Want my ex gf back.

daproest1

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Alright so this is a bit of a taboo topic around the SS forums, but there has to be a way to pull it off.

I want my ex back. Yeah yeah, I know my energy is better spent elsewhere. Attracting new women, etc. But this was supposed to be my wife and I can’t shake this feeling.

Spaz already gave me some good advice. Mostly to just improve myself and wait it out. Which I’m working on currently.

Background info:
-we were together (no break ups) for almost 6 years

-I maintained frame the entire time

-I’m now 31 she’s now 27. I taught her everything she knows.

-I was focused too much on my business and took her for granted for too long.

-I don’t want kids, she doesn’t either

-did a lot of AFC **** post break up. Pleaded, asked for another chance. Wrote a letter. Spoke to her parents, etc. Yes I know I should be slapped. I was devastated and not in my right mind at the time.

-I’m blocked on her phone (no I didn’t go psycho on her. I didn’t blow her phone up or anything like that. I think she did this as a coping mechanism).

-she’s a 10 physically. Not materialistic. Always supportive. Her own career. Great girl. The list goes on. Everything I’ve ever wanted in a girl. She actually helped me build my business up. I was a bartender at nightclubs when we met.

-she wanted marriage. I’d always tip toe or argue my way around the subject. Just due to immaturity on my part. Didn’t realize how old we were getting.

-friends and family got in her ear unbeknownst to me.

-we don’t share the same social circles. The only ins I have are her mom, dad, and one friend. Or showing up at one of her jobs (which I have not done, nor do I think I should do).

-it has been 5 months since the break up. Last contact was 2 months ago in late February and early March.

-I treated her like **** for a while. Mostly neglect. NOT abuse or anything like that. I didn’t mean to be the way that I was, I was just under a lot of stress.

-this is the girl I want to spend my life with.

-my expectations of her were too high. Now that I’ve come across Rollo’s work I can see what happened. I expected something that women aren’t capable of giving.

If there’s any expert at all that could help me with this, I’d appreciate it. Again, i got some pretty good advice from Spaz but it was mostly just to read the entire DJ bible (which I did), and to just make my life awesome and wait for her.

She’s never been single for very long. She’s gorgeous. I was her 4th. Met her when she was 21.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I’ve solved a lot of problems that seemed impossible to overcome in my life before, but this is by far the most complex since the variable here is another human being.

-Al
 

speed dawg

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Alright so this is a bit of a taboo topic around the SS forums, but there has to be a way to pull it off.

I want my ex back. Yeah yeah, I know my energy is better spent elsewhere. Attracting new women, etc. But this was supposed to be my wife and I can’t shake this feeling.

Spaz already gave me some good advice. Mostly to just improve myself and wait it out. Which I’m working on currently.

Background info:
-we were together (no break ups) for almost 6 years

-I maintained frame the entire time

-I’m now 31 she’s now 27. I taught her everything she knows.

-I was focused too much on my business and took her for granted for too long.

-I don’t want kids, she doesn’t either

-did a lot of AFC **** post break up. Pleaded, asked for another chance. Wrote a letter. Spoke to her parents, etc. Yes I know I should be slapped. I was devastated and not in my right mind at the time.

-I’m blocked on her phone (no I didn’t go psycho on her. I didn’t blow her phone up or anything like that. I think she did this as a coping mechanism).

-she’s a 10 physically. Not materialistic. Always supportive. Her own career. Great girl. The list goes on. Everything I’ve ever wanted in a girl. She actually helped me build my business up. I was a bartender at nightclubs when we met.

-she wanted marriage. I’d always tip toe or argue my way around the subject. Just due to immaturity on my part. Didn’t realize how old we were getting.

-friends and family got in her ear unbeknownst to me.

-we don’t share the same social circles. The only ins I have are her mom, dad, and one friend. Or showing up at one of her jobs (which I have not done, nor do I think I should do).

-it has been 5 months since the break up. Last contact was 2 months ago in late February and early March.

-I treated her like **** for a while. Mostly neglect. NOT abuse or anything like that. I didn’t mean to be the way that I was, I was just under a lot of stress.

