Wanting to sow your oats past 30

[speakeasy]

I'm 32, now heading on 33. Honesty, I've never had my chance to go crazy and rack up some mileage. Well, I guess no guy can say he's never had his chance, I just never developed the skills necessary to do that. I've been seeing a chic since early this year who is nice and loyal and all that, but for reasons I don't want to go into, I decided to back off from her.

I was out a birthday party last night. There were some attractive ladies there, 30+ that I was chatting up. I don't know about you guys but I find it much harder to find a girl who might be quick lay at this age. At the moment, I don't want anything serious. I just want to rack up some mileage. But it seems like most women are now in find-a-husband mode. Almost right off the bat they're asking you where you graduated, what you do, blah blah, you get the picture, they're trying to qualify you as provider material from the second you meet. It especially makes it tough if these girls are friends of friends because you can't really hump and dump chics that are good friends of your friends. At least I can't. There are some cute girls in my social network I'd love to bang, but they are "nice girls" that my friends are trying to hook up with "nice guys" and I'm at the point where I just don't believe in being misleading about my intentions with a girl. I've done that in the past just to get the pvssy, then after nailing it I soon lost interest. But I just can't be like that, it's wrong. I have morals.

Fellow mature man posters, do you find yourselves in this dilemma? I'm not about to go gaming at colleges and bars with 20 year old girls I can't relate to, but not looking for a husband hunter either as most 30+ women seem to be. What to do?

 

[penkitten]

speak easy,
go crazy!
have fun and roll in the hay!
please continue to update this thread as things happen.
i cant wait to hear all about your adventures

 

[Mr.Positive]

There are some cute girls in my social network I'd love to bang, but they are "nice girls" that my friends are trying to hook up with "nice guys" and I'm at the point where I just don't believe in being misleading about my intentions with a girl. I've done that in the past just to get the pvssy, then after nailing it I soon lost interest. But I just can't be like that, it's wrong. I

You aren't going against your morals, Speakeasy. Remember, to completely qualify a gal, you've got to bang her. Your intentions are good!

So..you are "qualifying" these gals!! How are you going to know if you are compatible with a gal, if you've not banged her?

All the "nice girls" your friends want to hook up, are exactly the type you are looking for. Don't think too much, go with the gut, and have some fun, IMO.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

You aren't going against your morals, Speakeasy. Remember, to completely qualify a gal, you've got to bang her. Your intentions are good!

That's a lie. The fact of the matter is he just said he looses all interest after the fact and does not respect the girl if she gives it too easily. As this happens all the time, it is going against his morals as he's lying to girls to get laid.

So..you are "qualifying" these gals!! How are you going to know if you are compatible with a gal, if you've not banged her?

Another self-deceptive lie that's used to justify picking up a girl, lying to her and dumping her. One thing that's good about lies is that you also have to deceive yourself into believing your intentions are good - but it's all rotten to the core. Ultimately, you end up lying to yourself and you are the biggest succer. The question is not whether something sounds right from your own vantage point, but you have to take a bird's-eye perspective. Clearly, the OP has some moral principles and is taking a bird's eye view because he feels like sh1t for leaving a trail of broken hearts - no matter how good his intentions were, or what smokescreen he used to make his concious feel better at the time.

The best way to view things is by the Bible, because that's the absolute standard. Repent and receive Christ today.

 

[MacAvoy]

But it seems like most women are now in find-a-husband mode. Almost right off the bat they're asking you where you graduated, what you do, blah blah, you get the picture, they're trying to qualify you as provider material from the second you meet. It especially makes it tough if these girls are friends of friends because you can't really hump and dump chics that are good friends of your friends.

Don't read more into the asking what you do than there is. The fact is even a 20 yr old will ask the same question. Its standard procedure when getting to know someone.

You can choose to label these girls as trying to qualify you as a provider. Or you can set the tone yourself. I date almost exclusively within my social circle and I don't have a problem with women trying to tie me down.

Why because I don't allow them. I portray an image of a guy that is having fun and if you want to be a part of my life, you play by my rules. Now I don't know too many women that are going to throw away something they enjoy. You might think that women will toss you aside if you don't project that your LTR material, however they're too busy having fun with you, and doing what ever they can to keep you to worry about tossing you aside.

There are some cute girls in my social network I'd love to bang, but they are "nice girls" that my friends are trying to hook up with "nice guys" and I'm at the point where I just don't believe in being misleading about my intentions with a girl.

