Was I just disqualified as a "provider?" Sweet

[tryst type]

Chatting to a woman two years older than me, in mid conversation about relationships in general she says:

"You look like a guy I a can have loads of fun with but I have to think of the future.

You're not the type of guy I date your the type that is cool to hang out with and hook up with once in a while

sorry"

 

[samspade]

Who cares? You should have said "Guilty as charged."

 

[tryst type]

Who cares? You should have said "Guilty as charged."

My reply was "wow it's like you know me, are you psychic?" :crackup:

Guess she just wants a FWB, not objecting to that!

 

[samspade]

My reply was "wow it's like you know me, are you psychic?" :crackup:

Guess she just wants a FWB, not objecting to that!

Ha - even better.

 

[Zarky]

I often get the brush-off from women who are looking for something "serious." Frankly, it doesn't bother me a bit.

I think you're doing something right if women who are looking for their "soul mate," "Mr. Right," "The One," etc tend to avoid you. I think you're doing something very right.

 

[Boilermaker]

Interesting.

 

[Desdinova]

I had something like that happen. She told me "I cannot base our relationship on how much fun we have." No problem! Enjoy your boring AFCs!

 

[tryst type]

So in essence women don't want an "alpha"? They just want someone who can provide security with money? At least that's what I'm starting to notice.

 

[zekko]

Tryst, you are 29 and she is 31.

She is looking for someone of provider status to settle with now that she has had her fun in the 20's. Bible's gf is doing the same thing to him as evidenced from his huge thread.

This has me wondering. If a man is trying to get with a woman who is 30+, does this mean it is better to adopt "less alpha" game in order to snare your target? Most game seems aimed at getting the hot 18-25 year old club girls.

 

[backbreaker]

IT hink it has more to do with the attractive level. My wife will be 36 in 1 month 3 days. She was 30 when I let her and I pretty much did everything I did on everyone else on her and it worked.

The thing is, my wife has very high self esteem and she thought she was enough of a catch to keep me around.

when a woman who is in her 30's, or ****, just in general really but particularly when she's in her 30's, and she's trying to find a man to take her seriously, when she tells a man basically that he is too alpha what she is really saying is, I dn't think I' woman enough to keep you so i'm not going to even fool myself. Basically, I am realistic that i have one shot and i need to take it on a man that will take me seriously. It's last call time. Which in itself tells me all i need to know about said woman.


true alpha males are like that liquid that the cops pour on a crime scene to find blood in the dark. You might not know what a woman's weakness or problems / issues are but rest assured if she is telling you some **** like that, she has some that you don't want to deal with.

 

[expos]

So in essence women don't want an "alpha"? They just want someone who can provide security with money? At least that's what I'm starting to notice.

Yes.

But beta behavior to an entitled pampered wife is a recipe for utter disaster.

Some girls want a door mat "Yes man". They use the guy for status and his monetary value. The personality needs to be passive, his looks are sub-par, and the wife controls the frame and constantly lets her husband know that she is beautiful and that she is the "prize". The reaction is more spoiling and beta behavior on the husband, and more lousy behavior on behalf of the wife. An alpha would never let this happen.

 

[CollegeLife]

Tryst, you are 29 and she is 31.

She is looking for someone of provider status to settle with now that she has had her fun in the 20's. Bible's gf is doing the same thing to him as evidenced from his huge thread.

What she really means.........Though she is looking for a serious relationship with a guy, you are not quite high enough in SMV to replace her current FWB while she waits for that relationship guy to come along.

Don't take it as a hit to your value though

I don't think he was taking it as a hit to his value... quite the opposite. My interpretation (and most?) perceived the choices of the earlier years as the type of guys she really likes. Her explanation combine with 31 is the desire forced by circumstances than a real change in who she's really attracted towards.

My wife will be 36 in 1 month 3 days.

She's 6 years older than you?

