the capability to care.