I don't mislead women, I'm open & honest with my intentions. I do give them hope though because I am open to having something more, but I've got high expectations. So 98% of women, don't meet that criteria, so they end up in the Short Term pile.

However I'm constantly showing them a good time, so they'll do whatever I want trying to be that 2% that makes it to the LTR pile. You see what I'm getting at?

I've done that in the past just to get the pvssy, then after nailing it I soon lost interest. But I just can't be like that, it's wrong. I have morals.

I agree. Its also the reason why you lose interest. Because you lied to her, she fell for it and now you see her as someone who's easily manipulated and not really high quality. So you lose interest.

Fellow mature man posters, do you find yourselves in this dilemma? I'm not about to go gaming at colleges and bars with 20 year old girls I can't relate to, but not looking for a husband hunter either as most 30+ women seem to be. What to do? :confused

This goes back to the positive / negative debate that Kontroller/STR8UP were having in that other thread. I've never viewed myself as an optomist but I'm going to look at things from the angle that I see most beneficial to maximizing my satisfaction / gain. I find the best way to get what I want in this situation, is to not focus on the masses of 20 yr old, the masses of the bar scene, or the masses of the husband hunters but to enjoy the experience and actively look for what I want, and to do things, that will naturally have what I want appear in front of me.

However if your too busy looking at everything else, you miss what is likely right in front of you. Its all about perspective IMO.

 

[Colossus]

Speakeasy-

We all find this out sooner or later. You're going to have to pick and choose among your social circle, which may mean not sowing as many oats as you'd like to.

I've found, like you, that you have to jump through more obligatory "hoops" to bed the 30-ish women. Not always, but mostly always. The younger, college-age girls are much easier to bang if they are into you. Really the margin of error is so much wider. Plus, lets face it, the college-age girls are much hotter and more supple physically than the 30+ women. Once you've had a taste of a low mileage p.o.a.----so good when it hits your lips.

So in a nutshell, I say if you just want to rack up some mileage, lower your standards a little bit. By that I mean don't let personality quirks or other annoyances bother you. You just want to find the ones who are cute enough to turn you on and have high enough interest to hop in the sack without much resistance.

Use different venues too. Hit up some key pubs in your area...weeknights like Thursday are actually better than weekends. Check out parties when you come across them, and use a good free online dating site like okcupid. Remember, it IS a numbers game you have to cast the net wide.

 

[Desert Fox]

The best way to view things is by the Bible, because that's the absolute standard. Repent and receive Christ today.

Yes the Bible also recommends whipping your kids, and throwing infants of the enemies of Israel on jagged rocks.

High morals indeed.

 

[STR8UP]

I was out a birthday party last night. There were some attractive ladies there, 30+ that I was chatting up. I don't know about you guys but I find it much harder to find a girl who might be quick lay at this age.

C'mon man...women hitting this age (unless they are SUPER hot) don't have the option of playing the same game a hot, younger chick does. They can't string you along for sex because they know the competition is too stiff.

I have some older female friends who tried to tell me awhile back that guys go for younger women because they are "easy". I called bullsh!t. If anything they are HARDER to get in the sack, because they have a little more time and they tend to be in greater demand.

At the moment, I don't want anything serious. I just want to rack up some mileage. But it seems like most women are now in find-a-husband mode.

Almost ALL women are in the find-a-husband mode! ALWAYS. That doesn't mean they won't have casual sex, but you better believe that almost all of them are looking for a hubby.

It especially makes it tough if these girls are friends of friends because you can't really hump and dump chics that are good friends of your friends. At least I can't. There are some cute girls in my social network I'd love to bang, but they are "nice girls" that my friends are trying to hook up with "nice guys" and I'm at the point where I just don't believe in being misleading about my intentions with a girl.

You gotta get that sh!t out of your head.

How many relationships end? Almost all of them. So what obligation do you have to a woman when you are just getting to know her? How do you KNOW what you will want from her? You might be looking to rack up mileage, but I can guarantee that if you found the right girl all that would go out the window.

You think for one second that these women feel an obligation to you in the beginning? HELL NO. they are in it for themselves. If you suit their needs, fine. They will stick around until you no longer meet those needs. But there have been NUMEROUS times where I have fukked a chick 1-3 times, wanted to go back for more for whatever reason, just to have them blow me off.

YOU NEED TO RESERVE THE RIGHT TO DO THE SAME THING.

