Want to get over oneitis with exwife

[spike2281]

I'm 22 and got married to the first girl I f*cked. I was with her for 3 1/2 years and married for a 1 1/2 years of it. We began fighting alot at the beginning of 03 and she kicked me out of the house in July. She divorced me in November. I absolutely can't seem to get over her at all. This damn woman is the only thing I can think about and it's ruining my life. I lost my job by taking off work and driving 500 miles up north to try and get back with her right before the divorce happened. The fact that she's with this other guy now that she met at work is always in my mind. The bytch still calls me up telling me she loves me but we can't be together anymore and all that garbage. She's not fooling me with it, I know I'm out of the picture now, but the shyt still affects me like crazy. She's the only girl I've ever been with and I just can't seem to shake her off me mentally.

I acted like a total AFC and lost her. I didn't control my situation worth a shyt when I was up there and basically I think she just lost respect for me. Everything seems to be a damn reminder of her because the past 3 1/2 years we did everything together. It's like I lost a f*ckin family member or something. I can barely stand to look at a f*ckin bar cuz it just makes me think of her new party life she's got going on now. These little reminders are unbearable. She's pretty much the only thing I've ever had in life that ever brought me any kind of true happiness. Now I'm stuck back at my dad's rathole of house down in a shytty little hick town in Missouri with no friends at all. I just feel totally lost and miserable now. This shyt has totally turned my world upside down and I've pretty much lost everything that I had that meant anything to me just under six months ago.

I don't want to be like this anymore. I don't want to have thoughts of her intruding on me getting on with my life. I want to be able to forget her and the life I had with her.

How the hell can I get her out of my head? Will f*cking other chicks really get me over this? I haven't really had any other experience with relationships and breakups so I really don't know. If I've been with only this one girl for that long is it really possible to cure this shyt?

 

[Reto]

Man...That completely sux...

I don't know if there's anything I can say or advice to give... I've never been there. Married and only one woman...

But, with my last break up, I kept having those thoughts of her being with the guy she dumped me for... How much fun they were having. How I screwed up...You have to fight those thoughts...

Do a search on webs sights about breaking up. I can't remember the ones I went to. But there was some good advice there...

Keep in mind, you DIDN'T screw things up. It was not entirely your fault. Maybe none of your fault. Take some time to chill out. Look forward. It's a new beginning. Don't look back. There are always better women and better relationships to be had...

 

[Knicknack]

Reto that was totally wrong what you told him. you claim he didn't screw up? bullsh|t. there is a reason she lost attraction for him. she no longer felt stimulated and lost all attraction for him.

he turned into a wuss and is still acting like one.

spike2281: what you need to do is concentrate on your new life now. WITHOUT HER. quit whining and feeling sorry for yourself. i don't care how much you care about her. she's done with you and you need to get your game in top shape so you can start pulling multiple women.

you are lucky because you are still young and the pvssy you are going to be chasing will be young too. the only way to completely forget about this b|tch is to start dating and fvckin as many women as you can handle. read this forum and the DJ bible. go to http://www.fastseduction.com/dydnewsletter.html and subscribe to his newsletter. he gives real world examples of guys just like you who are trying to work on their game.

the number one thing you need to be thinking about is your new life without that b|tch. learn to be a confident MAN that doesn't let women disrespect him. learning these things takes A LOT of time and effort, but it's worth it in the long run. at least you have people like me and sites like this to help you. PM if you ever need advice. good luck.

 

[Rondavu]

Basically you weren't living in reality. You were living a fairytale, happily ever after, everything will be perfect existence which is incompatible with the truth. The truth is everything has an ending. Isn't it sad? Yes it can be, but sooner or later you'll have to confront this inescapable truth about life. People die, relationships end, hearts break, stocks plummet, stability is largely an illusion. Stability is temporary, and therefore contradicts itself. You my friend, need to learn how to be alone. All alone is all we are. Once you truly learn how to be happy without anybody at all, you will then know what it is to enjoy and fully appreciate having someone around. I recommend everyone learn how to be alone before committing to an LTR. It's a healthy step you completely bypassed. The consequence for skipping it is the state your in now. Go back now and do it the right way. Endings are a part of life. Learn how to live harmoniously with their inevitability.

 

[phloyd]

Ok spike first the good news. You've found a good website that can help you. Read the DJ bible and as many articles as you can. I was in a very similar situation to you a couple of years ago and I managed to get myself out of it.

You have already identified your problem and you know you want it to go away. Knowing this, you are already halfway to correcting the problem.

My advice would be to get a job. Any job will do, preferably one where you are around people all the time. Become independent and get your own place after you've saved up money from your job where you meet new people all the time.

Now the bad news..............No matter what you're still gonna be hurting and feeling bad for a while. It just takes time. Soon you will forget about her more and more each day.

Another thing is when girls are 19 or 20 and are married or in a LTR, the dynamics of everything seem to change when they turn 21. They can go to bars and such and most all their freinds that are the same age are still single and having fun and they get jealous and wish they could still be enjoying their youth like their frends. I think you got married way too young.

Learn from this mistake. Stay busy. The more time you spend focusing on bettering yourself and your situation, the less time you will be thinking about her.

 

[Reto]

Knick,

Maybe he did turn into a wuss. Maybe it was ALL his fault. My point is you can't focus on "It's my fault. What could I have done diferently?" It will perpetuate the situation.

What you do is blame everything on her. (Whether it true or not). It's all her fault. You'll get over it sooner with out feeling like a looser. It's the only way I've been able to let go in all of my failed relationships...

 

[Rondavu]

What you do is blame everything on her. (Whether it true or not). It's all her fault. You'll get over it sooner with out feeling like a looser. It's the only way I've been able to let go in all of my failed relationships...

This is at the very least an irresponsible way to approach it. More likely it's bizarre and insane. You can't expect to learn to handle your emotions better by lying to yourself by distorting reality. That's a catalyst for future instability, since dishonesty is by nature unstable. You might have the attitude of "Hey it worked for me". Just because it works doesn't make it the right thing however. If I wanted a girl to stop calling me I could go shoot her in the face and bury her somewhere no one would find her. It works for me right? If I wanted to make myself feel better I could shoot some heroine. It works right? The easiest way is not always the best way. This man needs to handle this situation in a way that will prepare him for future similar circumstances. I'm afraid that might not be by rationalizing that "she was just a fukking wh0re anyway".