Want to stop being so needy

[Westwind]

After i hangout with a chick for a few times i start to get needy.I end up txting them alot and get worried if they don't respond.I lose grip on my life and start living for someone else. I know it's stupid but i just catch myself staring at my phone hoping for a response.

Something that contributes to this is i'm bored alot. I watch movies and sh*t and hangout with friends, but i dont know it's like i still catch myself doing this stuff.

Please lay down some advice for me, because this is really annoying for me and the girls.

 

[Westwind]

...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

S-p-i-n---P-l-a-t-e-s

 

[Westwind]

Just have self control, and remember giving into that need of being needy or giving her too much attention will ruin the relationship later on. Why don't you leave your phone on silent and bring it out when you need it. If your bored pick up a hobby, I recently decided to learn how to play the guitar and take lessons for it, I've also taken up skateboarding again. Bewteen life, going to the gym, school, work, and my hobbies, I don't have the time to wait on the chick I'm gaming for a random text or a call.

Yeah thanks, that's helpful.

 

[Interceptor]

Westwind,
males often are NEEDY because
lack Self Esteem
lack Masculinity
A Direction in LIFE
are NOT concentrating on achieving their Goals
are NOT working on their Mission in life
Do NOT ahev a strong Personal Boundary
Are more in touch with Femenine traits, than Masculine
look to females for acceptance
look to females for validation as a MAN, and as a Human Being
lack Self Worth
lack a STRONG Sense of SELF and IDENTITY
lack Self LOVE , so they look to females and other people to LOVE them
are too emotional, in that they are OVERLY sensitive
they are clingy and possessive of people who have things going on in their lives
do not have strong opinions or preferences
grew up without love and affection
are still immature because they view people as OWING them their love and affection
are used to working with their Ego and Pride
don't have good role models or mentors in life
often have an unsatisfying life, job, career, home life

basically, when you have NOTHING 'going on' in your LIFE, you WILL GET NEEDY.

when you do not LOVE your SELF, you will NEED others to do it FOR YOU


when you are not MASCULINE enough or at all, you seek females to give you attention to give you the belief that possibly you are a Man.

 

[tsmith2334]

After i hangout with a chick for a few times i start to get needy.I end up txting them alot and get worried if they don't respond.I lose grip on my life and start living for someone else. I know it's stupid but i just catch myself staring at my phone hoping for a response.

Something that contributes to this is i'm bored alot. I watch movies and sh*t and hangout with friends, but i dont know it's like i still catch myself doing this stuff.

Please lay down some advice for me, because this is really annoying for me and the girls.

I know how you feel. First and foremosts watch the texts. Texts can work for your favor and be cute, but only do them sparingly. Even if I really like a girl, I will iniate a text conversation... at most... once every 3-4 days (if that). It's usually closer to once a week or every two weeks.

AND, don't worry, they probably won't reply to every text. I'm traditional and usually reply to all the messages I get, but most people don't because they think it displays a higher value (or they are genuinely busy/ forget to reply). Just don't be too pissed/ hurt that they didn't reply, who cares.

If they don't reply, I usually try again like two weeks down the road. That usually works for me, especially if the girl is moderately interested or "on the fence". The key is to come across as unaffected by the initial flaking or low responsiveness. It could be a little test, you never know. The bottom line is that you'll be just fine regardless.

Of course though, if they consistently ignore you or waste your time, just next them.

 

[Mr. Wolf]

...

Reading this will help you out: http://alphamalesystem.com/?hop=djcenter

 

[Westwind]

I know how you feel. First and foremosts watch the texts. Texts can work for your favor and be cute, but only do them sparingly. Even if I really like a girl, I will iniate a text conversation... at most... once every 3-4 days (if that). It's usually closer to once a week or every two weeks.

AND, don't worry, they probably won't reply to every text. I'm traditional and usually reply to all the messages I get, but most people don't because they think it displays a higher value (or they are genuinely busy/ forget to reply). Just don't be too pissed/ hurt that they didn't reply, who cares.

If they don't reply, I usually try again like two weeks down the road. That usually works for me, especially if the girl is moderately interested or "on the fence". The key is to come across as unaffected by the initial flaking or low responsiveness. It could be a little test, you never know. The bottom line is that you'll be just fine regardless.

Of course though, if they consistently ignore you or waste your time, just next them.

Thanks dude that's some good stuff.