I've done that in the past just to get the pvssy, then after nailing it I soon lost interest. But I just can't be like that, it's wrong. I have morals.

Why is it wrong? Are you promising that you will marry them before the first date? You need to get over it man. Women do it to men all the time. You can take the high road and be high and dry, or you can play the game like everyone else does and get what you deserve as much as the next person.

And as far as hooking up within your social circle.....I do it all the time. You are worried about breaking the hearts of these "good girls" your friends want to hook up with "nice guys"? Let me tell you something. These chicks are gonna get railed by someone, and it might as well be you. Sometimes it takes a little creative maneuvering when it is within your circle, but it can be done to where you aren't blackballed, trust me.

Fellow mature man posters, do you find yourselves in this dilemma? I'm not about to go gaming at colleges and bars with 20 year old girls I can't relate to, but not looking for a husband hunter either as most 30+ women seem to be. What to do?

You want to "rack up mileage" but you are not about to go gaming 20 year olds you can't relate to?

Why the hell do you have to relate to a chick on any level other than your d!ck sliding into her pu$$y? Am I missing something?

 

[Mr.Positive]

Another self-deceptive lie that's used to justify picking up a girl, lying to her and dumping her. One thing that's good about lies is that you also have to deceive yourself into believing your intentions are good - but it's all rotten to the core.

Luke, who said anything about lying to women? Luke...women love sex too. You aren't 'hurting' them by establishing a sexual relationship with them. They know what they are doing. You aren't disrespecting them.

You should lose the women are victims mentality. Enjoy life, and be real to yourself. Don't deny yourself being a man.

 

[realsmoothie]

I don't think you should consider older women that different.

Firstly, there's the commonly-held theory (proven by some stats) that women actually have a higher sex-drive in their 30's.

Secondly, I really think older women have a better grip on themselves. If an older woman is horny, she'll quite frequently have the maturity to be able to a) have the balls to act on it and not act all "girly" and b) get over the guilt factor.

A lot of younger girls seem to crack under all the pressure... and somehow along the way of being hit on will defer to guilt / friends / being too drunk / have to work some ****ty job in the morning and will say "I have to go home".

 

[Mike32ct]

Thank you Speakeasy for bringing this up. I had the same concern. I was also a shy guy during my 20s and missed out on my peak "hooking up" time only to find the game harder in my 30s.

However, after giving this more thought and considering the others' insightful posts on this topic, I see things differently now and realized something.

First, women hate dry spells as much as men. Sure, her ideal would be to be dating a LTR guy, but trust me, she doesn't want to be celibate until Mr. Right shows up. (Unless she is religious and saving herself for marriage, but this is a different topic.)

Generally, people marry later today. She KNOWS that it could be as much as a few years before she lands the right guy. She doesn't want to be climbing the walls until then, so she will consider Mr. Right Now in the meantime.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Luke, who said anything about lying to women? Luke...women love sex too. You aren't 'hurting' them by establishing a sexual relationship with them. They know what they are doing. You aren't disrespecting them.

I'm merely responding to what the OP is saying. I'm not sure what the OP did other than the fact that his concience bothered him or he felt morally wrong, but that is the fact. I'm always amazed that many people are morally aware. You are raising a new arguement that has nothing to do with what I read here. If the OP feels and knows that he did something wrong to someone and hurt them and pleads guilty to it, then that has to be taken into account.

For the record, it would appear there are some women buzzing around in my world. There is a married woman who is friendly to me and joked about going to a hotel together. There is another woman telling me she finds I'm mind boggling because I have NO intentions of going inside her, even though I want to be with her. To me, things like that tell me that some women could be interested in having sex with me - but that's old news. I could have meet people for sex from adultfriendfinder back in November, 2006 - but aborted -- obviously if no woman wanted to have sex with me, then there wouldn't have been any sort of meeting. So, I know this on a gut level to be true (i.e. possibility some women would want to have sex with me) although I usually officially deny the possibility of attraction due to low self-esteem and would usually mis-interpret things to an asexual level that's congruent with my Christian world-view.

The Bible says that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and does not technically belong to me, so I have to get God's permission if I want to have sex with someone using His body, and the Bible has mandated that such permission is only given if it's sex with my wife, otherwise I do not have permission to have sex and will be doing so against's God's will if I ever try that.

