squirrels
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2003
- Messages
- 6,620
- Reaction score
- 186
- Age
- 47
That's all. Wake up. It's really that simple.
There's a reason I haven't been posting tips and threads for the longest time...mainly that I had just lost faith in women and romance.
What would you have done? Rewind the clock to about one year ago, when I LITERALLY had a different date with a different girl every night of the week. Doesn't it seem like when you reach those lofty spots, everything seems to deflate at once? The Hooters waitress, almost certainly the most beautiful woman I'd ever spent time with...my confidence cracked in front of her at the worst possible time, when she was naked on my living room floor. The nightclub liquor model I'd been having freaky sex with...started looking for other guys who wanted the steady relationship. The pole-dance teacher, she had a nervous breakdown when I refused to commit to her and dumped ME (which I was trying to convince her to do anyway, but still...)
Then there was the redhead at work, who I spent 7-8 months making out with in stairwells and car back-seats behind the back of her jealous, abusive ex-boyfriend, trying to convince her to let go of him. I really fell hard for her. And yes, she DID eventually cut him loose, only to fall into the arms of one of his best friends.
After that...I just lost faith in women. Started believing that there just weren't any good women OUT there any more. Or maybe I just wasn't cut out for womanizing. I stopped going "out" to bars and clubs. Stopped putting any effort into talking to women...pretty much INTENTIONALLY BECAME AN "AFC". I focused my energy on my hobbies....riding motorcycles, working out, playing video games, collecting firearms, learning to play chess. During that time I actually felt pretty damn good about myself. I felt as though I didn't NEED women. They were a hassle to have around, a hassle to talk to, and the brief sexual gratification didn't in ANY way justify the effort expended to hook up with them. F*ck all these games and pickup lines and techniques...if I meet a woman, fine. If I don't...fine. It's a very cool place to be and everyone should at least try it.
Of course my sex drive had fallen off some, so I was able to quell what little was left through porn. I felt a little bad about officially signing out of the game, but no more than remorse at giving up any old hobby. Of course I snapped back at least ONCE, which was a one-night stand as awesome as it was scary, but it was easy for me, and she was hot, so I took it.
Where am I going with this? When did I "wake up"? I ran into the redhead in the elevator today. We struck up a casual conversation...of course, I occasionally still thought of ways to hook back up with her. Maybe if I could just gauge her out, even with my game weak, I could find a way to break her away from her current man, if she even HAD one. Hell, I did it before.
Long story short...she's pregnant.
Now when you're attracted to a woman, hearing something like that is like a kick in the gut. You suddenly feel like you LOST something and your ego starts scrambling..."How could....what if I....could I have....why would....how could...WTF??!"
Sure enough, I felt this. I got angry at myself for missing that opportunity. I got angry at her too, thinking how silly and stupid she was for getting into that situation. I got angry at women everywhere for not measuring up to my standards, and angry at myself for not being able to be happy the way everyone else is happy. F*CK this sh*t! Women!
On the surface, the same thoughts were going on in my head. "Good thing I swore off women. This is such a circus. I don't think I'll ever find a woman that I could see having a family with. I don't get why people go through the trouble. I don't get what's so great about kids."
For some reason, though, all these thoughts felt very hollow. Almost like it wasn't ME thinking them at all. It felt like a foreign entity had invaded my head and started thinking things and signing my name to them.
Then I noticed another feeling...somewhere underneath the inner turmoil, something I never expected in a million years.
I...was....happy! I was happy for her!
What....the....F0CK?!
Then the alarm clock went off. And I WOKE UP.
The next question that came to mind left me no other choice but to laugh at myself....
It's been over a YEAR since then! How long have you been stuck in the past??
She's engaged...and pregnant! It was like I had been living in a dream for over a year, while in the present, the people in that dream had become completely DIFFERENT people. The situations were completely DIFFERENT situations. Looking at the rules from an awakened, present-day state of mind, living by the rules of the past was a ludicrous endeavor, one I'd been perpetuating for over a YEAR now.
