"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Virtue and The Nice Guy/*******

Brainman

Don Juan
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Southern Cali'
Aristotle believed that virtue (arête) exists in the mean between two extremes.

"By an equal or fair amount I understand a mean amount, or one that lies between excess and deficiency... Now, if we have any quantity, whether continuous or discrete, it is possible to take either a larger, or a smaller, or an equal amount, and that either absolutely or relatively to our own needs."

The mean is not absolute; it is relative to temperament, to the situation, to the environment involved.

"If ten pounds of food is too much for a given man to eat, and two pounds too little, it does not follow that the trainer will order him six pounds: for that also may perhaps be too much for the man in question, or too little; too little for Milo, 1 too much for the beginner. The same holds true in running and wrestling."

Aristotle then goes on to say that these general statements do not mean anything without concrete examples. So, I thought about this in regards to The Nice Guy versus The *******.

In regards to my own observation on virtue, some anecdotal, I would say that the person who is too nice becomes "the nice guy," whereas, the guy who is too unkind becomes "the *******." In between is perfect, no? But then again, you have to take into account the subjective state of the observer. What is too nice to one person may be perfect for another, or what is too mean for the one may be too nice for the other. I suppose then, that it is important to be highly observant.

The Nice Guy may get lucky a few times, because his threshold of niceness will eventually match up with an object of his desire. This though, is an unreliable game of numbers. Additionally, The Nice Guy may not have much depth, or, may not appear to. The object of his desire may quickly lose interest. Sugar is sweet, but, excluding children, it loses its novelty.

The ******* may be a more complex figure. There is the issue of the challenge. Can I make this guy into a better person? She asks herself. Being with a man at this extreme, the woman may want to fix him, to lead him toward her relative mean. To make a virtuous man out of the ******* is quite a project. Oh, I know he treats me terribly, or, I know he's as dumb as a brick, but he can be so sweet sometimes. Sugar is so much sweeter, when you first eat something bitter.

So, reach for the mean. Stand up for yourself and don't be too nice. Be flexible with those around you. If you are too nice, you'll end up with a lot of friends who will take advantage of you. If you are a jerk, you may not have many friends at all. Visualize yourself on a line between these two points and move yourself back and forth until you find your most comfortable fit.
 
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"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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