Waiting to "get ready" or plunging head first into game? Feeling like a cheat when going sarging

[DoofusDonutDude]

Struggled with self image for issues and still do.

I have discovered their emotional roots and am working on the internally and externally ( lifting weights, getting life togethar etc) but still feel guilt and shame and like i'm a cheat when i want to cold approach a woman when going out sarging. I feel afraid they will look at me at consider me..worth nothing. I feel i should be working on my career ( it's decent but not the best it could be) or some other things. Came from a dysfunctional family so it has some roots there. Working on that as well.

I am [29M] so its either now or never with game as well in some ways. In my society , you are way past the marriageable age by 35 and can only survive if you are a very succesful and good looking guy (both things i know i can be).

The thing is, to wait till i'm jacked, confident to start approaching or to keep working on these things on the main focus and keep doing approaches on the side?

I've met guys who used to be losers but spent a few years in highly socialable situations and became chick magnets and players without ever reading a word of game -- so there's something to be said about learning by executing instead of theorizing endlessly and then executing. Even read the same in Atomic habits. A guy doing 100 approaches and tuning each approach with feedback is going to be succesfull compared to a guy doing 1 approach after reading 100s of books and hitting the gym everyday.

What do you guys think?

 

[Kotaix]

You can read all the theory you want, but you can't ever be good at something if you don't put it into practice.

The real secret is that confidence is not earned. You can put in the work to "earn" it, but when you finally do get to the point that you're actually confident, you'll realize that confidence is projected. It's something that you just turn on. This is why guys who are dumb as a rock are still able to pull hot chicks. They think they're right and they're smart (even though they're not), and therefore they are confident.

Be very careful of the attitude that you'll be happy at some point in the future when you've attained XYZ. That is a sure fire way to never be happy, because the future never happens as planned, and it never really arrives.

 

[BPH]

I'll weigh in on this real quick, because I didn't have any role model or friend who was good at this - or at least not as good as I wanted to be.

It starts with making a conscience effort to achieve a goal. In my case, I was young, most of my friends weren't dating very attractive women, and often if they were having sex it was only because they dated these girls long enough that they were "rewarded" for it. I wanted to sleep with hot women, without having to date them long term, because I wanted to sleep with a lot of different women seeing as I like variety.

So what I did was befriend or surround myself with the kind of guys I wanted to be more like; confident, charismatic, athletic, etc. I started working out. And most importantly, I started approaching.

I'm very analytical; I've read Book of Pook, other DJ's journals, etc but what really helped the most was just approaching.

My family has a timeshare at this beach a few hours away from where I live, and I used to go out on the boardwalk in the evening and just approach and hit on every girl I found attractive, without giving myself time to mentally talk myself out of it.

I got rejected a lot, but I also had some successes; I remember one girl in particular that I thought was way too hot for me at the time ended up walking out with me on the beach at night and making out - which for me was HUGE at that age. But this way I wasn't getting a reputation for being a weirdo since these were all people I would never see again.

Graduated to approaching at a nearby mall, had some success with that. One of the girls I met doing that was who I ended up losing my virginity to.

I'm at the point where my friends or family will watch me do this s*** and ask me what I said to get her number, or what my opener was after I'd returned home from sleeping with somebody. And truthfully, I don't have a line anymore - I just walk up, say hi, and let the conversation flow from there. The thing with sarging is that you'll get to a point where you've been rejected so many times that you simply don't care anymore. The worst they can say is "no", but the best they can say is "my place or yours?" And that confidence is something you cannot learn by reading about it. It's like the Wayne Gretzky quote "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take", I cannot tell you how many times I've gone up to hot girls with the bar about to close and ended up sleeping with them that night or the next.

I will say two things however...

You are correct that getting your s*** in order, especially financially, will improve your results. However, they will not GENERATE you results. I used to go out with a friend group that consisted of two attractive guys who were much taller than me, and another guy my height who was absolutely ripped and had the face of Bradley Cooper...these were good-looking guys, and the height certainly helped. I'm 6ft but this one guy was like 6'5" or 7" and I remember girls looking up at him all giddy and smiling in awe. Thing is, these guys had no game - they relied almost entirely on women approaching them, or getting drunk enough on liquid courage to go up to a girl. And usually they aimed low - they would talk to women that they thought they could bag, rather than the ones they actually want.