Here's the thing...
What I'm getting at here is that the past is like a dream. The PROBLEM is that I, like all of YOU, am using that dream to establish identity and perpetuating that identity into an ever-dying, ever-self-recreating, ever-changing present. It's as if you were having a dream that all of your friends had turned into man-eating purple dinosaurs. What would happen if the next morning, when you ran into those same friends, you took off running out of fear of them devouring your flesh?
Kind of silly, huh? Perpetuating the "reality" of a dream onto the present day. Yet that's what most of us do every day. Approach a situation with a completely inapplicable set of rules or misconceptions.
Do you ever...
...approach a woman with fear, instead of hope? Do you ever make eye contact with a woman and resist talking to her, thinking, "Aw she won't want to talk to me", then hesitantly walk toward her, thinking to yourself, "I need to figure out how to PLAY this, so she doesn't think I'm a loser". Did you ever stop to think how self-sabotaging this really IS? You've already decreed yourself a "loser with women", based on NOTHING but experiences from your past, probably in high school or college, where you screwed up because you didn't know better. Playing the game of real-life with a set of rules from a bad dream that may or may NOT have happened 5 years ago.
...create a pre-set plan of how you're going to seduce someone, only to go into complete panic when it doesn't work out exactly as you expected? Doesn't that suck, when she doesn't play it out exactly as you thought she would? Did you ever stop to think how self-sabotaging THAT is? You're planning your entire set of actions based on a prediction of the future based on NOTHING more than what's going on inside your head at the moment. Not only is that no FUN, but it also tries to impose MORE rules on reality that don't actually exist.
...sit around analyzing "what went wrong" and how you're going to fix it next time you go out? Do you keep a collection of pick-up lessons from all of your crashes and burns? What makes you think that that set of rules and experiences is going to be worth a DAMN tomorrow? It's based on two incorrect assumptions: 1) all women think and act alike, and always have, and always will, and 2) women always have perceived you a certain way and always will perceive you a certain way. While in reality, you and the women you're attracted to continue to GROW and CHANGE, you're still living in a dream world where the person you saw in the mirror is the same person you saw 10 years ago.
WAKE UP!
No really, WAKE UP!!
Stop projecting the same tired, self-deprecating assumptions onto the fresh slate that is the present. Stop looking at the past and the future to tell you who you are and what you should be doing. Both are just dreams.
Open your eyes to the possibilities of THIS day, THIS hour. Start realizing that you have options not just in what to do or say, but in what to THINK. Who to BE.
If you continue to project dreams, past, and future on to this moment, the world will continue to unfold in this dream image, and you'll never really understand why...you'll just accept it because that's the way it's always been.
But if you look at the "highly evolved" PUAs...the so-called "great ones" like Pook, Fingers, etc...they're constantly re-inventing themselves. They'll come here and post something about becoming enlightened or breaking limits, but this isn't "new ground" at all. They're just re-discovering the present moment and exploring a new possible SELF, a new way of doing things.
Think of the things you did in your past back before your eyes were opened. Think of how the women laughed and snorted and shied away from your crazy ass. If you've made any progress at all, look at how now the same things have them falling all over you. And then just as quickly, those things don't work any more. The RULES of this GAME are CONSTANTLY CHANGING. If you don't have the latest rule book, then you will succeed for a short time, then FALL BACK INTO FAILURE. I've seen it happen to a lot of people who called themselves "Don Juan". I've seen it happen to me. And no, this isn't the first time.
How do you get the latest playbook?
Open your eyes to the world around you. See the way things are in the present moment. WAKE THE @#$% UP.
Wake up and release all those bad memories and self-doubts as what they are...images from a bad dream. REJOICE as you look at them as a living creature in THIS moment, rather than as a ghost stuck in the past or the future.