 

[Evolution]

Westwind,
males often are NEEDY because
lack Self Esteem
lack Masculinity
A Direction in LIFE
are NOT concentrating on achieving their Goals
are NOT working on their Mission in life
Do NOT ahev a strong Personal Boundary
Are more in touch with Femenine traits, than Masculine
look to females for acceptance
look to females for validation as a MAN, and as a Human Being
lack Self Worth
lack a STRONG Sense of SELF and IDENTITY
lack Self LOVE , so they look to females and other people to LOVE them
are too emotional, in that they are OVERLY sensitive
they are clingy and possessive of people who have things going on in their lives
do not have strong opinions or preferences
grew up without love and affection
are still immature because they view people as OWING them their love and affection
are used to working with their Ego and Pride
don't have good role models or mentors in life
often have an unsatisfying life, job, career, home life

basically, when you have NOTHING 'going on' in your LIFE, you WILL GET NEEDY.

when you do not LOVE your SELF, you will NEED others to do it FOR YOU


when you are not MASCULINE enough or at all, you seek females to give you attention to give you the belief that possibly you are a Man.

Amazing, I agree virtually with everything you put down.

 

[PrinceBeavis]

Don't mean to hijack Westwind's thread, but when it comes down to it, this is so me as well. It's to the point where I'll isolate myself just to stop myself from neediness, obsession and f#*king up a perfectly good situation.
I think Interceptor's response really hits the nail on the head. I would say the only thing missing, would be a strong male presence in early life.

Myself, I've learned the hard way, ...neediness/obsession must be recognized the moment it springs up, and you must wrestle it down as if your life depends on it. You must be absolutely unmerciful to neediness. Squash it. I go out running where there's no one around, and I chew myself out as much as I have to to get some common sense back in my life. It seems to really and truly work.
The spinning of plates, the concentration on goals....ALL the positive stuff Interceptor listed...it's VITAL, but that neediness/obsession just crowds it all
out, and drives you batty, and drives you into screwing up your relations.

Only when SELF CONTROL is restored, can you focus on the other things, and thus rise above it....at least that's me.

 

[LeComteDeMonteCristo]

Something that contributes to this is i'm bored alot. I watch movies and sh*t and hangout with friends, but i dont know it's like i still catch myself doing this stuff.

If you're looking for a quick-fix solution to this, forget it and go back to masturbating. This is your problem right here, you have no life. If the girl is the only interesting thing you have going on then of course you will be acting like this. Get some direction and build a life.

 

[Westwind]

If you're looking for a quick-fix solution to this, forget it and go back to masturbating. This is your problem right here, you have no life. If the girl is the only interesting thing you have going on then of course you will be acting like this. Get some direction and build a life.

Hmm well i have a life, that's not the problem. The problem is gaining control and balance.

But i appreciate the input.

 

[Interceptor]

Westwind,
males often are NEEDY because
lack Self Esteem
lack Masculinity
A Direction in LIFE
are NOT concentrating on achieving their Goals
are NOT working on their Mission in life
Do NOT ahev a strong Personal Boundary
Are more in touch with Femenine traits, than Masculine
look to females for acceptance
look to females for validation as a MAN, and as a Human Being
lack Self Worth
lack a STRONG Sense of SELF and IDENTITY
lack Self LOVE , so they look to females and other people to LOVE them
are too emotional, in that they are OVERLY sensitive
they are clingy and possessive of people who have things going on in their lives
do not have strong opinions or preferences
grew up without love and affection
are still immature because they view people as OWING them their love and affection
are used to working with their Ego and Pride
don't have good role models or mentors in life
often have an unsatisfying life, job, career, home life

basically, when you have NOTHING 'going on' in your LIFE, you WILL GET NEEDY.

when you do not LOVE your SELF, you will NEED others to do it FOR YOU


when you are not MASCULINE enough or at all, you seek females to give you attention to give you the belief that possibly you are a Man.

---

 

[Interceptor]

Don't mean to hijack Westwind's thread, but when it comes down to it, this is so me as well. It's to the point where I'll isolate myself just to stop myself from neediness, obsession and f#*king up a perfectly good situation.
I think Interceptor's response really hits the nail on the head. I would say the only thing missing, would be a strong male presence in early life.

Myself, I've learned the hard way, ...neediness/obsession must be recognized the moment it springs up, and you must wrestle it down as if your life depends on it. You must be absolutely unmerciful to neediness. Squash it. I go out running where there's no one around, and I chew myself out as much as I have to to get some common sense back in my life. It seems to really and truly work.
The spinning of plates, the concentration on goals....ALL the positive stuff Interceptor listed...it's VITAL, but that neediness/obsession just crowds it all
out, and drives you batty, and drives you into screwing up your relations.