Secondly, you're much older than I was when I started, and it will be a different experience talking to girls at your age when you're building this skill, as opposed to already having it built. They will have different expectations of you, and your awkwardness and lack of confidence at these early stages will probably lead to less women giving you a chance, as they're often at the stage now where they're looking for potential husbands. What you have going for you is that unlike when I started, your women will be of drinking age, meaning you have venues specifically made for just dumping all these single people in one place and letting them figure it out.

So, I'm not going to tell you what to do or not do, but hopefully this long ass post gave you some perspective.

 

[Bokanovsky]

You can read all the theory you want, but you can't ever be good at something if you don't put it into practice.

The real secret is that confidence is not earned. You can put in the work to "earn" it, but when you finally do get to the point that you're actually confident, you'll realize that confidence is projected. It's something that you just turn on. This is why guys who are dumb as a rock are still able to pull hot chicks. They think they're right and they're smart (even though they're not), and therefore they are confident.

Be very careful of the attitude that you'll be happy at some point in the future when you've attained XYZ. That is a sure fire way to never be happy, because the future never happens as planned, and it never really arrives.

I don't know if you can just "turn it on". Confidence is a product of success. Or, more precisely, successful repetition. And it applies to every field of human endeavour, not just dealing with women. Think of confidence at work. The longer you work in a profession or trade and the more proficient you get at what you do, the more confident you become. A young lawyer who has just passed the bar and is stepping into the courtroom to argue his first case will probably find the whole process nerve-racking. Meanwhile, a seasoned litigator is cracking jokes with the judge and trying to finish the hearing early so he can go play golf (or bang his mistress).

Same thing with women. If you have lots of experience dealing with women, and the experience is mostly positive, you will be confident. If you have little experience or your experience is mostly negative (i.e. a PUA who spam approaches hundreds of women and gets rejected 99% of the time), you confidence will be low.

 

[Ricky]

Great thread

 

[Kotaix]

I don't know if you can just "turn it on". Confidence is a product of success. Or, more precisely, successful repetition. And it applies to every field of human endeavour, not just dealing with women. Think of confidence at work. The longer you work in a profession or trade and the more proficient you get at what you do, the more confident you become. A young lawyer who has just passed the bar and is stepping into the courtroom to argue his first case will probably find the whole process nerve-racking. Meanwhile, a seasoned litigator is cracking jokes with the judge and trying to finish the hearing early so he can go play golf (or bang his mistress).

Same thing with women. If you have lots of experience dealing with women, and the experience is mostly positive, you will be confident. If you have little experience or your experience is mostly negative (i.e. a PUA who spam approaches hundreds of women and gets rejected 99% of the time), you confidence will be low.

For me, the proof is in the Dunning-Krueger effect: People who believe they're a lot better at something than what they objectively are. These people are confident without ever having to build the competence to back it up.

It doesn't matter if their confidence is earned or not. They believe it, and therefore they are confident.

Their confidence will still allow them to be more successful with women than insecure guys who spends their time overthinking and overanalyzing everything, despite the fact that they'll probably end up exposed as a fraud at some point.

 

[Bokanovsky]

For me, the proof is in the Dunning-Krueger effect: People who believe they're a lot better at something than what they objectively are. These people are confident without ever having to build the competence to back it up.

It doesn't matter if their confidence is earned or not. They believe it, and therefore they are confident.

Their confidence will still allow them to be more successful with women than insecure guys who spends their time overthinking and overanalyzing everything, despite the fact that they'll probably end up exposed as a fraud at some point.

That's probably true to some extent. But I don't think that you can force yourself to believe that you're good at something in the face of objective evidence to the contrary. If you think of yourself as a good boxer and then you get knocked the fvck out when you step into the ring, and this happens repeatedly, there is no way you'll be able to maintain self-confidence. Whether you like it or not, your brain will analyze the situation and tell you that you svck.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

My ex-, two iterations ago, was big into improve. Although I didn’t game it. It looked like a promising possibility. Mostly 20’s & 30’s (she was late 20’s). I’d go for it if theater/acting is your thing.