wanting it too much, but in a weird way

[Perroloco]

I'm a 40 something AFC. For the last 20 years or so I've been a MGTOW. Not by choice, it's just worked out that way. Rejection after rejection and after a while, I just gave up. My self confidence and self-esteem are pretty low at this point.

I discovered Therationalmale and it really changed the way I looked at things. I started to think maybe I'd figured out my problem and it was fixable after all. I became optimistic, but that's fading. It's been a few months and I've been trying to learn and apply game, but it's not really working out. I still haven't gotten laid once.

I know it's important to work on oneself and that's what I've been doing for the last 20 years. Good physique, educated, decent job, really except for my complete lack of luck with females, my life is ok. I thought all this + game would yield results, but no.

I think I'm wanting it too much, but in a weird way. To be honest, at this point the physical pleasure of sex is completely secondary. It's really about my self-esteem much more than my ****. I don't really need an orgasm, but I desperatly need to prove to myself that a woman can find me attractive. I know one shouldn't get their self-esteem from another, but it's been years and years since any woman has taken me seriously and it's driving me up a freakin' wall.

Ugh, I know you get whiney crap like this all the time and I guess I should just suck it up, but I am so confused and frustrated and I just don't know what to do. The thought of another 20 years of MGTOW just depresses the living hell out of me.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

I don't know what MTGOW is?

Stop thinking woman need to take you serious, joke with them, bust on them. Make them laugh even if it is at your own exspense. Don't give 2 shiats about the outcome of any given situtation with a broad. Woman want a challenge, make them deserve your presence.

All the tools are at your disposal, not sure what else to say.

 

[Perroloco]

MGTOW = "Men going their own way"

Yeah, I know "outcome independence". I try to have that mindset, but I think I probably still reek of desperation.

I feel like if I could get just one success, I could relax a little and then I'd be ok. (I'm not a virgin, but it's been so long I might as well be one)

 

[Krueg]

Kill your desperation!


http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16926

 

[NewJack]

I know one shouldn't get their self-esteem from another, but it's been years and years since any woman has taken me seriously and it's driving me up a freakin' wall.

There is an intensity in the pursuit of women that is indicative of an overactive state. I'm guilty of this. As you yourself say, you want it to much. I feel ya.

Its hard to have a 'chilled out' relationship to one's own sexuality. Its hard to chill out on that score. The problem with all this frantic, manic, explosive energy is that in the moment when we actually want to use it, it can't be channelled properly. The sheer force of it will compel you to act in ways that aren't congruent.

I don't think there's hope in attitude adjustments, its just a long and winding road to chill out and accept yourself. Its hard to mate when you are sitting on a mountain of manic enthusiasm.. largely because you can't really express it in an appropriate way. Also, you may be seeking the 'crazy-highs' and ignoring the 'decent mids', e.g. forgetting about decent looking girls and going only for the one's that drive you crazy with desire. I think there is subtle negative karma in doing that, as I'm learning. But whatever, we're all lost, we can only hope slowly, over years, to move subtley towards that goal of a more balanced, loving, convivial state. Rock on brother!

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm a 40 something AFC. For the last 20 years or so I've been a MGTOW. Not by choice, it's just worked out that way. Rejection after rejection and after a while, I just gave up. My self confidence and self-esteem are pretty low at this point.

I discovered Therationalmale and it really changed the way I looked at things. I started to think maybe I'd figured out my problem and it was fixable after all. I became optimistic, but that's fading. It's been a few months and I've been trying to learn and apply game, but it's not really working out. I still haven't gotten laid once.

Actually, in all fairness, a few months in the game is not that much. It might take upwards of a year (or more) to break a REALLY, REALLY stubborn dry spell. It took me two years once lol. Patience is key. Plus a love for the game itself helps.

But everybody's different. Maybe it will take you six months. Time will tell.

I know it's important to work on oneself and that's what I've been doing for the last 20 years. Good physique, educated, decent job, really except for my complete lack of luck with females, my life is ok. I thought all this + game would yield results, but no.

There is this myth that self-improvement automatically leads to females. It many cases it does, but it's not guaranteed. Plenty of women simply don't GAF that a particular guy has improved himself, especially if he's not her type. But this doesn't go for all women. You haven't met the right one(s) yet.

Self-improvement is good, but finding the right female that appreciates it is another matter.

I think I'm wanting it too much, but in a weird way. To be honest, at this point the physical pleasure of sex is completely secondary. It's really about my self-esteem much more than my ****. I don't really need an orgasm, but I desperatly need to prove to myself that a woman can find me attractive.

Understood. In plenty of cases, sex is more for ego than actual physical pleasure. At my age, it's like 75 percent ego and 25 percent fun.

I know one shouldn't get their self-esteem from another, but it's been years and years since any woman has taken me seriously and it's driving me up a freakin' wall.

Ugh, I know you get whiney crap like this all the time and I guess I should just suck it up, but I am so confused and frustrated and I just don't know what to do. The thought of another 20 years of MGTOW just depresses the living hell out of me.

Honestly, the hardest thing is actually finding ways to MEET women.

What do you do for fun? Ballroom dance is pretty good for a 40something guy to meet women. But, pick something you are genuinely interested in. Don't take any class just to try to score lol.

What type of gaming have you done? Online, bars, etc.?

 

[VladPatton]

Your dilemma is well understood. The problem is amplified due to lack of social connectivity. The more things you do in social circles, the more you will do things with people, and you will have high chances to meet women that way. When you have 2 friends that are guys and nothing more you're screwed. Having a wide social web makes you feel accepted and opens doors to meeting females, and then it snowballs till you have 20 girls you can choose from.

The answer: Force yourself to meet people. I always do and I am almost always in a better mood for days when I do. Regardless of the hangover lol

 

[Perroloco]

It's good to hear the opinions of other people. I don't have anyone to talk to about this stuff and it can create kind of an echo chamber in my head. Reading what others think clears that out a little bit.

The two things I take away from this are; patience and socialbility. These are both good things for me to work on, anyway. A direction forward.