Further reading:
Best book I've ever read:
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Eck...bs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206551942&sr=1-1
There's a reason I haven't been posting tips and threads for the longest time...mainly that I had just lost faith in women and romance.
What would you have done? Rewind the clock to about one year ago, when I LITERALLY had a different date with a different girl every night of the week. Doesn't it seem like when you reach those lofty spots, everything seems to deflate at once? The Hooters waitress, almost certainly the most beautiful woman I'd ever spent time with...my confidence cracked in front of her at the worst possible time, when she was naked on my living room floor. The nightclub liquor model I'd been having freaky sex with...started looking for other guys who wanted the steady relationship. The pole-dance teacher, she had a nervous breakdown when I refused to commit to her and dumped ME (which I was trying to convince her to do anyway, but still...)
Then there was the redhead at work, who I spent 7-8 months making out with in stairwells and car back-seats behind the back of her jealous, abusive ex-boyfriend, trying to convince her to let go of him. I really fell hard for her. And yes, she DID eventually cut him loose, only to fall into the arms of one of his best friends.
After that...I just lost faith in women. Started believing that there just weren't any good women OUT there any more. Or maybe I just wasn't cut out for womanizing. I stopped going "out" to bars and clubs. Stopped putting any effort into talking to women...pretty much INTENTIONALLY BECAME AN "AFC". I focused my energy on my hobbies....riding motorcycles, working out, playing video games, collecting firearms, learning to play chess. During that time I actually felt pretty damn good about myself. I felt as though I didn't NEED women. They were a hassle to have around, a hassle to talk to, and the brief sexual gratification didn't in ANY way justify the effort expended to hook up with them. F*ck all these games and pickup lines and techniques...if I meet a woman, fine. If I don't...fine. It's a very cool place to be and everyone should at least try it.
Of course my sex drive had fallen off some, so I was able to quell what little was left through porn. I felt a little bad about officially signing out of the game, but no more than remorse at giving up any old hobby. Of course I snapped back at least ONCE, which was a one-night stand as awesome as it was scary, but it was easy for me, and she was hot, so I took it.
Where am I going with this? When did I "wake up"? I ran into the redhead in the elevator today. We struck up a casual conversation...of course, I occasionally still thought of ways to hook back up with her. Maybe if I could just gauge her out, even with my game weak, I could find a way to break her away from her current man, if she even HAD one. Hell, I did it before.
Long story short...she's pregnant.
Now when you're attracted to a woman, hearing something like that is like a kick in the gut. You suddenly feel like you LOST something and your ego starts scrambling..."How could....what if I....could I have....why would....how could...WTF??!"
Sure enough, I felt this. I got angry at myself for missing that opportunity. I got angry at her too, thinking how silly and stupid she was for getting into that situation. I got angry at women everywhere for not measuring up to my standards, and angry at myself for not being able to be happy the way everyone else is happy. F*CK this sh*t! Women!
On the surface, the same thoughts were going on in my head. "Good thing I swore off women. This is such a circus. I don't think I'll ever find a woman that I could see having a family with. I don't get why people go through the trouble. I don't get what's so great about kids."
For some reason, though, all these thoughts felt very hollow. Almost like it wasn't ME thinking them at all. It felt like a foreign entity had invaded my head and started thinking things and signing my name to them.
Then I noticed another feeling...somewhere underneath the inner turmoil, something I never expected in a million years.
I...was....happy! I was happy for her!
What....the....F0CK?!
Then the alarm clock went off. And I WOKE UP.
The next question that came to mind left me no other choice but to laugh at myself....
It's been over a YEAR since then! How long have you been stuck in the past??
She's engaged...and pregnant! It was like I had been living in a dream for over a year, while in the present, the people in that dream had become completely DIFFERENT people. The situations were completely DIFFERENT situations. Looking at the rules from an awakened, present-day state of mind, living by the rules of the past was a ludicrous endeavor, one I'd been perpetuating for over a YEAR now.