-this is the girl I want to spend my life with.

-my expectations of her were too high. Now that I’ve come across Rollo’s work I can see what happened. I expected something that women aren’t capable of giving.

If there’s any expert at all that could help me with this, I’d appreciate it. Again, i got some pretty good advice from Spaz but it was mostly just to read the entire DJ bible (which I did), and to just make my life awesome and wait for her.

She’s never been single for very long. She’s gorgeous. I was her 4th. Met her when she was 21.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I’ve solved a lot of problems that seemed impossible to overcome in my life before, but this is by far the most complex since the variable here is another human being.

-Al
Typical break up bro. I know it is hard to hear because you thought she was 'special' and all that, but this is something we have all been through.

First thing you will get here is tough love. You have to quit lying to yourself. You did not hold the frame. What you likely had was a tough exterior, and you never let her in. I hate to reference fake movies but you probably had a 'Break-Up' situation going on. Except the one thing that the movie doesn't show is that there is ALWAYS another guy in the picture. You said it yourself that she doesn't stay single long. NO good looking girl does.

At the end of the day, all you can do is No-Contact. If she's blocked you on her phone, I mean come on dude, do I need to draw you a picture?
 

soulforge

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The only thing you can do is..... NOTHING

Focus on your own life, improvement... You have to move on.

Sometimes they come back... Sometimes they don't... Your absence and NC may peak her interest again, but don't bet on it.

My question is this.. Why do you want a woman back, who could easily leave you again?

Do you want to go through a break up with her again, few more years down the line? She is a libility now bruv.

Once a woman leaves you... There is a very HIGH probability she will do it again!
 

Focal core

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Think about it 6 years of relationships, if she really care about you she wouldn't leave you that easily,. It's over, dont over fantasised about it, 31yrs old are fairly young for a guy, you will heal and grow beyond this (if god permits naturally you will do) and you will realized oneday she doesn't mean shlt to you, not even marriages.getting her back means nothing, her soul belongs to her, and she might lend that to another if she wishes to.

And recycled relationships rarely gets better, you already see the starts of the movie, know how's the stories goes and already know how it would ends, it's pointless.

Get to the points in life where the women will needs you.. Not the other way around.. Wishing you a good life mate.
 

daproest1

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She did “need me”. Until she didn’t.
Think about it 6 years of relationships, if she really care about you she wouldn't leave you that easily,. It's over, dont over fantasised about it, 31yrs old are fairly young for a guy, you will heal and grow beyond this (if god permits naturally you will do) and you will realized oneday she doesn't mean shlt to you, not even marriages.getting her back means nothing, her soul belongs to her, and she might lend that to another if she wishes to.

And recycled relationships rarely gets better, you already see the starts of the movie, know how's the stories goes and already know how it would ends, it's pointless.

Get to the points in life where the women will needs you.. Not the other way around.. Wishing you a good life mate.
She did “need me” until she didn’t. She’d vent to her dumb ass friends (all of whom were new-ish, they met much after me and her for together). And her mom was drilling marriage into her brain. She was basically brain washed and I didn’t help by being a distant **** BF. Idk man, there has to be a way. This girl worshipped the ground I walked on for years. That’s why I say I maintained frame. Guess I lost done toward the end without realizing it. There just HAS to be a way. I’ve been with 4 girls since the split. 3 I’ve kept around. It’s fun and all.... But it’s not the same. With her, I was fine just having HER. U know that girl u create in your mind when you’re a little kid? That “dream girl”? She was that for me.
 

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Focal core

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She did “need me”. Until she didn’t.

She did “need me” until she didn’t. She’d vent to her dumb ass friends (all of whom were new-ish, they met much after me and her for together). And her mom was drilling marriage into her brain. She was basically brain washed and I didn’t help by being a distant **** BF. Idk man, there has to be a way. This girl worshipped the ground I walked on for years. That’s why I say I maintained frame. Guess I lost done toward the end without realizing it. There just HAS to be a way. I’ve been with 4 girls since the split. 3 I’ve kept around. It’s fun and all.... But it’s not the same. With her, I was fine just having HER. U know that girl u create in your mind when you’re a little kid? That “dream girl”? She was that for me.
You said "There just HAS to be a way." this is a self defeated thinking, as once you a little child you always tries to win the heart of your parents no matter how much they neglected you or treated you badly, it's comeback to the saying as once you're very young "if my mom doesn't love me who in the world does?" so you keep believing even thou she ignores your needs and feelings, and if it's mean ignoring your guts feelings to wins that "love" back you will do it to make yourself feel lovable.