 

[zekko]

when a woman who is in her 30's, or ****, just in general really but particularly when she's in her 30's, and she's trying to find a man to take her seriously, when she tells a man basically that he is too alpha what she is really saying is, I dn't think I' woman enough to keep you so i'm not going to even fool myself. Basically, I am realistic that i have one shot and i need to take it on a man that will take me seriously. It's last call time. Which in itself tells me all i need to know about said woman.

I don't think it's necessarily low self esteem. Some "alphas" are simply not the type to commit - and if they ever do get a wife/LTR/whatever, you can bet that they're going to be cheating on them. A woman can realize this about a man without having having low self esteem. It's not a bad sign if a woman doesn't want a guy who is always going to be running around on her, IMO. In fact, I'd say it's a good sign - she's showing good judgement.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

So in essence women don't want an "alpha"? They just want someone who can provide security with money? At least that's what I'm starting to notice.

Most women don't know what they want. When they consciously put themselves in the "seeking a partner," frame of mind, they're looking for a beta provider.

Being too alpha can actually be deal breaker, unless she's got enough self confidence so she can "tame" him.

OTOH, girls will unconsciously respond to an alpha, whether she wants to or not.

Just like a happily married guy will feel unconsciously attracted to an 18 y/o with big jiggling boobs.

Tryst Type's response was right on the money. She was maybe looking for him to qualify himself to her as a provider, and he didn't bite.

 

[tryst type]

Most women don't know what they want. When they consciously put themselves in the "seeking a partner," frame of mind, they're looking for a beta provider.

Being too alpha can actually be deal breaker, unless she's got enough self confidence so she can "tame" him.

OTOH, girls will unconsciously respond to an alpha, whether she wants to or not.

Just like a happily married guy will feel unconsciously attracted to an 18 y/o with big jiggling boobs.

Tryst Type's response was right on the money. She was maybe looking for him to qualify himself to her as a provider, and he didn't bite.

In retrospect a lot of failed attempts with women that didn't make sense at the time, are now clicking.

I remember being in situations where the girl would be totally into me and then out of no where complete loss of interest and shortly after in a relationship with a guy that'd leave you scratching your head about (a beta bf)

I've had a lot of them eventually say things like "you just never seem to take anything too serious" or "are you ever serious?"

This almost always is said AFTER they've shown complete interest and attraction for me and my behavior. Looking back at it, it was always the ones that were tired of being hurt blah blah and wanted something "meaningful"

So what's the formula then? I mean to me I'm used to perceiving all that stuff as sh*t tests but it seems they don't want you to pass them in this context, or do they?

 

[zekko]

I think you still want to pass the sh!t tests. You just don't want to give the impression that you are completely closed off to the idea of commitment.

Unless you really do want to stay the player for life, in which case some girls are going to be an inevitable casualty of your lifestyle. Because at some point, most girls are going to want to settle down.

 

[Zarky]

If you want to be a player for life, which I do, you have to realize that, eventually, every single woman you date will leave you (or you them.) There is no permanence and never will be.

But then, the same can be said about life itself.

To me, being a player is embracing the fact that someday you're really going to die, and all this will go away. That's about how deep it goes for me.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

So what's the formula then? I mean to me I'm used to perceiving all that stuff as sh*t tests but it seems they don't want you to pass them in this context, or do they?

Figure out a way to qualify them early, and dis-qualify the ones that seem to be looking for something "meaningful."

I had a buddy who did this on their first "date" by casually bringing up his "friend" in the conversation. He (the "friend") was a guy that KNEW he didn't want a relationship, usually dated more than one girl, and was always open with all the girls about this. HOW the girl responded to this told him (my buddy) which category she belonged to.

Surprisingly, a LOT of girls will be open for this, if only they KNOW from the get go what it is.

They just don't cotton to the idea of thinking there may be "potential" when there really isn't. When they find out there isn't, they feel they've been "deceived" and drop you accordingly.

Nobody likes to be conned, even they've conned themselves.

Figure out a way to subtly lay out your cards early, and you may get even better results.

Think "Pre-Framing" the tests instead of "Re-Framing" the tests.