"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Warped night tonight

sodbuster

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Went out for a couple after work and ran into a couple I know. They were sitting with an ex's husband. We were talking about "things" and of course my recent trip to Manila came up. They all had to see my fiance's picture. This little dweeb is actually a nice guy, but he made a comment about me not being able to find an American woman {probably from what she has said about me}. He thinks his ex is the best thing that has ever happened to him and I should be jealous of his good fortune.

I just had to grin inside at the thought. She's the one I've mentioned before. She would come over to bang when they were engaged if he pissed her off. She thought I should buy a 'vette {so she could drive it of course.... she got a Mustang, he got a POS pickup}. She gained at least 50 lbs since then..... and he thinks he won the lottery.... I left his delusions alone and let him be happy. Hopefully, she never screws him over
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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SgtSplacker

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Of course he has to put you down, probably suspects you were piping his girl. She already screwed him over that night by making him chill with the dude she cheated on him with lol
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Yes, it's strange because part of you wants to pull the guy aside and give him a heads up, but then you say "NAH".

I'd pay my Ex's BF 10k to marry her fat bitter azz. It would save me some alimony $. LOL.

-Augustus-
 

Desdinova

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I broke up with a girl about 1 1/2 years ago. She just got married to him and is pregnant with his child. That poor bugger is in for one hell of a ride with her, her orbiters, and the dad of her first kid. I wish them a fun-filled brief marriage.
 

sodbuster

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No, she was out of town. But it's a smaller town only 26k. And he was sitting with a couple I've known for 30 years. He was just part of the table.... I don't think he has to worry about me any more..... It would be a hard sell to talk little buddy into that...
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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