Only when SELF CONTROL is restored, can you focus on the other things, and thus rise above it....at least that's me.

Prince,

hey man, good post. Very self reflective and honest.

That takes courage.

Self control is built from self esteem.


You gain stronger Self Control the stronger your Personal Boundary is.

BUT.......

Self Control cannot save you if you do not have Self Love.

Concentrate in loving yourself, accepting yourself, not being harsh and overly judgemental of yourself, accept yourself, and forgive yourself.
be kind to yourself.

From your post, you are certainly NOT doing that.

You are clearly lacking Self Love, that's why your Self Control/Discipline is taking so much out of you.
There's still too much resitance in you,. and not enough love.

Self Control can be built to the point that it never leaves you. It may wax and wane a little, but if you have the underlying reosurces together, stays strong.
You want to get to that point, Prince.
Self Control is about maintainng the drive, commitment, and dedication to YOUR HAPPINESS. To making sure you reach your Goals. To be sure you are Respecting yourself. To be sure you are not being taken advantage of. TO be sure you are living up to your maximum potential.

 

[Vordermark]

After i hangout with a chick for a few times i start to get needy.I end up txting them alot and get worried if they don't respond.I lose grip on my life and start living for someone else. I know it's stupid but i just catch myself staring at my phone hoping for a response.

Something that contributes to this is i'm bored alot. I watch movies and sh*t and hangout with friends, but i dont know it's like i still catch myself doing this stuff.

Please lay down some advice for me, because this is really annoying for me and the girls.

I was in the same boat as you for a long time. I wasn't really sure who I was as a person, and I was looking for someone else to tell me who I was. That just doesn't work and I finally realized that. I don't know if you are suffering through the same thing as the list from Interceptor has many reasons you're suffering.

You probably think about them non stop, wondering why they haven't responded. But you got to learn to think about other things, girls are more than likely the #1 thing you think about. But when you obsess about a particular girl you need to think about something else. #2 for me is hockey, and #3 is how I'm a closet nerd. I have this thought of pink elephants, so whenever I think about any girl not showing me the respect that I show them. I think of that first are foremost and then hockey, and then my nerdy ways before finally I don't even realize I was thinking about that girl at all.

You need to focus on not letting girls get the best of you. Who cares if she txts you back? You're to busy having fun watching movies and hanging with friends to even notice. If you find yourself bored, do something else. Call up a friend you haven't talked to in awhile, take some buddies and go to the bar, or pretty much anything that isn't part of your regular routine.

 

[Interceptor]

You probably think about them non stop, wondering why they haven't responded

This is what we are dealing with. This has to stop, guys.

Good post, Vordermark.

 

[reset]

You are clearly lacking Self Love, that's why your Self Control/Discipline is taking so much out of you.
There's still too much resitance in you,. and not enough love.

Yeah this is true. Self Control/Self discipline... these are things guys do to kind of force a sense of self-love on themselves. Kind of like "I know there's something wrong here, I want to fit in, so I'm going to just force myself to do that actions that will make me appear to be normal and suffer the whole time". You can do a lot of the "right things" for the wrong reasons. And you just end up more confused.

But when you're feeling self-love many of those positive actions kind of happen on their own.

 

[demonic]

"Concentrate in loving yourself, accepting yourself, not being harsh and overly judgemental of yourself, accept yourself, and forgive yourself.
be kind to yourself."

Interceptor got this spot on right here!...some great advice there!

 

[Interceptor]

But when you're feeling self-love many of those positive actions kind of happen on their own.

:yes:

 

[Westwind]

I was in the same boat as you for a long time. I wasn't really sure who I was as a person, and I was looking for someone else to tell me who I was. That just doesn't work and I finally realized that. I don't know if you are suffering through the same thing as the list from Interceptor has many reasons you're suffering.

You probably think about them non stop, wondering why they haven't responded. But you got to learn to think about other things, girls are more than likely the #1 thing you think about. But when you obsess about a particular girl you need to think about something else. #2 for me is hockey, and #3 is how I'm a closet nerd. I have this thought of pink elephants, so whenever I think about any girl not showing me the respect that I show them. I think of that first are foremost and then hockey, and then my nerdy ways before finally I don't even realize I was thinking about that girl at all.

You need to focus on not letting girls get the best of you. Who cares if she txts you back? You're to busy having fun watching movies and hanging with friends to even notice. If you find yourself bored, do something else. Call up a friend you haven't talked to in awhile, take some buddies and go to the bar, or pretty much anything that isn't part of your regular routine.

Dude thanks some more really good stuff. That's what i need to hear