Wanting a girl vs Wanting to be able to get girls

[MackTheKnife]

Hey dudes. Love this website. So many good posts and so many cool guys that I've learned from. I'm in need of some help from you guys (I'm pretty much a beginner).

Has anyone ever been in a contemplative mood and wondered why they do what they do with women? Specifically, whether you really want girls because you enjoy them or because you simply want to develop your ability to get girls?

When I'm feeling like I suck with women, am afraid to talk to them, etc. (which most of the time that's the case right now), I just feel like I'm not a whole man. Like I'm missing something. So I get all motivated to go out and talk to girls to practice my seduction skills. And it works. Slowly, my skills are improving and I'm proud of that.

But that's why I'm doing it. I'm putting in the work to impress myself. To make myself feel whole. To fix the perceived flaws I have. I want that security of knowing I can do it whenever I want to. Having the experience to give me confidence in myself.

It's not even about the girls, it's about me. Most of the girls I meet I don't even expect them to be interesting. I have such low expectations for girls. I just expect them to bore me. It's probably because I have a lot of negative experiences with them in the past, so I have no instinctual reason to expect them to be fun. Or maybe my expectations are too high secretly and then all women fall short? I don't know. It feels like both are true.

Does anyone feel me on this or was like this in the past? How did you overcome it? I know people will say it's cool that I'm doing it to impress myself and improve my skills to make me a better man, but the truth is that I also want to actually have fun doing it, in the actual moment, not just thinking I did a good job after the fact.

Btw, I'm not a homo. I get super turned on by hot girls bodies. It's the fun aspect I'm talking about here that is lacking. I don't feel good, I don't enjoy myself being with girls. Is it just that I need to do more exposure therapy? Do I just need to approach hotter girls?

Edit: Well, just posting that already makes me feel a little better. It feels good just to vent sometimes and know that people have seen it. I'm going to go out there and redouble my efforts to have more fun and focus on letting myself WANT the girls instead of just wanting to develop my skill, letting my desire for the girl really steep and become a source of good feelings.

 

[Dreesy]

Maybe you're lacking in the enjoyment department because the women you are hanging around with just aren't all that fun? If you have any sort of connection with these girls, that alone should be enough to give you the "feel goodies" to keep you going. It sounds like you just need to keep at it until you find that type that just works for you.

It definitely sounds like you're on the right path though. You need to do things for you and not for anything else, and it's one thing to say that, and another to be congruent with it.

It's all about the journey and never the destination when it comes to this kind of thing. Every experience you have, whether it be good or bad, exciting or dull, is a part of the story.

 

[MackTheKnife]

Thanks man. It's nice to have someone read about my sh!t and relate to it.

Yeah, I'm just being a b!tch. I'm only getting started on my journey and it's natural for the beginning to be less fun and more stressful. Cause I have no idea wtf I'm doing. But at least I'm getting out there and learning. I'm focusing extra on scoping out the girls that seem fun to me.

 

[logicallefty]

Mack, Welcome to SS. Glad you are here and you have for sure come to the right place.

I sense from your original post that you do not know why you keep trying with women.. And you are not gay.. Just tired of their cr@p, right?

The less you care, the better.. That puts you at an advantage. Don't feel like you have to go after women at all or do anything specific to be "right".

Just have a good long talk with yourself and figure out what YOU want. A girlfriend? Some pvssy? Maybe nothing, maybe you don't want anything to do with women right now, and that's OK and NO it doesn't make you gay. If anything, in my opinion, it puts you at that much of an advantage.

It is perfectly OK to not give two $hits about women at this stage of your life, and also know you arent gay...

Bottom line, you do not have to answer to anybody but yourself.


So what do you want? What is your goal? Sex, girlfriend, wife, none of the above, what? You don't need to answer to me or to us here unless you want to. But you do need to answer to yourself..

 

[Sino Zane]

Life will feel meaningless to you if you do not set goals and then strive to accomplish them.

These goals do not have to be trying to mack on women all of the time.

One goal you should always have is self-improvement at something. Whether it be your personal health, finances, growing adept at a skill, getting better with women, whatever - strive to become the best you can be, and you won't be disappointed.

What do you want? Only you can answer this question. If you want women, you have to take action to get them. If you want anything, you have to take action and make it happen.

Right now, a short-term goal of mine is to get a rotation of 3 girls, because I've let the older ones go in order to focus on other aspects of my life. Guess what I'm doing later today? Taking action and going to meet women.

What is your ideal life situation? Do you see it? Now, take action and make it happen. Do not complain. Go make it happen.

 

[MtnMan]

I was pretty bitter toward women after getting dumped by my 7 year LTR/fiance. I followed the basic principals of self improvement that are outlined time and time again here (lift, dress better, travel, spend time with your buddies, bang women etc).

Its been less than a year for me and my attitude is 100% better. I look back at all the mini relationships I have had this year and I smile about each and every one of them. I had great fun with different women, each experience was so unique and educational.

At first I was SOOO miserable, and I couldn't imagine myself in this position. You are taking the right steps. You just need to slog through the hard parts to reap the rewards. And it takes a while to start reaping the rewards, you will fail more than you succeed.

If you put in the work, some point you will realize that you CAN get women, and you CAN have fun with them, and you CAN be just fine when things don't work out. I didn't really understand why this mindset was so important when I was starting out. I get it now.

The best thing about this whole DJ thing is you are never done, you always have room for improvement. And that is the essence of being a man.

Good luck, it will get better if you are willing to put in the work.

 

[MackTheKnife]

Thanks so much dudes. It feels good knowing I have my fellow DJs to back me up. I can't talk to any of my friends about this, as they just get awkward.

I've decided what I want and I make a journal post that outlines my goals. I'm in this for the long haul now, no *****ing out. No complaining. Just action.

Here's my post btw: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=218911