Here's the thing...
What I'm getting at here is that the past is like a dream. The PROBLEM is that I, like all of YOU, am using that dream to establish identity and perpetuating that identity into an ever-dying, ever-self-recreating, ever-changing present. It's as if you were having a dream that all of your friends had turned into man-eating purple dinosaurs. What would happen if the next morning, when you ran into those same friends, you took off running out of fear of them devouring your flesh?
Kind of silly, huh? Perpetuating the "reality" of a dream onto the present day. Yet that's what most of us do every day. Approach a situation with a completely inapplicable set of rules or misconceptions.
Do you ever...
...approach a woman with fear, instead of hope? Do you ever make eye contact with a woman and resist talking to her, thinking, "Aw she won't want to talk to me", then hesitantly walk toward her, thinking to yourself, "I need to figure out how to PLAY this, so she doesn't think I'm a loser". Did you ever stop to think how self-sabotaging this really IS? You've already decreed yourself a "loser with women", based on NOTHING but experiences from your past, probably in high school or college, where you screwed up because you didn't know better. Playing the game of real-life with a set of rules from a bad dream that may or may NOT have happened 5 years ago.
...create a pre-set plan of how you're going to seduce someone, only to go into complete panic when it doesn't work out exactly as you expected? Doesn't that suck, when she doesn't play it out exactly as you thought she would? Did you ever stop to think how self-sabotaging THAT is? You're planning your entire set of actions based on a prediction of the future based on NOTHING more than what's going on inside your head at the moment. Not only is that no FUN, but it also tries to impose MORE rules on reality that don't actually exist.
...sit around analyzing "what went wrong" and how you're going to fix it next time you go out? Do you keep a collection of pick-up lessons from all of your crashes and burns? What makes you think that that set of rules and experiences is going to be worth a DAMN tomorrow? It's based on two incorrect assumptions: 1) all women think and act alike, and always have, and always will, and 2) women always have perceived you a certain way and always will perceive you a certain way. While in reality, you and the women you're attracted to continue to GROW and CHANGE, you're still living in a dream world where the person you saw in the mirror is the same person you saw 10 years ago.
WAKE UP!
No really, WAKE UP!!
Stop projecting the same tired, self-deprecating assumptions onto the fresh slate that is the present. Stop looking at the past and the future to tell you who you are and what you should be doing. Both are just dreams.
Open your eyes to the possibilities of THIS day, THIS hour. Start realizing that you have options not just in what to do or say, but in what to THINK. Who to BE.
If you continue to project dreams, past, and future on to this moment, the world will continue to unfold in this dream image, and you'll never really understand why...you'll just accept it because that's the way it's always been.
But if you look at the "highly evolved" PUAs...the so-called "great ones" like Pook, Fingers, etc...they're constantly re-inventing themselves. They'll come here and post something about becoming enlightened or breaking limits, but this isn't "new ground" at all. They're just re-discovering the present moment and exploring a new possible SELF, a new way of doing things.
Think of the things you did in your past back before your eyes were opened. Think of how the women laughed and snorted and shied away from your crazy ass. If you've made any progress at all, look at how now the same things have them falling all over you. And then just as quickly, those things don't work any more. The RULES of this GAME are CONSTANTLY CHANGING. If you don't have the latest rule book, then you will succeed for a short time, then FALL BACK INTO FAILURE. I've seen it happen to a lot of people who called themselves "Don Juan". I've seen it happen to me. And no, this isn't the first time.
How do you get the latest playbook?
Open your eyes to the world around you. See the way things are in the present moment. WAKE THE @#$% UP.
Wake up and release all those bad memories and self-doubts as what they are...images from a bad dream. REJOICE as you look at them as a living creature in THIS moment, rather than as a ghost stuck in the past or the future.
Further reading:
Best book I've ever read:
http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Eck...bs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1206551942&sr=1-1