Warming up a lukewarm girl

[BlueAlpha1]

My roommate invited two friends from campus last night, an 18 year old guy and a 24 year old Russian HB8, to a nightclub. Apparently HB8 Russia is best friends with this kid's sister but sister couldn't make it, so they came together. 18 year old looks and carries himself well beyond his years.

Anyway I quickly established they weren't "together" but that he was there to protect her to some degree so I opted to try to ease her in slowly rather than a nuclear approach. Throughout the night she was lukewarm, I used basic kino (like demonstrating how disgusting it is when American men hold hands with a woman and their hand is on the bottom, being led by their girlfriends. Knowing she was from a country of Brutish men, she'd get a kick out of it. Use this one, it gets you holding her hand and usually they'll laugh.) We also danced and she spent about 70% of the evening talking to me, not letting the conversation go as even when a silence would come she'd start up again quickly.

No bang, no kiss, only a number close. I haven't decided whether to text her and try to get her on a date for some day game, or whether I should invite them back for a house party and try to run the party like a DJ and go with social proof (and she's already in my apartment)

Anyone have any recent success stories with girls that gave you the bare minimum but just enough to push for another hangout?

 

[pyros]

no need to overthink it.

As you said, either ask her out to havea a drink and kino escalate, or arrange that party at your house and kino escalate. Then you will know if she's into you or not.

Or you could go consult an psychic. lol.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

You've already got some GREAT positive buying signals - i.e. her talking to you most of the night, her giving you the number - so thus far all is well. All you have to do now is contact her and get the date. Me, I'm a big advocate for CALLING a girl vs. texting her for a date; if that's not your thing and you prefer to text, don't spend 20 min messaging her back and forth to "build up comfort." It's a huge waste of time, and doesn't actually help your cause. The text should be simple: remind her who you are if necessary, then tell her you wanted to meet up and ask which of two days she'd be available (i.e. are you free Tuesday or Thursday). Set everything up during that text, then say "great, i'll see u on (day) at (time) - enjoy the rest of your day!"

And that's it. Oh yeah - the party idea? HORRIBLE. Don't do it. A girl that hasn't had one on one time with you yet has no loyalty to you; you setting up a party where potential blockers and stealers could be invited is no bueno. At least for the first 5 dates, don't involve any other people if you can manage it. Hope this helps!

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Oh, right, I forgot you wanted a success story, lol:

About 4 years ago I went to a Halloween party dressed as Mario. I saw this hot chick there, and after about an hour I sat next to her to chat. We talked, and after 10 minutes, I knew I needed to leave so she's be interested in going on a date with me later. I got her number, and I left. That was it - no major signals other than her looking at me with interested eyes and a phone number. 4 days later, we met up for a movie date; we went on 3 or 4 more dates before we finally hooked up - which, believe it or not, was because of ME wanting to wait (by that point I was confident enough to know I didn't need to give girls the D on date one to keep them around). We hooked up quite regularly after that, including one time at a well-known celebrity's house (in his kitchen)!

All that to say - it may not seem like much, but getting the number is a bigger signal of interest than you can imagine. Heck, sometimes you can go to a party and have a girl flirting with you the whole time, yet won't give out the number in the end. So, like I said, you should be good IF you know the right way to proceed. Good luck!

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Oh, right, I forgot you wanted a success story, lol:

About 4 years ago I went to a Halloween party dressed as Mario. I saw this hot chick there, and after about an hour I sat next to her to chat. We talked, and after 10 minutes, I knew I needed to leave so she's be interested in going on a date with me later. I got her number, and I left. That was it - no major signals other than her looking at me with interested eyes and a phone number. 4 days later, we met up for a movie date; we went on 3 or 4 more dates before we finally hooked up - which, believe it or not, was because of ME wanting to wait (by that point I was confident enough to know I didn't need to give girls the D on date one to keep them around). We hooked up quite regularly after that, including one time at a well-known celebrity's house (in his kitchen)!

All that to say - it may not seem like much, but getting the number is a bigger signal of interest than you can imagine. Heck, sometimes you can go to a party and have a girl flirting with you the whole time, yet won't give out the number in the end. So, like I said, you should be good IF you know the right way to proceed. Good luck!

Glad it worked out for you, but it might be a bit different from my own story. You demonstrated higher value by making a good first impression and ejecting when her juices were just beginning to flow. I spent 4 hours talking and failed to make any sort of serious impression because of the male cokkblock 10 feet away.

We all came back to my apartment at 4 am and at this point, tipsy and tired, she started paying more attention to her phone. I was DD last night so I gave her and male friend a ride home. Of course, with him there she rode in the back seat and didn't so much as touch me getting out of the car. I would actually consider that to be better than the dreaded friend-hug...

On a positive note, when she gave my the number she showed me the "my number" contact in her phone, so it's legit.

The other 30% of the night she spent with her male friend and they're a bit touchy together, but it seems about as platonic as you could get.

Harry, it's been my experience that getting the number means next to nothing - that women give their number all the time to collect beta orbiters or just to be nice.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

So far

Day Game - 1
Social Proof Party - 0

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Glad it worked out for you, but it might be a bit different from my own story. You demonstrated higher value by making a good first impression and ejecting when her juices were just beginning to flow. I spent 4 hours talking and failed to make any sort of serious impression because of the male cokkblock 10 feet away.

It wasn't necessarily about the other guy, though. Heck, in my AFC days when I was that male friend, other guys would still hit up on the girl "friend" I was with. Why? Mindset - they figured if we were together she'd say something or reject the advances.