That's how our childhood always predicted our future adults relationships dynamics.

This isn't about her anymore, it's about you! The love once you had between you and her is gone, it's about your ego! Still Licking on your wounds and anythings she throw at you now will be better than this pain you endured!

Now this girls ignores your feelings, let it all 6 years go wasted without even blink about it and you, basically you're a chumps if you keep trying to win her love back. Dont ignores your feelings, my guts feelings telling me she's already grooming her replacement before she even breakups with you, all that "Guess I lost done toward the end without realizing it" was planned all along to get rid of you.

Yes there's a way to bring her back around, you have to be gone from her pictures, get a new life, enjoy being with yourself and thriving in what you do without even think about her.

Even though when it came to the point where she will gets back to you at that time you will be disgusted to accept her back.. And even if you do accept her she'll cheat to you again.

Know this, honor your feelings, experience it, heal and grow, you should know better. And it's always gets better the pain will go away.
 

daproest1

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She didn’t c
You said "There just HAS to be a way." this is a self defeated thinking, as once you a little child you always tries to win the heart of your parents no matter how much they neglected you or treated you badly, it's comeback to the saying as once you're very young "if my mom doesn't love me who in the world does?" so you keep believing even thou she ignores your needs and feelings, and if it's mean ignoring your guts feelings to wins that "love" back you will do it to make yourself feel lovable.

That's how our childhood always predicted our future adults relationships dynamics.

This isn't about her anymore, it's about you! The love once you had between you and her is gone, it's about your ego! Still Licking on your wounds and anythings she throw at you now will be better than this pain you endured!

Now this girls ignores your feelings, let it all 6 years go wasted without even blink about it and you, basically you're a chumps if you keep trying to win her love back. Dont ignores your feelings, my guts feelings telling me she's already grooming her replacement before she even breakups with you, all that "Guess I lost done toward the end without realizing it" was planned all along to get rid of you.

Yes there's a way to bring her back around, you have to be gone from her pictures, get a new life, enjoy being with yourself and thriving in what you do without even think about her.

Even though when it came to the point where she will gets back to you at that time you will be disgusted to accept her back.. And even if you do accept her she'll cheat to you again.

Know this, honor your feelings, experience it, heal and grow, you should know better. And it's always gets better the pain will go away.
She didn’t “cheat on me”. She just got tired of my ****. I was a cold fish. She did “blink an eye”. She just thought that I wouldn’t change. Her words: “a kid that shoplifts is more likely to rob a bank as an adult”. I rolled my eyes. Personally, As a kid that shoplifted AND has not yet robbed a bank as an adult, her logic was faulty... as is most women’s. But logic doesn’t work with them. Had I proposed 8 months before, we’d be fine. She just tired of waiting. I was a ****. But if moving on is really the only way, then I guess that’s what I’ll do. It’s what I’ve been doing. I just find it hard to believe that doing NOTHING will do SOMETHING. I haven’t reached out to her in months.
 