Now in terms of masturbation and porn, I don't know, I think there is a grey area because there is no humans involved, but I guess that's up for debate. The concept of sex is two people becoming one - or something defiling the temple. If you are solitary, then you are just one person - you cant become one with yourself if you are already one.

You should lose the women are victims mentality. Enjoy life, and be real to yourself. Don't deny yourself being a man.

Again, I understand what you are talking about. I have no qualms about using a prostitute (other than religious), a casual girl that sleeps with everyone (other than religious), for no strings attached sex. The reason being, is I view that as an honest transaction dealing with mutually beneficial intentions. I view both of the above as being on a higher moral road than using lies to seduce a woman and go to the next one afterwards.

This is why I like the SHOCK AND AWE opener - because of it's pure honesty - agian, I'm just saying that AFC's lie about relationships to get sex, that's such a common sick lie -- I don't think a woman who believes that is a victim but she is too naive and needs to be taught a lesson anyway because she's just stupid enough to get raped with words. But, I'm saying, a SHOCK AND AWE opener is more honest, it's to the point, and women who are truely interested in sex will have no strings attached sex and you may get lucky.
This is true DJism as far as I'm concerned.

 

[azanon]

I'm merely responding to what the OP is saying. I'm not sure what the OP did other than the fact that his concience bothered him or he felt morally wrong, but that is the fact. I'm always amazed that many people are morally aware. You are raising a new arguement that has nothing to do with what I read here. If the OP feels and knows that he did something wrong to someone and hurt them and pleads guilty to it, then that has to be taken into account.

You're amazed many people are morally aware? Luke, most everyone is morally aware. Only psychopaths aren't. However, morality is subjective. I've never met anyone that utilizes exactly the same set of morals, and I never will.

The Bible says that the body is the temple of the Holy Spirit and does not technically belong to me, so I have to get God's permission if I want to have sex with someone using His body, and the Bible has mandated that such permission is only given if it's sex with my wife, otherwise I do not have permission to have sex and will be doing so against's God's will if I ever try that.

Now in terms of masturbation and porn, I don't know, I think there is a grey area because there is no humans involved, but I guess that's up for debate. The concept of sex is two people becoming one - or something defiling the temple. If you are solitary, then you are just one person - you cant become one with yourself if you are already one.

What does this have to do with meeting and attracting women? (what this forum is about) I am confident there is a forum out there that fits where you belong, but I'm equally confident this isn't it.

This is why I like the SHOCK AND AWE opener - because of it's pure honesty - agian, I'm just saying that AFC's lie about relationships to get sex, that's such a common sick lie -- I don't think a woman who believes that is a victim but she is too naive and needs to be taught a lesson anyway because she's just stupid enough to get raped with words. But, I'm saying, a SHOCK AND AWE opener is more honest, it's to the point, and women who are truely interested in sex will have no strings attached sex and you may get lucky.
This is true DJism as far as I'm concerned.

Dude, you're as AFC as anyone here. Should I presume you're speaking on behalf of AFCs on account of being one?

............

Luke, I say again, you should be learning and listening and completely refraining from giving anyone advise - especially in the mature men forum.

 

[Rounder]

Speakeasy -

You're 32. Not 70. Why limit yourself to women 30+ years of age?

You can date girls 21+ with no problem. You don't have to go to college bars to do so. You can easily date girls 25 years old.

Find some new friends? Some of these women you were chatting up, did you get numbers? Call them up and hang out, invite them out with a group of friends or something. Get to know some of these women, then get into their social circles, meeting people is all about networking. Make sure you play hard to get though. You don't have to come on strong to them, be cool, have fun, just enjoy some good company and meeting new people. If you aren't hitting on them hard, they will soon wonder why, they won't be use to someone NOT trying to get in their pants right away, make yourself unattainable.

It sounds like you need some exposure to more and different women.

I can understand not wanting to "use" some of these "nice girls" - that is your choice and if you feel that way, stick with it. Meet and have sex with women in the way that makes you feel comfortable - don't let this board dictate your personal values. Become a better you and use methods suggested on this board to get women interested in you, but from that point on, go at your own pace.

 

[potato]

Regardless of age, women love sex...but they won't tell you this, of course.

Actually I think that most women will tell you that they love sex, especially if asked. I’m pretty sure that every woman that I’ve ever been with has not only told me that she loved sex but also told exactly what she likes, what she wants me to do to her and her to me.