But yeah - 4 hours of talking is not the way to go. It was harder in this situation because you were the DD, but even still... it was a nightclub. It would have been better had you talked to her in small bits and moments, and working/dancing with other girls at the bar.

It's been my experience that getting the number means next to nothing - that women give their number all the time to collect beta orbiters or just to be nice.

Only half of that statement is true. A woman giving you her number isn't in need of beta orbiters. As much as we guys like to think that women just enjoy hearing from all 10,000 guys who have her number just so she'll get an ego boost, the reality is that women are usually ANNOYED at the AWFUL messages these so-called "orbiters" are sending. Thus, the reason she's not quick to answer them back or send long messages when she does.

On the other hand, a woman WILL give out her number just to "be nice." They don't want to hurt a guy's feelings in the moment so she'll give out the number to appease him. Here's the trick, though: IF the person knows the rules of phone contact and plays by them, she has no problem with interacting with the guy when he messages/calls her because she knows he's not going to go overboard with her info.

Here's what I mean:

Let's say she gave you the number just to "be nice." If you text her an hour later to try and talk to her, and then are messaging her throughout the entire day/week, she starts to regret giving you the number... which leads to her regretting having met you in the first place... which leads to her answering you less and giving you the "I'm busy" excuse when you ask her out.

On the other hand:

Let's say she gave you the number just to "be nice." If you wait a few days to call her, when she hears from you her first thought is "Oh, it's BlueAlpha1! Wow, I had such a nice convo with him 4 days ago... I'm surprised I'm so happy to hear from him, but I do recall him making me laugh... I sure hope he asks me to meet up with him..."

What changed? By knowing how long to wait and when to contact her, it gave her time to think over the interaction and how much she enjoyed it. It also helped her to see that you're not going to be pestering her all day/week long with annoying "How are you?"/random banter text, which will put you WAAAAY ahead of the other 97% of guys whom she's given her number to. At the very least, it's enough of a memory to get her to agree to an afternoon/evening meet up.

At the end of the day, a woman that gives you her number is subconsciously telling you "I'm giving you a shot." What and how you handle things from then on determines if you're able to move forward in any meaningful way.

 

[pyros]

In my experience numbers means nothing. If just because she gave you her number you think you have a shot, think again.

I think a stronger indicator of interest is how you felt the interaction went. If you see obvious signs as: she laughs, she talks, touches you, doesnt wanna leave you etc, these are good signs. However, if you talk to her for 2 mins, she doesnt give any of the previous signs, but she agrees to give you her number, you can be certain that number is going nowhere 90% of the time.

The number exchange should be the icing on the cake, not the main purpose. The main purpose is to talk to her for a bit to see if she seems receptive TO YOU, and gives you some indicators of interest. If she doesnt, dont bother to ask for her number.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

In my experience numbers means nothing. If just because she gave you her number you think you have a shot, think again.

I think a stronger indicator of interest is how you felt the interaction went. If you see obvious signs as: she laughs, she talks, touches you, doesnt wanna leave you etc, these are good signs. However, if you talk to her for 2 mins, she doesnt give any of the previous signs, but she agrees to give you her number, you can be certain that number is going nowhere 90% of the time.

The number exchange should be the icing on the cake, not the main purpose. The main purpose is to talk to her for a bit to see if she seems receptive TO YOU, and gives you some indicators of interest. If she doesnt, dont bother to ask for her number.

She laughed a lot, talked a lot, and pretty much didn't leave my side for several hours but for 10 minute breaks to go buy cigarettes with her male girlfriend. Touching was minimal but there was some. As the night wound down she was looking tired and drunk and she began to drift to her phone until I drove them home. Lukewarm as in the title of this thread was a pretty good description for the vibes I got

 

[nismo-4]

In my experience numbers means nothing. If just because she gave you her number you think you have a shot, think again.

I think a stronger indicator of interest is how you felt the interaction went. If you see obvious signs as: she laughs, she talks, touches you, doesnt wanna leave you etc, these are good signs. However, if you talk to her for 2 mins, she doesnt give any of the previous signs, but she agrees to give you her number, you can be certain that number is going nowhere 90% of the time.

The number exchange should be the icing on the cake, not the main purpose. The main purpose is to talk to her for a bit to see if she seems receptive TO YOU, and gives you some indicators of interest. If she doesnt, dont bother to ask for her number.

It's all about her interest in you at her current time. You have to be the right guy in the right place at the right time. If not, you will get flaked on or a dead end number or worse, she stops responding to you.

Sexual availability. This is one concept that this website needs to touch on more.

 

[Poon King]

Text her and invite her out.

Throwing a party JUST to impress one b!tch is the height of beta desperation.

Always offer women as little as possible. The more hoops you jump through to impress a woman.. the more stupid you will look and feel if it doesn't work out.

Never do things you wouldn't normally do just to impress women. Your attitude should be "this is me.. take it or leave it". Verbal game is the only game you need. What you can't achieve with your words and body language isn't worth chasing.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Throwing a party JUST to impress one b!tch is the height of beta desperation.

How did you read into that from my post?

I throw parties at my place semi-regularly. This is simply a logistics question and there's not one ounce of desperation in me with this girl. I'm far too used to rejection.

 

[pyros]

It's all about her interest in you at her current time. You have to be the right guy in the right place at the right time. If not, you will get flaked on or a dead end number or worse, she stops responding to you.

Sexual availability. This is one concept that this website needs to touch on more.

Agree.