Focal core

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She didn’t c

She didn’t “cheat on me”. She just got tired of my ****. I was a cold fish. She did “blink an eye”. She just thought that I wouldn’t change. Her words: “a kid that shoplifts is more likely to rob a bank as an adult”. I rolled my eyes. Personally, As a kid that shoplifted AND has not yet robbed a bank as an adult, her logic was faulty... as is most women’s. But logic doesn’t work with them. Had I proposed 8 months before, we’d be fine. She just tired of waiting. I was a ****. But if moving on is really the only way, then I guess that’s what I’ll do. It’s what I’ve been doing. I just find it hard to believe that doing NOTHING will do SOMETHING. I haven’t reached out to her in months.
No mate, if she still had a feelings in your, even if you're a drugs addicts she will stay with you, she already knew this that you will proposed her if she gets back to you, she just didn't want that, it's all an acts to make you feel guilty, in other words to makes her feel clean about this breakups, it's all an acts that she puts in place, its all has been plan along. It's isn't your faults, and believe me her emotional baggage or pain that she supposed to feel in this breakups has been leverage by other romance, in that situation she won't grow from this relationship but you will, she didn't properly close this relationship as what an emotional healthy female do, why would she? She has the looks,, other guys would happily played the white knights to carry that baggages. I'm really sorry that this happened to you.. Infacts it happened to lots of guys here.. Soon you will know that this is true.
 

Focal core

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Here's some worth readng from the post around here :

 

daproest1

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No mate, if she still had a feelings in your, even if you're a drugs addicts she will stay with you, she already knew this that you will proposed her if she gets back to you, she just didn't want that, it's all an acts to make you feel guilty, in other words to makes her feel clean about this breakups, it's all an acts that she puts in place, its all has been plan along. It's isn't your faults, and believe me her emotional baggage or pain that she supposed to feel in this breakups has been leverage by other romance, in that situation she won't grow from this relationship but you will, she didn't properly close this relationship as what an emotional healthy female do, why would she? She has the looks,, other guys would happily played the white knights to carry that baggages. I'm really sorry that this happened to you.. Infacts it happened to lots of guys here.. Soon you will know that this is true.
I didn’t propose to her, nor did I mention that I would, until MONTHS post BU. I was kinda pissed at her at the time, devastated, and confused since it wasn’t a clean break. When I did tell her that I would, she just stayed quiet. She was nice, listened, and then said she’d call me back. When she did, it was shyt test after shyt test which I failed. So the first conversation went good. The second did not. Looking back I can see why. I was weak. Strong the first convo, but weak the second. The thing is, those 6 years... 3 of those years I was a total dyck. Just didn’t notice. It wasn’t malicious, I was just under a lot of stress and she can be spoiled at times. Any woman with a shred of self respect, especially one that has things going for her. And other people in her ear putting me down, will leave. I just didn’t get any warning or talk. A few hints here and there but that’s about it. She’s immature. As was I in certain aspects. That’s ehy I’m saying there has to be a way. There was no cheating, money issues, jealousy, or anything big like that. Just bull**** bickering here and there. And I stopped dating/courting her. Kinda just got used to having her around. I’ve met a lot of women. I was a bartender at nightclubs before I started my business. She’s the only one I’ve met that I’ve cared about keeping around (even though I acted like I wasn’t scared to lose her, until I lost her)
 

daproest1

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Here's some worth readng from the post around here :

Yeah except she didn’t display ANY of these behaviors. So I thought everything was fine. She always wanted to see me, **** me, etc.
 

daproest1

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The only thing you can do is..... NOTHING

Focus on your own life, improvement... You have to move on.

Sometimes they come back... Sometimes they don't... Your absence and NC may peak her interest again, but don't bet on it.

My question is this.. Why do you want a woman back, who could easily leave you again?

Do you want to go through a break up with her again, few more years down the line? She is a libility now bruv.

Once a woman leaves you... There is a very HIGH probability she will do it again!
Fvck. Maybe you’re right. Thing is I know what to do NOW to keep her. Whereas before I didn’t. Just figured she’d stay. I’ve Never been the relationship type before her. So I had zero relationship game. Only pick up game.
 

Alvafe

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kid undertand, she wanted one thing you don't, she was not happy to be with you, she wanted the social proof, that is all, you think she was helping you because she loved you, but what I see is she was investing on you to have a better deal, and when her investment was not paying as much as she liked she cutted her loses and moved on, also never trust a woman who says she don't want kids, if she is young she don't want yet, if she is old she can't,
and there is always the ops I think i'm prego by "accident"

like everyone here already said, nothing to do, only get better things in life, get someone else is already time for that, serious don't matter the time you was in a LTR, when it ends find someone in a week or 2, that will drive her crazy,
i'm also the never take woman back she blow her chances now is time for another
 