 

[bigjohnson]

A lot of western chicks will say they love it in an abstract sort of "I'm not a real liberated woman unless I"m raunchy enough to say this" sort of way but that doesn't mean squat. Most like the attention it brings as much as the act itself.

 

[SoCalMike]

To be a true PUA, one has to stop perceiving women as dainty helpless victims. The truth is many women are just as great at manipulating men for sex, conveniently forgetting that it takes two to tango.

A woman crying over a man who supposedly used her for sex appears more like a victim and less like a wh0re, for one of women's greatest fears is society's perceiving them as hoes.

Women usually unleash the "you used me for sex" attack when things don't go their way.

One example: I hooked up with a drunk bar chick one night. Had great sex, but we just weren't right for one another. She was a smoker, and also dabbled in drugs. Not to mention she hung around with shady folks.

During that night, there was never any talk of a relationship, or any sort of agreement that our actions were anything more than a one night stand. Yet, when I told her we weren't compatible, she hit me with the "thanks for using me" line. It was such obvious BS. If I didn't live up to her standards that night, she SURELY would have dumped me in a heartbeat as well.

Even if you agree it's a relationship, but you're not happy and want out (for whatever reason) you are STILL not using her for sex, so long as your intention was to actually have a relationship.

If you agreed to have a relationship, but in reality just want sex, then you could be said to be "using" her for sex. But common, occasionally a man has to sweet talk a girl, tell her what she wants to hear, in order to have her in bed. If this is a crime, I'm certainly guilty. Sorry, there have been times when I'm just horny as all get out, and have "used" a girl for sex. But let's not forget the girl always gets a benefit as well - like she doesn't like orgasms? Give me a break. She doesn't like the free **** she gets on dates? She doesn't like free weekends to Vegas? ETC ETC

In my experiences, this whole "used for sex" argument was just a way to try and guilt trip me.

 

[jophil28]

Women usually unleash the "you used me for sex" attack when things don't go their way.
In my experiences, this whole "used for sex" argument was just a way to try and guilt trip me.

It is also another tedious manifestation of how women shift blame when their plans do not come true... more whining victimhood and more irrational faultfinding of the man.
They seem to spend enormous amounts of energy on avoiding making the co-relation between their own actions and any inconvenient consequences.

 

[Truebrit]

I'm 32, now heading on 33. Honesty, I've never had my chance to go crazy and rack up some mileage. Well, I guess no guy can say he's never had his chance, I just never developed the skills necessary to do that. I've been seeing a chic since early this year who is nice and loyal and all that, but for reasons I don't want to go into, I decided to back off from her.

I was out a birthday party last night. There were some attractive ladies there, 30+ that I was chatting up. I don't know about you guys but I find it much harder to find a girl who might be quick lay at this age. At the moment, I don't want anything serious. I just want to rack up some mileage. But it seems like most women are now in find-a-husband mode. Almost right off the bat they're asking you where you graduated, what you do, blah blah, you get the picture, they're trying to qualify you as provider material from the second you meet. It especially makes it tough if these girls are friends of friends because you can't really hump and dump chics that are good friends of your friends. At least I can't. There are some cute girls in my social network I'd love to bang, but they are "nice girls" that my friends are trying to hook up with "nice guys" and I'm at the point where I just don't believe in being misleading about my intentions with a girl. I've done that in the past just to get the pvssy, then after nailing it I soon lost interest. But I just can't be like that, it's wrong. I have morals.

Fellow mature man posters, do you find yourselves in this dilemma? I'm not about to go gaming at colleges and bars with 20 year old girls I can't relate to, but not looking for a husband hunter either as most 30+ women seem to be. What to do?

Man - Im with you there (30 soon). But you need to use this to your advantage. I was newly single in Jan and racked up 25 lays this year for that very reason. Whats wrong with a husband hunter? By implication - and in reality they:

Take care of their bodies more.
Look after you.
Put up with plate spinning as long as you show high value yourself - this is down to emotional maturity and a decreasing abundance of other options (as well as the biological clock thing).
Tend to be able to cook.
Are earning a reasonable amount of money and will pay/go dutch.
Have fewer single friends to **** around with.


I LOVE being this age - you should too. As long as your at least average looking and have a reasonable job you can pick and choose.

However..............................

One thing you will get with this age group is attempts to guilt trip as you are "ruining" there "long term plans".

Most of them do this - ignore it - they know the score - they have been banging guys through their 20s with abandon and less resolve than you so don't worry about it.