daproest1

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kid undertand, she wanted one thing you don't, she was not happy to be with you, she wanted the social proof, that is all, you think she was helping you because she loved you, but what I see is she was investing on you to have a better deal, and when her investment was not paying as much as she liked she cutted her loses and moved on, also never trust a woman who says she don't want kids, if she is young she don't want yet, if she is old she can't,
and there is always the ops I think i'm prego by "accident"

like everyone here already said, nothing to do, only get better things in life, get someone else is already time for that, serious don't matter the time you was in a LTR, when it ends find someone in a week or 2, that will drive her crazy,
i'm also the never take woman back she blow her chances now is time for another
Well that puts me in a fvcked up position cuz I don’t want kids. This girl lived and died for me. It’s still shocking that she was strong enough to give up without giving us another chance. I’m 32. I either go younger and risk going thru the whole ordeal again, or deal with crazy women in their 30s and their baggage. Catch 22.
 

AttackFormation

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Only now when you lost your oneitis did you realize what you had. Unfortunately she's now blocked your number. You can't reverse time, you can't put a broken glass back together... it sucks, but in the end it's over.

And about feeling there's some special quality about her and you... we've all been there. You'll go through this phase and recover eventually.
 
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Kotaix

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also never trust a woman who says she don't want kids
^^^
These are wise words. Their biological clock will start hammering at their uterus at some point in life. I got this verbatim from my best friend who doesn't want kids, and was involved with the wrong guy for it at the time even if she had, but she did feel it happen in her early 30s (41 now) and it was very difficult for her to fight. Not wanting children is almost "fashionable" these days, but I'm not sure you can deny the animal brain without a penalty to your psyche.

Pining over the woman you lost will get you absolutely nothing except pity from her, and misery in your own head. I'd know, I've done it.

Do NOT date women your age. Spin multiple plates with women who are young enough not to be jaded/bitter and pick the best one to put in the china cabinet. You're in absolutely prime position to do so, and you need to spin plates to adopt the correct mindset. YOU are the prize, not them. And if you're not, you need to start working towards it.

There is no catch 22, all women are capable of dumping your ass regardless of their age. women in their 30s are usually looking for a provider after riding the c0ck carousel and have even less patience for mistakes because they know they're about to hit the wall; whereas young women are in it for fun, and possibly marriage if you find the right one.
 

daproest1

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^^^
These are wise words. Their biological clock will start hammering at their uterus at some point in life. I got this verbatim from my best friend who doesn't want kids, and was involved with the wrong guy for it at the time even if she had, but she did feel it happen in her early 30s (41 now) and it was very difficult for her to fight. Not wanting children is almost "fashionable" these days, but I'm not sure you can deny the animal brain without a penalty to your psyche.

Pining over the woman you lost will get you absolutely nothing except pity from her, and misery in your own head. I'd know, I've done it.

Do NOT date women your age. Spin multiple plates with women who are young enough not to be jaded/bitter and pick the best one to put in the china cabinet. You're in absolutely prime position to do so, and you need to spin plates to adopt the correct mindset. YOU are the prize, not them. And if you're not, you need to start working towards it.

There is no catch 22, all women are capable of dumping your ass regardless of their age. women in their 30s are usually looking for a provider after riding the c0ck carousel and have even less patience for mistakes because they know they're about to hit the wall; whereas young women are in it for fun, and possibly marriage if you find the right one.
She was the right one.
 

daproest1

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Only now when you lost your oneitis did you realize what you had. Unfortunately she's now blocked your number. You can't reverse time, you can't put a broken glass back together... it sucks, but in the end it's over.

And about feeling there's some special quality about her and you... we've all been there. You'll go through this phase and recover eventually.
Sometimes things have to fall apart for them to come together again. Since the break up I’ve learned more about inter-gender dynamics than most men learn in their entire lives. I had pick up game. But I was not RP aware. No LTR game whatsoever. Now I do. But I don’t want a new one. I want that one. I don’t ever get into LTRs. Too picky. She was the first one I decided was worth the risk. But I didn’t know that the game never ended. Now I do.
 
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